summary: After having wet dreams of a peculiar alien entity in the form of a clown, you wander into the sewers and Pennywise fucks the daylights out of you. That's literally it. There's no plot here, none to be found.
word count: 1.9 K
w a r n i n g s: shameless, plotless SMUT, female reader, mentions of dead children, it pronouns for Pennywise/It, clussy mention baybeeee, no use of y/n, monster fucking, teratophilia, p in v (although it's a prehensile tentacle cock sooooo), tentacle fucking, come eating, brief mentions of wet dreams.
a/n: uhhhhh listen, this is my first pennywise fic despite being a registered clown fucker since 2017 (technically longer, but shhh). i'm not even going to explain myself here. you're either here for it and get it, or you don't. there's no mention of time periods so this can take place whenever you'd like. also ignore my abrupt ending i'm sick and can't be bothered. banners by @/veejiez @/dollywons and @/adornedwithlight!!
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Wind rustles through the leaves. A bird titters somewhere behind you.
The heady, buttery smell of popcorn drifts towards you.
Strange.
Very strange considering it's coming from the gaping, circular mouth of a sewer.
At first, it had started with dreams of floating. Dreams where every other thought dissipated and was replaced with the undulating, throbbing sensation of it. Then, those dreams turned… peculiar. A clown. Bells jingling. Distant, melodic calliope music that grew dissonant the longer you listened. Children singing a nursery rhyme that didn't make sense.
The really unsettling thing was that every time you woke up, you were soaked. You'd rub your legs together for relief, determined to restrain yourself from sliding your fingers between your cunt. But god, you wanted to.
So many Derry children had gone missing. Others made claims of a clown in a sewer. Surely, not your clown.
They were always playing near them — the sewers.
Probably the same sewers where you now stand, in a knee-length dress that flutters with the soft breeze. You take a deep breath of the familiar scent and take one step into the tunnel. Wet pebbles crunch beneath your feet as you step further inside. Amidst the popcorn, there's a distinct damp odor. It's colder without the sunlight.
Afraid of getting lost, you continue straight, avoiding any of the turns and glancing behind you every so often at the bright opening from whence you came.
The tunnel opens up into an expansive area. In the middle of it, a pile of… toys? Junk? Forgotten belongings that wash away into the sewers during the many rains — you pick out bicycle wheels and teddy bears with your eyes. It's impossibly tall, looming up above you.
This must be another dream.
And if it is…
Your footsteps echo as you curve around the mountain of discarded belongings. Something out of place.
A circus wagon with its side panel door open. From the prickling darkness, a tall, slender figure emerges. It smiles, revealing two buck teeth amidst other normal teeth. His eyes are bright blue, but seem to glow in the dim, blue lighting of the sewer. So, the children hadn't been lying. This wasn't some unfounded urban legend.
"Oh my god," you breathe. "It is you."
The thudding of boots thunders across the wooden floor of the caravan, echoing against the walls of the sewer as the clown takes a running leap, effortlessly landing a few inches from you. You lift your head, gazing into the abruptly warm, amber eyes that gaze back. Red lips part, revealing now sharp teeth, more teeth than any human should have. You blink, swallow. Tighten your fingers into a fist.
In any other situation, maybe you'd scream. Run away. But you don't. The clown sees this. After a few seconds, his mouth closes around the pointed, layered teeth. He shivers, and a jingling rings in your ears.
"Ouuh. Ooouh, you're not afraid… but…" The clown suddenly snuffles close to you, his red-tipped nose running along the length of your neck. "Something else."
Yes, you think. Something else.
You hinge slightly at the waist and gather the hem of your dress into your palm. You straighten, bringing the dress to your hip, and with your other hand, you reach into your cotton underwear and collect some of your warm, slick arousal on your fingertips.
You hold them out in front of you, like offering a feral dog some meat.
You can feel the clown bristle above you, elongating. Orange eyes flicker down to your fingers, to your legs. Back to your face. The expression on its face reads one thing — hungry. Big, long arms wrap around your torso, and you feel the jostling steps of the clown as it runs back towards the wagon, taking you with it. For a moment, it almost scares you, but as it always does in your feverish dreams, the arousal takes over when the creature in front of you presses your back against the wood panel of the wagon.
"What do you taste like…." Without warning, lithe, gloved fingers wrap around your wrist. Its crimson lips close around your fingers, the ones that are coated in your wetness. You can feel its mouth pulsing, tongue scrubbing at the pads to remove all traces. With a wet pop, it pulls your fingers from its mouth.
It smells you again. Every inch of you. Open-mouthed inhaling of the scents you give off while gloved hands trail behind its face. When it passes by your mouth, its hands on your neck, you catch its lips in a kiss.
The inside of the clown's mouth tastes unlike anything you've ever experienced. There's no remnants or hints of food, no personal notes, or anything normal. No, instead it's euphoric and dangerous and bright, like licking a battery. You dive back in for more, running your tongue along the other waiting muscle. A tongue that feels too long for its mouth. You moan into the cavern of the clown's throat, and a feral-sounding growl swallows yours.
Your groin presses up against Pennywise's. There's something there, but it's not what you're used to — not what you expected. Your hand drifts down between your bodies, almost apprehensively, to feel more. It takes a moment, digging underneath and between the silk confines of its costume, but eventually, you find it. What it is, you aren't sure. At first, it feels like you do, but larger, a longer slit that's wetter than you could ever get. The soft flesh is covered in a thick, viscous fluid that leaks from between the folds. Your finger trails along the slick edge curiously.
Then, without warning, something slimy and strong slithers from deep within, slithers out to meet your fingers. The tip of it curls around your finger like a serpent, writhing its way up the soft inner flesh of your palm, then your wrist. It's warm and has a strength that could pull your entire hand inside of it, if it wanted. You yank your hand away from between its legs, swallowing hard as you hear a retreating squelch. You don't dare look down.
"What… what are you?"
The once playful voice drops an octave, no longer high-pitched and melodic. The answer is serious and simple: "Everything."
The dull ache of fear presses a single sharp fingernail into your arousal. "No, what does that mean? What did I just touch?"
"Me," it insists plainly. "You want something else?" The question is eager, riddled with capability. You know what it means — a question of forms, of what it can do. It can take any form to frighten you, naturally. In this moment, however, it can take any form to fuck you, to please you.
You watch its eyes, glowing bright amber in the dim lighting, as they watch you. Finally, it speaks again. "You want to say yes… but you don't smell like you want something else... small human is hungry... curious…"
Your cunt aches. Beats hard. Whatever it is, it can smell your arousal as it leaks from you.
"I don't want to run… but even if I did, I can't run fast enough to get away from you."
The clown shakes its head quickly, excitedly.
"You want to play pretend?" you ask.
Another head shake. "Nnnooo… wasting time."
"Fine, then." You lower yourself to your knees, the grain of the old wood digging into the flesh. While maintaining eye contact with the creature, you lean back and drop your legs apart to reveal a pair of soaked underwear, your dress gathering at your waist. Its nostrils flare. The hungry gaze returns, and you notice a specific change in its stature. Pennywise mimics your previous position, on its knees, and shuffles close to you. Not close enough that your hips touch, however.
For a fleeting moment, you're confused.
Pennywise straightens up, almost proudly. From the slit, a glistening tendril slithers out with a wet sound, and you can't help but stare, watching intently as it grows, thickens. The tip of the deep red appendage snakes forward until it bumps into the cotton of your panties and glides upwards like a tongue, leaving a slick trail on the fabric. Then, suddenly, long fingers reach towards the fabric and rip it apart, tearing the shreds away from your legs before you have any time to protest. Not that you would, anyway.
As Pennywise towers over you, crawling its way up your body, the tentacle moves of its own free will, writhing and slithering between your legs. The slick sensation pulls a whimpering, pitiable moan from your lips, your eyes fluttering helplessly at the feeling. You throw your head back and flatten against the floor.
"Please," you beg.
"Pleaasse?" It echoes.
You nod, determined.
When it slips inside, driving its wriggly tendril forward, your jaw drops in a silent scream, pupils dilating. The feeling is all-consuming — it continues to penetrate your insides, writhing and stretching instinctively towards your deepest spots. Longer and thicker than any man you'd been with, it fills you in a way that leaves you breathless and sweating — scooting back to get away from it as the pressure intensifies.
Pennywise's arms are fast on your hips; however, it pulls you back sharply to its groin. The arms feel too long, too strong for its body, and sharp, black talons that have ripped forward from the tips of the white gloves dig into the soft flesh. It finds purchase, and tightens its grip. "Nooooo," It coos, almost mockingly. "You stay right here. You're not going anywheeeere!"
You mewl and clench your inner muscles hard. The creature above you snarls, and you feel the tendril twitch within you. It finds a rhythm with its thrusts. They're hard and meaningful, jolting your body backwards with each one. Internally, you can feel the tentacle as it moves, searches for your innermost spots, or curls back against the spongy flesh that makes you see stars.
Its thrusts are shallow, pulling you back and forth on the girthiest part of the tentacle while the rest of it curls and twitches inside you. You lift your head weakly, watching as it writhes. Above you, the clown is breathing heavily, snarling, and exhaling long breaths. Heavy-lidded, your eyes dart from between the two visuals repeatedly, fueling your release. It comes like a wave, crashing over you. Your toes curl, fingers tighten into fists. A single drop of sweat descends from your hairline, trailing down your neck.
"Fuck, oh my god…!" you cry.
With a sudden buck of its hips, the inhuman cock buries all the way inside you, pelvis pressed tightly against yours. You feel an alien, indescribable pulsing inside you, throbbing hard against your walls as it, too, orgasms. You feel full. And yet, the throbbing continues. The filling continues until it begins to leak out the sides with deep, wet squelches. Its release lasts longer than you think possible, and your body eventually goes limp in his grip, rocking helplessly back and forth with its erratic, slowing motions.
When the creature finally pulls itself away from you, drawing the tentacle back up into its body, a staggering amount of sticky, post-coital liquid seeps from between your legs — you can feel it dripping from your used cunt, which still throbs. It pools beneath you, slimy and warm.
"I can't believe you…"
You lift your head before continuing.
The clown is gone. Sucked back into the darkness from whence it came.
With a quivering breath, you find the torn scraps of your underwear and attempt to clean yourself up. The fabric absorbs little of the mess. You get to your knees first, then gingerly push yourself up onto your feet. Your legs are shaky and feel like they're made of rubber.
When Mary Poppins' granddaughter settles in 1960s Derry, she uses her magic umbrella and bottomless carpetbag to babysit, waitress... and quietly wage war against the thing in the drains.
But Pennywise takes one sniff of her storm-laced power and decides she's his new favorite obsession. Caught between protecting "her" kids and bargaining with the monster beneath the town, she's forced into a twisted game of rules, teeth, and a bond that feels far too much like being devoured.
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1. The Nanny Bird
2. The Town Takes Notice
3. The Rules of the Game
4. The Dream
5. The Deal
6. The Diner
7. The Lights We Share
8. The Child Nanny Can’t Save
9. The Hungry Truce
10. The Devouring
11. The Price of a Lullaby
12. The Last Taste
13. The Storm That Calls You Back
14. The First Bite
15. The Others Are Mine
16. The One You Guided
17. The Children That Shine
18. The Given Day
19. The Clean Up (Part 1)
19 The Clean Up (Part 2)
20. The Pieces Are Set
21. The First Attempt (Part 1)
21. The First Attempt (Part 2)
22. The Between
23. The Taking
24. The Fight
25. The Oath
26. The Long Drift
27. The Call
28. The Storm Rolling In
🎈🩸🤡🎈🩸🤡🎈🩸🤡🎈🩸🤡🎈🩸🤡
🩸 Want to make sure you don’t miss a chapter?
Comment on the MOST RECENT chapter so I can see you before the dark closes in 🎈
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The vibe
This wonderful art was created by the talented @selkiescribblez
Content: Pennywise x reader. Fluff. No gendered pronouns or description given for reader. Pennywise eats too much and it comes to you for tummy rubs 🥺 SFW. Short and sweet.
Tummy Ache
The announcement should not have hurt as much as it did, but with it a hollow had been carved out of your chest.
“Tonight I will feed and I will rest,” Pennywise had told you with a determined nod. Golden eyes danced across your face, as if committing you to memory. "A long, looong rest."
"What do you— how long?"
It stared at you, calculating, its left eye dropping to gaze at your throat. "Twenty seven years."
The thought of spending the next twenty seven years without that strange and bewitching entity was not a pleasant one. Not when you had come to feel such affection toward it. “Let me come with you–”
“No.” Its answer was firm, “Why, you would waste away to nothing but bones and dust. Pennywise must sleep alone.”
No amount of reasoning could change its mind. It couldn't wait just one more year, one more month even. It was time.
Several lonely hours had passed since it walked away.
You sat alone in your bed, accompanied only by the single red balloon Pennywise had left behind, bobbing in the breeze from your open window.
Perhaps it was meant as a souvenir, something to remember it by? Although you were never sure if a being like Pennywise could even care enough for such a gesture.
Sirens wailed in the distance and helicopters chugged through the night sky. Whatever was happening across the other side of town, it was big.
When morning came, the news would be flooded with reports of the chaos Pennywise had unleashed and the lives it had taken. It would sting. You almost felt your heart coiled a little tighter, preparing itself for that barrage of guilt. And the loneliness.
You closed your eyes and tried to push it all from your mind.
But that's when you felt it, a familiar presence beside you; dark, foreboding, unmistakable. Your heart unfurled.
“Pennywise?”
It didn't respond at first, it simply stood over you, watching, those eyes glowing in the dark of your room like little pieces of hellfire dedicated entirely to you. Your heart briefly entertained the idea that it had come back for you, that it couldn't stand to be apart for all those years either. But the cold creeping down your spine and the hairs bristling at the back of your neck warned you to run. They always did.
“I have feasted,” the entity’s voice broke the silence. It stepped out from the shadows, still wearing the guise of the clown; its favorite way to appear. “And now… I am in agony.”
“Oh, Pennywise, so am–” You paused, watching as it wrapped its arms around its middle and bent slightly at the waist. Its brow furrowed in discomfort. “Do you have a stomach ache?”
“Stomach ache,” it echoed, as if trying the words on. “Yes. I believe I do.”
It crawled onto the bed beside you, grunting, and flopped, belly-up onto the mattress. A gloved hand surrounded your own, pulling it toward its abdomen. “Soothe me.”
“You want tummy rubs?” you said, the teasing, affectionate tone of your voice causing those eyes to flicker toward you.
“Someone I ate disagreed with me.”
“You poor thing.”
“Hm.”
You couldn't help but smile as you rubbed gentle circles around its belly, watching its ghostly white face grow slack and relaxed.
Ordinarily, Pennywise's body felt soft and supple, comfortably well-fed, but that night it was over-stuffed and tighter than drum skin.
A sound which began as a groan rumbled through its chest and continued on and on, turning into a purr it would adamantly deny if pressed.
