#itsbatkingcazzle

[itsbatkingcazzle]

I love the idea of Ilya defending Shane after he gets a wave of hate on social media for not being hot, cool, or freaky enough for Playboy Ilya Rozanov™. And it's just something along the lines of, “Shane Hollander may be boring, exclusively read and watch media about hockey, fold his clothes the second the come off his body or out of the dryer, not listen to music, but one thing Shane Hollander isn't is bad at hockey or sex. I may have been a whore since before I met Shane Hollander, but that man built me into the freak I am today. Shane Hollanders says, 'I wanna try...,' I say 'yes.'"

[unbreakabledawn]

i don't know if you like platonic/familial g/t (what would be the tag for that?) but i always think of tiny jason, for some reason unknown to me, and bruce buying him a bunch of those book nooks all with a variety of themes and places—like a miniature manor, a library, a street in a cute italian city—so he can hang out with him throughout the manor

hi, cazzle!! <3

i love g/t in every shape and form <3 you can just call it g/t, or specify platonic/familial if you wanted, but g/t isn't inherently romantic/sexual! it just describes the size dynamic :)

i'm very hyperfixated on superbat so most by brain juice is spent on them, but i have kicked around a few borrower batfam ideas either with all borrower batfam, or normal sized bruce and borrower batkids. @bobbinrobins wrote an excellent borrower batfam fic with human bruce and tiny batkids and i think about it often <3

bruce would be such a great borrower dad. adjusting the manor to his tiny kids, building special walkways and ladders so they can more easily traverse the huge spaces of the manor (once they trust him and alfred enough to come out in the open).

i actually got my first booknook for christmas (haven't built it yet cause i'm waiting til i'm moving) and they're soooo cute, i think about tineys hanging out in them all the time :3 bruce has such a great eye for detail, he'd make only the best for his little kids <3 especially in the library, which is jason's favorite room. i think he'd also set up a little digital tablet for jason's size so he can read whatever he wanted 🥺 not as good as reading physical books of course, but miniaturizing all the books in the library isn't exactly feasible lol

[itsbatkingcazzle]

Fans often say things like "siblings core," "they look like siblings," "they act like siblings" to make sure people don't ship two people. So it'd be funny for fans to go crazy over Luca Haas and Hollanov interactions and start labelling them fathers and son. And Luca is just seething with rage because—even though he's trying to change this—he still has the biggest crush on them and he kinda, deep down, still wants to be their controversially young bf. Like, they're supposed to be daddy not dad?!? Why is he immediately seen as their son?!? He's fucking hot?!? People could ship them?!? wtf?!? this is SO sick and fucking twisted?!?

[itsbatkingcazzle]

please please please Shane giving Ilya princess treatment out in the open and people seeing, seething with jealousy. God, pretty please. He hates the way Ilya drives and wants him safe, so he's the one that drives everywhere. He takes them to practice and games, and sometimes they rent cars during away games, and Shane drives them then, too. He always opens the door for Ilya and Ilya uses the opportunity to ask Shane for a kiss before he closes the door.

Ilya tends to hide injuries and now that they're in a team together, he can hide them from him, so Shane's constantly carrying things for him. He'll carry grocery bags, practice bags, take-out, everything. He's always holding onto stuff or taking things from Ilya's hand. He'll constantly appear on centaurs promo videos holding things for Ilya, like his phone or his sticks.

Once they start planning for kids, Shane buys a sensible, reliable volvo to be their parent car and Ilya brags about it on social media like, "my man just bought me a new car while your broke boyfriend takes you to olive garden and calls you high maintenance break up with him."

Ilya loves pda but Shane's still hesitant to start it for himself so whenever they want to get some physical reassurance or need to be closer, Shane pulls Ilya closer to him rather than going to him. Shane's sitting down and Ilya's close to the couch, he pulls on him so he's resting his hip against his shoulder. They're sitting together on a couch, he pulls Ilya so he's leaning on him. There's no more seats, he pulls Ilya on his lap.

They make a interior design/architecture video about their properties and Ilya's going off about Shane buying him building, house, a condo. "My grown, mature husband who knows about finances and adult stuff, invested for me, and he got me a house."

He's always bragging about having a "my rich, hockey husband," despite Ilya earning more from his contract. One time one of the cens let it slip that hollanov sometimes upgrade their hotel rooms, and Ilya's telling everyone Shane's responsible for that. Once Ilya retires, Ilya acts like Shane's paying for everything whenever they go out to eat or buy anything that can be considered luxury. The sugar daddy jokes get worse.

