“I know your secret, your dirty little secret,” It sang, repeating that line before landing on the ground. It tilted its head, piercing Richie with its yellow eyes. “Should I tell them, Richie?”
Richie felt his inner storm intensifying, coming to its final, worst point - in where Richie would break down. Richie Tozier, the goof, the joker, the trashmouth, the smart ass, the one who never shuts up would break down.
‘It knows,’ Richie then thought, panic spreading in his chest, ‘It knows about me. It knows all about me.’
The one and only hope left that Richie had clamped to; Pennywise not finding out about him because he knew It could and would use that knowledge against him whenever It liked. For a long time Richie had only feared the people around him would find out - then he had run into that monster and now he was praying to god It would never know.
Something in Richie’s mind shattered into a million pieces, the window got opened - a memory. He saw small Eddie Kaspbrak before him, crying, sweating, holding his weirdly twisted arm. He saw him and at the same time he didn’t. He felt that need to squat down and protect Eddie, to make sure he wouldn’t get hurt again. And not like his crazy mother, like that psychotic Mrs K, no. Richie wouldn’t suffocate Eddie with his love, he would replace his inhaler. He would give him space, he would stay as close to him as possible, hell, he’d do anything Eddie needed.
Richie felt his fingers, those small bony pale fingers that he no longer owned (they were now marked by color and hardness and roughness), but stopped right above Eddie’s fragile arm.
Don’t touch the other boys, Richie. Don’t, or they’ll know your secret.
It hit him like a wave, throwing him back into the moment, into his adult body, into the ugly reality, to the spot he didn’t want to be. He blinked - and as if time had done him a favor, the world began to breathe again. The seconds went on, the hours passed, and Pennywise was still there. Richie squeezed his eyes shut.
|| in a combination of many prompts, i present: great best friend eddie kaspbrak helping upset (and secretly pining) richie tozier post- arcade assault. ||
What could Richie say, going home that afternoon?
Hey Mom. Hey Dad. I got called a fa-- this new word today. Yeah, I’ve heard it before but hearing it as my name sounds different. It feels different.
How about to his friends?
I know we aren’t exactly talking right now, but Bowers just fucking ran into me at the arcade and-- hey! shut up and listen-- GUYS! He asked if I was trying to bone his cousin.
What about himself?
God what a fucking idiot, you looked too long. The way you looked at him. The way you touched his hand. You should have let him go. He’s not your friend. He’s not your friend. He’s not like you, not a disgusting and worthless loser with a perverted secret. What a fucking trashmouth. Filthy mouth thinking and saying filthy things...
One thing Richie never prepared for, was having to tell Eddie. Just Eddie, alone on his front steps. Granted, he didn’t have to tell him anything, but with Eddie it was like Richie’s already running mouth suddenly would attempt a marathon.
“Why are you sitting still? Are you dead or something?” Eddie laughed, already walking up the pathway to Richie’s house. Richie gave him the finger, his words still strangled in the back of his throat. It burned like he was still trying to run. “Most of us are at the clubhouse, maybe going to the quarry later. Why are you here? You hate being at home.”
“Tired.” Richie muttered, adjusting his glasses. “Long afternoon.”
“It’s fucking two.”
“Yeah.”
“Richie, what the fuck? Are you high or something?” Eddie reached up and shoved Richie’s head down, moving his glasses again. “Did you smoke in your house?”
Richie wished he was high, or something to make the harsh air hissing in his lungs feel more like a pillow than a brick blanket.
“No, fuckface. I didn’t. You think Wentworth is at least an iota of cool to fucking smoke?” Richie snapped, pushing Eddie’s hands away. “I’m just sitting.”
“That’s stupid. Sit in the clubhouse with us.” Eddie laughed, grabbing his wrists. Richie refused and Eddie’s grip soon slipped into Richie’s hands.
We don’t like our town being filled with a bunch of fucking fa--
“I’m not going! Just shove it, Eds. I want to sit here.” Richie yelled, yanking his arms back. Their hands pulled apart with a snap, their fingers clinging together.
Eddie blinked at him. “We have a hammock.” He said plainly. “Sit in it with me. Come on, Rich. What the fuck.”
“I said no!” Richie shouted. It was the only thing he could openly deny with Eddie. Everything else was involuntary-- the sweating, the blushing, the need to make him laugh, the need to annoy him, the need to see him-- the least Richie could do was push away those things he could control. Give himself a half a chance to be normal.
Eddie moved Richie’s legs and sat on the step below him. He placed his arms on Richie’s knees, looking up at him the way Richie always imagined people in love did. He nudged his glasses and blurred his vision.
“What happened today?” Eddie was asking like a parent-- or maybe a concerned girlfriend or something. Well no, he was asking like Eddie. Like a great friend, a companion.
A boyfriend, really.
No. No. No. No. No.
"I got run down by Bowers today.” Richie sighed, looking at his hands. “Chased me all the way to the park.”
“Oh fuck-- Why did he do that? I mean, not that the bastard ever has a good reason to do any of his boneheaded bullshit, but where were you when he found you?” Eddie was asking because he was concerned, but Richie began to hear his father’s echo in his voice. Asking what he was doing, where he was going, what did he say to ask for the bullying.
“Just the arcade.”
“Oh.” Eddie groaned. “Fuck that guy. He’s so fucking stupid-- looks a like a weasel, have you ever noticed that? He’s got that really like thin fucking face that just--”
“He called me a faggot.” Richie said, point-blank.
Eddie’s words died, his mouth hanging open as if new ones would just appear. “Oh. Fuck.”
