Let's all calm down and have tea together I brought jam sammies

Transman from Appalachia currently living in (roughly) Portland. Flagrantly queer, maybe a little showy about it. Probably currently poking something unwholesomely organic with a stick.

[spoonyruncible]

Okay, but, hear me out. The Kobayashi Maru was designed for Command tract cadets. What did the Science tract cadets get? Did the SysOps cadets get different ones for engineering and security?

I will never stop thinking about this.

[spoonyruncible]

Okay, chat, I'm obviously fussed because *LOUD STATIC SOUNDS* and all that. But I swear, the number of people I see complaining they don't understand their tiny still damp-headed child's math homework and _wants math to go back to how it used to be_ makes me want to explode. I wrote a rant on a pretty innocent person's post, which I did not send. But this is my personal blog and all y'all chose to follow me so Merry Fuckin' This-mas

God forbid a child should actually understand the basic underpinnings mathematics at age six when their brains are better able to comprehend the more difficult aspects. My dad wasn't by any measure a good parent but he did once say, when I was about four, "Let me show you a magic trick," and taught me how to count to 1023 on my hands. "Bytes are made of bits. Each bit has eight ones or zeros and each byte has eight bits. And that's why after binary we'll practice hexadecimal, which is sixteen but remember, what is eight times two in decimal? Right, and we're working with 16 bits now, not 8. And how many bytes is that? And why is that?"

He got bored of teaching me how to do math after I started getting good at it and his methodology (do it all in your head or on your hands in ink and touching) made teachers furious because I would refuse to do any explanation and the explanations I gave often seemed sarcastic. I would prove I understood problems where I disliked the methodology taught by converting the problem from decimal into octal and getting the right answer, problem being that my teachers did not know how to convert decimal into octal. I never memorized the times table because why would I? Give me about ten seconds and I'll have figured the number myself instead of spitting the answer out like a trained animal that does not get the reason why.

Rote learning is bad.

My father was actually a madman who should not have done quite what he did.

But people have been bitching about this since the before most of us were born. (See Lehrer, Andrew Thomas, "New Math", 1965). An actual mathematician, quite a good one, bitches about it. I don't know where I fall on this argument, really, but I think I probably believe the plastic mind of a child should be introduced to complicated mathematical aspects early as they will pertain to more difficult problems later along the line. Like, I still can't tie my shoes well and use slip-ons but I still remember a parody song I made up where I was too young to really be expected to tie shoes and it went, "One plus one is three, three plus three is sixty four." Like, if you teach a very young child that counting can be non-binary they will grow up queer and I want that future.

[spoonyruncible]

A Eulogy

To my dear sweet beautiful menace, Yesterday, so early in the morning it was night, you left me, higher than the moon on The Good Shit™, for a new and unknowable place to which I cannot yet follow. Out of all the parts that might have failed you I am still astounded it was your heart, which seemed indestructible and limitless. Kady Belle Baby Girl Babby Grill Shaquille O'Neal, you are missed in ways that test the bounds of my very soul and that is to say nothing of what it has done to your father. The three of us traveled 3,000 miles together just to be together. Our world is so much lesser for your absence. You left behind two sad orphans and numerous fans, as well as a legion of jealous haters and impotent enemies. I am grateful for every second I spent with you, even the wretched ones like when I chased you through the sleet in just boxers, a binder, and socks. I wish there had been more time, as you were very young, and more warning so I could have shown you the affection you deserved. My best friend, my wretched beast, may you yank the tailfeathers from angels and swipe lines of oozing ichor into the skin of gods; may you piss on the rugs in Valhalla's sacred halls. May you find some measure of comfort that we did not wish you gone and held you and stroked you long after your breath had ceased and the brightness faded from your eyes. My love for you is eternal, little potato. Your Faithful Servant, Cerberus Bolt (aka, PaPa)

[spoonyruncible]

Also, to clarify, it is fine if someone likes or reblogs this. I just cannot talk about it at all, so I would prefer to forgo any well-wishing or other expressions of sympathy. Tags are fine, just no messages. I am too consumed with grief to be graceful.