He's going "my man, my man, my man" every day. Don't ask him about his husband because he will talk about him at length, but his man doesn't like that.

[itsbatkingcazzle]

My new favorite heated rivalry headcanon is Cliff having a bisexual awakening caused by Shane. Cliff is trying to be supportive of Ilya and is acting with Ilya like he would've during any other of Ilya's significant others, meaning toeing the line between douchey/gross and semi-respectful. So he's all ears when it comes to Ilya's sex life, teases Ilya about Shane, listens to Ilya talk about Shane's body, makes very crude jokes, etc. But along the way he starts to truly hear what Ilya says about Shane, what their sex life is like, and his body, and it clicks for him that he finds everything just as appealing as if it would be a woman. He suddenly sees Shane in a new light and realizes how hot he is, not I-can-admit-he's-a-good-looking-man hot, but I-would-sleep-with-him hot. He hears about whatever Shane and Ilya did during sex recently and he realizes most of it sounds enjoyable. He once sees a nude Shane sent Ilya and he gets so horny he actually feels guilty for thirsting over Ilya's man. So it dawns on him that he's in his early thirties and he just figured out he's bisexual. And by god, does he immediately get down to business.

[itsbatkingcazzle]

Clark Kent stroking the back of a very naked Bruce Wayne sleeping on his chest while reflecting on how nothing of what he just did to Bruce for the past 4 or so hours was even remotely close to what he meant when he preached eating the rich in college and later as an investigative reporter. He's the world's biggest hypocrite. But... technically, he did eat him ou– Truly a traitor to the cause. Just staring at the ceiling, agonizing over the unexpected turn of events.

[itsbatkingcazzle]

when the cens and/or ilya post pictures of ilya in his gladiator costume, his fans go fucking crazy. the boston girlies are mourning cause it's been YEARS since they've heard of ilya hooking up with anyone from anybody in the scene, even before he left boston. this man has either somehow settled down or he’s celibate for some fuck ass reason. so when the pictures of Ilya looking like a greek fucking god, the older more mature look on him, the muscles bigger than when he was a bear, chest and thighs out and about drop?!?! the girlies are freaking the fuck out. god, someone better have eaten that man for dinner. someone out there deserves to have been fucked by that man in that fucking costume. if it’s not one of them, hopefully someone else got the chance.

But then, after the initial shock and drama from the outing happens, some of ilya’s fans bring up The gladiator costume again and they’re hit with the collective realization that Ilya was already dating Shane then. And suddenly they need confirmation that Mr. Hollander did, in fact, get cracked and his back blown out by one gladiator-costume-wearing Ilya Rozanov.

[itsbatkingcazzle]

Gotham loves Bruce Wayne. Even when he’s doing something stupid or out of touch, he’s annoying at worst. He seems to embody “the lights are on but nobody’s home” at times, while showing true care and support for important causes at others. He funds initiatives for housing, healthcare, fair wages, benefits, etc.

Most importantly, though, he truly reps Gotham. He’s often seen courtside at Gotham Knights games and every time at least one video of him goes viral because he gets too into it (picture Timothee Chalamet at a Knicks game). During one press tour, he did a bunch of tiktok street interviews and a “this or that” video about Gotham clubs went viral because other city kids related to growing up in the city and going to clubs way too young in the 2000s. One time, he went viral for wearing a Gotham U Nighthawks cap in Metropolis during the week of a quarterfinal game against the Bulldogs. He’s often seen eating at the same Halal cart in front of Wayne Tower during lunch. He’s THE most proud Gothamite.

When a photo of Bruce wearing a Metropolis University shirt gets posted online, the entire city goes wild. He's in an alley next to a diner in Gotham, talking to someone who’s not fully in the picture. The photo is taken from above, maybe an apartment window, and in the morning. Bruce looks good, hot as always, but clearly he’s just recently woken up. He’s relaxed and his hair’s messy–which, for Bruce Wayne, looks like styled hair that has naturally fallen down with time. The picture's blurry but you can see a couple of hickeys between his neck and shoulder.

The photo goes viral in a couple of hours. People lose it over THE Prince of Gotham repping Metropolis University. Bruce Wayne thirst edits are being made left and right–he genuinely looks so good in the picture. People make sad edits of Bruce videos doing the most random things in Gotham, like eating at Batburger. Every influencer makes a video about. Most people are having fun but some are actually enraged.

Ultimately, Bruce’s PR team makes him issue an apology on social media, half joking half real. And that’s how people find out that Bruce Wayne is dating a journalist working in Metropolis.