Entry 105
1790
I’ve been nearly driving myself frantic trying to think of some way to help Edward, but I’m worried there’s nothing more I can do.
At least, nothing within the bounds of the law. Part of me wanted to write another open letter, but what good would that do? I’ve written three open letters to the Orenian public by now - one about marriage, one about the paladins, and one about my assault - and none of those letters changed anything. My marriage law got shot down in the House of Lords. The Paladins outright ignored my criticism. And the Solicitor-General ruled that I didn’t have enough evidence for my assault. So it’s clear to me now. I can write as much as I like and scream as loud as I want, but no one is guaranteed to listen.
Is there really nothing I can do to save Edward Napier’s life? Am I forced to sit idly by as my friend rots in jail, awaiting execution? Is there no escape to this nightmarish situation?
As I lay in bed the other night, I suddenly remembered my magic lessons with Miss Serenity. Voidal Translocation! I threw back the covers and sat up in bed, staring into the darkness as my mind whirled. Serenity taught me that living things could not be transported through the Void, but… certain spells allow a mage to shift from one place to another. Blinking, teleporting - that’s what they call it. Could I learn to shift other people besides myself? Is it possible I could somehow use the magic to break Edward out of jail?
Normally, I would never go against the law in such a flagrant manner. But… the system had failed me. They say if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. Was I really considering a jailbreak? Well, I couldn’t just let Edward die, could I? He stabbed Padraig to protect me. I’m the reason he’s facing execution.
Yet there was one major problem - I’m not… very good at Voidal Translocation just yet. My first lesson involved expatriating a tiny marble into the Void and I couldn’t even do that. How could I translocate a friend out of a jail cell? I resolved that I needed to continue my magic lessons as soon as possible.
Some weeks ago, Miss Serenity wrote to me asking when we might hold our next magic lesson. She inquired about the state of my health and offered to let me come live at her home if I needed a place to stay. News of my assault and my open letter had reached them even in the far south of Aegrothond. Sitting in bed, staring into the darkness, I realized I hadn’t yet responded to her yet. I’d been too busy to think about it. Unable to sleep, I went to my desk and drafted a response.
As soon as the Reza post office opened the next morning, I sent it off. I didn’t tell her what I planned to use the magic for. I don’t know Serenity that well yet. Here’s hoping she won’t regret teaching me once she finds out what I’ve been planning.
A few days afterward, I received a message from Serenity inviting me to her home in Aegrothond. Luckily, traveling down south wasn’t an issue for me. The route from Reza to Aegrothond is fairly quick and free of bandits. My injuries have healed up nicely too, so I’m back in good physical shape after everything that happened to me. (My nose is blessedly not crooked - Florenza did a good job snapping it back into place!) So all in all, I made good time getting to Aegrothond. My eagerness to learn - and spring Edward out of prison - spurred me on apace.
Unfortunately, when I arrived there, I found the outer gates locked - and there wasn’t a single guard on duty. I lingered around for a while, waiting for someone to show up and let me in. They say Aegrothond is something of a ghost town - and I can believe it. I began to worry that I’d be late for my lesson. I imagined Miss Serenity waiting for me at her home, wondering what was taking me so long.
Just as I began to grow impatient and annoyed, a wood elf man appeared. I called out to him, asking if he might let me in. He paused when he saw me on the other side of the gate. “Valah or Mali?” he questioned, narrowing his eyes as he peered at me through the slats.
I blinked. Maybe he had trouble seeing me through the gate. “I’m grey, sir,” I said with a soft laugh. “Humans aren’t normally grey, as far as I know…”
The wood elf man sniffed. “You’re sure dressed like one of them.”
“What’s wrong with my dress?” I inquired, looking down at my clothing. I was wearing the maroon silk dress and hat that Mary Lucille made for me. The clothes were indeed very Helene in style, but I didn’t see how that would be an issue.
“A friend made it for me. It’s not very nice of you to say that…”
The wood elf fixed me with a cold glare. “I’ll say whatever I want, especially to you traitor mali who act like valah,” he spat.
