May 8, 2019
Iris: Ever since the visiting band members taught my father Stan Twitter Language, he’s been going around talking like that.
Avrum: Oof sis the callout. The tea is scorching.
Iris, weeping: Please stop.
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Iris: Ever since the visiting band members taught my father Stan Twitter Language, he’s been going around talking like that.
Avrum: Oof sis the callout. The tea is scorching.
Iris, weeping: Please stop.
Itzik: What if I put coffee in my cereal instead of milk?
Iris: What if you didn’t?
Iris: I know you left the baby with Simon, Itzik.
Itzik’s brain: Play dumb!
Itzik: Who’s Itzik?
Itzik’s brain: Not that dumb!
Iris: You spent our entire life savings on dogs??
Itzik: They’re golden retrievers, Iris. They retrieve gold. I did it for us.
Simon: I’m so sorry to interrupt your dinner.
Iris: How did you get in here?!
Simon: I’m not here to discuss your lack of home security. I’m here to apologize.
Itzik: That’s my girlfriend, suckers!
Iris: Your wife, Itzik.
Itzik: My wife! Even better.
Itzik, texting: Answer your phone.
Iris, texting back: Wait a minute, I can’t find my phone.
Itzik: Okay.
Itzik, five minutes later: You’re killing me. You’re killing your husband.
Iris: I’m over this goddamn town and these fake-ass people!
Anna: Hi, Iris.
Iris: Oh, hey.
Iris, whispering: Fucking bitch.