[gingerhastoomanyobsessions]

(wakes up in a cold sweat) ga, ga, goncharov, member of the russian mob

[ostentenacity]

there was a man who did so much crime

ga ga goncharov, italy’s most famous slav

he really thought he had enough time

[spoonyruncible]

A Eulogy

To my dear sweet beautiful menace, Yesterday, so early in the morning it was night, you left me, higher than the moon on The Good Shit™, for a new and unknowable place to which I cannot yet follow. Out of all the parts that might have failed you I am still astounded it was your heart, which seemed indestructible and limitless. Kady Belle Baby Girl Babby Grill Shaquille O'Neal, you are missed in ways that test the bounds of my very soul and that is to say nothing of what it has done to your father. The three of us traveled 3,000 miles together just to be together. Our world is so much lesser for your absence. You left behind two sad orphans and numerous fans, as well as a legion of jealous haters and impotent enemies. I am grateful for every second I spent with you, even the wretched ones like when I chased you through the sleet in just boxers, a binder, and socks. I wish there had been more time, as you were very young, and more warning so I could have shown you the affection you deserved. My best friend, my wretched beast, may you yank the tailfeathers from angels and swipe lines of oozing ichor into the skin of gods; may you piss on the rugs in Valhalla's sacred halls. May you find some measure of comfort that we did not wish you gone and held you and stroked you long after your breath had ceased and the brightness faded from your eyes. My love for you is eternal, little potato. Your Faithful Servant, Cerberus Bolt (aka, PaPa)

[fishing-lesbian-princess]

If I got locked in “the room you can only leave if the two of you have sex” i would immediately ask the other lesbian to use it as a research opportunity where we perform various acts of slowly increasing intimacy to find where the line between what is sex and what is not sex is drawn by the room

[ftl-faster-than-life]

Kind of funny how when you're obsessed with a certain character their mere presence on your screen can lift your mood. Like yeah I have probably like 10 diagnosed and undiagnosed ways my brain works atypically but one of those quirks makes it possible for The Character to salvage my whole day.

[facts-i-just-made-up]

[eastern-bloc-party-archive]

[teaboot]

My former uncle is my future stepdad. The holidays are going to be interesting this year

Have you considered attending a play

[e-102]

me leaving the theatre with two roasted turkeys in my shoulders

[e-102]

i don’t understand what this post is saying, why would i be leaving the theatre with uneaten turkeys. where did i get them from. what the fuck was i talking about.

[duckbunny]

one of the many reasons to insist upon chronological timelines is that it's much, much harder to scroll forever if you can catch up with yourself. if you can run out of tumblr because you reach yesterday, that is a good and helpful prompt to do something else.

[audioexorcisms]

Lets dissect uncle to find his wish gland

[designerpets]

this is why commas are so

important 🤓

[audioexorcisms]

Where do you think the comma goes

[princessdollknight]

mercy was never an option

[princessdollknight]

tranq dart engraved with "i have a suggestion"

[kaijuno]

[evilwizard]

[hannibal-lecters-cock]

Believe it or not, in 1976 Raymond Howe released a children’s book series about the adventures of Hannibal the Hamster. That’s right. Hannibal. Except this one is a small, soft ball of fluff whose greatest crime is probably stealing sunflower seeds. Wild.

[patchouii]

@hanniballecterscock Decided to take this to its logical fannibal conclusion because why not lol

[dogpuppy]

[psych-is-the-name]

Oh man I love this artist! Here's what that sculpture looked like before the feathers were added:

If you've seen any pictures of "real living dinosaurs" online in the last 5 years, there's like a 90% chance it was actually one of Archesuchus's works:

[seven-oh-four]

character misses their shot and the villain goes "ha! you missed." and the main character goes "did i?" and then shoots the villain again while they're frantically looking around the room for what the hero could possibly have aiming for instead

[seven-oh-four]

i hate the notes on this so much so many people are saying shit like "and then the hero shoots the villain while they're looking around!! XD" THAT'S WHAT THE POST ALREADY SAID. THAT'S THE ENTIRE JOKE.

[keiachi-chan]

There's a Pukicho post like this I need to find it

Edit: found it

[seven-oh-four]

maybe... they DIDN'T miss part of the post...! (starts frantically looking around)

[omorinintendoswitchedition]

(i shoot you while youre looking around)

[seven-oh-four]

and then while i'm frantically looking around you shoot me for real this time XD

[longshrimp]

Omg you missed part of the post

[seven-oh-four]

did i? 😏

[longshrimp]

(frantically looks around)

[seven-oh-four]

(i raise my gun to shoot you while you're distracted but the bullet i already fired ricochets all around the room and hits me in the back of the head, killing me instantly)