“Your hands are warm,” it murmured, ever-so-subtly tilting its head toward you until its temple rested on your shoulder. It hummed contentedly at the brush of your lips against the crown of its head, and though it may have been a trick of the light, you could have sworn you saw it open its lips to say something before snapping them back closed.
“Does this help?” you asked, still stroking its belly.
“It does,” it responded, growing heavier against your shoulder. “I think I will go for my long rest tomorrow.”
Thank you for reading! Interaction is always appreciated 😊 if you enjoyed this you may enjoy my other Pennywise stories (warning: they are explicit and intended for readers aged 18+)
┃ pairings ➣ 〔 ❛ finn wolfhard x celebrity!reader ❜ 〕
┃ sypnosis ➣ 〔 ❛ An endless cycle of stardom, gossip articles, desires, admiration, and despiration haunts the narrative of (Y/n) Cadieux and Finn Wolfhard's confusing dynamic❜ 〕
┃ face claim ➣ 〔 ❛ Cindy Kimberly ❜ 〕
┃ disclaimer ➣ 〔 ❛ This story contains: cursing ❜ 〕
deuxmoi
liked by euphorizx, madisonbeer, munelin and 209, 597 others
deuxmoi Actor Finn Wolfhard and Victoria's Secret Angel and Actress (Y/n) Cadieux are seen earlier at Los Angeles after the two had called it quits a year ago. Are the two rekindling for the 3rd time now?
dupontd.j its iconic that Madison beer, one of (Y/n)'s closest friend, liked this post lol
friun.nulst I know they will end up together, i just know it, unfortunately...
stfaneup I'm too unemployed for this
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And I let you come back 'cause sticking 'round is in my nature
your.username
liked by finnwolfhardofficial, rihanna, robertdowneyjr, and 1,068,297 others
your.username califphoria 📍
hunterschafer ummm
zendaya right?!
your.username damn the bitches got me
tomholland okay girll...
jennaortega 👩❤️💋👩
liked by creator!
murixn romanticizing much, jk girl we support you or whatever
fruinsxtix we're back in another episode of "will they break up again or say yes to the dress" like damn
finnwolfhardofficial posted a story!
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Yes, you take advantage, know how to manage my whole fucking planet
In an industry defined by fleeting moments and ever-changing headlines, some stories manage to hold the public’s attention for years. Among those is the relationship between Canadian actor Finn Wolfhard and French-Spanish actress (Y/n) Cadieux—a pair whose connection has evolved from casual industry acquaintances to one of Hollywood’s most discussed, revisited, and quietly complicated romances. However, what many close to the pair note is that these two renowned stars are not just drawn to each other—they are caught in the trap of being in love with who they could be, rather than who they are right now. Insiders describe it as an ongoing cycle in which both see endless potential in the other, often overlooking real issues in favor of imagined futures. It’s a dynamic that, while hopeful on the surface, has repeatedly pulled them back into a relationship that neither seems fully prepared to sustain.
At just 24, (Y/n) Cadieux has established herself as one of the foremost young talents of her generation. A model before transitioning into acting, she made an impressive debut as Maude Stark, Tony Stark’s niece in Iron Man 4, a role that introduced her to global audiences. She would go on to appear in Spider-Man: Homecoming up until Avengers: Endgame, where her character became an integral emotional character. Off-franchise, she showcased her range in projects like American Horror Story, The Purge, The Woman in Cabin 10, and HBO’s gritty hit Euphoria. Her career skyrocketed even further with Jurassic World: Rebirth (2025). With three highly anticipated films—The Devil Wears Prada 2, The Drama, and Red, White & Royal Blue—set for release, Cadieux stands as one of Hollywood’s most in-demand rising icons.
Wolfhard and Cadieux’s story began not on a film set, but in Tokyo, Japan, during press tours for their respective series. Meeting accidentally in a secluded cafe in Tokyo, the two connected instantly—sharing a sense of humor, a mutual respect for craft, and the rare experience of becoming global names before age twenty. What started as a brief, friendly exchange during their overlapping schedules quietly shifted into a consistent friendship throughout 2018 and early 2019.
Their friendship was fueled by shared humor, similar upbringings, and parallel experiences in young stardom while occasionally posting each other on their own individual accounts. By late 2019, the pair entered a relationship that fans described as “effortless” and “refreshingly unmanufactured.” The couple remained discreet, occasionally appearing in public but maintaining a shared preference for privacy. Their time together, spanning 2020 to late 2021, ultimately ended due to personal miscommunication, long-distance demands, and persistent—but never confirmed—rumors suggesting a third-party influence. Neither party addressed speculation, choosing instead to prioritize their personal well-being and individual careers.
Love found its way back in 2022, when the pair reconciled—reportedly thanks to the encouragement of Millie Bobby Brown, who has long been close to both. From late 2022 to early 2024, they gave their relationship another shot. They attended red carpets together, appeared in soft-launched social media posts, and even praised each other in interviews. Still, the pressures of celebrity life caught up to them. Finn’s increasingly demanding schedule, paired with what insiders described as his “uncertainty about the future,” led to another split in early 2024.
But as Hollywood loves to prove, some stories are too compelling to end. By the second half of 2025, renewed speculation emerged after Wolfhard and Cadieux were seen exiting the same New York Penthouse alongside each other. Their teams declined to comment, maintaining a longstanding approach of keeping personal matters private. While the true nature of their relationship remains unknown, Sources claim the reunion happened quietly, for reasons known only to them—a ❛soft, private mending,❜ as one insider put it.
Whether the two are rebuilding a relationship or simply revisiting a meaningful friendship, their dynamic continues to captivate both audiences and the entertainment press. In a world where relationships often exist under intense public scrutiny, Finn Wolfhard and (Y/n) Cadieux’s evolving story stands as a reminder that real connections—especially those built on mutual belief and potential—tend to find their way back despite scrutiny.
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You've been playing wicked games, you know what you do to me
The music thumped through the penthouse, low and steady, a pulse that matched the city outside. (Y/n) leaned against the railing, watching yellow cabs thread through the streets below. Madison and Emma had disappeared into the crowd moments ago, leaving Clairo by her side, sipping wine with her usual calm demeanor. The city lights reflected off her champagne flute as she tilted it, watching the bubbles rise.
❝ Seriously, he’s here, ❞ Madison’s voice echoed from across the room when she returned briefly, smirking as she nudged (Y/n). ❝ Finn. Downtown. Came straight from some studio session. Clairo said he’s keeping it lowkey, but you know… ❞ She let the implication hang, playful but pointed.
(Y/n) let the information settle, taking a slow breath. Over a year had passed since their breakup, and she had spent every month untangling herself from the version of Finn she had loved—and the version of herself that had depended on him. Now she looked a little bit more mature, confident, composed, and painfully aware that the world saw them both as perpetual ❛It❜ figures.
Clairo leaned closer, her voice soft, a tether to reality. ❝ Don’t overthink it. He’s here, but that doesn’t mean anything has to happen. Just be yourself, whatever that means right now. ❞
(Y/n) nodded, eyes sweeping the crowded room, scanning casually, not out of avoidance, but out of curiosity and then she saw him.
Finn. Leaning casually against the bar, laughing softly with someone, a drink in hand, his hair falling in that familiar, just-right way over his eyes. He wasn’t flashy, and wasn’t trying to be seen. He was just there. And for the first time in a long while, (Y/n) felt the old tug of recognition, tempered by the awareness of everything that had gone wrong.
He noticed her at the same moment, eyes widening slightly, the smile that came next hesitant but genuine. Excusing himself from the small group, he moved toward the balcony with that same casual gait that used to drive her insane with affection and irritation in equal measure.
❝ (Y/n), ❞ he said softly, as if saying her name could ground him. ❝ Hey… didn’t expect to see you here. ❞
❝ Finn, ❞ she said, calm, measured, but with a subtle edge. ❝ It’s… New York. Parties tend to be full of familiar faces. ❞ She gestured lightly at the crowd. ❝ Small world, I guess. ❞
He laughed quietly, eyes flicking to hers. ❝ Yeah. Small world. ❞ There was a pause, weighty, deliberate. ❝ You look... good. Really. Different, but good. ❞
❝ Thanks. ❞ She tilted her chin, a faint smirk playing at the corners of her mouth. ❝ You too. New hair? ❞ She let a laugh escape—light, controlled. Humor always had a way of cutting tension, he taught her that.
He rubbed the back of his neck, letting the pause stretch. ❝ Yeah… trying something new. You know… I’ve thought about us over the past year—me and Clairo also talked about what went wrong and she made me realize that during those times I was chasing the high of falling in love with acknowledgement—acknowledgement that I was more beloved when I was dating you and that I only continued it to feel the euphoric high of whatever that is. ❞
❝ And… I want to apologize—properly—after leaving you in a state of mind where I left you more questions rather than answers. ❞ he continued
(Y/n) studied him, arms crossed lightly. ❝ Apology? You left, Finn, and honestly… I think a lot of what we were was about potential. Not us. Not reality. People wanted to see us a certain way. I think… that’s why it never worked. ❞
Finn’s face softened, eyes forming a puppy dog eyes-like. ❝ I know. I can’t deny that. I loved the idea of us more than… maybe me loving you. And that—that wasn’t fair to you—or me, and I don’t want that anymore, not for us—not for anyone else. ❞
(Y/n) let out a soft breath, steadying herself. ❝ Yeah, that would be nice, but we changed—a lot has happened, and maybe doing this might not be the right time right now… unless you want to give it time? ❞
❝ I know, that's why I wanted us to take it slow, to find our past bond when we were teenagers who had realized that they needed to grow up too fast, ❞ Finn answered honestly, his voice unwavering in certainty. Suddenly Madison's voice was heard across the room calling out for (Y/n).
❝ They need me—I'll text you, maybe, when I have the chance. It's nice seeing you, Wolfhard, ❞ (Y/n) bid him goodbye, her black YSL heels clicking behind her. Finn nodded and smiled in return.
And in that moment, above the city that never truly slept, surrounded by lights, music, and the hum of other lives, they started something tentative and fragile—but hopefully, It would be theirs to own.
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I keep holding on wonder who you are without all the games
finnwolfhardofficial and your.username has posted
finnwolfhardofficial and your.username
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finnwolfhardofficial and your.username we bought promise rings, happy anniversary from us in tokyo 🫶🏻❗
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I tried to stay steady in my lane but you try to make me misbehave, fucking up my energy, one day I'll be over all them wicked games.
welcome to derry x reader | richard "dick" hallorann x black! fem! reader
dick had never met such a beautiful woman before... much less one with such a strong shine. little did he know, she would change the trajectory of his life forever.
OR
the story of how you and dick got together
cw - smut, 18+, fluff, angst, takes place in the 40s, age gap (reader is 21 and dick is 29 when they first meet), reader has an unnamed brother (dead), reader has the shine.
a/n - let me know if y'all want a part two.
Hawaii, 1946.
The moment Dick stepped foot on that Hawaiian airstrip, your presence hit him like a brick to the face.
Sharp.
Heavy.
Loud.
It came without warning, an ache-inducing force that screwed his eyes shut and made his head ring—if he was being honest, a brick would've hurt less.
Not malevolent, but idle and painful in the same way shrill feedback whined in a microphone, or nails scraped on a chalkboard.
It made him violently flinch—to the rightful confusion of the airmen around him—its weight pressing heavy on his chest and shoulders almost as if someone was sitting right on top of his neck.
Knowing that would've made sense of why a grown man suddenly slapping his hands over his ears mid-march.
"Ay, c'mon, man! Keep it movin'!" one of them grumbled, brows furrowed as Dick froze, the two roughly colliding and creating a pile-up in line.
A chorus of other sharp complaints erupted from further back—some more savory than others—while a few rough shoves made their way forward.
At the noise, the man in front of him turned around, his expression one of confusion before he surveyed the situation.
Soldier.
Ears covered.
Eyes distant.
Frozen.
It didn't take a rocket scientist, especially for a fellow man in the service.
"Hey! Take it easy, alright?" he defended, brows furrowed as he shot a sharp glare at the men behind, resting a careful hand on Dick's shoulder as he softly ushered him forward. "C'mon, brother, you gotta keep movin'."
Dick allowed himself to be led, his eyes and ears slowly but surely beginning to refocus as his body acclimated to the intense sensation.
It wasn't easy, but gradually he lowered his hands, breath faintly regulating as the shrill whine became just barely bearable, allowing him to resume walking on his own.
But although the weight was lightened, it was nowhere near gone, and, in fact, made his every step feel about twenty pounds heavier.
"You alright there?" the good Samaritan asked, his smile one of comfort. "We lost you for a minute."
Coming back to himself, Dick shook his head in apology, sliding a hand over his face.
"Y-Yeah," he croaked. "M'sorry, I just—"
"Hey, don't worry about it. My brother's the same way," the man sighed, tapping an understanding pat on his back. "We all got diff'rent things to deal with now that the war's over."
Turning, he held out his hand to shake.
"Fred Johnson."
Dick took it.
"Dick Hallorann."
But from then on, as hard as he tried to listen to Fred as he chatted away, Dick couldn't help but allow his mind to travel back to the impression made by whatever he had been hit with upon arrival.
Never in his entire life had he ever felt a Shine so strong.
It was potent, broad like a thick fog seeping its way into forbidden space, touching, reaching.
Feeling.
While getting accustomed to the sensation might not have been pleasant, it wasn't long before the sensation itself became partly soothing and even a bit satisfying.
A distinctly warm hum he had never felt, a silvery soft voice he had never heard.
And it followed him no matter where he went on base.
The hangar.
The barracks.
The canteen.
Hell, the goddamn bathroom.
Every time he ventured further inward, the thicker the "fog" seemed to become.
It got so bad that when he was called into the medical wing for a classified check-up, he physically struggled to make it down the hall, almost as if an invisible barrier was in the way, stretching in an attempt to keep him from stepping further.
Dick wrestled with it, teeth locked tight as he did everything in his power to press forward, even as his boots began to slide on the linoleum floor.
If anyone saw him like this—a negro airman hunched over, struggling to move in an empty hallway—he was sure they would ship him off to the nearest asylum.
But, by a stroke of luck, he managed to grab on to a door handle, using it as leverage to hoist himself up before yanking it wide open.
And the moment he did, it felt as if the bubble had popped.
In an instant, all the feedback in his head was gone—the noise, the buzz, the weight—a kaleidoscope of light and happiness blooming in its place.
In an instant, the world turned Technicolor, vibrancy and saturation previously invisible to the human eye now bursting from every inch of the room, drowning the room in pure and potent life.
The plants perked higher.
The sky glowed bluer.
The air became clearer.
As a whole, the world seemed better.
But Dick didn't notice.
How could he?
How could he notice anything else in the room, anything else in the world, when the most beautiful woman he had ever seen was sitting right in front of him?
With the sunlight from the window hitting just right?
With hair falling so perfectly?
With big eyes staring back at him like two glittering gemstones of brown garnet?
