- This chapter was super embarrassing
omg Taichi WHY ARE YOU EMBARRASSING
- Taichi voice “IT’S NOT MY FAULT”
- ok but it actually isn’t maybe you’re ok Taichi
[specific dialogue notes]
- ‘wait you do THAT with him and you're just gonna LEAVE, that's even worse maybe?!’
tbh I agree with rambly Taichi here like
(ok but jk jk but [Taichi avoided the BAD END?? ?])
(lbr if he had left and didn’t get to join on the dig eventually, well.....)
(thinking about it I didn’t plan it this exact way but maybe subconsciously kind of had them stay together during the whole time because if they did separate who knows what could have happened to them)
(basically them being around each other also can maybe help stop the loop?)
- ‘but his skin is giving off a surprising amount of shine’
yeah Koushiro’s inner glow is REALLY going off here
(lbr Koushiro is. pleased. yeah)
(.... I didn’t plan this exactly this way either but legit now that I think about it this could parallel things too .....)
- ‘ "shin-ji-te-ru" ("shinjiteru", "believe")’
this bit was explained in the notes for this part but also thinking about it
(YEAH)
(... ok this bit was planned but unplanned is)
(maybe Koushiro subconsciously was getting some hope back from all of this yeah .....)
(I was kinda thinking the new meeting with Taichi in this timeline kind of helps him subconsciously start believing in things [himself] again??)
- ‘ I believe in you ‘
(that too) (re: Taichi)
(lbr though he never stops believing in Taichi though)
- ‘ He seems to not quite know what to do with himself still, when he looks up suddenly, as if sensing, and his black eyes stare right at Taichi. ’
ok this bit was planned a bit. Basically Koushiro was going about in a sort of mental daze earlier (because of the previous nights’ events too but also because of his dreams, the name in the back of his mind.... etc. etc.) but for once it was a more... pleasant one?
anyhow, their subconscious both probably ping whenever the other’s around (naturally too) but probably extra so for Koushiro, yup.
it doesn’t help that Koushiro’s hyper aware in canon too at many points
like that comes with the Knowledge thing and having a sharp mind and noticing the little details yup
- ‘ "...Your tie...?"
('I FORGOT MY TIE--') ‘
ok this part was NOT super intended but... “Tai” puns.... (a-ahahaha)
(look, dubverse probably does exist in background timelines somewhere too, ok)
(even though I don’t typically write in it anymore)
(and I disliked a lot of the script changes/etc. even re: some important Taishiros)
(..... negl the overly 90s vibe of the dub and their overall personalities/voice actors there still give me feelings too though yeah ;;)
(so take this as a sort of mini tribute aha)
(... oh also. still. maybe. “Ta-i-”--)
- ‘ Koushiro interrupts him this time.
"...! Your name -- I, um, didn't..."
He suddenly seems like he's about to think hard, like a thought came to mind all of a sudden, and he wants to think about it but he's trying to keep his gaze focused on Taichi too, his mouth pursed but a bit uneven as he tries to keep ...steady. ‘
Again, relating to him trying to subconsciously remember Taichi’s name from the last part.
(Koushiro’s trying to subconsciously keep him from leaving too, maybe)
(they weren’t as in danger here this time since Taichi would have stayed in most instances but yeah, if either of them leaves...)
(and um. no comment on ‘steady’)
- "...I-It's Taichi. Yagami Taichi."
There's a fraction of a section of silence. Koushiro keeps staring.
(SUBCONSCIOUSLY REMEMBERING ALERT
SUBCONSCIOUSLY REMEMBERING ALERT)
(Koushiro’s probably like “.........” mentally right there)
(even if it takes a fraction of a second for him to actually react yup)
- ‘ "...Taichi-san, then." ‘
dun dun dunnnnn
(SUBCONSCIOUSLY REMEMBERS THE “-SAN”)
(AND THAT IT’S “TAICHI-SAN”)
- "Normally, I'd call you Yagami-san."
Taichi freezes. Koushiro's mouth quirks -- just slightly.
"...But I think we've become too acquainted for that."
(THAT TOO)
(Koushiro in this verse is overall quite professional, so he WOULD have used Taichi’s last name with -san, not his first name, which indicates just a bit more closeness normally - while still being formal enough)
(not in a professional/work setting, though, maybe)
(basically Koushiro’s mind pinging him with ‘it’s Taichi-san’ ‘only Taichi-san’)
(... Koushiro is stubborn like that ??)
- ‘ "I... look, Koushiro? (He really deserves an honorific from Taichi's idiotic self, for once, but then again Taichi literally already used his name since...) ‘
(...since the night before, yes, Taichi)
same thing here
(Taichi subconsciously remembers to use ‘Koushiro’ sans honorific)
(he does that normally with most people anyway, but Koushiro’s special yup)
(because Koushiro doesn’t take offense to him using only ‘Koushiro’ when he normally might with someone he doesn’t know well or like, and that maybe makes Taichi feel kind of nice too)
- ‘ I swear I don't want to hurt you or anything, I really really--"
"You haven't hurt me." ‘
Taichi seriously did not want to hurt Koushiro ok
Koushiro SERIOUSLY is not hurt by it ok
(ok but this was also to emphasize yes it was consensual and yes they both very much enjoyed it)
(... also Koushiro puts a freaking huge amount of trust in Taichi yup)
-’ "Even during that," Koushiro adds, almost maddeningly. "...Taichi-san."
Koushiro pauses, blinks a bit, suddenly.
"...That wasn't where my train of thought was originally going, but it was..."
Koushiro corrects himself.
"What you... we... did..... it was nice. Taichi-san."
('Uh?!')