“Yeah.” Richie thought by that point he’d be crying-- like a fucking girl-- but instead, he was just cold. His throat was stale and his tongue was heavy. The truth was the truth, huh?
“Wanna get ice cream?” Eddie said suddenly, sitting back. “Come on, I got a crisp ten that’s got a double scoop of gross ass mint-chocolate chip with your name all over it, Rich.”
“No, I don’t know if--”
“I just offered to buy you ice cream that is easily the grossest flavor. You don’t get to argue! Just fucking get up and grab your bike.” Eddie grabbed Richie’s hands again and yanked him up.
They both nearly toppled over; the taller one of them shouldn’t have been on the higher step. Richie clung to Eddie’s hands and stumbled down the walkway. Even after telling Eddie the truth, he hadn’t tried to avoid touching him-- his hands.
“W-Wait, where’s your bike?” Richie asked, pulling away and wiping his palms on his shorts.
“I walked. We live like, a few blocks apart.”
“Yeah but we’re going downtown.”
“Yeah.”
“Where is your bike?”
“Richie.” Eddie laughed, and pointed at Richie’s bike on its side in the grass. “You have pegs.”
“You’re gonna ride on my bike. With me?” Richie tried to sound possessive. Of the bike, that is.
“Yeah, come on. Don’t be so w--” Eddie stopped and chewed his lip. Don’t be weird. Richie had no say in it; he’d tried. “Don’t be scared-- I’m not gonna die or anything. We won’t tell my mom.”
“Okay. Sure.” Richie said. Oh, this was a bad idea.
And it sure fucking was. Richie sat on the seat while Eddie stood behind him, arms bracing on his shoulders. He called out into the summer wind, laughing and jostling Richie to try and get him to join. He focused on the road and got them to the ice cream shop in one piece-- two pieces, technically. Two separate boys. Not at all conjoined or comparable to any one, unified person or feeling.
Eddie hopped off Richie’s bike the moment he stopped. The shop had a walk-thru window-- for anyone stupid enough to not want to go into crisp air-conditioning. Which was, of course, both Richie and Eddie. They hated going inside the parlor; large masses of sweaty people covered in sticky syrup and loudly crunching on cones? Richie could already feel Eddie’s skin crawling. Birthplace of food borne, close-contact illnesses.
Eddie ordered as Richie waited by a streetlight, balancing himself and the bike against it. It was still strange-- and maybe a move of pity-- that Eddie was buying him ice cream after he’d admitted the worst thing about himself. With absolutely no denial. Even if it meant that Eddie knew that Richie was gay now, he still only took his word for it after hearing that Bowers had called it out in the middle of arcade.
God. He was disgusting.
“Alright, here we go! One fucking gross double scoop of mint chocolate chip. You know, that’s another reason you’re a trashmouth-- you’ll eat just about anything, huh? Mint? Dude, that’s like eating toothpaste.”
"Hey, at least I can handle a little variety! You only eat vanilla!” Richie laughed, taking the cone from Eddie carefully. “Are you allergic to fucking fun, Eds?”
“Hey! It’s arguably the best flavor!”
“Is fucking not. It’s like eating nothing! It’s flavorless. The base of all other ice creams. It’s like eating ice cream primer.”
“When is the last time you had vanilla?” Eddie said, crossing his free arm over his chest. “I think you need a goddamn refresh, asshole.”
He held the cone out to Richie, eyebrows raised. Richie could see the small dip in the top swirl where he’d already licked.
“No.” Richie said, pushing it away. “I’m not licking your-- not sharing your ice cream, dude. That’s gross. I don’t know where that mouth has been.”
“Says the trashmouth.” Eddie retorted, grabbing the handlebar of Richie’s bike as he wobbled. Richie was trying, by all means, to not drop the cone and speed away. It wouldn’t have escaped any of the things swelling inside of his chest, but at least he could die in solitude.
“Would you just fucking try some?”
“No.”
“Rich, come on. If I’m asking you to share my food, I think it’s okay! I know you don’t have fucking weird diseases-- and I sure as fuck don’t. Just fucking have some.”
“No. I can’t.”
“You can’t?” Eddie echoed Richie with a laugh, but his smile fell. “Richie, come on. You can.”
“No. I-- I think I should get home or something. Wentworth is having a really big hard-on for curfew lately so--”
“You don’t have a curfew.”
“I-- I could.”
“You’ve walked out your front door at eleven at night to go swimming in the quarry with us before.” Eddie said, licking the top of his ice cream again. Richie did the same as if only to try and keep himself from sounding like more of an idiot. “Richie, man, what the fuck is going on? Is everything alright?”
They were on the sidewalk in the middle of the afternoon, any number of eyes possibly staring at them and measuring their distance, watching their expressions, reading their lips. There was nothing Richie could say there. Nothing he would want to.
"Are you deaf? I said that I’m fine.” Richie said, nearly grinding his teeth.
“I’m not blind either!” Eddie said, gesticulating his cone around. “You look like shit.”
Oh, well that was good to hear coming from Eddie. He already knew he was ugly-- that he’d “grow into his looks”, whatever the fuck that meant-- but now he had confirmation that no matter how much “beauty was subjective” or whatever, Eddie thought he looked like shit. Great. Amazing. Fantastic. Best thing he’d heard all fucking--
“I mean like. You don’t look like yourself. Your face is like, gray, man. Like, completely gray. Wiped and exhausted. Is everything alright-- besides the Bowers stuff.” Eddie said.
“Can’t it just be the Bowers stuff?” That was all Richie could hear. Over and over and over and--
A blink. A pause. The acceptance of a secret. “’course it can. Yeah. It can just be him. I mean, the guy’s a total fucking dickwad-- doesn’t fucking know anything.”