This must be what people felt like when they were about to die... or maybe when they've just come to life...
He honestly wasn't too sure.
And he honestly didn't care.
For the first time in a long time, he felt whole—really and truly whole.
So whole that he didn't even realize he'd been standing there and staring at you like an idiot for five minutes straight.
"Mr. Hallorann?"you called for the umpteenth time, praying that this would be the one to get his attention. "Mr. Hallorann."
At the angelic sound of your voice, he snapped himself out of it, eyes refocusing to really look at you.
Your face was faintly flushed, cheeks puffed and lips upturned awkwardly.
It wasn't every day you felt a man fall in love with you in real time.
"Mr. Hallorann, if you're ready, Dr. Corcoran will see you now."
Your curt statement instantly sobered Dick, forcing him to remember himself, and where he was.
"O-Oh, yes," he quickly cleared his throat, straightening up his posture. "Yes, I am. Thank you, ma'am."
Avoiding all eye contact, he speed walked toward the doctor's office, physically restraining himself from looking back at you as he proceeded with what he came for.
...
You weren't a stranger to the perks that came with being an empath.
As a child, you used it to suss out when your aunt was upset—when it was right to ask her for something, when it was time to keep quiet, when your brother had just gotten a beating.
As a woman, you used it to survey your surroundings—what men to stay away from, what officers had bad tempers, what the other women on base felt about you.
As a nurse, you used it to assist your work—finding what hurt where, understanding a patient's pain, knowing exactly what to say to make it all feel better.
Did you have much control over your power?
No, not as much as you'd like—every emotion had a different intensity, and every person felt things differently, making it impossible to blanket everything.
Were there times when you felt your power was more trouble than it was worth?
Yes, but that came with the territory of super-powered compassion—growing up during the Great Depression, you had gotten more than your fair share of whoopings for giving money to the homeless when you were already quite poor yourself.
Were there times when you wished you'd never been cursed with this power at all?
Absolutely, but you'd dealt with it all your life, what else could you possibly know?
And whether you liked it or not, it had given you a very useful leg up in the world, especially for a woman and even more so for a black women.
Though, it was times like these... times when Dick Hallorann entered the room... that you began to rue the day you'd been born.
You'd felt him before you saw him, your eyes still trained on the Moscow Mule you'd been nursing as his familiar, swirling apparatus of tensity nudged its way into the bar.
You'd sensed him when he first arrived, too—you were mid-flu shot, the sudden and surprising buzz in the back of your head nearly startling you into maiming a Private.
And even during your meeting in the medical wing—with great difficulty given his overwhelming flood of wonder and adoration—you sensed him, and knew quite instantly that he was just like you.
At first, you were over the moon.
You had never met a person like you before, and thus your first instinct was to introduce yourself, ask him about it, pry free all the little details.
But it wasn't long before the words of your brother began to echo in your mind.
"Listen to me, (n/n)... you can never ever never tell anybody about what you can do."
"Never? ...But why?"
"'Cause it's different, and people wouldn't understand... they'd call you crazy."
"But you understand."
"That's 'cause I'm your brother. I'm s'posed to understand. But people like Aunt Zola... they'd hurt you, or lock you up somewhere."
"I don't wanna be locked up!"
"I don't want you locked up either! S'why I'm gonna make sure we stay okay. I'll get some money, we'll move away, and be able to do whatever we want. I promise."
"Reaaally?"
"Go on, check if m'lyin'."
Your little eyes screwed shut, cheeks puffing and brows furrowing as you concentrated, a smile stretching across your lips as his sincerity bled through clear as day.
"See! I promise, (n/n), once I save up, we'll be gone. And we'll travel the world together... just you and me."
There was safety in silence, a protection in privacy.
Certain things would have to remain a mystery if you wanted to maintain your way of life.
"'Scuse me," a familiar voice asked. "This seat taken?"
Shit.
You didn't have to look up to know who it was... but you did—only he had that distinct emotional mixture of curiosity, fear, and attraction.
And sure enough, there stood Mr. Hallorann, dressed in a nice, button-down shirt, tie loosened just enough to free up his neck.
Judging by his expression, he seemed to be having a hard time being near you, face stuck between pain and faint comfort.
Regardless, you sighed, taking a sip of your drink, "I s'pose not," and nodded to the stool next to you.
He took it, plopping himself down and ordering a beer before turning to you, wincing and squinting as if he had just glared into the sun.
Jesus, it was a goddamn miracle you hadn't been sensed by every person in Oahu...
Unable to take it anymore, his gaze sharpened, training on your face—much to your severe confusion and discomfort.
"Don't panic," his voice suddenly echoed, though his mouth failed to move. "I'm not here to hurt you."
Instantly, your eyes went saucer wide, and you nearly spit out your drink mid-sip, body already positioned to sprint out the joint as you shot to your feet.
But before you could, Dick firmly grabbed your hand, fingers interlocking.
"Hey, hey, hey, easy... please listen to me. I promise, I'm not here to hurt you... I just wanna talk."
You hesitated, eyes frantically flicking over his face, power going into overdrive as you searched for even the slightest hint of insincerity.
But you found none.
So you sat back down.
"What is this...?" you asked, warily, still unsure as to how you both were talking without talking. "Some kinda trick?"
"Mhm-mhm. No tricks... just Shining."
Even more confused, you cocked a brow.
"Shining?"
He nodded.
"S'what my grandma used to call it... talkin' without speakin', seein' without seein'... some people can do it... people like you and me."
"I don't know what you're talkin' about. Whaddya mean seein' without seein'?"
"This thing we got... when I was little, it let me see things."
"What kinda things?"
"Dead ones."
You shook your head, an uncomfortable smile settling on your face as you attempted to stand once again.
"See, sir, you must have me confused. I've never seen no dead nothin' in my life, so if you'll please excuse me—"
"(n/n), please... I—"
"(n/n)?"
You sharply cocked your head, eyes wide at his audacity.
Dick winced.
He fucked up.
"Now let's get one thing straight here, Mr. Hallorann, there is only one man in this world that can call me (n/n) and he has been gone for a long time. So you would do well to keep that name out your goddamn mouth.
"You're right. You're right, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend. It just slipped."
"Like I'm about to do right out this place. Now, let me go."
"Wait, please, jus' listen for a moment. M'tryin' to help you—"
"With all due respect, sir, the day I need your help, is the day I drop dead."
"You're gonna be dead if you don't stop for a minute and listen."
You scoffed aloud, calling the attention of the bartender.
"Are you threatening me?!"
"(y/n), you're makin' a scene..."
"I don't care if I'm puttin' on a whole damn play! Just who the hell do you think you are?! And how the hell do you know my name?!"
"I'm a man that's tryna keep you from sendin' yourself to an early grave! And if you'd take a deep breath and relax for two damn seconds, I'd tell you!"
"Who do you think you're yellin' at?!"
"Jesus, woman, will you listen?!"
CRACK!
Without warning, his beer bottle burst, shards of brown glass and frothy liquid exploding all over the bar.
You both flinched in perfect sync, Dick because a rather large chunk of bottle had lodged itself into his hand, you because you felt it happen to him.
"Oh, my God," you gasped, eyes wide as blood began to steadily flow from the meat of his palm. "Oh, my God, Mr. Hallorann, I-I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me."
Swiftly, you took his hand in yours, snatching a handkerchief from your pocket and pressing it against the wound, positioning it around the piece of glass before turning to the barback.
"Sir, could we please get a first aid kit?"
"Right here, ma'am."
"N-Nah... s'okay," he winced, eyes squinting through the harsh and potent fluctuations of you washing over him, the pain in his hand paling in comparison to what you were inflicting on his mind.
It was really and truly a miracle no one had discovered you yet—he wouldn't be surprised if every island in Hawaii could sense you now.
The barback ducked under the counter and grabbed the first aid kit, plopping it on the counter.
And you got right to work.
Dick watched with awe and surprise as you patched him up as methodically as a well-oiled machine, removing the glass, disinfecting the wound—now that you had slowed the bleeding—dressing it with gauze.
You had even given him a few quick stitches with some topical anesthetic, finishing before he'd even knew you started.
"Jesus..." he marveled, staring down at his perfectly treated hand. "I ain't never seen someone get fixed up so fast."
His gaze flicked up to you.
"You Nurse Corps?"
With a faint smile, you shook your head, packing the supplies back into the kit.
"Wish I could've," you sighed, eyes falling. "Would've been good at it, too, what with my... abilities and all."
Confused, his brows furrowed.
"Whaddya mean?" he asked. "Seein' things? Dead things? That woulda helped you?"
A scoff left your lips before you could stop it, your body unable to stave off an eye roll.
"I told you, I don't see things," you reminded, pointedly. "This Shine, or whatever it is you call it... shows up different for me."
His eyes widened slightly.
"Different how?"
Wary, you looked around, before turning back to him.
"When I was little, this power it... it let me feel things. Things that I had no business feelin'."
"What things?"
You paused a moment, searching for an example.
"If I played outside with the other children, and one of 'em fell over and cut up their knee? My knee would hurt, too... or if someone was sad, I could look them right in the eyes and tell just how sad they were... and feel it just as they did."
You shook your head, letting out an empty chuckle.
"My Aunt Zola... who was an evil, evil woman... I could feel exactly how much she hated me, exactly how much she wanted me to wander out her door and never come back."
Dick's face fell, but you pressed on.
"I know it's not like seein' the dead... but as a little girl, it was scary in its own right. Imagine walkin' down the street bein' able to feel who was fixin' to hurt somebody. Feel the grief of a wife who'd just lost her husband. Feel the pain of a homeless man with a nasty case of frostbite."
Slowly, your shoulders sank.
"I was terrified. I didn't know how or why I could feel all these things, and it only got stronger the older I got. It was gettin' harder and harder to tell the difference between my feelin's and someone else's, and it wasn't long before I gave up goin' outside all together. To save myself the pain."
A faint smile graced your lips.
"'Til my brother realized what was goin' on. He wasn't like me, but when I explained what was happenin', he believed it. And despite not knowin' what to do, he somehow found a way to make it all better. Distracted me when the feelin' got too much."
Shutting the first aid kit, you glanced down at the bartop.
"And the moment he turned eighteen, he got us both up out of that old woman's house. Joined the Navy and got stationed all the way out here. Even landed me a job as a nurse on base. It was a change, for sure, given we were Jersey folk, but we had each other... 'Til... 'til that day."
Your gaze lifted to meet his, expression hollow, eyes distant.
"There was so much terror... so much fear... When Pearl Harbor was attacked, the whole island erupted in a pain I'd never felt before... a pain I could taste, a pain I could feel in my lungs... The burnin', the drownin', the bombin'... it was pure torture. A-And I couldn't take it... so-so I fell to pieces in the middle of a barrack. Crawled under a bed, curled up into a ball, and screamed for hours."
With a sigh, you twisted your drink.
"When they finally got me to come to... my brother was dead. I couldn't feel him anymore. The Harbor was destroyed and America was at war. And 'cause of my hysteria, I was barred from the Nurse Corps. Which was a blessing in disguise 'cause I can't even begin to imagine the hell I'd be put through dealin' with all them gunshot wounds... lost limbs... dyin' men..."
You chuckled humorlessly, eyes glassy as you looked down at yourself.
But Dick was quick to take your hand in his, touch feather-light and gentle as he held it firmly, forcing your attention toward him.
His expression was soft, a unique concoction of sincerity, sympathy, and understanding swirling around inside him.
"You're not alone," he stated, voice just as earnest as him. "If there's anybody that can understand what you been through... it's me. I know how scary this shit can be."
His face dropped slightly, warning.
"But I also know there are some people out there that are even scarier. And with all due respect, ma'am, you don't exactly make yourself hard to find."
Carefully, he rested his other hand over yours, which was still held tight in his palm.
"So, please... let me help you... just enough so you can hide yourself better. If you want nothin' to do wit' me after that, then I'm gone."
You paused a moment, eyes flicking over his face.
No lies.
No half-truths.
No ulterior motives.
Just honesty—with a rather strong hint of attraction.
No reason to say no.
With a soft grin, you rested your free hand over his, a faint burn singing your cheeks at his rather potent, internal reaction to your smile.
"(y/n) (n/n)," you introduced yourself, starting all over.
He perked up, unable to bite back his own smile as his eyes met yours.
"Dick Hallorann."
...
From then on, the two of you were inseparable.
Well... as inseparable as you could be while working on an army base.
At least once or twice a week he would stop by the infirmary when you were free—be it by some sorry excuse of a paper-cut or a sore throat—and give you lessons on how to better control your Shine.
How to block out certain things you didn't want to feel, certain things you didn't want to know about people.
How to conceal your metaphysical presence, keep from alerting everyone within a hundred mile radius where you were.
How to pinpoint and focus on certain individuals, rather than receiving everyone's emotions all at once.
You were a fast learner, and with every skill you mastered came less and less reason for him to come around.
But he still did.
Even more than before.
He'd sneak into the medical wing at the end of the day when you were cleaning, the two of you staying up at ungodly hours, talking, laughing, getting to know one another.
You'd see each other around the base, sharing stolen glances and secret smiles while he'd tell you a joke in your mind, just to hear your laugh as you passed by.
He'd bring you flowers and little things that reminded you of him, talk to you about things he had never told anyone before, not even his grandmother.
And on weekends, days when the base was quiet and the men were free to let loose, you both went out dancing, cutting a rug and having a ball at a local club with fellow colored airmen and their women.
In fact, it was at one of these clubs that the two of you shared your first kiss—he'd said you looked too pretty under the lights, and couldn't help himself; but when he tried to apologize, you grabbed him by the collar and kissed him back.
After that, it didn't take long before you both realized you were completely head over heels for one another.
You'd felt it from him since the day he first stumbled in, but he didn't need your Shine to know that you had fallen, too.
.
.
.
Hawaii, 1947.
"(y/n), baby..." Dick cleared his throat, swallowing thickly as the two of you started over a quaint, wooden bridge. "there's... there's somethin' I been meanin' to tell you."
It was illuminated by ten beautiful lamp-lights, their glow orange and hazy, painting the flora wrapped around the banisters and posts like a scene from a fairytale.
You turned to him with a smile, "Alright... what is it?"
As you looked up at him, your eyes sparkled in the starlight—all pretty and bright and doe-like—washing his body in another coat of nerves and filling him with the sudden urge to loosen his tie.
Jesus, how the hell was he going to get through this...
Sensing his unease, your smile fell, the two of you coming to a stop in the middle of the bridge.
Almost immediately, your Shine went to work.
Apprehension?
Worry?
Nervousness?
Dick was almost never nervous, and even if he was, what would he have to be nervous about right now?
Something was up.
"Hey," your brows furrowed, hand rising to cup his cheek. "what's the matter? Is everything alright?"
Instantly, he leaned into your touch, fingers softly clutching your wrist, holding you close.
