#izzyposting

[flowers-of-io]

Listen this only means there won't be any more new lore so we can finally finish all our fics and lore essays without fear of things being retconned. Let's look at the bright side

[izzyhandslightofmylife]

Things Izzy Hands can canonically survive:

Being held at knifepoint

Talking to Stede Bonnet

Raiding a Spanish warship

Calling Lucius daddy

Being in a duel

Rowing miles on his own to the nearest shore

Watching the love of his life fall in love with someone else in the span of like two weeks

Interacting with the British as a wanted pirate

An attempted mutiny 

Choking/suffocation

Getting his toe cut off without anesthesia

Being forced to eat said toe

Walking, raiding and fighting effectively without said toe

Losing two more toes

Getting knives thrown at his head

Being extremely overworked while missing said toes

Being shot in the leg

Getting said leg amputated without anesthesia

A WHOLE ASS SUICIDE ATTEMPT

A storm on an unmanned ship

Walking hours/days after being shot/amputated to shoot the love his life and save the crew

Several days on the open sea with no fresh food/water

Eating raw seagull

Being sentenced to execution

Alcoholism 

Being (presumably) tortured by Ned Lowe

Being captured by the British 

Having a conversation with no nose Ricky 

Running from/killing British soldiers with one leg

Things he can't survive, apparently:

Getting shot on the left by Some Guy

[izzybizzyspiderizcool]

trading art w my dad (i made dirk and dave, he made john)

[izzylumalee]

wait a SECOND

[prometheuslovechild]

OKAY!?!??

[freakweasel]

[commander-minkowski]

rewatching ofmd and it's so patently idiotic on its face that anyone ever believed izzy when he said he spent years massaging blackbeard's erratic moods or w/e. izzy does nothing but get into Situations and cause problems for everybody and it's ED who has to bail him out every time like a tired fortysomething who inherited his mom's neurotic chihuahua and is now responsible for preventing the bigger dogs at the dog park from tearing both of them apart bc izzy barked at them too shrilly

[bacterialover]

one thing about me is i will never give up making picrews and you will have to pry it from my cold dead hands if you want to take it away from me