“Right? What a douche.”
“A fucking shitpile.”
Richie laughed and it hurt, but in the best way. It was the shattering of something old that had formed. Something he didn’t know had built up. He hadn’t said anything-- hadn’t incriminated himself in any way-- but he was no longer alone. He was safe, but he could still be so with his best friend. It could count as lying if Richie really looked at it closely-- but he didn’t want to. He closed his eyes and breathed slow, trying to pretend he was stopping his laughter rather than any possible tears.
“Wanna go home? Go to the clubhouse?”
“What so you can get spiders in your ice cream?”
"Fuck you.” Eddie said, hitching his leg over the back of Richie’s bike. He wrapped his one arm across Richie’s chest and kept the other at length, ice cream unable to drip on either of them. He rested his chin on Richie’s shoulder. “They probably all went to the quarry by now, so we can just sit-- talk if you want.”
Richie’s feet were on the pedals but he was frozen, nearly toppling them over. “O-Okay.”
“I mean, we don’t have to-- it can be about whatever. Like when you’re gonna get a fucking haircut.” Eddie laughed, spitting out some of Richie’s hair that had curled into his mouth. “Hell, I’ll fucking cut it myself.”
“You wouldn’t dare.” You wouldn’t dare touch me like that-- be so close on your own.
“Snip snip, Richie.” Eddie teased, clapping a hand on his chest. “Come on, let’s go before your Colgate Cone melts down your hand, shithead.”
“Don’t tell me what to do, dickwad.”
“If you don’t start pedaling, I’m going to nose you with this cone.” Eddie teased, faking- out nearly smashing the cone onto Richie’s face. Instead, he reached across Richie’s chest with the arm and licked the cone. It grazed his face, getting a sticky stripe on his cheek and a bit in his hair.
“You’re so bossy when you’re on a sugar high.” Richie said, settling further on the end of his seat, letting Eddie sit on the back.
Richie started pedaling, trying to get out of sight of the sidewalk as quickly as he could. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hide his smile, but didn’t want anyone to catch him with it-- catch him with Eddie, resting his head against Richie’s.
This time, he wasn’t doing anything. He was just biking when Eddie grabbed him, comforted him. Richie hadn’t done anything wrong, and he could feel the thinnest ray of warmth-- of that summer sun and wind-- cracking through his chest. He could finally breathe.
Bowers was probably right; Richie was exactly what he said he was. But, biking across town to the clubhouse, it was maybe the first time that Richie had ever felt okay about it. Felt good. Felt even the tiniest, vanilla-spotted bit of happiness for it. Maybe Bowers was right, but being there-- being with Eddie and letting himself lean against the comfort of someone safe and silly and sweet-- was too.
Eddie Kaspbrak’s Bittersweet Memories - Chapter One
For some, the relationship that Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier shared was weird and abnormal. Sometimes even they wondered how they worked so well together, but they just did. Neither boy was apart of that stereotypical “popular” group of kids, yet everyone still knew them or at least knew of them.
Richie was known by being the kid everyone thought was least likely to end up being the captain of the football team, and yet he still was. With his shaggy and unruly hair, baggy mismatched clothing, and (newly updated) circular, black-rimmed glasses, everyone was sure that Richie Tozier would end up being the kid that skipped every class and eventually dropped out to work at McDonald’s. Yet he proved them all wrong as he showed up for class every single day without fail, was getting near perfect scores on everything he handed in, and had been captain of the football team for the last year and a half.
Eddie was known for having everything neat and tidy and organised: his hair, his clothes, his homework, his room, his cheerleading uniform, everything down to his locker and pencil case. Eddie’s grades were almost as perfect as Richie’s, though he did need a lot of his boyfriend’s help when it came to quite a number of subjects. Not one thing was ever out of place when it came to Eddie. Except for Richie, that is. And that was the one thing that everyone was shocked to learn about Eddie: that despite how clean and orderly he was, Richie was the one that Eddie wanted.
Despite no one understanding how or why the perfect spick and span Eddie was with the rough and tough Richie, everyone still saw the spark that was between them. Holly Mels noticed it when she saw the two at Richie’s locker, which was right by her own. They would giggle and peck one another on the cheeks and offer to hold each other's books, then tenderly interlock their hands and steal a kiss or two as they walked to class together. Dean Smith could see it during his football practices with Richie when Eddie would be cheering on his boyfriend by either holding up an “I love the football captain!” sign or just by standing and waiting on the other side of the fence to get a mid practice kiss. Either way would always leave Richie blushing and losing focus. For Tanya Marian, it was during the football games when she and all the other cheerleaders would be pumping up the crowd. She would look around the field and spot Richie - who should have been encouraging his teammates and getting into the football spirit - staring intently at Eddie as Eddie waved his pom-poms around and was tossed around in the air by the other cheerleaders. In fact, pretty much every person in the school in one way or another had seen and felt the love that the two boys shared - it was too hard to miss as they wandered the halls holding hands, or feeding each other food at lunch.
