7/2/17
Day 2. I am alone. I mean simply that I am the only human in my apartment currently. This hasn’t been a thing at night in almost three months. How did I get here in three months? I broke free of a bad situation and fell head first into your arms in three months. Its clique. You always made fun of me for being so clique. You told me “You are going to fall in love with me.” So matyer of factly. You even thought you were kidding but I guess it was intuition. How did I slide from an emotionally neglectful and abusive stable relationship of 8 years into the most mesmerising whirlwind of deep emotional connection with virtually ZERO stability. You kept saying you were living on borrowed time so we tried to make every single day count for something. Make memories every day. How did I fall inlove with you so deeply? My soul called to you years ago but I didn’t recognize it. we have actual chemistry, a bond, a common desire for the other to be a happy as possible. I just want what’s best for you. I gave you all of my mental energy, I gave you the clothes from my closet, money from my wallet and food from my kitchen. What was mine was yours. But you gave me something immeasurable. You saved me. It was like I never saw the color blue before. Things that I have grown accustomed to became new and exciting again. I didnt take every day for granted any more. I felt like every love song was written for us, like the sun shown in the morning to tell us to go to bed. I saw life through eyes of a child again, no longer clouded with the sense of being weighed down by the hopeless future. You reminded me how strong I can be, I will need to be to tackle the new future we drew out together. It wasnt supposed to be this way but we roll with the punches. We were broke and scared, but alive. We knew the summer couldn’t last forever. I just wasnt ready to cut it short already. How did I find truth and meaning in a kid I hated in high school? How did fate pull the strings so hard and tie out pinkies together with red string? The first month we spent all the time in the world together, everything seemed too nuts to be true. You saw my ugly, my dark, my bruises and cuts, my tears and hurt but you never once wanted to leave. “You are my partner, I want to know all of you.” Not even a romantic gesture, just a fact to you. We are partners in life. We have gone through life helping others and this time we found eachother to walk hand in hand with. “I don’t care if we are together or not. I am here to walk beside you in life, hand in hand.”
I felt it in my core that this was friendship set on fire. I tried to keep my walls up, how was I supposed to give me broken and fucked up heart to someone so soon? But you waited. You didn’t mind. A girlfriend is not what you wanted. You wanted only what I could offer you. The similar life values, the love of the simple things in life like forests, sun rises, clear stary skies and the rain. Your mission in life is to bring joy to others lives. My life goal is to reduce world suck. How did this make so much sense so quickly? How could I love you like in the movies or like a paper back novel? You told me your soul called to mine. It craved to be close and the love between us grew seamlessly. I had no idea someone could change the way I see the entire world to see the beauty in everything again.
I never believed in summer love, but then again I never lived a sappy romcom before. You are gone for no one knows how long yet but I wont leave your side as we walk this crazy path. Life is weird but that’s the way we like it. Summer will come and go but this one, the summer i turned 25, has changed me. You have changed me the best possible ways. I see the color blue so differently. Your blue eyes always shined silver, don’t lose your shine. I believe in you Soul. I’ll be here holding your hand from the other side. You brought life back to me in 3 short months. So some time apart won’t change that. This won’t take away everything you have built back up in me.
