Bit of a scramble of thoughts here but someone left a fairly unsavoury comment on one of my fics because Harry bottoms in it and it’s really got me thinking about the treatment of topping/bottoming in Larry fic. It’s fairly obvious to say that it’s a Whole Topic that’s been talked about to death, but the entire concept of infighting about who tops and who bottoms and who apparently should do what in fic? Mystifying. Strange. Wild.
Like, there aren’t only two ways to have sex. It’s not a this or that thing, it’s not a black and white equation. To bottom is not to be one thing, and to top is not to be another. There are so many different ways to have sex, to exchange emotions through your bodies, that go so far beyond simply topping and bottoming that it seems completely ridiculous for it to even be an argument.
So I guess it needs reiterating.
Bottoming doesn’t mean you’re submissive, quiet, feminine or giving anything of yourself away. It doesn’t mean you should be seen as lesser in the relationship. It doesn’t mean you should be seen as infantilized or fit more into feminized gender norms and expressions. And it certainly has nothing to do with what any part of your body looks like or what your personality is like.
Topping doesn’t mean you’re dominant, assertive, masculine or taking anything from your partner. It doesn’t mean you should be seen as more than your partner or as the aggressor or instigator. And again, it certainly has nothing to do with what your body looks like or what your personality is like.
It just means that’s the way you’re choosing to put your bodies together in that moment. There are no roles that should be attributed to either side. Like.... sex is so complex and to attribute anything more to topping/bottom than just a position seems absolutely reductive to me. There should be no ~reason a character or person prefers to top or bottom other than their preference of sensation or wants. Everyone needs and wants different things at different times for different reasons.
Which is not to say that emotions or personality cannot be written into who is topping or bottoming in fic. Because emotions and personality are inherently interwoven with how people have sex. But please, when you see something tagged as “bottom Harry” or “bottom Louis”, or “top Harry” or “top Louis” please stop and think about what you’re going into that scene expecting? Please reflect on what attributes you’re applying to each person before you’ve read anything?
There’s nothing wrong with having preferences per se, but please examine what it is exactly you’re preferring and why.
