#it demon

[thatonelilly]

Today's stream was interesting! It was like DYING but then getting revived. Anyways, here, have starbells!!!

[spoonyruncible]

The IT demon is distressed today. To sum up the situation: porn of Penny from The Amazing World of Gumball. Penny is a peanut with antlers.

[im-in-ur-areaaa]

[spoonyruncible]

The new student laptops are in and I can already tell that they are my enemies on a level equal to or greater than avians.

Current complaints. The trackpad is far too large and does not have separate buttons. Instead the whole pad clicks on the left and right sides. I disapprove of this. Second, the keyboard is way too far up from the palmrest. This creates an offset large enough to severely fuck with my muscle memory. Too Shiny. I do not care one bit for the placement of the ports. It has that little divot in the front, presumably to make opening it easier. Instead it just makes it look slightly melted and upsets my wrists when they brush against its devilry. I’m just getting bad vibes all ‘round and want to have the whole lot exorcised just in case. I had to manually go in and disable secure boot and enable legacy options and honestly if i have to do that to all of them I’ll be flipping tables come September.

[spoonyruncible]

Today just cemented that writing your name is the most difficult thing in the entire world. I have three computers (three!) where instead of a name the students have opted to instead make various abstract squiggles on the post-it notes. Now, I have dysgraphia so I know the struggle but if you want to identify your property to the IT beast then stop for a second, use block letters or the pre-school level scrawl I employ on official documents.

Time to bust out my IT demon feels.

Apparently no one is remotely capable of properly enscribing their personal sigils. Y’all, do you get if I summon with this mess then, best case scenario, nothing happens? Worst case scenario it works enough that I get part of your leg or else you’ve accidentally managed to reproduce the calling card of  Marchosias, Marquis of Hell and commander of thirty legions, so we’re all fucked.

[spoonyruncible]

Barely even awake on a Monday morning and I get whomped with an IT demon worthy problem. A human child came to me with a laptop that is literally in two pieces and complains there are driver issues because he can’t see the screen. Further, he elaborates, he had to use a flashlight to see the screen before it failed entirely.The frayed LCD cable is actively visible and sticking out of the side of this machine. Then the kid goes on to blame me for the damage because I’d fixed some physical damage previously with thermoplastic and that meant he couldn’t notice it breaking in time.

OR, to translate to corporate demon

I’ve not even had my contractually obligated pint of virgin blood yet when someone storms in upset that their golem has ceased responding to commands and that, for the past few days, he had to scream orders through a megaphone to make it answer. The poor thing is beat all to hell, flaking clay into my carpet and chucklefuck there blames my Hebrew like anyone could fuck up aleph mem taw. I mean, the aleph has visibly worn off almost completely from abuse. As soon as I point this out the guy blames me for repairing the golem’s bad neck joint almost a year ago which somehow allegedly kept him from noticing the wear on the letters. 

[spoonyruncible]

More of my IT demon feelings today. Here is a list of things that have happened to me today in no particular order:

-Someone brought me a Mac and I had to import our security certificate onto it. I’ve never used a Mac. I spent more than five minutes trying to figure out how to open Safari and access my thumb drive.I’m still amazed I got it working.

-As I was typing this someone knocked on my door in a panic because ‘all devices have been blocked’. Didn’t figure out what that meant. Aside from some minor malware the system was in good order.

-The words ‘my whole life is on this flash drive’. I’m attempting data recovery now. 

-Helped someone off campus log into their laptop computer via texting. Why they didn’t make sure they could log in before they left is beyond me.

-I was told "When I typed 'www' it did collapse it. It went out of google." Never did find out what that word salad meant as the system seemed to be working just fine.

To translate that into my weird IT demon verse would look a bit like this:

-”Oh, uh, our summoning chants are mostly in Latin. This is Sumerian. I’ve never chanted in Sumerian before, I’m not even sure it’ll work but I’ll give it a shot, sure.” It took five minutes before I figured out I was holding the tablet upside down. I’m still amazed I was able to successfully summon anything, much less the specific damned soul they were after.

-”I think a goblin is haunting the cloakroom!” Well, that’s not... correct. Goblins don’t haunt things, that’s ghosts. Still, when I went to the cloakroom one of the frogs had gotten loose somehow and was hanging in the corner. I took him back to the supply closet.

-”Fred died, not important how, and, uh, turns out he was the only one who knew the secret name of The Shadow God. Do you think you can pull his memories by looking at the eyes of his corpse?”

-As I was scrying my way through Fred’s secrets via his dead eyes I was suddenly summoned to an offsite location because somebody decided they’d just carve the curse tablet at the graveyard instead of the office and they realized they needed me for voces mysticae. 

-This one’s the exact fucking same. Change nothing. It makes as much sense for a bound demon as it does for an IT creature.