He let out a shaky breath, as if steadying himself for something big while his gaze met yours, its usual warmth slightly dulled.
Your eyes widened slightly, a faint pang of fear striking your heart as they frantically flicked over his solemn face.
"Dick, you're scarin' me..."
"M'sorry... I don't meant to it's just that I..." he sighed, bracing for your reaction. "I been reassigned."
Your heart sank, all previous hints of joy now wiped clear off your face, "Reassigned... where?"
"Detroit. I ship off tomorrow afternoon."
"Oh..."
All that happiness... all that bliss... gone as if it was never there.
He was leaving.
Just when you had found your love, your Dick... he was being taken away, and you had no say in the matter.
Glassy eyed, you turned away, lips rolling in an attempt to keep yourself together.
"I suppose I knew this day was coming... jus' didn't know when."
You could already see it.
Letters, frequent at first, before growing few and far between.
Memories, originally fresh and clear, slowly corroding away, crumbling and cracking under the weight of time.
Women, pretty ones, throwing themselves at him because—and let's be honest here—Dick was a handsome man, with a smile that could make any girl weak in the knees.
It wouldn't be long before you were tossed to the side, and eventually forgotten.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, there," Dick quickly caught, hands carefully cupping your face while his eyes met yours with a softness, honesty radiating from him. "Nobody's forgettin' nobody. That's not all of what I wanted to tell ya."
Your shoulders dropped, a deep groan of relief nearly slipping past your lips, "Oh."
"Jesus, baby, you think I could ever forget you?" his thumb slid over your cheek, almost offended by the notion.
His free arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you flush against him while he leaned in, playfully meeting your lips in a kiss.
And another.
And another.
And another.
"Don't think that's even possible."
You laughed, relishing in it for a moment before resting your hands on his chest.
"Alright, then, what's all of what you wanted to say? Don't keep me in suspense."
Jesus...
It was the moment of truth.
No more stalling.
With a deep breath, Dick squared his shoulders, clearing his throat and readying himself for whatever was to come.
"When I first saw you, baby... it was like takin' my first breath," he started, tone smooth and steady. "My whole world came to a stop... knocked me on my ass 'fore I even knew what to do with myself."
He chuckled, letting out a playful scoff as he took your hand in his and rested it over his heart.
"You had me seein' colors I ain't never knew existed. Was like a glow was surroundin' you... like you were some kinda angel."
You keened under his gaze, cheeks burning as you bashfully turned away.
"You ripped the rug right out from under me. And from that moment on, I knew that you was the woman I was gonna spend the rest of my life lovin'."
Instantly, your eyes went wide, completely taken aback.
"I knew it the second I walked through that door. Hell, I know you knew it, too. I was gone. And after that night at the bar, I couldn't keep myself from runnin' to you."
Leaning forward, he rested his forehead against yours.
"Everything goes quiet when I'm with you, baby, all the noise, all the bullshit... and even when we're apart, I can still feel you with me... feel your touch in my chest. I don't think there's a corner of this world far enough I could go to escape. And I thank God for it every day 'cause I don't want to."
He grinned, shaking his head in disbelief.
"You make me weak, (y/n)... and I love you for it."
He clutched your hand tighter, pupils dilated and vulnerable as pressed a soft kiss into your knuckles before slowly dropping to a knee, his gaze not leaving you for a moment.
Your free hand flew to your mouth, muffling a gasp as he carefully pulled a gold band from his pocket.
"Baby, I love you more than I ever loved anything. There ain't no other woman on this earth I'd rather spend my life with... so I want you to be my wi—"
"Yes!" you blurted, completely jumping the gun and tackling him in a hug, nearly taking him to the ground as you tossed your arms around his neck.
Dick instantly moved to cradle you, allowing the wind to be knocked out of his chest as he attempted to keep both you and the ring in his grasp.
Without hesitation, you locked your lips with his, his face in your hands as you poured every ounce of passion you could into the kiss.
"Wait, baby... baby... baby, you 'sposed to let me ask the question!" he chuckled between breathes, fighting between fervently kissing you back and getting his words out.
"I knew what you was gonna say," you grinned, cheekily. "But I 'spose if you want me to stop so you can ask proper..."
"Hey, I ain't say all that, now," he smirked, pulling you right back in.
He captured your lips once again, smiling into you as your body went slack in his grasp, allowing him to slip the simple gold band on your ring finger.
Oh, but this was only the beginning...
...
The very next morning, you and Dick set your plan in motion.
Servicemen on deployment couldn't take anybody but their wives and their children with them, no exceptions.
Which meant if you wanted to come along with him to Detroit, you both would have to be married with the papers to show for it before 1300.
So, after all the nurses banded together to pretty you up in a nice white dress, and the airmen gave Dick a fresh haircut in his best Service Blues, the two of you marched right into the local courthouse.
And at first they gave you quite a hard time.
White courthouse.
Colored couple.
And a quite ridiculous ask to have all the paperwork processed in a few hours.
But after calling in a few favors and a lot of convincing—most of which thanks to Dick's Shine—the two of you were officially married, with Fred as your witness.
And an hour later... you were on a military-sanctioned flight to Detroit, everything you ever owned in your suitcase, with the last five years of your life growing distant behind you.
.
.
.
Detroit, 1947.
"What you think, baby?" Dick asked as he shoved his hands in his pockets, a knowing smirk curling on his lips. "I done good?"
"Done good?" you scoffed, ecstatic, unable to tamp down your beaming smile. "This is perfect! Oh, my God, it's beautiful!"
Your new place, rented from the military, was a sight to behold—at least for you, a woman who had only ever lived in army bases and overcrowded tenements all her life.
While others with more privileged backgrounds would've seen a house with worn-down porch steps—with chipped paint on the banisters, with shudders that were off-center—you saw a home.
A future.
A space with four walls and a roof for you and your husband to lay your heads.
Who wouldn't be happy about that?
"And wait 'til you see the inside," his arm snaked around your lower back. "C'mon, lemme show you."
Without warning, his other arm hooked under your knees, swiftly scooping you up bridal-style.
You squealed, quickly grabbing onto his neck as he began to trudge forward, "Dick! What on earth—!"
"When you get married, you gotta carry your wife into her new house. If ya don't, the marriage is doomed to fail," he defended with a cheeky grin. "You ain't never heard of that?"
"Can't say that I have," you giggled.
"Well, indulge me. I'm not takin' any chances."
Playfully, you rolled your eyes, tightening your hold and allowing your husband to march up the porch steps, over the threshold, and into your new living room.
That sweet sentence did something to you.
At his commitment, you felt a buttery, warm arousal sink into your gut, making your stomach flip and awakening something deep and low within your core.
"S'a little flat," Dick admitted as he looked around, eyes flicking from the military standard issue furniture to the rather bland color of the walls. "But I think a few pictures an' some flowers could spruce it up real nice."
You smiled as your eyes fell on Dick's Adam's Apple, watching as it bobbed in his throat while he talked, zeroing in on his neck an imagining your lipstick coating it in kisses.
Then they caught on something else.
The matching gold band wrapped around his ring finger.
A reminder of what you had now, of who you were now.
Dick's wife. His bride. His woman.
Without a word, you cupped his cheek, turning him to face you.
Confused, he offered you a questionable stare, worry creeping into his dark brown eyes.
But before he could even ask, you closed the gap, giving in to your arousal and the intoxicating scent of his cologne as you pressed your lips against his.
Dick hummed at the contact, pleasantly surprised.
He kissed you back, lowering your feet to the ground and pressing himself against you in an attempt to get closer—and improve his angle.
You sighed into him in satisfaction and approval as he wrapped his strong arms around your waist, his lips soft and warm, drawing you in with every passing second.
God, how you loved his lips... and his body...
Your hands indulged him, cascading down his toned forearms and feeling up his chest.
"Mmm," he moaned into the kiss, pulling away.
His body was vibrating with pure playfulness and admiration, if your Shine was anything to go off of.
"What's gotten into you tonight?" he chuckled. "Not that I'm complainin'."
You giggled at his dopey, pleased smirk.
Any excuse to touch you was excuse enough for him.
You shook your head, praying that he saw the need in your eyes.
"You... if I have anythin' to say about it," you answered, coyly.
As soon as the words were out, Dick's pupils dilated and the air grew thick with tension.
His hands left your waist to slide down your ass, grabbing it—much to your enjoyment.
"Is that so?" he teasingly asked, smiling at the way your breath hitched when he yanked you into him.
You loved it when he got all aggressive.
"Well, then..."
He leaned down to sweep your lips up in a kiss as heated and deep as the last one, inviting your lips and tongue to explore his.
His strong hands squeezed your ass again, massaging the soft globes over your dress, making you weak in the knees.
Thank God he was holding you up because you would've been a puddle on the floor with how jelly-like your knees began to feel.
You'd been kissing and touching this man for a little over a year, and yet every time you still melted like it was your first.
You loved him.
You adored him.
You wanted and needed him more than you needed air.
"Dick?" you softly whispered, pulling away from the kiss.
"Mmm-hmm," he hummed in acknowledgement, his lips moving to your neck.
You moaned at the contact, tossing your head back and letting yourself smile as pleasure rippled across your skin.
"You wanna know somethin'?" you asked, fingers lacing in his thick hair.
"What is it, baby?" he questioned, not missing a beat as he kissed down your throat, nuzzling his nose into your neck to breathe in your perfume.
You placed your hands on either side of his handsome face to gently pull him away, bringing him to a stop with hooded eyes and parted lips.
"We're married," you whispered, unable to stop the excitement and joy from pooling in your voice.
You watched Dick's eyes widened slightly, as if the realization just hit him, too—though, in actuality, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about it since the two of you left the courthouse.
His dark lips curled into a smile, flashing you his pearly whites.
"We are," he replied. "I'm your husband."
"And I'm your wife," you added, thumbs stroking his cheeks. "And do you know what your wife wants you to do tonight?"
Your husband's brown eyes darkened, reminding you of the richest Swiss chocolate.
"What does my wife want, baby?" he asked, his voice growing lower and more hushed.
He pressed his lips into one of your hands, kissing the inside of your palm.
The fire inside you flared hotter and brighter, desperate to be snuffed by him.
"I want you to take me... I want you to make me yours."
You pressed a soft yet needy kiss to his lips, gently sucking on his bottom lip and drawing a groan out of him.
"That's what I want," you softly sighed. "Will you please give it to me?"
It was an innate need.
A dull ache grown in your throbbing core that could only be soothed by your husband.
You needed him and him alone.
And you needed to be his.
At first, Dick could hardly believe the words, blinking in shock.
But that shock quickly vanished once he realized you were serious, leaving behind the hot, sizzling stare of arousal.
He chuckled, drawing his thumb over your bottom lip.
"Oh, you're gonna get it."
Suddenly, you were lifted off the ground and tossed over his shoulder, his feet already making their way toward the stairs.
"Ain't said nothin' but a word."
SMACK!
"Oh!" the word escaped you uncontrollably as Dick's big hand came down onto your ass.
The sharp strike made your pussy jump excitedly, especially when the skin began to sting.
When he charged into your shared bedroom, he slammed the door shut with his foot, not even sparing a glance back as he put you down and captured your lips once again, the two of you colliding in a flurry of teeth and tongue and hastily discarded clothes.
Eventually, the back of your legs hit the bed, sending you both crashing on top of it, but even with the interruption, it wasn't long before the two of your were as naked as the day you were born.
He sat up on his knees, giving you a front-row seat to the beauty between his thighs.
His pants and his briefs were gone, long kicked off, along with his shoes and his shirt, revealing his gorgeous body and dark happy trail.
You reached out to touch him, feel him, hold him, and he let you, relishing in the feeling of your warm hands on his skin, smirking at your whimpers.
"M'all yours, baby," he cooed, leaning down to position himself right in front of your core. "And this... is all mine."
Jesus Christ...
Before you knew it, Dick had his face in your pussy, his big hands grasping your thighs to pry them apart.
He licked and lapped at you like you were his last meal, his tongue quick yet precise, seeming to nail the perfect spot every time.
"Oh, God, yes!" you moaned, your voice reaching full volume as you writhed your hips against his magical mouth, his nose nudging against your clit. "God, yes, Dick, oh! You're so good!"
The brown-eyed stud stared at you intensely from his spot at the V of your legs, sucking gently.
With a wet pop, he pulled away, pride rolling off him in potent waves.
"Yeah? Your man makin' you feel good?"
You frantically nodded, whining for more.
"Tell me all about it, baby," he pressed a hot kiss against your inner thigh. "Lemme know how good."
And he dove right back in, his tongue licking along your slit before dipping into your wet hole as his nose swiped against your clit like a credit card, pushing you past the point of ecstasy.
The sounds that escaped him were sloppy and juicy, his wet merging with your even wetter pussy.
It didn't take long for your orgasm to crest, making you feel like a balloon filled with too much air.
"D-Dick, I think I'm gonna... think I'm gonna cum!" you warned, your words laced with moans and gasps.
He moaned right back into your pussy, still eating away.
"Mmm-hmm," he encouraged, desperate to make you feel good. "Cum. Cum for me, baby."
Overtaken by his voice and his touch, you let your orgasm wash over you, drawing moans that would embarrass any woman were she not drunk on her husband's tongue.
The shivers that took hold of your body were intense, making you thrash and buck against Dick's mouth as he cleaned you up.
But you couldn't focus on them for long.
Not when your husband was standing between your legs and looking down at you like that, eyes hooded and lips shining in your juices.
"I need to fuck you, baby," he said, voice hushed and low.
He cupped your face in a single hand, softly running his thumb over your cheek.
"Yes," you whispered, the word having just as much conviction as when you said I do. "I need you, Dick... please."
Dick visibly shivered, as if something had taken over him at your response.
And after giving you a deep and passionate kiss, he wrapped his hand around his cock and fed it into your pussy, inch by inch, taking it slow.
You gasped, eyes growing wide at the stretch of his length.
You had never taken him before, the sensation a bit more intense than you anticipated.
Without a condom, you could feel all of him—every vein, ridge, and soft patch of skin stretched around his shaft.
Dick's face was as beautiful as the starry night in the nearby window, his expression twisted in pleasure as he rocked his hips into you.
"God, baby, you feel so good," he groaned, bottom lips catching between his teeth. "N-Need... ah, fuck! Been needin' you like this for so long."
"M-Me, too!" you gasped, grasping his shoulders for dear life as his hips bumped into you, sending tendrils of pleasure into your clit. "God, give it to me, baby, please!"
A groan of lost restraint escaped Dick as he bent down to capture your lips in a sloppy kiss as he rocked a little faster, a little deeper, filling you with more of his cock every passing second.
He fucked you into the mattress, perching your leg on his shoulder so he could settle even deeper, nearly mounting.
Oh, he gave it all to you.
He gave it to you all night, as much as you wanted.
As much as you could take.
He flipped you over and fucked you from the back, his thrusts rough and manic, his hands gripping your ass so tight you were sure it would leave bruises.
