Discover Top Posts Tagged with #it's really

Signal of me with a sappy post after being gone for a long while, don't read it if you don't want to feel depressed

It's been a while since I've written something here honestly. I've been thinking more and more about Atsushi lately. The more time passes, the harder it is to accept that he has passed.

I've been wishing for him to come back. Anywhere I go, whatever I see, it reminds me of him. I know he spoke so much about mortality, despite him being afraid of death, he made sure we wouldn't be so scared.

I know he is Immortal, he is never truly gone. But I want to see him more. I want to see the world being kinder to him. He has suffered so much, I wish he could have had the rest he needed before his final sleep.

I can't stop crying. Ever since march hit I can not stop crying every single day. It's got to a point when I cry during work, in school, from seemingly out of nowhere. I tried not listening to BT to not trigger these emotions, but I feel even worse. Acchan's voice makes me so so so sad, but so so so comfortable. I cannot stop listening to BT because their music is the only reason I'm still here. No matter how much it hurts, I can't stop. But the more time passes, the more it hurts.

Reminding myself of seeing Hizumi more, his grey hairs, his smile, wrinkles. Seeing more of his beautiful lyrics, his charming voice, shy demeanor. The more I think about it, the more I despise how cruel this world is. But I know it's also so so beautiful.

I would not trade a single second of my life since the time I've found their music. It has been the fucking happiest I've ever felt, and I would never, ever, ever, ever wish for anything more. I keep thinking I wish I'd found them sooner. It's so so selfish of me, but I know, had I found them sooner, I wouldn't have suffered so much. I could have made more happy memories with the band, and maybe they could've been more overpowering than the immense feelings of grief I feel with every passing day.

I just don't want to accept this reality. And I have no idea what to do with it. This feeling, has absolutely no place to go. I try to express it in art, in my words, but it does not ease.

I've never met a person in my life I've admired so much. And not just for his physical appearance, or talent. But for the fact that he was so ridiculously human yet alien at the same time, no matter what happened to him. He was so vulnerable yet so otherworldy still. He made me see what humanity really is.

The ridiculous amount of love his spirit possessed and delivered to us through his music, his stories, characters, made me appreciate that I was alive.

Instead of hiding his humanity, including the dirty, nasty, vulnerable parts of it, he exposed it to the whole world to see, to feel seen.

It's as if for us, the regular people, to understand life more clearly, he sacrificed himself over and over on that stage. He lived a thousand lives at once. And by that, he helped thousands to live just one.

What I really want to say with this, I don't know. I just hate this world without you. You are probably able to rest now, but I wish it wouldn't have been so soon. I don't think I'll ever find anyone in my life half as beautiful as you.

I wish the whole world to see your beauty. But I want to see it too. It's just hard. I wish you'd still be here dear. I cried at least 4 times today. The flowers, that I included as the first picture, represent you and the way you shone light to many people's dark world.

By seeing you bloom, the small, insignificant, nameless flowers around you are beginning to slowly find their footing as well.

I just so, so wish we wouldn't have to do that without you. It feels like losing a parent, coming from someone who has lost a parent. How does one guide through life without the help of a guardian?

Of course, his guidance is still present. I know. But I can't help it. I feel like the hole in my soul grows deeper and darker. I don't want to ever forget you. I wish sometimes life would've taken me instead.

I love you dear Acchan. Lately, I feel incapable of promising you to continue living.

I just really, really don't know how to fill in this space you left here. The world is as dark and cruel as it ever was. Maybe you are lucky you don't have to witness all of this. But still...

I miss you so so so so much. I don't want to live my life without you. I wish I could've found you sooner. I'm repeating myself. But our time together was far too short. I don't feel unlucky, because I still got to meet you.

I just did not want to let you go. Buck-Tick as a whole finally felt like something I can hold onto. Something I can call "mine". I'll do that as long as I can. But your absence is felt really strongly. I wish you'd come back.