Halfway through their senior year was a day quite special, one that both Richie and Eddie would never forget - their one year anniversary. Whilst they agreed not to make a huge fuss over it or get each other anything, both boys woke up with some kind of new energy radiating around them. For Eddie, the moment he opened his eyes he was smiling widely. He’d been worried since him and Richie had gotten together that something would happen and they would never reach this day, so as he began his daily school routine, the smile never left his face. At breakfast, he had to pretend as if it was any old day, of course, so his lack-of-progression mother didn’t suspect anything was different. With how happy he was, Eddie was on the edge of his seat about to tell his mother about this wonderful day, but he knew he couldn’t, and it broke his heart. For Richie, it didn’t hit him until he was getting into his car to pick up Eddie for school. His absent-minded self opened the car door expecting a normal day when he suddenly gasped and his chest filled with warmth at the remembrance of this important day. He felt like a fool for forgetting such a big milestone, but he brushed off his forgetful head and continued on with his morning with a spring in his step. When Eddie opened the door to the passenger side and hopped in next to his boyfriend, they both shared a soft smile and Richie quickly pulled away from the front of the Kaspbrak residence, afraid that he would be too filled up with emotion and kiss his boyfriend whilst Eddie’s mother was watching.
Their ride to school was almost silent - the only thing filling the air being the sound of their heartbeats and the aura of pure happiness and bliss. When Richie parked the car at the school, he shut off the engine and the two of them sat still, simply looking at each other with wide smiles.
“I can’t believe I’ve put up with your dumb ass for a whole year,” Eddie said with a chuckle.
“Oh, shut up. You love me,” Richie said with a laugh as he reached out and pushed Eddie’s shoulder gently. Eddie grabbed ahold of Richie’s scruffed up hand quickly and pulled him forwards, taking his boyfriends face in his hands. He pressed a gentle kiss to Richie’s soft lips, followed by one on the tip of his nose causing Richie to erupt into a fit of giggles.
“More than anything,” Eddie said softly with a wide smile upon his mouth.
With Eddie’s hands still cupping Richie’s face, Richie whispered, “you’re going to make me vomit, Kaspbrak.”
Neither boy had any class time together until after lunch - football and cheerleading practise. Usually, every Friday when the two practise times were on, the footballers would practise on the back oval, and the cheerleaders would practise in the gym. After a few runs of their routine the cheerleaders would move to the bleachers and watch the football team until the end of the day, meaning Eddie had roughly an hour every single Friday afternoon to watch Richie Tozier run around the football oval in short shorts and a loose fitting t-shirt - a sight he was certain he would never get tired of.
Whilst the other cheerleaders sat in the bleachers, talking and eating snacks, Eddie opted to sit in the grass by himself on the football oval with his back leant up against the fence. He always found that he had a better view of Richie from there, and it also meant that he could give Richie a few proper kisses in between practice, rather than just a wave from the bleachers or a peck over the fence.
After the last bell of the day rang, Eddie and Richie walked to the back car park. However they didn’t leave the school just yet and instead were leant up against the cool metal on the passenger side of the car. Richie had opened the door politely for his boyfriend but Eddie had yet to make a move into the vehicle. They looked into one another’s eyes for a few moments, sweet and gentle smiles on their lips and the knowledge of having been together for 1 year swirling around their minds.
They were the happiest they had ever been. They didn’t even have to speak when they were together - just being in each other’s presence was enough to fill both boys’ hearts with so much love that one day they were certain they would simply explode.
A few months later and it was finally the day of their graduation - a day that Richie and Eddie and all of the losers were overwhelmingly excited for. They could feel the freedom and the emancipation inching closer and closer with every single second that passed by on that warm day in May. After the ceremony, the losers all went down to the quarry. They threw all of the senior yearbooks into rubbish bins and pushed one another into the freezing cold water, sounds of laughter and happiness and love filling up the air around them all.
After a couple hours of swimming, Eddie sat on his towel in the grass next to Richie as they watched the rest of their group swim and play in the water, celebrating their diplomas and freedom. Eddie could feel some kind of bad energy from Richie, though he couldn’t understand why. He knew how long Richie had been waiting for this day, so as he looked at Richie laying in the grass from the corner of his eye, his mind filled with confusion as to why the grimace had hardly left the Trashmouth’s face.
Eddie let out a sigh, finally fed up with looking at the scowl that Richie had worn all day. “What’s up with you, Rich?” He asked as he leant over and gently pushed Richie’s shoulder to get his attention.
Richie turned to him and quickly changed his expression to a small smile as if he were perfectly fine. “What do you mean?” He said as he sat up, crossed his long legs and leant back on his hands.
“You’ve been acting weird all day. Like… like you’re grumpy about something.”
Richie chuckled softly and scooched over next to Eddie. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriends smaller frame and kissed his cheek multiple times. “I’m fine, Ed’s. Really!”
Eddie let out another sigh. “You’ve been acting funny all day. If something is going on, you can talk to me, Richie.”
“Eddie, I’m okay,” Richie said seriously as he looked into his boyfriend's eyes. “I guess I’m just sad that school is over, you know?”
“You, Richie Tozier, are sad about school ending?” Eddie said sceptically with a light chuckle. “I don’t believe it for a second.”
“No really!” Richie said with his eyebrows raised. He placed another peck on Eddie’s cheek and rested his head on his shoulder, looking out to the water at the rest of the losers. “I’m going to miss this, Ed’s. Coming here after school in the summer, hanging out on the picnic tables at lunch, making out with you in the boys’ locker room.” They both laughed at that last one, and that was enough to make Eddie understand where Richie was coming from. Because Eddie was going to miss those things too, and the thought of saying goodbye to their adolescence and starting the new chapter of their lives as adults made him feel like crumbling from the inside out. So he simply let the conversation go and soaked in the feeling of Richie’s soft curls tickling his neck, and the sounds of the birds as they laughed at their friends splashing each other with water. It was the most perfect afternoon any of them could have wished for.
