LONG PERSONAL-ISH POST AHEAD
so last night fwb (and i really should give him another acronym because we’re much closer friends than ‘friends with benefits’ implies but anyway)
he and i got drunk at our new favorite bar and he got so very wasted and so very cuddly and he was so cute
ANYWAY he turned to me at one point after getting like two and a half sheets to the wind and was like “there’s something i’ve been wanting to tell you”
and ngl guys i got a little nervous because one of my roommates has been very insistent that fwb likes me more than just friends and i got paranoid about it because i’m really happy with what we have and i didn’t want it to get complicated
but then he says “sometimes... sometimes i feel like i’m a boy on the outside but a girl on the inside”
and he explained to me that he’s comfortable having a penis and a beard but sometimes he feels like the rest of his body doesn’t fit and he got upset trying to describe it and a little teary eyed that he couldn’t explain it to me properly
then when i explained gender dysphoria he got even more worked up because he finally had a word for it
then i paid our tabs and we walked back to my apartment and i sat him down on my bed and explained nonbinary and genderfluidity as idenitities to him and guys
he told me his dad has always been the abusive, toxicly masculine type and he’s felt like this since puberty but bottled it up and tried to ignore it out of fear of physical and verbal backlash from his dad
then he said he never knew there was a word for what he felt and he was glad there was one because it meant other people felt like this too
then he said i was the first person he felt he was 100% safe with and could tell anything to and i maybe cried a little bit also because this person is 35 years old and has never felt completely safe being himself until now and he’s such a kind, gentle person and that hurt to hear
in summary he’s genderfluid and is okay with he/him pronouns but has promised to let me know if his preferred pronouns ever change