He fucked you up against a wall, your body flush against his, trapped between the two as he babbled about how "fuckin' good" your pussy was and "oh, fuck yes, yes" as he slammed balls deep into you.
He fucked you on the floor, your body bouncing on top of him as his hips thrusted up to meet yours, his hands grasping and massaging your tits as his thick cock sank into your wet folds and velvety walls again and again.
Each thrust was agonizing, taking you to a place of euphoria so intense it was almost painful.
"Ah, ah, oh, fuck! Yes! Yes!"
You couldn't muster any words longer than that.
"Fuck, look at you, baby," Dick grunted, staring up at you as you took his big cock. "Lookin' so goddamn beautiful... so perfect... think I'm 'bout to burst..."
Sure, he had gone completely insane, utterly drunk on you and fucking like he'd never be able to again.
But what was robbing your ability to speak was the all-encompassing, overwhelming overflow of love exuding from his every pore.
It oozed everywhere, flooding your every sense and drowning you in nothing but his potent and powerful devotion.
You couldn't even block it out, the love so supreme and possessed that it was overloading your Shine, bringing you to tears.
"Y-You... love me!" you cried, hot tears rolling down your cheeks as your voice reached above the loud bed-springs and his rigorous fucking. "God, Dick... you love me so much!"
Instantly, Dick flipped you over, laying you on your back and sinking deeper.
"You feel me, baby?" he smiled in your ear. "Tell me how much you feel me. Tell me how much I love my wife."
It was so hard to do while the man was knocking your brains out your skull, but you found the willpower to do it anyway.
"So much!" you sobbed, overcome with the intensity and emotion as he wrapped his arms around you, locking you against him. "I love you so much, Dick! Need you s'much!"
"Yeah?" he teasingly asked, pressing a wet kiss into your collarbone. "Y'need me, baby girl? Y'love me?"
He adjusted his grip on you again, damn near folding you in half.
"Get ready, baby, 'cause you 'bouta get it all..."
You thought you were getting fucked before?
He shifted into a entirely different being as he rutted into you like a machine, hips pistoning, cock throbbing, pulsing, until finally, finally...
"Oh, fuck!" he bellowed, his voice ricocheting off the walls of your bedroom as he filled you to the brim with all of him.
You gasped as his spunk filled you, spilling into your pussy, bringing with it a warm, gushing sensation that triggered your own orgasm.
"Shit!" he groaned, encouraging you with his quick thrusts. "Cum with me, baby! Fuckin' give it to me!"
You had no choice but to.
With your eyes in the back of your head and your legs in the air, you came all over him.
His thrusts slowed to deep rocks of his hips as he fucked his cum into you, making sure none of it spilled until it was ready to pull out.
Spent.
Filled.
Probably knocked up.
All things you realized you were as you laid on the bed, weakly mewling as Dick continued to stroke.
When he was finally done, he slowly pulled out, moaning with you at the loss of contact and your pussy gushed your mixed release.
"Don't move, baby," he cooed. "Lemme clean you up."
Mustering some strength, he got up and strode into the bathroom, grabbing a damp washcloth before returning to wipe up the mess you both made, paying close attention to your puffy lips and clit.
When he finally finished, he gently moved himself under your exhausted form and laid down with you on his chest, the both of you sweaty and beat but absolutely satisfied.
You rested a hand over his heart, the hand that housed your wedding band, the simple gold almost glowing in the moonlight.
Moonlight shined in the brown eyes that stared down at you in utter adoration, holding promises of endless love and so much more.
"I love you, baby," he murmured into your hair, pressing a soft and sincere kiss on the top of your head as his arms snaked tightly and protectively around you.
You smiled, pressing a kiss on his chest before resting your hand on top of it.
Summary: Calliope music was carried over on the wind, and a dark sky reflected in the puddles at your feet. Uproarious laughter bounced off multifarious, peaked canopies—insubstantial as paint swirling in water—until the scene inexplicably changed: the only remaining object, a circus wagon with the visage of a clown painted on its side.
You had a thing about clowns.
As if by magic, the wagon would vanish into thin air, only to be replaced by a black, undefinable void.
It was as if time and space themselves were being manipulated, gravity breaking its own universal law. You stood motionless—or were you floating?
Warnings: This fic is NSFW, 18 plus. Tags include: Blood, Cosmic Horror, Alien Biology, Alien Sex, Extradimensional Entities, Shapeshifting, Tentacles, Tentacle Sex, Egg Laying, Eggpreg, Fear, Rapid Pregnancy, Period Sex, Cunnilingus, Pennywise earning Its redwings, Dreams, Mildly Dubious Consent, Psychological Horror, Balloons, Birth (but not the way you might think), Rough Oral Sex, Teeth, Monsterfucking | Teratophilia, Visions of the future, Family Drama, Religious Conflict, Time Manipulation, Voyeurism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Multiple Orgasms, Vaginal Fingering, Menstruation, Breeding Kink, Flashbacks, Bloody Kissing, Mind Manipulation, Lust, Hunger, Pain, Painful Sex, Guilty Pleasures, Cervix Penetration, Predator/Prey, Overprotectiveness, Stockholm Syndrome, Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Blood Kink, Neediness, God Complex, Choking, Missing Persons, Incubation, and Ovipositors. AKA DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT.
Notes: SORRY, NOT SORRY! Additionally, I thought "blowing the grounsils" would make a good title because it is an "archaic slang from the 18th-19th century, meaning to have sex with a woman on the floor, with 'grounsils' referring to the foundation timbers or floorboards." It's a euphemism for sexual intercourse, basically, and I love how Penny sometimes throws in an old-timey word or two to his speech.
Word count: 11.5k
Ao3 link
Comments, likes, and reblogs are greatly appreciated!
You had been called back.
Golden rays of sunshine peeked through fluffy white clouds drifting above your head, while cool water lapped against coarse stones. The day was hot—it was the middle of summer—the Kenduskeag Stream stretching out before you until it abruptly terminated, ending at a rocky shoreline and a copse of majestic pine trees.
You were alone, enjoying the solitude, having escaped your warring family for at least a little while. You had not been back to Derry for years, though it was where you had grown up. You barely remembered your time here, but over the past few days, strange memories had returned to you—things that often did not make any sense.
They culminated in a dream, punctuated by flashes of color and faces you did not recognize. There was a lingering smell, like freshly popped corn kernels, and the cloyingly sweet scent of cotton candy.
Calliope music was carried over on the wind, and a dark sky reflected in the puddles at your feet. Uproarious laughter bounced off multifarious, peaked canopies—insubstantial as paint swirling in water—until the scene inexplicably changed: the only remaining object, a circus wagon with the visage of a clown painted on its side.
You had a thing about clowns.
As if by magic, the wagon would vanish into thin air only to be replaced by a black, undefinable void.
It was as if time and space themselves were being manipulated, gravity breaking its own universal law. You stood motionless—or were you floating?
Other dreams were darker, unforgiving, and anything but innocent.
A specific sound always jarred you awake: laughter, like the unbridled joy of an escaped mental patient or the maniacal glee of a man gone mad. Despite this, you found yourself curious more so than afraid. Yet something had changed, something was missing. There was still a secret—one you were keeping from yourself. Not all the pieces of the puzzle had been discovered, but you found you were in no rush to unearth the truth.
Presently, you needed to cool off, both figuratively and literally, finding yourself staring down the mouth of the Kenduskeag for as far as your eyes could see. You had heard stories about this place, so close to The Barrens. It was the reason you had chosen it—it was improbable anyone would dare to come here.
It meant peace and quiet, and the opportunity for a swim. You had forgotten to pack a bathing suit for your trip back home, but it didn't matter. You would make do.
What you had brought with you was a towel, this being a sort of premeditated adventure on your part. It was not as if you were unfamiliar with the area, having spent many summers here. Most of them had been devoted to riding your bike through downtown or getting into trouble with your folks for staying out past curfew.
It never occurred to you that someone might be watching; it was just another ordinary day in Derry, Maine, like so many others from your childhood. Besides, it would be quick—you would easily be back in time for supper.
You quietly scanned your surroundings, having left your car parked at the top of the hill, just beyond the bridge. You imagined it to be safe there, at least for a little while, knowing you couldn’t arrive back at your parents’, soaked to the bone, nor did you want to ruin the upholstery of your sedan.
You were a grown woman now, capable of making your own choices, even if perhaps they were illegal or ill-advised. Having been more or less sheltered for your entire life and forced to endure the ravings of overtly religious parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, you were glad for the opportunity to do something they would disapprove of.
In fact, the only reason you were here now was that there had been a death in the family—your youngest cousin had gone missing, never to be seen again. While you mourned him, that did not mean you couldn’t take a break from those left among the living; you honestly wondered if he hadn’t simply run away—you had been too chickenshit back then.
You began to remove your shoes, placing them beside the towel on the ground at your feet. Soon after came your jeans, your top, and then your undergarments, baring all to the forest and the critters who lived therein, both in the stream itself and deep within the woods. Folding them quasi-neatly, you took one last look around before leaving the safety of the tree line, breaking into a jog and reaching the crisp blue water quickly, just in case anyone might see you.
You weren’t normally one to skinny-dip—especially while menstruating—but there was a first time for everything.
The water's temperature surprised you, even if you had known what to expect. Goose pimples materialized down your arms and legs, but you kept going until you were chest-deep, your breasts, along with the rest of your body, thoroughly hidden beneath the river’s surface.
You already felt refreshed, momentarily forgetting your problems to bask in the sunlight and smile to yourself. You splashed playfully, swimming a little farther out from shore, though careful not to go too deep. Your thoughts wandered as you picked out shapes among the clouds—one of them looked like a sailboat. Another, you were sure, resembled a bear.
For a moment, you thought your imagination had run away with you, so stark in contrast to the blue of the sky was the object you saw floating benignly above your head. It was a bright red balloon tethered to a string, moving with an almost purposeful glide. Its sudden appearance was impossibly eerie, as though it had manifested itself out of thin air.
You gasped, hurriedly looking around for its source—surely it had come from somewhere, from someone, though of course it might have simply traveled here all on its own.
Perhaps it was a straggler from a kid’s birthday party, or maybe the carnival was in town. Maybe it had been hastily tied and slipped free during a sale at the local car dealership, or it could have escaped from the grand opening of that new pizza parlor downtown.
Whatever the case was, you decided to promptly ignore it, settling back down into the inviting arms of the river, once more overcome with a sense of peace—that was, until you heard the twinkling sound of bells jingling in unison.
Your eyes snapped back toward shore.
Nothing.
You failed to locate the source, the riverbank being devoid of anything but pebbles and rocks. You peered into the trees, only able to see so far—no movement, no more sound.
The fine, short hairs on your arm stood on end. Your gut told you something was amiss, but you willed yourself to relax, ignoring the uneasy feeling that had started to bubble up inside you. Besides, it was broad daylight—who would be stupid enough to mess with you at 3 o’clock in the afternoon? It was naive thinking on your part—crimes could happen to anyone at any time, and Derry had more than its fair share.
Though you tried to quiet your mind, it was difficult. Minutes passed before you finally sank back, shutting your eyes against the glare of the sun.
Giggling—sprightly, yet somehow sinister—it echoed through the wood, bouncing in all directions. Your eyes shot back open, your arms floundering as you attempted to balance yourself, paddling your legs beneath the surface of the water.
“Who’s there?!” you called, hoping that no one would answer. But you had heard laughter—distinctly. There was no mistaking it for anything else.
You listened. There was not a single chirp of a bird, nor any buzz of insects. Just you and the Kenduskeag; the sound of the tributary continuously flowing downstream toward the Penobscot.
It was time to get out and go home, you decided—you should have never come here.
Propelling your arms and legs, you moved the short distance back toward shore, swimming until the ground rose up to meet you. At that point, you stood, despite being naked; despite the possibility that someone was spying on you right this very moment—could it be a child? Someone playing a trick on you? A teenage boy trying to get a good look at your tits?
But something about it unnerved you, like you had heard that same laughter somewhere before. It was unique, high-pitched, and just a little bit unhinged. You forced yourself not to think about it and headed straight for the spot where you had left your clothes—except they were not there. Only the towel was.
Fear might have been the proper response, but instead, it only made you angry. You grabbed the oversized black bath towel, wrapped it hastily around yourself, tucked the end to secure it, and yelled, “All right, who’s out there?! Give me back my clothes!”
“Iiiii don’t think so!” you heard a voice reply. It sounded distant—mocking—somewhere back in the trees, yet close enough that you could make out the words.
You hesitated. You would have to walk barefoot, since this asshole had taken off with your shoes, too. And though the person’s voice had a puerile quality to it, you were almost certain it was male—adult.
“What kind of freak steals someone’s clothes?” you muttered under your breath before raising your voice to make your appeal: “Hey, man! I need my keys! Keep the phone; wallet, but at least be decent enough to let me drive out of here…”
Maybe he wanted you stranded. Maybe he had other plans for you.
You nearly tripped, stumbling, when you saw a figure emerge some fifty feet away—it was your little cousin, the one who was presumed to be dead.
“What the—”
You called out to him, and the boy turned around, beginning to walk farther into the trees. You winced as you made your way over sharp rocks and fallen branches, paying no heed to the rest of your surroundings, dead set on not losing sight of him.
You shouted his name again, having only met this child once in your life, though you had seen his picture on social media, at his parents’ house. “Hey! We’ve been looking for you! We thought you were dead! Do you remember me? We're family!”
There was something up ahead, something beyond him—somewhere he was leading you, you thought. The ground felt wrong, mushy, your toes sinking into the muck. The earth here gave way to swamp, and in the distance, a storm drain. You froze as you watched him walk directly into it, disappearing into the dark.
Then it hit you—you weren’t alone out here, and neither was he. “Wait up! Where are you going?! Who’s out here with you? Are you in some kind of troubl—ow! Fuck!” you cursed, falling onto your knees—you had snagged your foot on the gnarled root of a tree.
You closed your eyes, focusing your anger; your intent. You took a deep breath to center yourself, then opened your eyes again.
Shoes—but not yours; not the ones you were missing; not your cousins’, but shoes decorated with soiled, orange, feathery poms. Shoes that weren’t shoes at all, but boots—boots with polka-dot laces, boots that vanished beneath ruffled, stained lace trim.
Attached to it was a leg covered in ruched, moon-colored fabric that had seen better days; a garland—which, for all intents and purposes, looked like jumbo peppermints—was cinched around an ankle, the source of all that jingling.
Your eyes traveled up, up.
Held between two white-gloved fingers was a set of keys—your keys—dangling by a metal O-ring. They were resting against a thigh clothed in an overlay of bouffant bloomers; a waist embellished by twisted cords of red and gold.
More fluffy pompoms rested front and center, your gaze daring to travel farther still—up toward a pair of shoulders, a neck—a crimped, pleated collar.
All of this reminded you so much of—
“Looking for these?”
A clown.