The next day Eddie drove over to Richie’s house, excited and eager to spend their first day of complete and utter freedom from the chains of high school together. As he pulled up onto the curb, he glanced down the driveway and took note that Richie’s car was not parked in its usual spot. Confusion was painted across Eddie’s face. He couldn’t understand why Richie would leave his house before 8am on a Saturday morning when usually his boyfriend would still be fast asleep in bed.
Eddie walked straight inside - as he always did when going to the Tozier household - to find Maggie and Wentworth sitting on the couch, cups of coffee were in their hands and the morning news was playing softly on the tv. However it wasn’t Richie’s parents that Eddie was there to see, so he continued walking through the house and down the hall into Richie’s bedroom.
Eddie wasn’t sure what he was expecting to see, but it certainly wasn’t an empty room. His mouth hung wide open as he stood in the doorway, looking at what was in front of him. The covers had been removed from the bed, all the books and video games were taken off the shelves, posters had been pulled off the walls - everything that made up Richie Tozier’s bedroom was no longer in its usual place, and Eddie felt a shiver run down his spine. It felt cold and empty, precisely how Eddie was feeling at this point in time. He hurried back down the hall and into the living room, standing on the other side of the coffee table in front of Richie's parents. His heart was racing a million miles an hour.
“Where is he? Where did he go? Is he okay?” Eddie said in a rushed panic. He was so incredibly confused. He needed answers.
“I don’t understand,” Maggie said as she placed her coffee onto the table. She looked over to her husband and they shared and questioning look followed by a shrug. She turned back to Eddie and replied, “we thought he would have told you ages ago.”
“Told me what?” Eddie said. His stomach was turning with the anticipation.
“He got a scholarship to a school in California. He left early this morning.” Maggie finished.
Eddie felt like he was going to vomit. His head was spinning and he was sure he was going to faint. “Hang on, wait a second,” he said, holding his stomach tightly. “He moved to California? And he didn’t even let me know?”
“We are so sorry, Eddie,” Wentworth said calmly. “He’d told us that he called you and let you know as soon as he got the letter from the school.”
“No, no, Richie never said anything about a- about a school in California. Why would he not tell me?”
Maggie stood from the couch and began walking over to Eddie in an attempt to comfort him, however, Eddie’s breakfast had other thoughts as he quickly ran down the hallway for the second time, though this time it was to rush to the bathroom. He clutched his stomach as he threw up whatever was in there into the toilet, then let out a loud sigh and wiped his mouth in disgust. He sat on the floor for a few moments to let his stomach ease, then placed his hand on the sink and slowly hauled himself up. His head was still spinning as he avoided looking in the mirror and splashed his face with water, then walked back into Richie’s room. Eddie made sure to shut the door loudly to let the Tozier’s know he wanted to be alone, then plonked himself down onto the empty bed and looked around the room with tears filling his eyes. Over the last year and a half this room had been filled with so much love and so much contentment and so much RichieAndEddie. It was their safe space, where the two of them could be whoever they wanted to be and do whatever they wanted to do. Eddie simply couldn’t process it, couldn’t understand why Richie would just leave without telling anyone, especially his boyfriend of all people.
Once his head had stopped spinning, Eddie stood up from the bed and began walking around the room. He brushed his fingers along the top of the dusty drawers and bookshelf, breathing in the scent of cigarettes and the nice cologne that Eddie had bought Richie for his birthday last year. He could remember giving it to Richie and watching his face light up as he smelt the perfume and said that he couldn’t wait to smell like a “manly man” every day. It was a smell that Eddie wouldn’t ever get sick of, so he inhaled as much of it as he possibly could as a few tears began to fall. Before he could get too worked up he wiped his cheeks and didn’t bother saying goodbye to Maggie and Wentworth as he dashed down the hall and out the front door.
Before starting up his car, Eddie pulled his phone from his back pocket and dialled the only number he had ever memorised. Though instead of hearing the sound of the phone ringing and Richie’s voice coming through the speaker, all Eddie could hear was a robotic woman’s voice saying, “the number you are trying to call has been disconnected”, and then nothing but the buzz of the dial tone. It was endless and droning on, but all Eddie was concentrating on was that computerised voice saying that the number had been disconnected. It was playing over and over again, clouding his mind. Richie had disconnected his number. How on earth was Eddie supposed to find out why his boyfriend left him and this town and their friends if he couldn’t even call him?
Eddie quickly clicked the home button on his phone and hastily went into the Facebook Messenger app. Richie’s name was at the very top of the screen, though when Eddie entered the messages a notice popped up on the screen stating that the account had been deleted and could no longer receive messages. Eddie took a deep breath in and held it as he resisted the urge to cry once again. He shook his head from side to side and shut his eyes tightly before he could begin hyperventilating, then counted to 5 and slowly let the air out. Richie made Eddie feel so brave and so on top of the world that just after they started dating, Eddie had thrown his inhaler in the bin and hadn’t used it since. Though it was times like this when he truly needed it and missed it more than anything. He continued his deep breathing as he checked every single other social media that he knew Richie had - Instagram, Snapchat and Tumblr - and every single one of them had been deactivated.
Eddie stared at his phone as he held his breath in fear of bursting into tears right in front of the Tozier’s house, so he simply locked his phone and threw it into the passenger seat next to him before starting up the old car and setting off down the street. He had no words to explain how he was feeling - there were too many emotions welling up inside of his chest that he didn’t know if he wanted to sob or punch something or hug someone. All he wanted was Richie to comfort him. But Richie was gone without a trace, and Eddie just couldn’t understand why. Why would he do this? Why would he leave without saying anything? Did the year and a half of their relationship not mean anything to him?
