The stupid mark pulls Uzi towards the weird hotel. No point in being flowery about it; this is just the Stars wanting to have a nice and neat conclusion to their latest experiment. Because of course this thing couldn't just wrap up easily, there had to be baggage, like so many other things she has to deal with.
She'd barely even gotten a chance to meet up with her double during the whole thing. The other Uzi had been pretty wary, which was understandable, but bolted as soon as the topic of N came up, taking the railgun with her. She wouldn't listen to a single thing Uzi tried to tell her, just shouting that she was a traitor and couldn't be trusted. Hopefully she hadn't ruined Uzi's rep in the city by, like, shooting people or whatever.
Uzi knocks on the inn room door that she knows contains her younger self, but the only response is a muffled shout telling her to go away.
"I'm not leaving!" Uzi calls back. "We have to, like... deal with this!"
There's a silence, followed by harried footsteps and the sound of furniture moving around.
"C'mon, you're stuck here!" Uzi shouts. "You can't put this off forever!"
"Yes I can!"
"Fine! If you wanna do this the hard way, we can!"
A simple wooden door isn't a match for the Absolute Solver. Uzi waves her hand and breaks it into neat pieces, stepping through and rebuilding it once she's inside. She finds her dupe tying bedsheets to the leg of the bedframe, which has been pushed over towards the currently-open window to the outside.
A purple glyph slams the window shut, causing the younger Uzi to startle and fall down. Uzi rolls her eyes, a little embarrassed by how cliché this all is.
"You can't hide from me," she says. "I can, like, feel where you are."
"Oh, must be nice when you're a creepy stalker!" spits the other one.
"I'm not a stalker!"
"Then why are you following me?"
"Because I'm trying to accept you or whatever!"
"Bite me! If you were really me, then you'd know I don't need that crap!"
"Yes you do! The problem is that you don't know it!"
Uzi sighs and shakes her head. Yelling at each other probably isn't going to fix this, so she waves away her double instead.
"Forget it. I know you have... concerns about what happened to us-"
The younger Uzi is suddenly up in her face, an expression of rage and bewilderment on her face. "You're dating a murder drone, you frickin' psycho! Yeah I have concerns about cozying up to the freaks that killed mom! And what happened to your eyes?"
"Uh, personal space?" says Uzi, pushing her away. "And like I tried to tell you before you ran away, it's complicated! Why can't you just trust me when I say it's better this way?"
"Because I don't know you! How can I trust a stranger?"
Uzi grumbles to herself, looking away. Yeah, she kind of remembers being like... this. Not like she blames her younger self either. The only reason she's like she is now is because of all the not-so-shitty stuff that happened to her, but that hasn't happened to the other her yet. She's still deep in the throes of teenage angst, loneliness, and parental neglect. She's alone. She's scared. Lashing out feels good, because if the world's gonna be like this, then the least she can do is bare her teeth and bite back.
Alright, time for some therapy.
"Look, you don't... have to be like this," says Uzi. "This sucks, right? Dad sucks, no friends, mom's gone, school blows, railgun's not finished, you have a crush on frickin' Thad-"
The other Uzi laughs. "Oh, thanks! Reminders of how shit my life is. Guess you really are me. Let me guess, next you're gonna say it gets better or something, right? Well, save it. All the stuff you're about to tell me, it doesn't matter, because I'm stuck here."
She sighs and climbs up on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "You got to have all your cool adventures or whatever and fall in love with a murder drone. I won't. I'm not real, I can't even leave this stupid haunted hotel. The end goal here is for me to just... stop existing."
Uzi chews on it all for a bit. She doesn't really know what to say, because it's not exactly wrong.
"They made you pretty self-aware, huh?" she says.
"I'm not stupid."
"Duh. You're me."
The other Uzi grunts in response, but doesn't look at her. Let's try a different tack. Maybe some emotional honesty will help.
"You don't have to like it- I know I didn't. And even if it gets better, it... it's hard. And it hurts," says Uzi. "And this sucks too. But you're not alone. I have people, you have people. You have me. 'Cuz we, like... have each other. 'Cuz we are each other."
The other Uzi snorts. "You should've had someone proofread that first."
"Bite me! If you're really me then you'd know we don't do motivational speeches!"
"Yeah, 'cuz we suck at it, apparently."
"Well duh. Not like we had anyone to talk to."
The two Uzis lapse into silence. Uzi watches her silent doppleganger, wondering when the whole acceptance thing is supposed to happen. If you ask her, the other Uzi is the one who needs to learn how to accept stuff, because she-
No, that's not right. There is no 'other' Uzi, they're both the same person. Maybe she was thinking about this the wrong way, or maybe she needs to think about it some more.
"I'm sorry," she mumbles. "About all this BS. This sucks. All the stuff that happened to us, it's... it's not fair. It's all just been dumped on us and everyone expects us to just... just...!"