It couldn’t be…
Icy blue eyes stared down into yours, a cherry-painted mouth upturned into a lopsided smile. You gazed at fiery curls; at a button nose; at red lines that curled, extending all the way to a broad forehead, ending past barely visible eyebrows, then spiking toward a hairline that receded.
You were hit with a wave of repressed memories, nostalgia so thick you could taste it.
Blue changed to silver, then to gold—you continued to stare, two words whispered from your lips, simultaneous and matching the same two words from the creature that stood above you, looking down—It felt malevolence, excitement, yearning, longing—all at once.
“It’s you—”
---
You are a child, barely old enough to speak. Your room is decorated to resemble a circus, dolls lining the walls, each with their own frilly, garish outfit; their own distinct makeup; their own hair in various unnatural shades, coiled and coiffed.
Some have dimpled cheeks, others are frowning. Some are girls, but there are boys too, wearing puffy pantaloons and lace-up boots, or pointy poulaines, cockscombs, or a cap'n’ bells.
Their costumes border on the gaudy and grandiose, though they are supposed to look like that—they are clowns.
Clowns are your favorite—it’s all thanks to that one show on TV. Your parents don’t understand it, but they don’t question you either, for they cannot—you are only two and a half years old.
You can’t even speak full sentences, though you are a happy child. They take you to church on Sundays, and then to grandma’s house.
You are taught about the baby Jesus, about God and the devil, but you do not understand these things—you only want to play with your dolls, and so they let you, though one night you saw It—a real one—a real, live clown!
To this clown’s detriment, you are not frightened—you love this “man” in his silver suit, with his buckteeth and funny grin. You love the bright color of the pompoms on his tunic and on his boots.
His hair is your favorite part—he bends down on one knee and offers you a red balloon—how could you have forgotten that after all these years?
You take it and giggle; you reach out one tiny hand and touch his rosy nose. Pure joy emanates from you—the man does not like this.
You remember teeth—you remember what you thought was a silly game. Your heart is filled to bursting with absolute glee—he’s so funny!
This upsets the clown; this baffles him—makes him angry.
The last thing that you recall is him recoiling from you, shaking his head, bells jingling as he backs toward your closet. Then, he disappears into the dark, the golden cast of his eyes fading into shadow.
You tell your parents; they do not believe you until they see the balloon, tied by its string around one of the four posters of your bed. You recall their alarm; you recall them scolding you, but all you felt was sadness—the clown never comes back to visit you again… at least not in your waking life.
Where you see It is in your dreams.
And It is not stupid, no. It knows that it could find something that scares you, but you are so young, offer so little meat—there are others that would make far tastier prey, others that will satisfy Its appetite—your fear would have been a drop in a bucket.
It can wait.
But It cannot wait.
Why should you occupy Its thoughts, even as It sleeps?
In dreams is where It encounters you, where It watches you grow up, where It learns what you truly fear…
Your family believes in things that cannot be proved, not in things like It, that is here and real, resting beneath Derry, watching, fantasizing about Its next meal…
And what you are afraid of is what any teenage girl would be afraid of, something of little use to It, but it will have to do.
It watches as you pleasure yourself, as you begin to mature, as you hit puberty, as your first cycle begins…
Oooh, and It lusts. It craves. It imagines what it would be like to sink Its teeth into your flesh, once and for all—what it would be like to become one, to absorb you, to make you belong to It and no one else!
You are effectively a woman now, but your parents continue to drag you to church, to make you sit through boring sermons, to be prayed over, and you hate them for it. You despise listening to the minister at the pulpit talk about eternal damnation; about how God sees everything you do; hears everything you say; knows everything you think!
And It is angry for you, for It is what sees everything you do. It is what hears everything you say. It knows everything you think—not this God of mortals, not this man who lives in the sky, but the one who lives down below…
But that fear, even so, does not keep you from carnal sin; from watching pornography on electronic devices; from touching yourself, from finding new ways in which to satisfy your biological, human urges.
But It is hungry—It thinks of rousing early, of having a bit of a midnight snack…
And It can smell you, all the way down in the sewer, even as you sleep safely and soundly in your bed, under your overbearing, nosy parents’ roof.
They had caught you once—how mortified you were, how horrible it had been to be forced to go to confession, to tell the priest you had committed a mortal sin!
They made you—they made you tell how you had spent the money you’d earned from your very first summer job after high school on something monstrous! Something you kept hidden beneath your mattress, something no mere mortal man could ever hope to achieve, for it was not molded from anything of this earth, but of what they called “demonic perversions,” and ohhh how It had laughed…
To beg forgiveness was the correct path, they said—to say your Hail Marys and ask for God’s mercy, to ask him for the self-discipline in which to overcome this “disordered use” of God’s gift… how dare you not wait for a man to deflower you in marriage!
How funny that the little clown-girl with her collection of dolls, all dressed and ready for the circus, had grown up to be so lascivious, rebellious, and depraved...
Being forced to exist in a repressive household tended to do that to a person.
It visits you then, taking whatever form It pleases, like an incubus in the night, like the otherworldly being that It is.
Sometimes, It is a tangle of limbs, a colossal form that towers over you, that holds you down, that takes you the way It wants—
—other times, It is a winged creature, a spawn of hell, something with horns; something your parents would hate; something you will keep to yourself, even as the priest inside his box tries to coax it from you…
Oh, but you prefer the clown! You prefer Pennywise, Its favorite, just as It prefers him, too. And It does not spare you any of Its ferocity, but you take it all in stride…
You are such a good little pet, one Pennywise is fond of. One Pennywise wants to feel, hold, taste in person…
And time—time is not the same to Pennywise; Pennywise doesn’t know where one part of human history ends, and another begins, but what It does know is that this girl—this child, woman—so unafraid and accepting of It—will one day come in handy, long from now—
—but soon, or perhaps later, you are gone—you are out of Its reach, and It does wake up then, to search the town, to traverse the whole of Derry, up, down, inside and out… but you are nowhere to be found.
Anger, madness, frustration, loss—all these things It feels, and what a bad time the others have, those that It would feed on, snack on—only for meat, to taste the delicious taste of fear, to bathe in their blood, for sustenance, and not once for pleasure… not once… though pleasure was had.
But it is not the same! Not the same at all!
Then, It goes back to sleep, knowing one day you will return to It, but until then, it dreams of you as you dreamed of It—an endless cycle of back and forth, with no beginning and no end—not until 2016 CE.
---
In an instant, your keys were gone, tossed somewhere over the clown’s shoulder, lost to the scrub land; the trees, but it did not matter—you were beginning to remember.
“You’re not real…” you whispered. “I didn’t think you were—how—”
“Ooooh, the little clown-girl—” the man from your dreams began, “—the dirty, wretched sinner who sleeps with her demons instead of damning them like papa and mama said—so you do remember me.”
You watched as It took one careful step forward, your cheeks burning from embarrassment. Its feet were soundless, the clown’s aureate eyes just like you recalled them from all those years ago.
“And does she remember my name, too?” It asked in a chipper tone, bending at the waist, a faint twinkling of bells coinciding with Its movements as It folded one arm across Its belly, bowing formally.
“Pen-Penny—” you started, struggling to find the right word, feeling it on the tip of your tongue.
“That’s right!” the clown exclaimed, popping back up in Its excitement, one finger brandished in the air as It landed softly on Its feet once more. “Pennywise, the DANCING Clown… and you are…?” It asked, tilting Its head to one side.
You spoke your name almost bashfully, wondering in that moment if you were crazy, forgetting you were in the middle of nowhere, the middle of the woods, with a towel wrapped around you because this man, this person—thing—had taken off with all your clothes.
And your cousin—where was he? Not a thought crossed your mind as to his whereabouts. Your focus was concentrated on Pennywise, this figment from your youth.
“Of course, you are!” the clown exclaimed, his smile a caricature of what seemed natural, growing wider, though Its facade, Its false appearance of joy, began to wane, Its twisted grin dwindling into a frown.
“I could never forget you!” It declared, Its voice changing, taking on more urgency.
“Really? You—”
“Why did you leave?” It suddenly asked, stretching out before you like some kind of animal, finding Itself on Its hands and knees, level with you on the ground.
You eyed It warily, shifting your weight backward to sit flat on your behind.
It bristled—It smelled fear, just a hint, a taste—Its nose wrinkled as It leaned forward, pressing Its palms into the earth, dirtying Its gloves.
“Leave? I—”
“Iiii looked for you, waited for you, dreamed of you… And you—you forgot allll about me, didn’t you? Alllll about me until right this very moment, isn’t that right?”
“I—I didn’t mean to, I—”
“You didn’t mean to?!” the clown shrieked, straining Its voice, causing birds to scatter to the winds, for the leaves to rustle in the trees.
“It was Dad!” you shot back. “He got a new job! We left Derry, we—”
“—don’t you think Iiiiii know?” came Its reply, Pennywise’s voice once more lowering in volume, though It crept closer, crawling toward you across the damp forest floor.
You racked your brain, trying to understand why you had forgotten in the first place, but were overcome with memories too disturbing to ignore.
Disturbing, yet…
“And did you miss me?” It asked, one arm stretching out, Its fingers moving to grip your ankle, curling loosely about your shin.
You stared into Pennywise’s anomalous gaze—how many times had you done that in the realm beyond sleep, a realm you thought existed only in your dreams? How many forms had It taken—how many times had you made love to It—how many times had you fucked It? How many times had It fucked you?
“Yes,” you whispered without thinking. Penny’s frown dropped away, as if it had never been there in the first place, Its expression becoming completely and utterly neutral, though Its eyes spoke of curiosity; intrigue.
“I spent so many nights with you, and then without you—not knowing what I was missing, not until—” You took a breath, glancing down at the clown holding you within Its clutches. You found that you were not afraid, though you knew he—It—wasn’t human; It had never been. “—until I came home.”
“Then she remembers everything!” Pennywise joyfully proclaimed. “She remembers being taken by me; remembers being a part of me; remembers being mine, mine, mine—”
You said nothing as the creature became more insistent, one of Its eyes listing lazily to the left, taking on a mind of its own. “Everything is as it should be.... Everything you are belongs to me, yes, it does!”
The clown’s incongruous gaze roved over your body excitedly; you watched as a droplet of drool formed on Its tongue, dribbling down Its bottom lip to land on the leaves below. It was no secret to Itself that It lusted after the women on this planet—It found them tender and juicy, making for the most delicate meat. Their fear was unrivaled—the way they screamed and fought against It—
But oh, It had favorites. Favorites It wished to keep; to play with; to mate with. And you were the first in centuries—the first that had been willing and not afraid.
“I sent for you; I knew you had come home. And you dreamt of me, like alllll those years ago.” Something like regret weaseled its way into the clown’s voice, as if reminiscing brought it pain.
“So many years, gone, gone—but flesh and blood is strong. Flesh and blood brrriiings people togetherrrrr…”
It did not elaborate. It did not tell you It used your own kin, luring him—your tiny, tasty cousin—to the sewers in hopes that you might return, somehow, someday. And now, you need not know—perhaps you would forget to ask!
You were quiet, not knowing what to say. Not knowing if you should speak, wondering if this thing was better off as a part of your overactive imagination, still not believing It to be anything more than a concoction of your own mind, or the product of a fairy tale—did you want It to be real? Would It ever let you go again? Did you want It to let you go?
Those things that had escaped you—those pieces of the puzzle—it was you, you realized, cocooned in the arms of infinity, embracing the darkness, letting it envelop you; letting It have its way a million times, in each and every lifetime, though bound by the physical limitations of this world.
How terrible to be apart from It; how terrible to endure so many years alone.
As if reading your thoughts, the creature’s eyes snapped back up to your face, bright as the sun and red-rimmed, Its fingers creeping higher, pinching at the edge of your makeshift robe.
Your towel was removed, partially yanked off your body, falling to either side of your hips as you were left naked, exposed.
Your bare stomach rose and fell as your breathing picked up. It looked at you with a hunger in Its eyes you were unfamiliar with, though it aroused you, however inexplicable the feeling might be. You wondered if there was something wrong with you after all, realizing you did not want It to stop what It was doing, no matter that you were unsure of what that even was.
Similarly, you remembered never knowing what to expect from It—It was unpredictable, mad, unmoored. You knew It could be frightening, but you trusted It implicitly, like the handler of a ferocious beast trusted its charge not to bite the hand that feeds—something that came with vanity, perhaps.
Its nose wiggled. Its nostrils flared as It inhaled deeply of your aroma, Its tongue waggling at the corner of Its mouth. Then, Its forehead crinkled in concentration. White, cracked greasepaint moved alongside It. It had closed Its eyes for a fractional moment, as if savoring something delicious—something It had picked up from out of thin air. Like a snake, It collected chemical particles to deliver to the roof of Its mouth, interpreting them to be, in this case, an opportunity to mate.
“You kept my balloon, after all this time!” It said, tilting Its head to the side, supposedly referring to the one you had received as a child—the one that had frightened your parents into putting locks on your bedroom windows.
You gazed at It in confusion, unsure of what It meant, “What? No, my parents made me—”
You broke off mid-sentence, a strange pressure blooming inside you, though it was not entirely unpleasant, like a weighty object bearing down against your uterus. Instinctively, your hand flew to your stomach—there was a subtle swelling beneath your skin—panic started to creep in.
“What’s happening?” you whined, a concerned inflection seeping into your voice.
Pennywise was grinning as you watched in shock and awe. It had collected the string dangling just outside your vagina—the one connected to your tampon.
It tugged, and you gasped, the sensation pleasurable, even as you heard something squeak, something like rubber, or latex, being pulled out from inside you—were you imagining this? Was this really happening? Were you truly birthing a bright red balloon?
This is what frightened you—It knew, didn’t it? Pregnancy, labor, childbirth…
Even so, you teetered on the edge of an orgasm as the balloon was wrested from your body, the high-pitched whine persisting as it slid back and forth inside you, rubbing along your anterior walls, brushing against that hidden, electric spot deep within.
You lay back onto the ground, moaning despite yourself, as if this wasn’t one of the strangest, most horrifying experiences you had ever had.
It was clear this creature could do anything It wanted; could make you feel anything It wanted; could make you think whatever It deemed amusing; could play with your head and your emotions—you were aghast, but also mesmerized, so close to climax.
It continued to grin, releasing Its prize to the sky as your belly deflated and flattened back out, it all having been a trick of the mind. Then, It salivated, this time a drop of spittle leaking its way down onto your foot—you craned your neck, gazing at It with wide, timid eyes, looking out over the top of your breasts.
The creature bent lower still, Its eye contact heady and perturbing. Its hands found your thighs, splaying you open with a shake of Its head; a twinkling of bells, as It once more sniffed at the air.
“Your smell—it haunted me, like a ghost, it did,” Pennywise lamented, Its voice musical and melodic. “And now, I will finally get to taste you! How sweet you must be—so sick of waitinggggg,” It snarled, the creature’s tongue unraveling to present itself, longer than what it seemed—longer than what it should be, Its teeth no longer resembling anything near-human—they had elongated and sharpened—rows upon rows of them—much to your dismay.