"Very nice. ... You really haven't hurt me." ‘
(again, emphasized)
‘That wasn’t where my train of thought was originally going’ - it actually wasn’t, p-pfft. but yeah, Koushiro’s maybe uh. remembering the night before and realizing yeah, he should emphasize this and stop Taichi from freaking out further
- ‘ ('"Nice?'"... "Very"? - Or? But-' 'Wait, what else can you really expect--?! Your sorry ass should be GRATEFUL he even called it 'nice' after that, he should be DROPKICKING YOU INTO THE STRATOSPHERE RIGHT ABOUT NOW--!!') ‘
(I’M SORRY TAICHI PICKING ON YOU IS FUN)
(but yeah lbr Taichi you’re seriously lucky Koushiro is seriously too kind for his [and your] own good)
- ‘ "N-No, I meant-" Taichi feels about ready to fall right where he's standing. "Not like that, but like - I don't want to hurt you. Koushiro. I really don't want to hurt you, I messed up, you don't deserve--"
"You really haven't hurt me."
Koushiro is insisting now, driving his gaze into Taichi, and Taichi's words falter and fall.
He stares back at Koushiro.
"I... you..."
"It was... enjoyable."
Koushiro is looking away again, and Taichi isn't sure if he should feel worse or not?
Koushiro's eyes flicker back to Taichi.
"What I'm trying to say, Taichi-san, is... I don't mind."
"...But I'd like to know more about you, too."
Taichi's mind freezes to a complete halt. Again. ‘
/DUN DUN DUNNNNN
aaaand Koushiro drives the point home
(also, when Koushiro looks away - Koushiro’s tendency to look away when he’s nervous or closed off, yeah?)
(Taichi notices and he really hates seeing Koushiro worried/upset even moreso if it’s because of him so yeah)
(this relates to a bit in pt. 2 as well... towards the end yeah .....)
(but it’s ok Taichi, Koushiro was nervous because of all of this ok)
(.... also Koushiro was maybe a bit calculated here too like he often is when he’s trying to make a point, especially a serious point)
... ok thinking about it too I should probably mention this now, but.
So in this universe, it’s a ‘nevermet’ AU, right?
in the original fic outline, I mention how the timelines become so messed up even nevermet AUs form?
well, I imagine in quite a number of them, they might subconsciously be trying to stay away from each other (or not interfere with each other) - this later kind of relates to Taichi speaking with the younger Koushiro in his dream towards the end. Each of the two eventually blames themselves, subconsciously, and they don’t want the other to keep dying because of them. They know it’s pointless to keep trying, but...
(ok but they seriously need to stop blaming themselves they were kids they were kids they didn’t ask for this ok. ok.)
Well, so, in some nevermet AUs, depending, they’re maybe subconsciously putting themselves far away from the other, as if maybe that’d also help keep the loop stable or something, somehow.
Because if they never meet, maybe the other won’t die, right?
The other of them will be safe, right?
It’s better this way, right?
(..... hahahaha)
So in the above section -
Koushiro’s basically subconsciously making a decision.
To pursue this timeline with Taichi further, yes.
Maybe this time, they can...
- ‘ Koushiro looks down.
"....I'm not very good with feelings, though." ‘
.... he really isn’t (especially not in this verse) (I’M SORRY KOUSHIRO)
(but in canon too)
- ‘ "K-Koushiro..." Taichi's voice is a bit weak. "N-no, you... you deserve so much better than this kind of - one night stand, or one night stands, or - I'm really bad at this, too--"
"I'd be fine with just one night stands."
Taichi is about to open his mouth to protest again (something like 'don't be fine with that!!') ‘
... yeahhhhh
so if it wasn’t obvious enough in fic
basically, Koushiro is ... struggling ..... a lot in this timeline, yeah.
(also indirectly paralleled by the original Koushiro/our Koushiro struggling)
he’s probably been through Depression Hell and back multiple times even (... it’s probably chronic by this point, to be honest?)
(I think canon Koushiro probably deals with it a bit easier, but still... it has a tendency to resurface down the road, and especially with this timeline)
(not helped by the adoption reveal still not having happened) and tbh
(he probably would be fine with just one night stands.)
(but Koushiro that’s the wrong way to go about it here, maybe)
ok but Taichi’s thinking right here yeah (’don’t be fine with that!!’)
- ‘ but Koushiro shuts him up with his next line --
"...But I really wouldn't mind more than that, too."
"When I said I want to get to know Taichi-san, I .... meant it."
Taichi feels himself physically drain.
('M-maybe it's ok?? Maybe I haven't royally screwed up completely yet??')
('Maybe....') ‘
ok so here
(dun dun dunnn)
Taichi’s giving in yeah
ok but also he was probably mentally freaking out thinking like --
Our War Game kind of, you know??
like the Taiora wasn’t canon intended yeah (it was due to staff not knowing about Sorato endgame) and I don’t intend it here either
(Taiora’s actually kind of like... close to the very bottom of my ship preferences I’m sorry [even moreso than Koumi tbh there I said it I’d still take Koumi in more certain ways/fanworks I’m just extremely picky with it] and I very much prefer it [too] portrayed only in very specific ways though [same goes for Taiorato though I’m more open to that] like. again. I’m a multishipper I don’t mind fanworks and very much enjoy alternative portrayals too ok please leave me be. it’s just not in here though)
but still, a similar feeling -
he doesn’t want to screw this up, and definitely not with Koushiro (and this .....)
(also, this kind of relates to mentioned Sorato in this universe a bit too, yeah.)
(he’s not jealous over Sora, but he is maybe scared of losing more friends and being alone -- because this Taichi only had them for so long)
(because he didn’t have Koushiro)
[this chapter was kind of long so for longer ones I may revise these later!]
[to be continued]
