This was choice number 2 for the 2k poll! These are some high stakes fam I’ve been threatening this for a minute. I really hope it doesn’t disappoint lmao.
Warnings: i mean its IUI - tattoos and stupidity are in the brand, alluding to Jaskier’s past shitty relationships, nothing harsh though, big softies and big cries
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Geralt got up early to get things set up and hidden so Jaskier wouldn’t see the tattoo machine before he went to work. He even made his boyfriend breakfast so he wouldn’t have time to mosey around their flat and happen upon it. He’d had three hours to practice before a shift at the bar, then probably two hours after that to practice and clean up before Jask got home from his last appointment of the day.
Yen had been teaching him how to tattoo on bananas.
He’d had to bake a ridiculous amount of banana bread because of the fruit choice and he regretted not getting oranges to just make juice with when he was done with them.
This was his third day practicing and he’d finally figured out how to make a solid line without skipping or wobbling too bad. The cursive words weren’t tattoo quality, but they were legible and pretty fucking neat compared to his chicken scratch in his server’s notebook.
He sat up and stretched out his neck when his alarm went off. Jaskier’s last appointment was just showing up so he had about two hours until he’d be home. He could totally get one more practice banana done.
Geralt hunched forward over the fruit again and clicked the machine on, quickly zoning out on his task. When he finished the sentence (his best yet) he set the pile of bananas on the kitchen counter before packing up the machine and hiding it under the couch.
He’d meant to get up and send a picture to Yen for approval. He’d definitely meant to hide the evidence of his plan before Jaskier got home.
But the bar had been packed for the lunch rush and he’d replaced four kegs and staged two because Abby couldn’t lift them and he was just so damn tired. He made the mistake of leaning back to rest and within seconds he was out.
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He woke up to a banana smacking him in the face, then another in his shoulder, then yet another far too close to his dick for comfort. He lurched forward in horror when he realized what was happening.
“Oh fuck!”
“Oh fuck indeed! This is why we have so much fucking banana bread?!” Jaskier threw another banana at him from the kitchen island, smacking him in the neck.
“Shit! No! Uh… fuck,” Geralt leapt up and collected the bananas from the living room floor before turning to see his boyfriend crying, “I… fucked up.”
Jaskier’s face flitted through at least twenty different emotions in the span of five seconds but Geralt only felt terror.
It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. He’d planned a little getaway and surprise and he’d do it at the top of a beautiful hike when the sun was setting. He thought he could put a banana in Jask’s bag and ask for a snack at the top. Or something like that. He wasn’t too sure about the whole hiking thing. But it sure as hell wasn’t supposed to happen while he was asleep.
“You…?” Jaskier picked up the last banana still on the kitchen counter and stared at it before looking back up at Geralt, “Do you mean this?”
Geralt nodded, still absolutely petrified.
“This isn’t just some sentence you chose to practice?”
Geralt shook his head.
Jaskier took a deep breath and wiped his face, back to staring at the banana, “Why?”
“Well you said you can’t have jewelry on your hands at work because of health regulations and rings can be a pain in the ass at the bar so…” Geralt slowly rounded the couch and stood just a couple feet in front of Jaskier, “I don't know, I just thought we could tattoo them on?”
The look on Jaskier’s face was completely unreadable, and Geralt had recently said he was fluent in his boyfriend’s expressions, “No, why do you want to marry me?”
Geralt frowned before he gently took the banana out of his hands and sunk down to one knee, “Because you are everything I could ever want and more,” he licked his lips and blinked the sleep out of his eyes before he continued, really wishing he’d stopped for coffee on the way home, “I love everything about you. Literally everything. Even the annoying things,” Jaskier gave a watery smile and held out his hand, which Geralt eagerly took as he babbled on, “I love your voice in the morning and when you yell at me and when you sing in the shower. I love how passionate you are and how you’d do anything for the people you love. I love your ridiculously blue eyes,” he gave Jask’s hand a squeeze and took a moment to clear away the tightness in his throat and blink a couple times, “I love how strong you are. I love that you’re still open and gentle and sweet even after everything you’ve been through. I will grumble and complain but I really do love that you push me to be better,” he took a deep breath and tried his best to keep his voice steady but Jask was looking at him like he was the only thing that had ever mattered in the whole universe, “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I can’t believe I almost booked my first tattoo with a scary looking guy smoking a cigarette in his profile picture. I am so so unbelievably lucky to have you and I want to do everything in my power to make you happy. Forever. But if you dont bite that wobbling lip I'm not going to make it through this.”
Jaskier laughed and wiped at his nose, biting his bottom lip.
Geralt cleared his throat again as he finally lost his battle with the tears, “Jaskier Pankratz, brilliant and ridiculous love of my life, will you marry me?”
He nodded and let out a strangled high pitched whine as he tugged Geralt up to his feet and clung to his shoulders. Geralt held him close and rested the hand not currently holding a banana on the back of his head as he cried into his shirt for a minute.
“Yes!” Jaskier gasped as he stood back to look at Geralt, almost choked really, with the way he was still crying with his whole body, “Yes, I’ll marry you! Figured I should actually say it.”
Geralt laughed and cupped his cheek with one hand, “Thank you, I was getting a little nervous.”
Jaskier gave a hysterical giggle before sealing their lips together in a salty, messy kiss, “What the fuck are we gonna do with all these bananas?”
Geralt kissed his nose and held his best banana up, “First we have to take a picture for Yen and Triss. Then banana bread?”
They spent the rest of the night making seven massive loaves of banana bread. Well, Geralt baked banana bread. Jaskier clung to him in any way he could and followed him around the kitchen.
When Geralt stood up from pulling the last loaf out of the oven Jaskier hugged him from behind, resting his head on his shoulder with his arms wrapped around his ribs, “Darling, since we’re getting mar-ried,” he put extra emphasis on ‘married’ and giggled, “you should know I really hate banana bread.”
Geralt snorted, dropping the tin foil roll as he laughed and leaned back into his fiancé.
“Hope that’s not a deal-breaker,” Jaskier giggled, pressing a kiss to Geralt’s cheek.
“I think we can work it out,” Geralt sighed, turning in Jaskier’s arms to kiss him again, only pulling away long enough to mutter a soft, “I love you,” before walking him backwards out of the kitchen and down the hall, lips still firmly and lovingly pressed together.
