For the longest time… I did not love myself. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t even like myself. I have days where I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and want nothing more than to hear validation from someone. There are other days where I tell myself how amazing I am, how good of a person I am.
I spent over a year with someone who made me question the person that I am. Who made me feel like I was nothing. That I was lucky that he even wanted me. He constantly verbally and mentally destroyed me. I hated the person I was every day. Anything that brought me joy he would take away from me and make me feel like I was just looking for attention. He critiqued me every chance he got and wanted nothing more than for me to change into the person he wanted. A timid quiet girl that would do what she was told and would not post on social media, would not hang out with her friends, would not talk about her relationship problems, would not need anyone but him. He took away my happiness. He took away the love I had for myself and replaced it with self-doubt.
I doubted myself. I doubted my abilities. I doubted that I was a good person. He took away my self-worth and made me feel like I was useless. He broke me.
He broke me down and made me feel so insecure about myself that I believed every word that he said. I believed that no one else wanted me. I believed that he was the best I could get. I believed him because I stopped believing in myself, because I lost myself.
And every time I would search and find myself again, he would knock me down. He would make me feel like I was the bad guy, that I was doing the wrong thing, that I was the one being a crappy girlfriend.
Every time I tried to leave he would manipulate me. He would use my insecurities against me to the point where I thought I needed his validation. I needed him to stay and I should be grateful that he stayed because I was nothing.
But I’m not nothing. I’m something. It took me 3 months to start finding myself again and I refuse to let anyone define me ever again.
