#ith.tele

[ithacaroyals]

god i miss age regressing

i have a little side blog that i reblog stuff onto when i remember it exists but i feel I haven't properly regressed in so long

it feels kind of empty, like im missing something. like the regression isnt actually real im just forcing it

i dont know if its because of whos fronting / who is regressing but it just feels different.

not even Telemachus has been able to really regress lately and thats basically his main role.

i totally feel it would be easier if it wasn't a caregiver trying to front along side and rather just the little/regresser. but no, we're alone and have to take care of ourselves unfortunately. wish it was easier to find specifically caregivers rather than just hoping the people you talk to understand it in the first place.

[ithacaroyals]

yall i cant even lie anymore ive got such a crush on seth macfarlane i need to selfship with ed mercer so bad,,

i wanna make an edit of himb,,,

[ithacaroyals]

man. i want more than weed. again.

it was so fun last time i wanna draw for hours again

[ithacaroyals]

hi im ithaca and i have been an abuser.

i have used people for money, for attention, love etc etc. whether I realized it or not.

I am a selfish person with a lot of narcissistic tendencies that needed to get worked on. I take control without realizing it, lie and cheat my way out of things just to avoid trouble.

I once abused an entire discord server of people that likely still to this day do not forgive me. I essentially let myself split on them all the time, taking out my anger from my home life towards those around me. It was unfair on them.

I have been an awful person to many people. I'm terribly sorry for it.

I've been trying to distance myself from my exes, as difficult as it has been. I have had slip ups, even as recent as days ago. It's like an addiction. I get a thrill out of it for a moment and I hate it afterwards. I don't want to do it as much as they don't want to recieve it.

I have been in therapy for years now. I'm doing my best to move on as quickly as possible because I now know how manic I can get. I'm learning to better recognize my behaviors, to better communicate with my partner(s).

the point of this is: I'm trying to be open about my past. I want to own up to it, as best as I can.

I'm honestly not sure if this was the right move or not but I can't hide any longer.

my inbox is open if anyone involved wants to talk

(apologies if this made no sense, it is nearly midnight)

edit: i have hir blocked so the reblogs don't appear (accident). check @ epilosipher for more of what i did.

[ithacaroyals]

OUGH i love going on dates its so fun i love people i really like this person its great its so cool and awesome and djxjxnxnnz

[ithacaroyals]

im so fucking high i feel like a cohesive person. crazy.

like what do you mean i feel like a singular person because im so zoned in(? is that how i explain this feeling???) that I just cant hear the others.

takes more focus to hear them right now. hm i guess different substances do different things

usually, weed would make it easier to hear the others, becoming more grounded in our seperate selves. instead, right now we are more blended, feeling only one identity. what identity is that? not sure yet. updates later lol

the craziest part about all this is i have been able to sit down and watch an entire video without issue. sat for an hour, just watching fnaf. never been able to focus that well, even medicated

anyway being a system is crazy thats all bye lol

[ithacaroyals]

finally in the process of getting diagnosed!! Its been taking so long but finally have a psych that recognizes DID & OSDD 😭 its nice to have a proper support system now

[ithacaroyals]

ouuggh the urge to reach out oughh the urge to be petty make it stop i dont want either i just want to stop thinking about him ok