“No, sto—!”
It was too late.
You gasped as Its face plunged forward. You pushed against Its shoulders as It buried Itself inside your wet, fragrant mound. It feasted on you, like an animal delving into the carcass of its kill, Its face becoming saturated in your warm, sticky blood.
You could hear Its bells chiming; see the top of its broad forehead; the spire of orange that jutted up, coiling at its tip. Your breath hitched in your throat as you realized what was happening, wishing to clamp down, wishing to thrust your hips, but you simply lay there, assaying to catch your breath between eager, noisy licks; between greedy growls and thirsty slurps.
“Penny!” you begged, your pleas dying on deaf ears. You expected it to hurt; to die here; to be ripped apart, but It was only lapping you clean, treating your cunt like a mouth, pushing Its cartoonishly long tongue much too deep.
You felt the brush of Its fangs trace the inside of your leg; felt the claw of Its fingers digging into your thighs as it pried you wider. You gasped for air as the damned thing burrowed Its tongue like a serpent in soil, pushing relentlessly past the walls of your narrow cervix.
You yelped in pain, though your discomfort was deadened by Its thumb moving to massage the nub at the top of your loins. The clown pressed on, Its thick, muscular organ managing to find Its way to the core of your womb.
“Fuck—” you breathed, panting through an ache that resembled intense contractions, as if experiencing birth in reverse, yet It humored you, caressing the swollen bud that throbbed between your legs. The pain, intermingling with pleasure, was nearly indescribable, your feeble, human mind struggling to comprehend the strange, disorienting sense of euphoria that had overtaken you.
“Eat me,” you muttered, laughing as if delirious. Its eyes snapped up toward your face. It had not expected that, though It did not need your encouragement—It had planned to do so until It had emptied you out, devouring the remnants of the lining to your uterus.
It gorged on clots; on glandular and epithelial cells, blood vessels, and immune cells; on your stratum functionalis—the layer that month after month would thicken and shed, this time it feeding It, your aching cries turning toward moans; your face crinkling not in pain but pleasure; your back arching as Pennywise guzzled down all the good bits, an orgasm rolling through you in time with the soft, languid caress of Its nimble, white-clad fingers.
It had made an effort not to harm you, which was uncharacteristic of Its predatory nature, but It had a reason to keep you alive; It needed you; It craved you; knew you were the only one that could be trusted to the task It had in store, even if It was hungry—so very, very hungry. Even if you tasted so, so good—so, so YUMMY!
There was a heavy suction; the feeling of being bereft, devoid. You whimpered, Pennywise’s tongue having furled back through you, up and out, to backtrack and take its place inside Its gaping maw.
Then, Its jaw snapped shut.
You stayed put, attempting to recover. Pennywise watched you; studied you; hovered over you, wiping Its mouth off on the back of Its froofy sleeve. Its bunny teeth were back, It having reshaped itself momentarily into the spitting image of a long-dead clown.
It smiled a sick kind of smile, a crazed look in Its eyes.
“Oooh, there she is!” Pennywise praised, Its mirthful tone tinged with derision, though truthfully, It may have been delighted. “My good little girl. My sweet, sweet, tasty, darling, monster fucker,” It growled, the mocking cadence of Its voice deepening toward a chilling rasp. “And how well she bleeds for me, as if she knew I would be hungry.”
“I don’t care,” you breathed, reaching up and out. Your hand had the audacity to cup the creature’s cheek in the crook of your palm. Pennywise’s eyes shot straight to the right, Its lips pursing in confusion, Its brows rising toward Its carrot-colored curls as if repulsed.
“I don’t care what you are,” you whispered, “take me like you used to; take me back to our nights together, like in my dreams—please.”
The clown snatched your hand, plucking the offender off Its cheek, Its stupefied expression slowly contorting back toward an amused smile.
“Oh, yes,” It agreed, “Pennywise will take you—take you faaaar away, forever and ever—back to Its home where the little clown-girl, all grown-up, will serve her purpose; serve her god, for a good, long while; for as long as it takes for her body to return to dust; for as long as Pennywise chooses—such a good little pet you will be...”
You blinked up at It; It cackled a deranged, disparaging laugh, as if what It had said had been the funniest thing It had professed in all Its years floating through the macroverse. Then, just as quickly, it stopped, Pennywise gazing down at you with a swift tilt of Its head.
“We’ll see, we’ll see, how much you will care—what fun we shall have! HaHA, HmmMnn…” It hummed, “so many things to choose from—so many ways to blow the grounsils,” It chuckled, snorting at Its own well-timed humor.
“I know!” It announced, It’s face beginning to melt—the greasepaint; the flecks of red; Its upturned nose—all gone, dissolving into a puddle of pus and goo—what was left was the ovoid shape of a human skull.
You stared in horror and fascination, your eyes as round as dinner plates, new flesh beginning to seep out from fissures and cracks in raw, white osseous tissue—you held your breath.
Then, a new face took shape—clothing, black, long, and flowing. A cross dangled from around a neck that wore a clerical collar, the man seated on top of you now none other than the age-old priest that your parents had forced you to visit in your youth, time and time again.
“How long has it been, my child, since your LaST ConFEsSIon?!”
You wrinkled your nose. The image of Father Brennan did not scare you so much as disconcert you. He had simply been the man you whispered all your sins to behind closed doors—there was nothing truly frightening about him. The worst of it had been watching Its gruesome transformation, and though you felt your heart palpitating rapidly, it was more so from excitement than fear itself—what magic was this? How could it be explained?
“At least fifteen years,” you answered.
The forehead on this imitation Father Brennan furrowed, the creature perhaps frustrated that It had not gotten a rise out of you the way It had intended—It decided to try again; you were once more forced into the role of the observer.
You watched as thick, leathery wings sprouted from Its back, the cassock of the false Father torn asunder, ribbons of shredded fabric flying through the air in all directions. Horns sprouted from Its head as Father Brennan’s hair fell out at the root, Its eyes turning back to an angry yellow. Its skin bubbled up like tar—inky black, dark as a moonless night—though when It exposed Its teeth, they were as white as snow, as sharp as an entire cache of swords.
It was the inverse of an angel, imposing and monstrous, like a demon that had climbed Its way out from the bowels of hell itself. It opened Its mouth, took a purposeful breath, then shrieked at the top of Its lungs, bellowing directly in your face.
You felt wisps of your hair tickling your brow, as if disturbed by the wind. You gazed at It—Its bitumen-colored flesh; the curved outgrowths atop Its head. You stared into Its eyes without fear, without hesitation. You knew It's game now—It could be anything you wanted; It could take on any shape that you or Itself desired.
“Not my favorite,” you said, your voice softer than before. This gave It pause.
As if unable to handle your lack of care, or the way you so calmly addressed It, the creature began to tremble and vibrate. It screeched an awful sound. You were jolted, speechless, as Its entire body burst into flames.
This frightened you more than anything—the idea that you could lose It; that it would leave you, never to return.
“Wait, don’t—”
To your amazement, from the ashes rose a being of gigantic proportions, like a phoenix being reborn, Its limbs long and lithe, eight of them in total. Each caused the ground to shake as if the earth might open up to swallow you whole, one of Its legs stomping so close to your head that you flinched, temporarily shutting your eyes.
It had to remind Itself you were not food—you were special. You would assure the survival of Its offspring months, years from now. It was so hard to keep track when everything always felt the same, day in and day out, trapped in one time, one place.
In fact, for once, It did not necessarily want to scare you, though scaring people was Its favorite game! And it was a game—to play with your food; to taste fear; to see the look of terror in someone's eyes—to make them float, float, float! But a game It oddly had the willpower to control.
Nothing happened—your gaze returned to It. It towered nearly to the height of the trees, bigger than you had ever seen It, this form resembling what you could only conceptualize as an arachnid of some kind—an enormous spider. Luckily, you were not terribly afraid of those, either, and you were starting to feel a little bit braver—why hadn’t It hurt you yet? Was that Its intent, or was It simply toying with you?
The creature’s pedipalps twitched and pinched together, Its many eyes regarding you from Its place high above. Its chelicerae dripped with what you could only assume was venom, and for a moment, you wondered if It might try to bite you, or worse.
You inhaled a breath through your teeth and took a chance, “I want to see the real you.”
It gave an animalistic squall of indignation despite Itself; despite Its grand design to keep you alive, the creature caterwauling in response to your perceived rudeness—how dare you not even so much as bat an eye! It was a titan; a god! An Eater of Worlds!
However, that had been why It chose you, after all…
The head of the arachnid exploded into a shower of slime and viscera—you gaped up at it, a variety of particulates raining down upon you—blood, brain—only for the face of the clown to emerge once more, squeezing Its way through the end of a severed neck, Its hair perfect and spotless; Its eyes wide and raging.
“The real me?!” It cried, Its extra arms and legs being absorbed before your very eyes, as if sucked up by Its body, all the excess limbs shrinking, shrinking, until finally they vanished and reintegrated with the creature, someplace beyond the clown suit. Pennywise stood before you now, once more wholly Itself—or at least so you thought—Its height having returned to normal, though It was still much taller than anyone you had ever met.
“Does she think Pennywise to be Pennywise?” It chortled darkly, bending down in front of you again. It placed five fingers firmly on the ground as if ready to spring, though It went absolutely still—silent—a fresh fountain of drivel oozing from Its mouth to gush over Its bottom lip.
You waited for It to elaborate—the creature did not breathe, blink, or make a single peep for so long that you began to suspect it had checked out of reality—was It experiencing a seizure? Could It?
Similar to a computer needing to reboot, It glitched—effectively frozen in time and space—all but the drool that continued to drip, Its fierce amber eyes staring vacantly into your soul: an oxymoron that was nonetheless accurate.
“P-Penny?” you asked, your voice a whisper, your hand reaching out to touch the creature—to bring It back to life.
There was a rustle of fabric, a sharp, unnatural tilt of Its head, causing you to withdraw your arm in haste. Its bells jingled a light metallic sound, Its mouth curving upward into a sadistic grin.
“Be careful what you WIiiiSSsssH for!”
The creature's maw opened—Its entire head, Its upper jaw curling backward to reveal a gaping, glowing abyss lined with column upon column of tapered, needle-like teeth, white and actuate—you were caught, catatonic within Its magnetic pull.
Inside, this cavity was the color of flesh—red and wet—the roof of Its mouth never-ending, both the soft and hard palates entirely covered in barbs. Your eyes were first drawn to the pirahanaesque, serrated edges of its overlapping, curvilinear bite, then to the writhing, transcendental lights that were Its true, extra-dimensional form.
You spoke not a word; your eyes lost their pigment, everything you were—had been—seeming like nothing, at once doomed to the whirling, blinding, radiant orange luminescence before you, revealing to you your first indisputable taste of cosmic, paralytic horror—
—you never stood a chance.
---
Utter darkness—a vast nothingness—surrounded by incomprehensible, pulsating lights. They are the color of molten lava, the screams of men, women, and children—all dead—crying out for help, for mercy. Yet you cannot see to whom these voices belong, only able to recognize their suffering—their agony, timeless and endless, just as yours would be should you remain.
You didn’t want to stay. You turned to flee, to go back the way you came—or at least hoped to—seeing nothing ahead of you but blackness. You imagined this must be what it feels like to be inside a yawning chasm beneath the deepest ocean, or lost in the frozen, interminable tundra of outer space.
This—this is horrid; your heart races, threatening to burst inside your chest. You claw at nothing—at thin air, at rays of electromagnetic radiation, visible to the naked eye.
“Wait, not this, not—”
A flood of colors envelops you, swaddling and warming you. You breathe deeply, afraid to move, though you are floating—looking back at yourself like watching a movie, your future unfolding before you as you are made to observe.
The splash of water, dirty, unclean—the walls of the sewer closing in. Stacks upon stacks of bodies, rivers of blood—but there you are, among a cascade of corpses, a mountain of debris. There are heavy footsteps and voices shouting; chanting—Pennywise will be there to greet them, but not before It sends you away.
You are upset; disconsolate—the clown has left you in the Barrens, your belly swollen as if you are with child. Though it is not a baby you carry inside you, not in the traditional sense—you are full of eggs, their weight almost too much to bear.
You realize you must have chosen this fate, however terrified, your stomach painfully distended, yet you have to get away—you must find somewhere safe. You are Its warm, cozy, human incubator; Its protection for Its brood, for only these will survive, all thanks to you.
The room swirls. You witness adults—several men and one woman—taking it upon themselves to crush, stomp, and destroy Its other children. All that remains are mucin fibers, ropes of membranous gunk, and fragments of leathery shells—everything gone except for the two you carry within your womb.
Death, but beyond that, life—you cannot determine the end of It, though you are able to see back, back, moments of yourself entrapped in Its arms, cradled like a babe, this thing—this monster—bowed over you, Its presence like that of a vehement guard dog, never once letting you out of Its sight.
And there are feelings, so many physical or corporeal in nature, others only able to be felt in your soul, your mind.
But there is no love, not from It, but a sense of loyalty so ferocious that beneath it lingers animosity for anything that dares to come near Its layer, even the rats and vermin that have made their homes in the pipes.
Chief among those feelings are pleasure and desire, lust, hunger—yet you are the one person It would never eat, risking Its whole lineage.
But It knows the stench of love, the putrid scent of care, affection, and even adoration—and this smell will emanate from you, tainting the delicious aroma of your blood—something It will never understand.
Regardless, It takes care of you; feeds you Its own life force; fucks you—fucks you so well that you never wish to leave It. Often, It stays inside you, warming Itself—clutching Its own eggs—Its ultratelluric cock nestled snugly as It holds you close, searching out the steady cadence of your pulse—
And It sleeps, but so do you. It controls your circadian rhythm; it manipulates your feeble concept of time, slowing the way your body ages. You do not get sick; you do not grow old—you are a part of It, and It is a part of you.
---
Once, you were nothing. Now, you simply are—your return to Earth communicated by a jolt of shock and a surge of pain.
No longer kept aloft by the use of Its Deadlights, you fell roughly from the air, crumpling to the ground at Its feet. Your body had briefly taken to the sky, your consciousness leaving you, forced to endure an oppressive darkness capable of breaking your mind.
But that wasn’t what It wanted—it wanted the use of your corporeal husk: your soft flesh, the meat, the bones.
It stood tall, staring down at you—looming, waiting. You gasped for oxygen as your soul once more attached itself to your frail shell, Pennywise’s smiling face the first thing to greet you as you gaped up at It, struggling to absorb what had just happened—something nearly impossible to fathom.
It wasted no time.
“Do you see now, why I need you?” It rasped, squinting Its eyes and wrinkling Its ruby nose. “That fat, fat, FATTY Benny boy and all his friends… all my hard work—destroyed! My nest—trampled underfoot! My home, myself—gone, gone! All thanks to those LOSERS. How I hate them!” the clown raged, beginning to walk around one side of your supine form, tiptoeing as It went.