There was only one place - minus Richie’s arms - that Eddie wanted to be right now, and that was the quarry. He was craving to be in the place that was filled with so many beautiful memories between Eddie and all of his friends. A place that had comforted and cared for Eddie almost as much as Richie’s bedroom had. He drove silently down the empty Derry roads, his mind and heart racing at a hundred miles a minute with so many thoughts that he just couldn’t even begin to process. He could feel his heart breaking more and more with every single second and every single image that passed by inside his head.
Eddie’s car was the only one on the grass by the quarry as he pulled up his handbrake and exited the vehicle, leaving his phone on the front seat. He wandered down through the trees and to the clearing that was oh so familiar, taking in the sights of the calming trees and feeling the cool breeze as it encapsulated his small frame. He breathed in the fresh air and watched the clouds move, allowing the sun to shine its rays down on the water and make it glisten.
As he put his hands in the pocket of his black shorts and gently kicked around some rocks, he heard someone shuffling close by. “Eddie?” He heard a familiar girls voice say amidst the soft wind. Eddie looked up from his pale blue converses and the rocks beneath them to see Beverly Marsh walking towards him with a bright and wide smile upon her freckled face. She motioned for Eddie to sit down and he joined her among the uncomfortable stones whilst she wrapped her arm around his shoulders, a ring-clad hand gripping the side of his arm. Eddie wondered why Beverly was down here all by herself so early in the morning, instead of sleeping in or being with the rest of the losers, but right now he was just happy to have some familiar company.
“How’s the first day of freedom treating you? I thought you and the Trashmouth would be out and about painting the town red by now!” She said happily, obviously oblivious to the entire situation.
“He didn’t tell you either?” Eddie asked sadly with his eyebrows raised.
“Tell me… What?” Beverly asked slowly, confusion and concern laced within her tone.
As the tears began welling up in his eyes once more, Eddie could feel the anger rising up inside of him at the thought of what his boyfriend had done to him. What he’d done to their friends. He shoved Beverly’s arm off his shoulders and stood up abruptly, pacing back and forth behind where they were sitting.
“He’s fucking gone, Bev!” Eddie exclaimed loudly as he threw his arms up in the air. “He left me and he left all of us and did he even bother to tell us? No! No, he didn’t!”
“What are you talking about?” Bev asked with a nervous chuckle.
“Why are you laughing? Do you think it’s funny that my boyfriend has gone halfway across the country without telling me he was even planning on leaving?”
“No, no! Eddie, I would never think that!” Beverly quickly pushed herself up from the sharp rocks and placed her hands on Eddie’s shoulders in an attempt to calm him down. “I’m just confused, Eds. I don’t understand what’s going on.” She spoke softly, looking into Eddie’s eyes as she did so and gently brushing one of her hands across his cheek to rid them of his tears.
Eddie closed his eyes and shook his head frantically, trying to make the tears go away. But he couldn’t stop them as they flowed freely down his cheeks, soaking through the fabric covering Beverly’s shoulder as she grabbed Eddie and pulled him close to her in a tight embrace.
“It’s okay, Eddie. I’ve got you,” she whispered. “Let me take you back home and we can talk this out, okay?”
Eddie knew his mum would be out at work for the rest of the day, so he tenderly nodded his head and Beverly helped guide him to his car, putting Eddie in the passenger seat and herself behind the wheel.
Eddie’s sobs and hiccups were the only sounds in the car as they drove. That was until Beverly decided to pipe up for just a moment before they went back to the almost silence. “It’s going to be alright, Eddie.”
Every Voice Inside My Head Is Telling Me to Run. Like. Mad.
pairing: richie tozier/eddie kaspbrak
summary: eddie kaspbrak makes a deal with the cross roads demon
words count: >1k
tagging: SHAMELESS FLIRTING, alternate universe- modern time, alternative universe- no pennywise, alternate universe- angels and demons, demon!richie, human!eddie
Eddie sat crossed legged on the gravel path as the time on his phone seemed to stop completely. Was he really going to do this? He had absolutely no proof this worked at all. More than like, he was just bringing down his mother’s wrath on him for sneaking out because of nothing more than a small town folk tale.
Though, Eddie was already going to be in trouble. Might as well follow through with the stupidity that was causing it. He tossed the small metal container into the hole he’d dug nearly twenty minutes earlier.
Then Eddie waited. It felt like he had waited for hours before he turned to walk off with his heart dropping into his stomach like it was covered in cement. He shrieked when he nearly ran directly into somebody’s chest.
“Jesus fucking Christ!” Eddie squeaked, slapping a hand over his mouth. The boy standing in front of him raised one eyebrow and Eddie’s stomach flipped over. The boy stood at least half a foot taller than Eddie did himself, with dark wiry hair and eyes so brown they appeared almost black. He was dressed, quite frankly, rather terribly. He wore ripped skinny jeans with what appeared to bowling shirt covered in pineapple print. When Eddie looked down, it appeared in the dark night sky that his boots were sparkling.
The boy just smiled at him. “You might be the cutest I’ve ever had.” He drawled, his voice deep and raspy. “Bit of a warning for you though, hon, I don’t do deals with concerns regarding sexuality. I can’t make you straight.”
Eddie wrinkled his nose. “Why would I ever want to be straight?”
The boy laughed. “Don’t really have an answer for that one. So, if this isn’t some closet case, then what are you dealing?”
“How are you even a crossroads demon?” Eddie deflected, face starting to burn. “You’re like seventeen.”
“I appear as whatever makes you most comfortable,” he answered. “I have a fuck ton of faces. The amount of times I’ve shown up here practically a stripper would blow your little mind.”