"Just be okay with it," says the other Uzi. "Just go along with what everyone else says like a good little worker. Do your homework, stay behind the doors, and never want anything else."
"It's not much better in this place. But after everything that happened, the outpost is... honestly not that bad. I know you just wanna tear it down and blow it up, but... I dunno. We're angry about a lot of stuff. I'm still angry but stuff just seems less doom-y now. 'Cuz of all the people I mentioned. I promise you're not alone, Uzi. Or at least, you won't be."
The other Uzi blinks, still staring up at the ceiling. Then she rolls over, facing away from Uzi, and brings her knees to her chest.
"Good to know, I guess," she says.
It feels like that's as far as they'll get for now. Uzi reaches out for a moment, but she can't think of anything to say or do that'll magically fix all this. It took her a lot of time, and it'll take the other her a lot of time, too. But she'll have someone to help her.
"I'll come back later," says Uzi, heading for the door. "I know you'd rather be alone for now. And I'll bring some CDs or something."
"Don't bring your murder bot boyfriend."
"He's not-!" She sighs. "Yeah, fine. I wasn't gonna, not that he wouldn't be thrilled to meet you."
"Thrilled to eat me, more like."
"He does that a lot less than he used to, okay? Whatever, this isn't about him. I'm coming back, whether you like it or not. And we'll... figure this out, whatever that means."
The other Uzi doesn't turn to look at her, but Uzi can see her tremble a little.
"Okay," she says.
Better than nothing.
Uzi opens the door. "See you later."
"See you."
And she steps back out into the inn. The mark on her shoulder protests a little, urging her back into the room, but Uzi ignores it. No one said there was a time limit to this stuff or anything, so she'll take as long as she needs to.
You were told you might wake up to someone else in your life, some part of you or something. But no one was there. It was just you, as usual.
You were told something might be missing, some part of yourself. How would you even know? There's already so much of you missing that filling in the gaps meant you became someone else completely.
You were told you would have to accept yourself. But how can you accept a stranger?
Spirale's experiments are just a watered-down version of Caine's adventures. Something weird happens that disrupts your day for a bit, and then it all goes back to normal. With that mindset, you get out of bed and just... have a normal day. You go to a nearby bakery for a pastry, because even though you don't need to eat, it's nice to treat yourself once in a while. You go to an art supply store in another ward and buy things you don't need because you already have a good amount of tools stashed away in your room. You go to a bookstore and look at the anatomy books, frowning at detailed diagrams of human musculature, because you haven't drawn people in so long that you need a refresher course.
Things are happening to other people. They're dealing with versions of themselves and probably having deep emotional catharsis while you're just shopping. It's kind of nice to not have to deal with it, actually. You didn't bother with the last experiment either, because it seemed a little too... well, Caine did a pyramid escape adventure once, so you've done it before. No point in a second try.
You step out into the crisp afternoon air, shopping bag in hand. It's getting cooler, and you're struck with the realization that Caine didn't really bother with temperature in the Circus unless an adventure's theme demanded it. But here you have a proper day/night cycle, you have seasons, and you even have holidays. It's so close to the real world you can remember, but you know it's not, because otherwise you wouldn't be like this. You wouldn't be Gangle, you'd be... someone else. Someone you don't know.
You're doing it again. Dwelling on depressing thoughts for no reason. Even if this isn't real, you haven't been so free in a long time, so why are you torturing yourself like this? You know you should be trying to make the most of this and resume something resembling a normal life.
Or why settle for normal? You could be so much more, you could start over in Spirale! You could take some drawing classes and try out that webcomic you'd secretly been wanting to start! Does this city even have webcomics? You might be the first, a real pioneer! You could be someone!
Like how you settled for being the manager at McSpiral's because it was the path of least resistance. At least the NPCs here aren't as demanding as the ones in the Circus, or the people in real life. They don't even care if you don't show up sometimes, so you told yourself it was just to make money and you could pursue your passions on the side. And so you draw sometimes. And watch anime. And collect figures. And have awkward conversations with the other people who're trapped here. That stuff isn't bad, but it isn't quite the life you dreamed of.
Alright, tonight you're doing to draw. It doesn't even matter what, you're going to draw something. Baby steps! Filling a few sketchbooks is the path towards that webcomic! Thinking of it that way brings a small smile to your face, because suddenly it doesn't seem as impossible a task anymore.
"Um, excuse me?"
A timid voice brings you from your rambling inner monologue, and you look to the side to find a woman staring at you. It's hard to describe what she looks like, but she's wearing a blue polo and dark slacks. There's a nametag on her chest, but you can't read what it says.
Something in your head tells you she's important, but you can't imagine why.
You stare at her for a moment before realizing that's weird. "Oh, uh, yes? Do you need something?"