Love you

#Im coming here with something really depressing after a long while #I just can't hide my feelings #I feel like the “depression” phase of grief hit me a bit later than I expected #I just dont want to accept it nor can I #it's really #really cruel #Ive been hugging the atsushi plushie a lot lately #And looking at albums i own #and i just cry cry cry to no end #i wish to be more active here again but i just feel such over powering sadness lately that #i dont want to be fake or bring down the mood #but today i felt like expressing this #i felt like since the one year mark of his passing hit my emotions have been spiraling out of control #i dont know how to deal with it #it seems like an endless loop #but i cannot talk about the same things here over and over can i #i also made an analysis of subrosa and such but i never posted it #i dont know i just feel like #ahh i dont know #ive been thinking about how fast time has passed a lot lately and yeah #this world was too cruel for you dear #the flower is a carnation by the way 🤍❤️#this is also an update on whats going on w me lately if anyone was interested #ahhh i love buck tick that's it #haha i accidentally clicked the last hashtag but fits perfectly #Spotify

lmfao. obsessed with the development that has just occurred in the bucchigiri?! category tags

#crab watches #bucchigiri?!#i'm tempted to add harem lmao #IT'S REALLY #GOING IN THAT. DIRECTION.#GODSPEED ARAJIN #the percentages are sending me lmao #so the tags are user-submitted and users can vote relevant or not relevant (well there are more options than that but that's the gist)#het dropping to 35% and bi rising to more than twice that with ep2 is so lmaoooooo #BISEXUALITY SWEEEEEEEEEP

WIP Wednesday :))

"I can't see your hands but they feel like death."

Something cinches in Dazai's gut. Their hands are stained, cracked, wrecked like the humanity they never got to hold. Death was a plaything for them. Even worse, their touch robs others of their ability, of the core of their humanity and vitality. Dazai forces their teeth not to click together for fear of Jouno hearing it.

"You're one to talk," Dazai says instead. "You can't even claim that the blood you spilled was in the name of justice.”

Jouno’s lips twist.

“I thought I was doing the right thing.”

Dazai tilts their head to the side. “So did I.”

Jouno scrunches up his nose. “I find that hard to believe.”

“I was searching for a reason to live,” Dazai says and doesn't miss the way Jouno’s muscles tighten. “To that end, everything that could answer my question seemed right.”

#wip wednesday #jouzai #it's really #it's really them #I'm rrally doing it #sigh #ness writes #(cut out some exposition stuff for this post)#(just fyi)

the more I understand genealogy of the holy war, the more I understand that three houses is just genealogy-lite

#ooc #it's really #that's really it #genealogy with a school setting #instead of sigurd it's jeralt #12 crusaders 12 heroes #dragons and losing their minds is just an FE staple #loptyr and twsitd #round and round and round we go

Wisst ihr was, ihr Besserwisser-Pseudowissenschaftler-Boomer-Verschwörungserzähler-Klimakrise-und-Generell-Krisenleugner:innen. Fahrt doch mal kurz in meine Heimat rüber. Da steht gerade alles in Brand. Ortschaften müssen evakuiert werden und in Beelitz-Heilstätten ist der Brand 1 Kilometer vor den Stadtgrenzen außer Kontrolle geraten. Meine Heimatstadt ist zwar (noch) nicht direkt betroffen. Aber sie wird gerade kräftig eingenebelt, was absolut gesundheitsschädlich ist.

Fahrt dahin und guckt es euch an und dann sagt mir nochmal, dass die Klimakrise jetzt warten muss oder einfach nur ein weiteres Hirngespinst ist. Wir haben Juni! JUNI!!! Das ist statisch meist gar nicht der schlimmste Monat. Also wie wär’s, wenn ihr euch demnächst dezent zurückhalten mit Dingen, von denen ihr keine Ahnung habt. Wie wär’s so für die nächsten 1000 Jahre...

#fed up with this shit #i'm so done #waldbrand #klimakrise #it's really