“And what makes me most comfortable is some scrawny, buck toothed dude with terrible fashion sense?”
The boy shrugged, smirk not wavering. “Hey, I never said you had good taste.”
Eddie scowled.
“So,” he whistled. “Are we going to make a deal or stand here and chat all night? I mean, I’m not complaining. You’re much cuter than anybody else I’ve dealt with in the last decade, at least.”
“Oh my God, stop,” Eddie whined, wrapping his arms around his middle. “I am so not cute.”
The boys brow shot up so high it disappeared under his curly fringe. “Are you kidding me? You’re literally wearing pink overalls right now.”
“Do you have a name?”
“I have many names.”
“Oh my God!” Eddie groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. “I knew you were going to say that, you’re such a fucking cliché.”
The boy- Eddie supposed he really should start thinking of him as the demon, but he just couldn’t bring himself to. Demons didn’t have buck teeth, or coke bottle glasses, or acne on their chin- was nearly knelt over laughing. “You know,” he wheezed. “That’s twice in the last like, thirty seconds, that you’ve used the Lords’ name in vain in my presence. Not that it actually bothers me any, but usually people are more careful around me.”
“Oh, please,” Eddie rolled his eyes. “As if there’s a God.”
The boy- the demon- furrowed his brow. “You just summoned a demon, but God is out of the question?”
“Honestly?” Eddie sighed. “If God exists, he’s a piece of shit.”
“Can’t argue with that,” the boy- the demon- nodded. “Also? Richie.”
“Pardon?” Eddie asked, frowning.
“My name, princess.” The boy- the demon- Richie- said slowly. “In this time, most call me Richie.”
“Don’t call me princess!” Eddie cried, cheeks burning. “My name is Eddie!”
“I know that,” Richie replied. His face broke into a deep smirk when Eddie gave him a bewildered look. He nodded towards the mound where Eddie had buried his offering. “It’s all in the summoning. Speaking of which, are you ever going to tell me why you summoned me here? Not that I’m not enjoying the banter, it’s great foreplay.”
“You know, I would but-“ The word slipped out of Eddie’s mouth before he gave himself even a second to think them through. “but that ugly ass shirt is distracting me.”
Richie sighed and it seemed like Eddie didn’t even have a chance to fully blink before the pineapple shirt had been replaced with an oversized ACDC T-shirt and beat up looking leather jacket. Eddie swallowed tightly as his mouth went dry. Fuck, Eddie thought to himself, I am so fucking gay.
“Better?” Richie prompted. “You gonna tell me now or what?” Eddie didn’t answer, couldn’t answer. It felt like he had saw dust in his throat. “Alright, fine. Well, princess, it’s been a pleasure but if this isn’t going anywhere then-“
“I want a boyfriend.”
Richie blinked.
“Come again?”
“Please don’t make me repeat it.” Eddie whispered, feeling like he was burning from the inside out.
“I just want to make sure I’m actually hearing you,” Richie said. “You’re willing to set yourself off for only ten years to live- less than thirty years of life- so that you can have a boyfriend in high school?”
“Self care is dying at twenty-six anyway,” Eddie mumbled.
“Listen, dude-“
“I didn’t know it was in your job description to talk people out of literally selling you their souls!” Eddie cried frantically.
“It’s not. Fuck. It’s not,” Richie ran his fingers through his tangled curls and sighed. “Fine. I’ll be your boyfriend.”
What?
“What?” Eddie squeaked. “But- but- you’re a demon!”
“And? What do you propose, princess?” Richie challenged. “That I create you a boyfriend, with no true emotions or thoughts of their own? Or that I work some demon mojo on somebody you already know to make them fake love you? Because I can do that but honestly, it’s several different levels of fucked up-“
“No, no, no, shut up!” Eddie said. “I don’t want that, I don’t want either of those things. I didn’t really think of where you’d be getting the boyfriend from.”
“He’s right here, baby,” Richie gestured wildly up and down his body. “Don’t you want a piece of this?”
Eddie mimicked gagging.
“Hey, okay, if none of my suggestions work for you then I guess you don’t really want a boyfriend, do you?” Richie deadpanned,.
“Ugh, no, you’ll work fine,” Eddie grumbled, ignoring the way his heart seemed to be beating six times faster than usual.
“Alright,” Richie said slowly. “And just to clarify, you can get out this romantic entanglement anytime you so wish but once you give me your soul it’s mine. Got it?”
“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Eddie said. “I just have one rule.”
It was the summer before senior year, and you were relaxing in your room, your nose buried in a book. It was late (approaching 1am) and you were lying comfortably on your stomach resting on your bed in your pajamas. You had traded in your typical contacts for your glasses and were lazily flipping through the pages of your novel. Your mind began to wander elsewhere, thinking about how soon you would be going to college leaving behind your beloved town, friends, and family; the only life you have ever known.
Three subtle taps from your window startled you, shaking you from your thoughts. You grabbed your hairbrush ready to fight the intruder, but let a sigh of relief when you realized it was only Stanley. You and Stan had been best friends since you were little. You had known each other virtually your whole lives, and it broke your heart knowing you would be so far away from him next year. He was such a big part of your life, and if you were being honest with yourself, you had a growing crush on the boy. You were infatuated with his entirety, from the way he tilted his head back every time he laughed causing his curls to dance to how animated he got while you two watched the local team play sports on television.
“Jesus, Stanley what are you doing here this late? You practically scared me to death.” Your voice dripping with mock anger as you closed your book placing it on your nightstand alongside your hairbrush.