Suddenly, there came a voice from behind me. “You’ve got a lot of nerve commenting on others’ clothing when you’re wearing rags.” I turned and saw Miss Serenity standing in the gatehouse, holding a parasol. She acknowledged me with a smile. “My apologies, Tanith. I was out taking a stroll near Siramenor. Were you waiting long?”
“Oh, that’s all right,” I said. “I hope the Glade is regrowing nicely.”
“Little by little,” Serenity replied. She then turned her gaze to the wood elf behind the gate. “Do you plan to stand there and gawk? Or let us in?”
The wood elf seemed cowed by Serenity’s forcefulness. He pulled the lever, opening the portcullis. Serenity folded her parasol and strolled in, motioning for me to follow her. “Don’t pay him any mind,” she whispered to me as we passed by the huffing wood elf. “The uncultured ‘ame think they are the pinnacle of elven society. Dear, your dress is lovely. It’s no one’s business what you wear.”
“I’m trying to be more elf-like,” I said as she led me through the streets toward her home. “But it’s hard. There are so many things to learn. I wasn’t raised with the culture or… the language or anything like that.”
“Neither was I,” Serenity replied. “I don’t really have a culture to call my own. Not anymore. These days, I bounce from nation to nation, seeing where I can fit in. Today, I make my home in Aegrothond. Tomorrow? We’ll see.”
I felt a pang of sympathy when she said that. Her situation reflected my own. It struck me suddenly how unmoored I had become in just the last few days. For five hundred years, I pledged my life and my loyalty to Oren. I identified primarily as Orenian first and elven second, if at all. Part of my journey toward understanding my elven heritage was finding out what it meant to be an elf in Oren - how to synthesize my identity as a Mali woman with my nationality as an Orenian. Now, due to circumstances beyond my control, I had to flee abroad to Haense for my safety. Because of the Solicitor-General’s report, it now seemed like I might never return to Oren - the place I called home for so many hundreds of years - ever again. The Orenian era of my life had drawn to a close and I was now in the same position as Serenity - trying to find where exactly I fit in.
We arrived at her home, where she unlocked the door and let me inside. “Ivaeri is taking a nap, so I think it’ll just be you and me.”
As soon as she said that, though, a gaggle of Sorvians - their miniature clay golem servants - came scurrying past wearing sweaters! In their tiny hands, they carried all sorts of colorful autumn decorations. Miss Ivaeri appeared with a box full of pumpkins, which she began placing at strategic spots around the home. “Hello, Miss Tanith!” Ivaeri greeted me warmly.
“Decorating for Knox-O-Ween, love?” Serenity asked with a wry smile on her lips. “Is that why you put the Sorvians in sweaters?”
“‘Tis the season!” Ivaeri replied, placing small pumpkins along the shelves. “The little ones deserve to dress up too, don’t you think?”
“They’re too adorable!” I exclaimed, watching the sweater-clad Sorvians scurry around. “Did you make their sweaters yourself?”
“I did!” Ivaeri replied. “I do a bit of tailoring on the side. Don’t let me interrupt your magic lesson, though. Just pay me no mind. I’ll be tossing up some decor for Knox-O-Ween.” I didn’t know what Knox-O-Ween was. It’s not a holiday we celebrate in Oren, as far as I’m aware. So I just let the matter rest.
“That reminds me,” Serenity mused, leaning down to pick up one of the Sorvians. “Would you like one?”
I blinked at the clay golem. “Would I… like one?” I repeated. “To keep, you mean?”
Serenity nodded. “They’re very helpful around the house.”
“Oh, yes!” Ivaeri chimed in. “Companionship, chores, and they even deliver letters.”
“Oh, well…” I murmured, scratching the side of my face. “I don’t… really know how to take care of them. Do they eat? Or… do I need to take them on walks? Should I get them a litterbox?”
Both Ivaeri and Serenity broke into uproarious laughter. They assured me that the Sorvians didn’t need to sleep, eat, breathe, use a litterbox, or take walks. They were created to be happy, helpful, and tireless 100% of the time. They felt no pain. Despite being made of clay, they were fairly difficult to break. Even if they did, all I had to do was paste them back together and they would be fine. I felt relieved having heard that since I can be a little clumsy from time to time. Ivaeri even told me that I could paint my Sorvian if I wanted!
