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7 years.
Song of the post: Paradise by BTS 7 is a special number so I thought I’d do something nice, something more for this year’s anniversary. I made the header myself and I’ve come a LONG way from my poorly, TeamViewer-ridden photoshop made headers. Granted, I didn’t have access to the same kind of technology but that also adds up. And I’ve come a long way as a person, too. So, I thought I’ll try…
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Does anyone else talk or think to themselves like they're being interviewed on a show, and you have to explain why you are the way you are, but while you're giving your generic answer you end up finding the true reasons behind who you are? Like I just realized that the old Disney movie motto of 'Don't make the same mistakes I did' made me really observe my siblings mistakes, and avoid them at all costs.
An Interview… with Me! // A Blogging Extravaganza
An Interview… with Me! // A Blogging Extravaganza
So there’s this thing. It’s called the Get Up Offa That Slump: A Blogging Extravaganza and it’s a project started up by Rachel @ Beauty and the Bookshelf. I heard this idea from another blogger: Wren @ The Bookmato Chronicles and I thought it was a perfect idea to keep the blog posts flowing during my busy time in university, work and life in general. What is this blogging extravaganza all about,…
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Interview With Myself Part II (Four Years Later)
Interview With Myself Part II (Four Years Later)
I don’t know where the initial idea came from, but I did one of these called ‘Interview with Myself‘ on June 22, 2011 (when this blog was still in its infancy) and as the topic of today’s optional prompt for Day 14 of NaPoWriMo 2015 was to write a dialogue I thought I’d revisit the idea. A dialogue between me, myself and I, I suppose – and tomorrow is the halfway mark!
Q: Who are you now, a few…
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Back And Forth: Bad Azz & Indigo Child
This is a little slick idea I had to promote Book Of Soul. It's an interview I did with myself, and it turned out really good. It turned out to be very truthful and I really did enjoy answering intelligent questions. Even if from myself. Be warned that I don't hold anything back. This is the truth and is based on Book Of Soul which is also inherently the truth. Bad Azz (2009-2010), my gangster days if you will. Where I was teetering on the edge of not giving a fuck and insanity and Jeffrey Bolden (2011 - 2012) the truly artistic one. The introspective one. The suicidal one. Anyone who knows me, will know and recognize the difference in the two eras of myself. It's a strange concept, but here it is.
Boosie Bad Azz (2009 - 2010)
Jeffrey Bolden (2011 - 2012)
Boosie Bad Azz: Wassup? *coughs incessantly
Jeffrey Bolden: What's going on with you?
BBA: Iight, iight, let me jump into the first question.
JB: You blunt ain't you?
BBA: I am what I smoke. *laughs But yeah, so I read "Express Yourself" and "Artistic Mind" and it seems like you are speaking for the whole artistic community. Do you feel like....what makes you feel as though you need to take this stand?
JB: Me, I feel as though there are a lot of people claiming to be artists who are getting the shine yet aren't struggling. I'm not saying it's bad to be successful because it's not. It's a beautiful thing to be acknowledged for your art, but I don't feel as though America truly focuses on artistic individuals who really bring something to the table. I think America has a tendency to look at the beautiful ones, who fit society's norm for beauty and everybody else gets overlooked because their faces might not be appealing to the American population, so I feel as though a lot of kids who are truly talented feel as though they may be looked over because they are not able to be commercialized, packaged if you will. America doesn't want to be enlightened they want to be entertained and this is discouraging. If you aren't talking about what everybody else is going through, following the trends, you're considered a failure and I don't like that. So I want to tell others, continue to pursue. "Express Yourself." Set free your "Artistic Mind."
BBA: "That's why I always wanted fairer because my patience is like the winter wearing thin...."
JB: Exactly. I'm in this short story contest right now, and the person who was number one, the first thing one of her reviews said was "This is one awesome white girl right here," and I was discouraged because I thought we were past that. But I know you understand. You did write "Rewind" and "Lil' Ol' Me" so you know something about the struggle.
BBA: That I did. That I did.
JB: So where was your head at when you wrote "Lil' Ol' Me" and "Rewind"?