“Sorry y/n, I can’t sleep.” He explained, hoisting himself over the ledge and into your room. He shut the window and began admiring the various pictures you had on your wall. It was a collage of you and the other losers over the years and you could tell by his expression it was making him nostalgic. As close as you were to him, you couldn’t remember the last time Stan was in your room. After a moment he joined you on your bed leaning his head on the headboard. You sat up and scooched over next to him.
“What’s up Stan? Why can’t you sleep?” You questioned deeply intrigued. Your arms were slightly touching, causing your heart to flutter.
“I don’t know really y/n, I guess I am just scared for the future. I have no idea where I want to go to college, let alone what I want to be. I’m afraid of abandoning everything and starting new. Being gone from Derry, my family, my friends, you..” He drifted off. That last comment made your heart start beating rapidly. You were about to tell him you were thinking about the same thing when he took a deep breath. You looked up at him staring into his amber eyes. He was quite taller than you even though you were both sitting.
He looked back at you with a gaze that felt like it could make you melt on the spot. Softly, he said, “Lately y/n I’ve been thinking. Everything with you is easy, uncomplicated. When I’m with you it’s like the world stops. Maybe I like you…”
Before you knew what was happening, Stan was leaning in. His lips met yours and you felt like the room was spinning. After a moment, you pulled apart and a smile grew on both of your faces. His fingers linked with yours and you rested your head on his broad shoulder.
“You know Stan, I’ve liked you for a while, it’s about time you caught on.” You said playfully. He let out a small chuckle and rested his head on yours.
Frank stepped into the kitchen through the garage door, careful not to make a sound. He had already taken off his shoes for that task; they were in his other hand, the one that wasn’t carrying his keys.
But he didn’t even make it past the doorway to know he had screwed up. The kitchen wasn’t as dark and empty as he had expected, instead, the small ugly milky lightbulb that was hanging from the ceiling above the kitchen table was bravely spreading white light. Sonia’s face looked like the white face of a ghost. A drained-out ghost.
Frank bit his bottom lip. “Why are you still up?” He asked shyly.
Sonia turned in her chair, causing Frank’s eyes to fall on the all too visibly baby bump, his wife’s floral nightgown covering it, like some sort of protection. According to the doctor the baby would arrive in between late October and beginning of November, and it would be a little boy.
“Why are you still up?” Sonia replied to Frank’s question. She had cried; her lips were pressed upon each other to a thin line. Her breath was shaky as she spoke again, “it’s three am in the goddamn morning. Where were you?”
“At work,” Frank blurting out, the thought are you serious?! crashing over him right after. Stupid answer, unbelievable answer.
Sonia scoffed loudly. “My goodness, how stupid do you think I am? No chef keeps their employees until after midnight in the operation if they’re not on a Night Shift. Where were you?”
Frank fell silent, staring at his grey socks on the black and white patterned kitchen floor. He needed to think of what to say next.
“You won’t like it,” he mumbled.
“What I dislike much more is my husband disappearing over the night and then sneaking into our bed as if nothing ever happened.”
Sonia’s voice was teary, close to break. In her fist she had captured a tissue which she now brought up to her eyes to wipe them clean. She squeezed her eyes shut.
“You know, stress isn’t healthy for the baby,” she added.
Frank looked back up, their gazes locking. He stared into Sonia’s brown eyes, those eyes that always reminded him of caramel, and he wondered whose’s eyes the baby would end up with.
“When I was done at eleven, Jim from worked asked me whether I wanted to go drink something with our friends from work. I thought about what you told me about being more social and said yes. I lost track of time and I didn’t have a charger for my phone.”
That sounded believable.
Sonia threw her hands in the air. “That’s not what I meant!!” she cried, “I told you instead of working all the time I’d much rather have you go out with some friends and be home at a humanly hour! You didn’t do either of those things!”
Frank opened his mouth, but his wife wasn’t done yet.
“I sit here all day along, sometimes I even have friends over for tea. I am carrying your child, I’m in the eighth month for gods sake, there’s not much I am allowed to do! And you work every day from eight to eleven and then go out with people I don’t even know and crash back here in the middle of the night!!!”
He felt tears entering his eyes. He felt that familiar guilt in his gut, that nasty guilt that was slowly but surely eating him up from the inside.
Everything was going downhill. What had Frank ever done so wrong to deserve all this? Was it because he hadn’t left Sonia before she got pregnant and they got married? But he stayed, he knew he had a responsibility, if he could do this to her, he couldn’t do this to his own kid.
And how the hell was he supposed to explain to her that his cancer symptoms from his childhood had reappeared?
He had to end this. He couldn’t let this escalate.
“I don’t wanna fight,” he spoke up, his bottom lip trembling strongly, “we always fight. I’m sorry I went out with the others, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I’m sorry I didn’t check the time. That was unfair from me. But I can’t change anything about my work schedule.”
He pulled out a chair and sat down across from Sonia, taking her little hands into his. He looked her in the eyes, smiling slightly.
“I know work hard enough so our kid can live a good life. And then, when he’s here, I’ll watch him and you go to your reading club, your tea time and you can go work for your sister again so we’re safe for a while.”
He squeezed her hands. “We’re gonna make this work. It’ll all be worth it in the end, I promise.”
Sonia began to sob quietly. Frank crooked his head. “Please don’t cry, honey, if you cry, I’ll cry too.”
Now she laughed softly. Sonia wiped her teary eyes as she said, “fine. Let’s do it like that. But please, Frank, come home in your lunch breaks. Come home after work, I don’t know how to do this without you.”
Frank scooted a little closer and put their foreheads together, placing one hand over her belly.
“I swear to you, I’m gonna be here with you and our little boy whenever I can.”