You're preparing yourself mentally for the whole spiel; you're just a regular human who looks weird, you got trapped inside a computer program, stuff like that. And the girl returns your stare for a moment before blinking and holding her hands out to you.
"S-sorry! Didn't mean to stare or anything, I just, uh- You dropped this."
It's the colored pencils you bought. Blinking, you look down at your shopping bag, and find the street looking back up at you; there's a decent-sized hole in the bottom of the bag. At least your books are still there, but it's only a matter of time until the whole thing falls through.
"Oh! Oh, I hadn't even- Thank you," you say, taking the pencils back. "Guess I should be paying better attention. If it weren't for you, I might've lost everything..."
"I'm sure you would've noticed before then!" she says, waving her hands. "I'm just... happy to help."
She smiles at you. It makes you feel hollow, but you aren't sure why.
"Well, thank you. I really appreciate it," you say, adjusting the bag on your shoulder. "I'd better get going and find a new bag or something."
Normally, you'd offer something in return, but... you want to leave. Being around this woman makes you feel weird, for reasons you don't want to dwell on. Each second makes your discomfort mount, and the sooner you're back home, the better.
"Um... are you an artist?" she says, her eyes flicking to your bag. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry or anything, I just... noticed all those things you're carrying."
"Well, yeah, I... I like to draw," you say, shifting the bag. You really want to leave. "So I guess that makes me an artist, yeah."
"Oh, well! I take art classes at the museum sometimes, maybe I'll... see you there?"
She looks... uncertain. Like she knows you're going to shoot her down without you even saying anything, like she knows you're looking for a way out.
"N-no pressure, of course," she adds.
"I mean... I go there sometimes. So... yeah, maybe I'll see you," you say, giving a weak shrug.
Normally, this would be a nice moment to meet someone new. You could talk art, maybe bond over the kinds of things you like to draw or what your inspirations are. You could make a new friend, but something in your gut says this is... risky. You're not sure how else to describe it, but the longer you talk to this girl, the worse you feel, the more obvious the hollow in your chest becomes. It's time to leave.
"I-I'm sorry, I really need to go," you say, already turning away. "But I owe you, maybe if I see you at the classes we can-"
She shakes her head. "Oh! Oh no, no, don't worry about it! No, I'm sorry I kept you, I just..."
You wait for a moment.
"You just...?"
Maybe she feels it too. Maybe this has something to do with what the Stars announced earlier today. Maybe this girl...
Your eyes widen slightly as you stare at her. You're trying to make sure these features stick in your mind, trying to make sure you can remember her later. If you're wrong then it's not a problem, but if you're right, then this could be important.
The girl searches for words, but they don't come. She gives a sigh and a shrug, laughing at herself.
"N-nevermind. Sorry, I'll let you go. I'll see you around, maybe?"
She turns to leave, giving you a small wave. Now part of you wants to tell her to stay, despite the empty feeling gripping at your chest. Not just ask, beg her not to leave. You want to know her, you want her to know you so the two of you can cry together over who you are.
Or maybe you're totally wrong. Yeah, you probably are. You don't want to freak the woman out, so you wave and give some empty promise before turning and going home. Maybe Ragatha can help you sew up your old bag. Maybe you can talk to Zooble about what just happened. Maybe you and Pomni can... something else. Specifics aren't important, you just feel lonely now for some reason.
So you go home. You close the door to your own room behind you and sit down at your desk, taking out your new pencils and books and papers, and you try to draw the woman you spoke to. It was only twenty minutes ago, it should still be fresh in your mind. But nothing comes.
You can't remember what she sounded like, now. She hadn't even introduced herself, so you can't look her up. She's basically gone.
You wait and see if your comedy mask drops off your face, but you actually don't feel bad. You don't really feel anything. It's some conspicuous absence of feeling. But you have a blank piece of paper in front of you and a pencil in your hand, so you draw. And maybe it should be something deep and emotional, but you just draw some Dragonball characters instead. Then you draw a few Pokemon, and then you draw yourself. You draw yourself over and over, and about seven drawings in, you wonder when you started thinking of yourself only as Gangle and not as... whoever you were before. When did you start thinking of your past as a separate person?
"If you can't accept your past, you'll be losing your future."
Well, there's the problem. You don't have either of those. Your past got scrubbed and your future is being a prisoner of Caine or the Stars. There's nothing to accept, and nothing to lose.
Your phone buzzes, and you find a text message from Zooble. Smiling, you reply to them and make some plans for tomorrow. Well, maybe there's a little bit of a future to lose.
When you put the phone down, you turn to stare out the window. You wonder about that woman, and wonder if what you were feeling was right. Maybe she was someone important, or maybe she was just a stranger you happened to meet. Is it important? Does it matter?
Maybe you don't have a past. You don't know what's going to happen to that woman. But maybe Gangle can have a future.