BBA: Really, my mind was in New Orleans. When I lived there, I used to know this twelve year old who came to school with a bundle of heroin one day. I didn't know what it was back then. All I knew was it made him crazy. That was one of my first experiences with drugs. New Orleans was one of the first places I learned about violence, crime, death, all of that. It really changed me.
JB: Changed me too.
BBA: So "Beautiful Ones". Was that written based on some of your experiences in New Orleans?
JB: Yes and no. Yes, I was in New Orleans when I met my first rape victim. She actually stayed with me and my family for a few months after my uncle found her. I swear I never forgot about those blue eyes. I never forgot how they stared at me when I first walked into the living room and found her just there. It's a life changing experience. And over the years, I've met other rape victims and I just wanted to write something for every rape victim telling them that they're not alone. And if they ever need a hug, then I'll be there to give them one. Including you.
BBA: Boy, what you mean?
JB: Weren't you raped? I mean I'm only assuming that because of "The Kill Pt. 2".
BBA: Nah dog. I was never raped. Bullied. But never raped. I never knew that kind of pain. "The Kill Pt. 2", part one, "A Soldier's Story," and "It's Hard Out Here," were all inspired by dreams I've had that I just turned into short stories. I do remember the dreams still to this da because exactly as they were written is exactly how I had them. That's just a clue to the type of dreams I have.
JB: Sounds like you have pretty horrid dreams.
BBA: Not all of them. I mean a dream did inspire, "Smile On Her Face."
JB: Speaking of "Smile On Her Face." That's honestly one of the most honest poems I have ever read. Like the unrequited love at the end and the driving need for her to be happy in order for you to be happy is so heartfelt, it almost brings me to tears.
BBA: I was almost to tears when I wrote it. I had goosebumps on my body. Like that poem is the epitome of my feelings for this girl. Like, I love her, and I barely know her. But her smile, fam. Her smile is like a thousand angels all singing in unison she is beauty personified inside and out, but she's taken and to be truthful with you, so am I. By her, and that ain't going to ever change.
JB: I'm glad I don't have that problem.
BBA: What are you talking about? "Alicia"? "Anita"? "An Unfathomable Love"? Hell, your poetry mainly consists of you whisking away some female. I just don't know which one. I mean dog, in "Anita", you said you'd love her even if she had AIDS. Would worship her even if she was the devil's daughter. That sounds like love to me, dog.
JB: *laughs Alright, let me be truthful. "Anita"....I was drunk when I was writing that. Going through a tough time in Tennessee, trying to not go to jail, figuring out how I'm going to get home, trying to figure out how I was going to get to Knoxville. So I'm drunk, and I just think about that night we spent together and I felt like she deserved an explanation as to why I acted the way I did. The same thing for "Alicia". I just wanted her to know how I truly feel and how sorry I truly am. That's it. But as far as right now, no emotional ties. There's too much struggling going on for that.
BBA: Yeah, I trust you know something about struggling. Prose like "Letter To My King" and "Dear Existence" give great evidence to that. What the hell was you going through to write those and "Legend" because you may have said suicide is a strong word, but the vibe I got from that and your prose "Questions Of The Profound" seemed like you was going to commit homicide on yourself.
JB: I mean I'd be lying if I told you I never thought of it. I think about suicide a lot actually, but I just chalk it to my madness. "Questions Of The Profound" were really just questions. I lost at least one person every year since 2003 and sometimes I just wonder if they're all in the same spot cooling it like cool kids. "Legend" was an observation that most legendary people, once they see the age I'm creeping on, die. I name names like Soulja Slim. He didn't make it to see twenty-six, and here I am a few months away from being that, and I used to say all the time, "Whatever you think is impossible or unexpected, expect it to happen to me." So I started searching for someone to blame and the most obvious thing to blame was God. Then existence in itself, and that's just where my head was at. I was hopeless at that point. Suicidal if you will. But you right those moments were written during trying times, my friend. The day I lost hope was April 7, 2012. That's when everything just started going downhill from there. But as I struggled from external stimuli, I see that you were suffering from internal stimuli, the struggle with identity with "I'm Expected: Double Entrendre," and "Crimes Against Mediocrity."
