#isabel garfinkel

[strangenoquestion]

Actually being in a relationship is like listening to a song you've never heard, and you really like it so far, but there's that anxiety that it's going to fall apart at the chorus. But when you're with someone like Sasha, it's a drumbeat, really, this steady kind of throbbing keeping everything steady. Like a heartbeat. I remember what Siobhan said a long time ago about how a good relationship isn't something you have to gather up strength to do. It's where you recharge And I think when you're me and Sasha, and you're so tired all the time...that's just not always going to be reality. Sometimes even things you love are going to be too draining. But you've got to be with someone who understands you. That's really all it comes down to. All the complicated rules and compatibility tests...Really, it's so simple it sounds stupid. And the truth is, even when the song is too loud for me, I always love the drumbeat. I don't think people our age get what we have very often. I guess we'd be those people who peak in high school now, except I'm not planning to grow out of this. I'm already old, and Sasha's never going to grow up, so I think we'll be fine.

Hannah Moskowitz, Sick Kids in Love

[strangenoquestion]

'Sasha's dad is like the nicest guy ever, but he still had to yell at a doctor today because they were too busy to give Sasha the oxygen mask he needed. I get that we're just supposed to be the loved ones and they're supposed to be the doctors, but it's really frustrating when doctors won't do their jobs.' 'They're very busy,' Dad says. 'I am so tired of that excuse. Were they very busy when they were told me for a year that nothing was wrong with me? No, they were lazy, and they were writing me off because of assumptions they made about me based on my age and my gender and probably my religion.And a lot of those things apply to Sasha, too, and they apply to every single person here, and I'm not saying all doctors are bad; I'm just saying...why do you guys keep acting so *** bad? We're really frustrated, and we get to be, because you treat us like we're lying, all the time, like I'm trying to get high off you running another blood test or some ***. It's ridiculous. They can't stand being wrong, because it threatens their egos, so they just keep insisting they're right even when they know they screwed up, because they know there's nothing you can do about it.' 'Well, hang on--' 'No,' I say. 'You guys are messing up a lot of people, and that's just what it comes down to, and I am sick of having to worship doctors when all they do is tell me I'm okay when I tell them I feel terrible and tell me to lose weight and sign a prescription pad, and they won't give my boyfriend a *** oxygen mask. You want us to do our jobs as loved ones, or as patients? You have to do your jobs so we don't *** have to do them for you.'

Hannah Moskowitz, Sick Kids in Love

[strangenoquestion]

It's not lost on me in all this that he would be perfectly fine dating a girl using a cane or a crutch or a wheelchair. And I realize that shouldn't be something noteworthy, that any decent guy should be fine with that, especially one with a chronic illness, but...the world is not exactly teeming with guys, and here is one right here who has beautiful eyes and good-smelling clothes and the most precious heart, and he loves me.

Hannah Moskowitz, Sick Kids in Love

[strangenoquestion]

'How's stuff with your dad?' 'He's...trying.' I give Sasha a look. 'You know doctors. They're always trying.' 'Poor doctors,' he says. 'We should be more understanding.' 'It's very hard for them, having to look at all these sick people.'

Hannah Moskowitz, Sick Kids in Love

[strangenoquestion]

'You know I can hear you coughing from down the hall,' I say. 'You're disturbing my other patients.' 'This isn't even your floor.' 'You caught me.' 'You look sexy in that polo.' 'Thank you.' 'You look like you're going to tell me the schedule of events on my senior citizens' cruise.' 'Shut up.' 'You look like you're about to rattle off a list of what plants are traditionally used as herbal remedies on our nature hike.' 'Sasha.' 'You look like you're about to buzz in at the mathletes finals to tell me the limit does not exist.' 'I'm leaving now.' 'No, I have more! Stop! I'm in love with you!'

Hannah Moskowitz, Sick Kids in Love

[strangenoquestion]

'Y'know, the other day when you took your shirt off, I was thinking, "I like his stomach like this, but I would like it more if it had a huge scar running across it."' 'Too bad,' he says. His voice is so small and tired. 'Laparoscopic. Just a little scar.' 'I can fix that.' He actually laughs a little. 'You shouldn't threaten me right now,' he says. 'I'm very frail.' 'Good. That's how I like my men.' He turns his head enough to nestle into my collarbone. 'Lucky me.' He's mostly asleep, and I am, too, when he suddenly starts snickering a little. 'It's a boy,' he mumbles. 'You *** weirdo.'

Hannah Moskowitz, Sick Kids in Love

[strangenoquestion]

'I got you a present.' I hold up the balloon between my hands so he can read it. I watch his eyes slowly trace over the words--Congratulations, it's a boy. 'It's true,' he says, a little bit of a smile on his mouth. 'Yeah, they didn't have any it's a spleen, but I figured you're, you know. Also a boy. So at least it's accurate.'

Hannah Moskowitz, Sick Kids in Love

[strangenoquestion]

'Y'know, one thing I've noticed is when people get some kind of crisis like this, they tend to think they need to turn into a special crisis version of themselves. Someone who's more capable, more logical, more serious.' 'And then they wear themselves out,' I say. I've heard this lesson before. 'Well, that,' he says. 'And also, it's not who the people in the crisis want.' 'Hmm.' He says, 'When something bad happens, you want the people who love you to be around you, and you want them to be acting like themselves, to be familiar, to be all the beautiful and strange things that are the reason that they're in your life. It doesn't really make sense to not act like yourself when something's wrong with someone who loves you, because probably the only thing they really want is the people that make them happy every day. You have to be the same person to remind them that they're still the same person.'

Hannah Moskowitz, Sick Kids in Love