Reassured, I tucked my new pet Sorvian into my purse and we got started practicing our Voidal Translocation.
I’m happy to report that I made progress today. I was able to successfully dematerialize the marble and store it in the Void. And, blessedly, I was able to pull it back out too! Serenity had me practice dematerializing and rematerializing the marble a few times. We cut the lesson off soon after, though. Serenity didn’t want to tire me out. “Everything builds off that singular spell. Now that you’ve got the essentials in place, we can delve deeper into the more complicated magic,” Serenity explained to me. “Next lesson, we’ll start working on some advanced maneuvers.”
“Like shifting?” I asked, hoping not to sound too overeager.
Serenity nodded. “Shifting, blinking, partial translocation, item shifting, group shifting. A lot to look forward to.”
I swallowed hard. Part of me wanted to say - “Well, why not start right now?” The sooner I learned voidal shifting, the sooner I could work on my plan to get Edward out of jail. At the same time, though, I knew I couldn’t rush it - not if I wanted to learn properly. Luckily for me, the Orenian court system is a slow beast. With hope, there will be enough time for me to learn shifting before Edward’s execution.
Before I left, I thanked both Serenity and Ivaeri for having me in their home. As I was heading out the door, Ivaeri made a comment that gave me pause. “You know, you’re not like I imagined,” she said - and those seven words stopped me in my tracks.
“Eh? Not like – pardon?” I asked, furrowing my brow. “I’m not sure what you mean.” Was she referring to the fact that I used to be a White Rose? My blood turned icy in my veins as I readied to explain my actions - how I was a different person all those years ago and how I’ve changed over the centuries.
“Oh, well, when I heard you lived in Helena, I mean!” Ivaeri answered - and inwardly, I breathed a sigh of relief. At least I wouldn’t have to justify my service to the Rose today. “Humans haven’t always been very pleasant to us. I thought you’d be more like them, looking down on me and Serenity for our relationship. But you’ve been the exact opposite.”
I smiled. “Oh, well, you know… people used to look down on me and my first husband,” I explained. “He was a human man, you see, and Canonism forbids miscegenation between the races. My current husband is another dark elf, but… well, from my previous experience, I learned not to judge others for whom they loved. And you two seem very happy together.”
“Ugh, Canonism,” Serenity huffed in disgust, rolling her eyes. “It took me a long time to find someone as wonderful as Ivaeri. I won’t listen to anyone who says what we have is wrong.”
“I’m still used to being judged,” Ivaeri sighed. “But you really are a peach, Miss Tanith! …Or was it a pear? A doll?” She laughed and shook her head. “You’re a wonderful Mali.”
I don’t think Miss Ivaeri realized how much her words would mean to me. When she said that, I felt it in my chest. It impacted me physically, stopping my breath for just a moment. Gazing across the room at her, I felt my eyes begin to sting as though I might cry. “Thank you,” I said after a long, quiet moment. “Nobody’s ever said that to me before.”
I thought back to the wood elf who sneered at me through the gate. Learning to be an elf is hard. There’s a lot of things I don’t understand yet. But if Miss Ivaeri thinks I’m a wonderful Mali, then I must be doing something right.
Miss Serenity must have been thinking the same thing. She spoke up again. “Oh, that’s right. If you ever want some clothes to help you fit in better around Aegrothond,” she offered, “Ivaeri is an excellent tailor. She can make you a dress that’s a bit more Mali.”
“Hold on now!” Ivaeri huffed. “I wanted to be the one to offer!”
They’re so cute together, I can hardly stand it! I thanked the couple for their offer and, after some thought, I decided to take them up on it. Miss Ivaeri quickly took my measurements and asked me what colors I liked. I answered pink, of course! I’m looking forward to seeing what Ivaeri makes for me.
Perhaps this whole situation with Oren might have a silver lining. Saying goodbye to Oren is hard - but this is a chance for me to find out who I am in a new setting. With luck, I can grow closer to discovering out the answer to my question.
I want to know who Tanith really is.
When you take away Oren and the White Rose, what’s left?
Well… I’m an explorer. I’m a scholar. A historian. A mage. A wife. And if what Ivaeri said is true, a wonderful Mali.