BBA: I was. Don't let me lie to you. Everybody wanted me to be something. And everything they wanted me to be, I didn't want to be. I wanted to listen to 30 Seconds To Mars. I wanted to genuinely be nice to this one female at my school. I didn't just want to be what everybody expected me to be, so with those poems I attacked their mentality of me. I was on both the defensive and offensive because I took offense to their opinions. I wanted to be me, they wanted me to be extensions of them. Extensions of the world. Blend in. I'd rather be free.
JB: You and me both. I just want to write for the rest of my life and be known as a writer for the rest of my life.
BBA: Is that why you wrote "W Chromosome"?
JB: Kinda. I really just wanted to showcase the transformation that took place throughout the course of my life. I wanted to stop being what everyone wanted and find happiness within myself by first finding the fundamental building block of myself. The first brick that was laid in the creation of Jeffrey Bolden. I'm not a gangster, I just have certain tendencies, certain qualities. A few genes missing from being the one, being of that mold. I'm not a Junior. Me and my biological father don't speak. I'm not black. I'm not a color. I am a writer capable of writing out my own destiny in the history books and I will not allow anyone else to tell me otherwise.
BBA: You seem like you always standing for something.
JB: You either stand for something or you will fall for anything. You the same way though. I read your short stories "Never B PeaCe" and "Moonlight."
BBA: "Moonlight" kinda cool right?"
JB: It is though. You even have a poem inspired and dedicated to the late, great Tupac Shakur.
BBA: Well, Tupac, he said he wasn't the flame that was going to inspire change. He was merely the spark to the flame, ya' feel me, and had he lived, maybe he would've seen me and the boldness I bring to my writing. "Never B PeaCe" is an example of said boldness because I wanted to speak on the gang violence that happens not only in LA but really all over the United States. I wanted to paint a picture of the monsters gangs were creating in this era mind you, so I made them literally monsters. In "Moonlight", I wanted to speak on someone from another place encroaching on someone else's territory thinking they were superior because that's how slaves were treated. Slaves were done that and basically, even though they were moon people, I wanted to show the outcome of what would have happened if the slaves, my ancestors, and Native Americans would've stood up and fought against oppression.
JB: See you're more of a revolutionary then me.
BBA: I have to be. I have the future generation to think about.
JB: Speaking of future generations, "Skyy Ja'Niyah Bolden". "Song For Jay'Lai". If I didn't know you, I'd think you already had a little girl. Do you want a little girl?
BBA: I do. You know I heard from somewhere that you will never truly understand a woman until you take part in raising one, and at first it started off selfishly until I started picturing her. I don't want a son as much as I want a daughter. I don't want a third. I don't want my last name to continue through me. I want to give her away at her wedding. I want to be her hero.
JB: That's sweet. *laughs Okay, last question. What keeps you going?
BBA: Music man. I have to listen to music all day. Music is my inspiration. Everything I've written has been named after a song. Music is like blood to me. It sustains me in ways that I can't even imagine, and I couldn't imagine my life without it. I guess I can truly say I love music. Love is what you can't live without right? So tell me. What can't you live without?
JB: That's simple man. I went days without eating. I went without sleep. I was totally isolated at one point. But what I could never not do is write. Writing to me is everything. Writing is life and if you take that away from me, you minus well take my life. Honest to God truth.
BBA: Well there you have it. Back and forth. Boosie Bad Azz. Jeffrey Bolden. Any last words.
JB: Book Of Soul.
Taken from ms-akaya
Your name and username.
Where you’re from.
Pronounce the following words: Aunt, Roof, Route, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Pajamas, Caught, Naturally, Aluminium, GIF, Tumblr, Crackerjack, Doorknob, Envelope, GPOY.
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is a bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What is the thing you change the TV channel with?
Choose a book and read a passage from it.
Do you think you have an accent?
Be a wizard or a vampire?
Do you know anyone on Tumblr in real life?
End audio post by saying any THREE words you want.
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That's how I sound in RL... creepyXD