“But you are the key… Oh, why, why, didn’t I think of this before? Stupid, stupid Pennywise, ahah!”
The clown laughed, slapping Itself upside the head with a wan jingling as accompaniment, Pennywise slinking all the while. It eventually positioned itself before you, halting at the soles of your bare feet, hunching Its back to address you with a rumpled button nose and an amused expression, gazing intently into your widening eyes. “But only one, or two! Or you’ll pop, pop, POP like a balloon! Oh, yes, you will!”
You were yanked up without ceremony, Pennywise having clasped either side of your arms. It pinned them to your torso, moving you as It wished, as if you were some kind of doll or posable figure, propping you up against the trunk of an old pine tree, Its roots spidering outward from under a large chunk of rock.
“And where do we begin?” It asked, Its voice softening, as if your opinion would matter in the end. Your breasts heaved as you tried to break free of Its gaze, a look so severe having overtaken Its face that it unnerved you.
“Is she afraid?” Pennywise continued, the sudden feeling of Its gloved hand against your abdomen sending chills down your spine. The clown trailed Its fingers, grazing your navel, before Its hand vanished between your shuddering thighs, “or… does she feel shame?”
It inhaled through its nostrils—once, twice—coming to Its own conclusion. “Shame for how badly she wants the clown… For how badly she wants to be mine,” It purred, low and sweet, Its index and middle fingers brushing past soft folds, skimming the thrumming bud within. Both digits disappeared soon after, sheltered by the hollow of your cunt: they steeped themselves in a combination of vaginal slick and blood.
You moaned softly as you leaned against the pine tree behind you, It pushing Its fingers to the curve of Its knuckles. The flat of Its adjoining thumb mashed itself against the swollen nub between your legs, your clit begging for attention.
A rough chuckle rumbled in your ear as you closed your eyes— cruel; mocking. The creature curled Its fingers, pressing against the seat of your pleasure, quite easily eliciting an orgasm from your already soaked loins—It barely had to try.
“Don’t worry, you are—will be—tooooo late to escape...”
Your lashes fluttered open as Pennywise withdrew, holding his hand up for you to see as you felt yourself being emptied, your walls flexing for nothing; for want of something, feeling perverse and disgusted with yourself, having came twice already under Its spell.
“But will you stay?” you asked, your voice hardly a whisper, though Pennywise heard all of it—your pathetic whines for Its company. Company you would receive, nonetheless.
Pennywise ignored you, placing both Its fingers in Its mouth, sucking off the menstrual blood that stained Its gloves, the taste of your bodily fluids so redolent, like honey, or cotton candy freshly spun. It stared at you with a coldness in Its eyes, as if It had changed Its mind after all—perhaps It would devour you, snuffing out your little life like a candlewick.
Too bad, so sad.
“Another taste,” It snarled, Its voice dangerously low, Its timbre bordering a tone that was inhuman.
You sucked in a breath through your teeth as the tall, lanky, waif-thin clown dropped onto Its knees before you, It salivating like a dog awaiting a bone, drool slobbering down Its chin and onto Its frilly collar.
You prepared yourself for something like before, for some horrific thing to happen, to be split in half, but no such thing occurred—Penny only spread your labia apart with Its broad thumbs, ushering your lips to either side like the petals of a flower, blood, sticky and vibrant, coating your plush folds.
So, there was still some left—you were still ripe, still damp with sanguineous fluid—red, Its favorite color.
You watched, enthralled—sheepish—the long, languid lick of Its tongue starting at the entrance to your vagina. It swept its way across your minora and majora both, ending at its topmost part, Pennywise flicking your trembling bundle of nerves unhurriedly, just to watch you squirm.
The clown repeated the action, only this time immersing his tongue in its entirety, lapping you across your entire sex like you were some kind of frozen treat, or a fruit-flavored lollipop.
“Monster,” you said, a warped sense of affection welling in your heart, both meaning and not meaning it at the same time. The clown's eyes darted up toward your face, even as his tongue found its way inside you, its soft shape curling and tightening, remolding into the form of a large proboscis.
Your stomach tensed; you panted with every breath. You heard a slurp; felt a suck, sounds of swallowing, of an animal feasting greedily, Pennywise drinking and drinking—straight from your uterus—as if in command of a giant straw.
“Fuck,”you muttered, cramping up, your hands finding Its face as you drew It in, gently coaxing him to go deeper—and It did.
Oh, but It knew that too much, and you would waste away, become the dirt, nothing left but skin. It could liquify you—just one bite. But no—no, no!
It stopped, just as you thought It might swill you up in one greedy gulp, shaking Its head loose from your gentle grasp.
“A fool you are to tempt a god!” Pennywise snickered, rising to Its feet, Its tongue now once more Its own. “I could eat, eat, eat you up!” the clown affirmed with a brisk judder of Its entire body, as if shaking something off, pushing the bowl of Its palm against your stomach—you were roughly forced back into place against the aged wood.
“Mmn…” It growled, rubbing Its thumb back and forth, as if there was something already contained within you, as if Its eggs were already safely stored away inside your belly. “So warm, so cozy, so soft and sweet,” the creature teased, shifting, reaching out Its absurdly long arms to place a hand on either side of your waist.
“A test for youuuu, for me—for them,” the being grinned. It lifted you up as if you were nothing and set you down—with what you presumed was care—atop gray granite. The misshapen boulder was no taller than a quarter of the tree and was buried in the soil behind it.
The clown had you at hip level, grasping the entirety of your throat in one sizable hand. It squeezed as if to choke you—you clasped Its wrist and tugged, though It did not budge. “Look at you, a dirty little slut for ol’ Pennywise… and so you will be, never, ever to leave.”
You struggled internally, battling yourself, wanting to agree, wanting to stay, but knowing that your life would be forfeit, destined to a future with this clown, deep in the sewers of Derry, filled to the brim with Its clutch, nothing but a soft, warm body to lay Its eggs in. You pushed against Its hand, though it was hardly worth doing, the creature tilting Its head to watch.
“Ohoho! Hooohoo! She needs proof!?”
There was a shucking, a movement of some kind, just out of sight. You kicked your feet; the creature only lifted you higher, the feeling of the pressure around your throat increasing as you were hoisted clear off the rock, now dangling mid-air.
You gasped for breath, gazing down into the clown's face, Its nefarious smile, spying for the first time what it had drawn out to show you.
Its cock was huge, if you could call it that, half as thick as a man's forearm, wet, slick, and twiny. Its head was largely open, tapering off instead of being bulbous, knowing that the thick slit at its tip was able to deposit things much bigger, much more complicated than sperm—you had no doubt what it was for.
What was worse was that there were two, varying in size and length, though the first was the most frightening of all. Like tentacles, they coiled about, waiting to be put to good use.
This it had done for you, having no real use for gender or sex, able to reproduce all on Its own. On some level, It wanted you to want It, to take It, to feel It inside you—to stuff you, to breed you, to make you full—and what better way, It thought, than this.
“AnYtHiNg yoU cAn do, I cAn do BeTteR—” It lilted, “—squirm all you want to, but I’iI SqUiRm RiGhT BacK!”
You moaned a disjointed breath, the creature lowering your body, as if it was meant to be nothing more than a sheath for It to wear. The first of Its cocks slithered up into your guts like it belonged there, though it stopped short of your cervix, pushing delightfully against your G-spot.
“Oh, fuck—shit—” you intoned, going limp in Penny’s arms. It released your throat, grasping your wrists, forcing you to wind yourself around Its neck.
You obliged, hanging on, not knowing what was coming next, though something began to lap zealously at your clit. It caused you to convulse as you lifted your hips, your nerve endings overwhelmed.
“W-what—?” you asked in confusion, huffing, glancing down: Pennywise’s secondary phallus was undulating softly between your legs, stimulating you in ways you never thought possible.
“Oh, god,” you breathed, your back arching. Pennywise yanked you toward Itself, voraciously clawing one hand into your back as the other clamped itself down over the left side of your chest, palming both it and the width of your breast.
“Yes, a god! An Eater of Worlds! So will you worship me; so will you know nothing but my teeth, my breath on your skin, this siiiiillllly flesh suit mingled with yours—oooonly here to eat, to hunt, to feast,” It snarled, Its triangular, sharp teeth having reemerged as if to prove Its point.
The clown thrust into you, using your own body as leverage, as if Its cock was a saber and your cunt was its scabbard. You flounced in Its arms, your eyes rolling toward the back of your head. Pennywise shook you aggressively, forcing you to turn back toward It with a rancorous snap of Its jaws.
“She watches, or she weeps,” the creature stated, delivering a thinly veiled threat that spoke directly of Its ego.
Still, you would obey, but in exchange—
“Kiss me,” you pleaded, not caring what Its mouth looked like; if It could shred your face open, the clown’s lips suddenly shut tight as It stared, bewildered, then gave a contemptuous little chuckle, Its laughter brimming with disdain.
“Wanting to do that little thing that humans do,” It derided, even as Its elephantine cock continued to ripple inside you; even as Its slimmer, more slippery prick drove you toward another release—you wondered if you could effectively handle both at the same time.
It felt your thighs quivering; your pelvic floor constricting; your gummy walls pressing in on It as you climaxed, driven to the brink by something that was inconceivable except in dreams, or perhaps nightmares—something you were used to—Pennywise tittering lazily at the same time it hummed a grim, predatory sound, two voices commingling as one.
Then It purred into your ear and along your throat, Its fingers pressing lightly into the flesh over your heart. Drool gathered in Its mouth as It dissociated, fixated on the steady beat of the muscle caged by your ribs—pumping life-giving blood through your vulnerable, frail human body.
“I will kisssss you,” It hissed begrudgingly.
The creature set you back down against the rock, the tentacular cock buried within your cunt gently pushing, exploring, probing beyond the neckline of your womb, giving your cervix a tentative nudge. You gasped, your mouth opening wide as the clown bent over you, Its frenzied gaze boring holes, watching with interest as you cried out in pain, then moaned moments later from pleasure.
“Take it, you will—take it and keep it—them—safe,” It rasped, snatching your chin, steadying your head as you felt the first egg being forced through the collar of your tight canal. The tough oval mass was deposited where it rightfully belonged, a wave of rapture dulling the sick feeling in your stomach as the egg was followed by a torrent of torrid sperm—you had been fertilized, Its smaller, less dexterous cock having joined the first, fitting in so snug.
You could handle both after all, the other so stealthy, so sleek, you had not noticed it but for the stretch, your cunt stuffed to the brim after it had dropped off its liquid payload.
“Soooo well behaved…” Pennywise praised, mirth coloring Its melodious voice. You could do nothing but lie there as another ripple ran through you, just as It pressed Its wet, painted lips to yours.
It was a horrible kisser, you realized, but you did not care, introducing your tongue to Its, sucking it between your teeth and into your mouth. You moaned as the sharp press of Its fangs clipped your chin; bit down without meaning to, your mouth filling with warm, tepid blood.
“Penny,” you whispered, feeling what was now a nearly superlative fullness pressing down on your bladder; your uterus. A heaviness had settled in your belly, Its veiny, cock-like protuberance having weaseled its way completely inside, curling around Its first egg as you felt It drop another, and another.
You moaned again, this time more shamefully, feeling bloated, laden, not daring to move.
“Oops-a-daisy!” you heard It exclaim, laughing chaotically as Its arms encircled you, holding on so tight it made it hard to breathe. It battered your face with Its orange tufts of hair, having a full-on giggle-fit, smelling of earth, ozone; of something metallic, sharp and pungent.
You felt another squirt as more seminal fluid filled you close to bursting. Your heart sank as you tried to breathe. “What did you do?” you asked, voice shaking.
“One more won’t hurt!” It claimed. “Or will it?” the clown added playfully, “Guess we’ll just have to wait and see!”
Your brows rose up the slope of your forehead, giving your face a most pitiful look; Pennywise stopped his antics for his mouth to form a perfect ‘o’ as he observed you.
“I don’t want to die,” you whispered.
Pennywise smiled then, cheerful, and yet disingenuous, his gloved hand rising to lay flat on your belly. Beneath your skin, bright lights shone—the eggs were glowing, the same color as the Deadlights. “Not even for a good cause?” It posed, taunting you, your fear smelling so delicious to it—
—but then you surprised It—you said something It did not expect, causing the clown to snort in disgust, the creature feeling affronted. And not from your words, but from the scent that came with them—pity, affection—concern?
“I don’t want you to die, either,” you lamented, remembering the future you had seen—the one in which It no longer existed, in which those same people who had crushed Its eggs extinguished Its life, too, or so it had appeared.
“It makes no difference to Pennywise,” the clown assured, “birth, death, up, down, left, right—all the same, all coming and going, leaving, arriving—one biiiig ciiiircle…”
Then, Its eyes hardened, Its grip on your stomach loosening, the creature’s cock slipping out of you with a lewd, wet squelch. “But you will be there—always there. And I always come back, I do!”
“Won’t anyone miss me?” you asked, wondering about your old life; your car parked at the top of the hill; your family; your job. Pennywise hastily, sloppily, stuffed Itself away—it would have been almost comical but for the mood.
The clown looked up, Its gilded eyes focusing on your face. A broad grin stretched across Its clownish countenance, spreading from ear to ear.
Then, It did a jig, just for you.
It twirled around in a circle, Its tiny bells tolling with every step. Before your eyes, it withdrew something from Its ornate sleeve—a roll of paper—spreading it open before you as It bowed with an ostentatious air, rolling Its arm, Its movements reminiscent of an archaic court jester, or a Broadway star accepting acclaim and applause—
—your own face was printed across it in black ink.
Beneath your name was your age, last seen on this date. It read a short description of your height and weight, hair color and eye color, and what you had last been wearing—the clothes Pennywise had stolen from you, taken from the bank of the Kenduskeag Stream.
There was a number requesting that anyone with information call it—it was a missing persons poster, branded with the Derry Police Department logo. You gaped at it, sitting up, though you were surfeit, the abnormal shape and size of your own belly giving you pause—
You felt something pulsate within you, a distinct pressure settling deep down in your core. The sensation had caused a feeble whimper to escape your lips, though if you were being honest, you had enjoyed the throb; the exquisite weight of Its eggs inside you.
You gripped yourself, Pennywise’s preternatural gaze traveling down your throat, breasts, to linger on your stomach. “Ohhhh, I think they like you…And I think you like them, too!”
Then Its eyes snapped back up to yours, “and they may missss you,” Pennywise offered in a singsong voice, wrapping the paper back up to bonk you on the head. “But they will neverrrrr, everrrr find you,” It said, rushing forward, snatching you up to drag back to Its den.
You would not, could not fight It, nor did you want to, made into Its brood hen for no other purpose than Its survival, despite your earlier reservations. And if someone had told you all those years ago what might become of you in this town, this day, perhaps you would have done things differently—
—or perhaps you would have still gone into the sewers, down, down with the clown.