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(Image description is available in tumblr ALT text)
ā¬ļøMore detailed infographics about...
ā Sperm Donation
ā Egg Retrieval/Freezing
ā Intrauterine Insemination (aka IUI)
ā In Vitro Fertilization (aka IVF)
ā FAQ
*You can also check out @gonkey for my personal journey as an agender person trying to achieve pregnancy!
Hi everyone,
This is one of the hardest things Iāve ever written, and I never thought Iād be sharing something so deeply personal. But here I am, reaching out, hoping that someone else out there might understand this journey, this longing, this ache that Iām carrying. I donāt have a big following, so I donāt know if this will reach many people, but if thereās a chance it connects with even one person whoās been through something similar, itāll be worth it.
My boyfriend and I have been trying to start a family. For over two years, we tried before finally going to our GP, who sent us straight to a clinic. Itās been a year of treatments now, a year of hopeful highs and crushing lows. We tried IUI (intrauterine insemination) four times ā four times our hopes rose and fell. Then we turned to ICSI (intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection) because ātraditionalā IVF wasnāt an option for us.
When I had my egg retrieval, they collected a lot of eggs, but only four turned into embryos. Four. Just four chances to hold onto this dream.
Today, we found out that none of those embryos made it. Weāre back to square one. All those hormone shots, every bruise, every drop of blood, every ultrasound, all the mood swings, the endless hoping and praying ā only to have to start from scratch. I canāt describe the exhaustion, both physically and emotionally. You go through the medications, the appointments, waiting, and waiting, just to start all over again. It feels like itās breaking me.
Weāre going to try again because we still hold onto this hope of having a baby together. But we also have to face the reality that it may never happen, and that thought shatters my heart. Watching others around me get pregnant, hearing news of new babiesā¦ itās so hard to see, and it fills me with a mix of sadness and anger that I canāt even fully explain. I donāt want to feel this way, but itās the truth.
I feel so alone in this. None of my close friends or family have faced something like this. Iām reaching out here, hoping to find someone who understands, someone who has been through this kind of pain and hope and heartbreak. I feel like I could just disappear, like the ground could open up and take me in, but here I am, holding onto a sliver of hope that one day, somehow, Iāll get to hold a little miracle in my arms. Until then, Iām trying my best to be patient, even when it feels like itās breaking me.
I want to thank @lestappenforever, my best friend in the entire world, for being my rock through all of this, even from miles away. You never push, you never overwhelm me with questions ā youāre just there, right when I need you. That kind of support means more to me than I can put into words. I love you. ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
I donāt know if anyone going through the same thing will see this, but if you do, please reach out. Iām here to talk, to listen, to be there for you, but also to share my story.
Youāre not alone in this. Please hold onto that. ā¤ļø
I'm going to be a lot less active on here. I'm sorry for that (if anyone cares) but I need some time to myself. Mona and I will be back on the 1st of December with something fucking amazing which I hope you all love ā¤ļø I want to thank you all for your support and I love you all.
Here's the progression from 7 weeks to 9 weeks to 12 weeks to 19 weeks! Info blocked out for privacy, of course. :)
And also some pictures of me today at 21 weeks! Not entirely comfortable sharing my face yet, but damn, looking at the second one especially is like that's a BABY!
Getting through the holidays was a little bit harder this year, surrounded by kids, babies, and pregnant people. Hereās to hoping 2026 is good to us š
One responds to a childās loss. The other creates it.
Abortion
After many years of trying to have a baby, our first pregnancy ended with an abortion. I think itās important to take the time to address the reality of the situation.
Trigger Warning; Abortion/Miscarriage/Loss. Previous: Embryo Transfer #1 Throughout my entire childhood, I always knew that my mom had trouble getting pregnant and ended up going through 5 miscarriages before I was born. I listened to her talk about it, and I knew that she had names chosen out for each one of the siblings that I never had. I never quite knew how to feel for her. I neverā¦
Itās baby making day!! š„³
But not the sexy kind of baby makingā¦
The simultaneous upside and downside of working at a hospital that covers the majority of fertility treatments means that you tend to run into people you know at the clinic.
Nice, because this attending Iāve worked with for 10 years, since she was a resident, and I can smile at each other across the waiting room.
Sad, because this woman Iāve worked with for 10 years and I are sharing this depressing smile across the waiting room.
