hi im ithaca and i have been an abuser.
i have used people for money, for attention, love etc etc. whether I realized it or not.
I am a selfish person with a lot of narcissistic tendencies that needed to get worked on. I take control without realizing it, lie and cheat my way out of things just to avoid trouble.
I once abused an entire discord server of people that likely still to this day do not forgive me. I essentially let myself split on them all the time, taking out my anger from my home life towards those around me. It was unfair on them.
I have been an awful person to many people. I'm terribly sorry for it.
I've been trying to distance myself from my exes, as difficult as it has been. I have had slip ups, even as recent as days ago. It's like an addiction. I get a thrill out of it for a moment and I hate it afterwards. I don't want to do it as much as they don't want to recieve it.
I have been in therapy for years now. I'm doing my best to move on as quickly as possible because I now know how manic I can get. I'm learning to better recognize my behaviors, to better communicate with my partner(s).
the point of this is: I'm trying to be open about my past. I want to own up to it, as best as I can.
I'm honestly not sure if this was the right move or not but I can't hide any longer.
my inbox is open if anyone involved wants to talk
(apologies if this made no sense, it is nearly midnight)
edit: i have hir blocked so the reblogs don't appear (accident). check @ epilosipher for more of what i did.
