Interview with Peter Jackley (An Exercise in Character Development)
Hello Peter, it’s nice to meet you.
You’re Kourtney’s husband, correct?
Ex-husband to be specific.
What was Kourt like when you first met her?
She was absolutely beautiful. Carefree, and fun and she didn’t really worry about anything. She was confident and she drew me in. I knew that I was in love with her really early on.
Was Kourt your first serious relationship?
I guess you could say that. I had been with a couple other women in college but nothing too serious. There was something about her that just drew me in. It was probably the confidence that she had when it came to interacting with people. She wasn’t afraid to piss people off. But I guess she still isn’t. She isn’t afraid to hurt people. Never has been. I’ve seen her do it to so many people, that I guess I should have seen it coming.
When did you first realize that something wasn’t right in your marriage?
I think my first indication was when I realized that she was lying to me about being on birth control. I really wanted to have kids with her, and I told her so. I guess I was being a little bit pushy, but she seemed to agree to it in the end. And then I saw the receipt for the hormone implant thing. She could have just told me that she didn’t want kids, and I could have waited. I love her so much. But once I realized that she was lying to me about that... Well, secretly being on birth control while you’re married has other implications too. I guess she thinks that I’m kind of dumb, because she wasn’t too inconspicuous about her affair.
You knew that she was cheating on you, but you didn’t do anything about it?
Yeah, I knew. Some guy from her work. But I don’t think you understand how much I loved her. I wanted it to work. I thought that if she got it out of her system that she would come back to me in the end. We were married, you know. I didn’t want to just give up on it without at least trying to work things out. I didn’t want to say anything to her about it, because I was scared that she would accept it and leave me... Like I said, I thought it was a phase or something. And from what I know of Kourt, it wasn’t going to be an emotional affair, and I knew that she was taking precautions. What could I do? I didn’t want to lose her. I guess I did any way. And it wasn’t even to that guy she was sleeping with.
What do you mean by you knew that it wasn’t going to be an emotional affair?
Well, Kourt is very forward with how she feels about specific situations and things like that. But it’s hard to get into her head. She doesn’t let many people in. I barely feel like I got in after being married to her for four years. She’s much more physical than anything. Being a guy, I kinda liked that for a while. But once you’re married to a person, you need a deeper connection than that. She was very distant, especially toward the end. I did everything that I could to make her happy. I worked extra hours so I could take her out to our favorite restaurants and on little weekend trips around the Boston area. But it just wasn’t what she wanted. I guess I just wasn’t what she wanted. I feel like she used me. At least she hasn’t tried to rob me in the divorce. Just took her share. We didn’t have joint accounts, so that wasn’t such a big deal. She didn’t want anything but her car. She didn’t even want any of the furniture. It’s so weird. It’s just like she’s starting he life over again somewhere new. With someone new.... God I loved her. And she, she.. She probably never even loved me back. I should have known from the very start when she wouldn't even take my last name.
Peter, I’m sure that she loves you deep down. She just has a difficult time showing affection.
No, I don’t think she loved me, looking back on it. If she loved me... Would she have cheated on me? Would she have left me for no one? Just to leave and get away? I don’t think so. I don’t know if she can love. I wish she would have been honest and just said no when I asked her to marry me all those years ago. Would have saved me a lot of time and heartbreak. I did nothing but love her, and work for her to have a good life with me. I just wish it had been enough for her. I wish I had been good enough for her.
