#j420

[iggnita]

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[rabbitsfeet]

I LOVE HIM, best friend?? who draws me???

@nostrux

[j420newseditingproject]

Main Noun Too Far Away From the Main Verb

Main Noun Too Far Away From the Main Verb: This problem occurs when a writer attempts to cram in too much information about a subject into a sentence. Not only does this make a long run-on sentence, it also creates distance between the main subject, or noun, and its action or purpose, which is usually the verb.

"The only trouble with this plan is that mixed income developments (which are a fairly profitable business for those involved), while improving the look of this "gateway" area to our city, in reality do little to benefit those who are in need."

This sentence is confusing because of its long phrases separated by commas, contrasting phrases, and most importantly, the fact that the main noun is too far away from its verb. The sentence also confuses the reader by placing the contrasting views of how mixed income developments can help and hurt the community in the same sentence. 

Because the main point of this part of the article was not about mixed incomes, the sentence can be deleted. The sentence can also be corrected expanding the idea of the one sentence into two sentences.

"The mixed income developments do little to benefit those in need, even though they improve the look of the area's "gateway area" to the city. In reality, these developments only benefit those who are involved in a fairly profitable business in the area."

Full Story Here: http://www.smilepolitely.com/news/central_champaign_make-over_in_the_works/

[j420newseditingproject]

Parallelism

Parallelism: When a sentence has a similar structure within a series of related words, phrases, or clauses, it has a parallel structure, or parallelism. Parallelism is a good sentence characteristic because it helps with the flow of how the sentence is read.

"There will also be bulk stuff, like noodles and rice and honey, a range of cheesey selections, and, of course, your meat-ordering truck."

This sentence was taken from the Smile Politely article called "Market Watch: November 3, 2012", written on Nov. 2, 2012 by Amanda Murphyao. The writer lacks parallelism when she used multiple different phrases such as "like" and "of course" in her series, instead of describing the series with a uniform phrase or structure. Adding "like" and "of course" also makes the sentence sound less professional and more like she was having a conversation with a friend.

The sentence can be corrected by using a uniform structure or phrase. For example, the sentence can read "There will also be a selection of bulk noodles, rice and honey, a range of cheesy selections, and a meat-ordering truck."

There is also a misspelling in the story; "cheesey" should be spelled as "cheesy."

Full Story Here:

http://www.smilepolitely.com/food/market_watch_november_3_2012/

[j420newseditingproject]

Dangling Modifier

Dangling Modifier: a word, phrase, or clause that modifies something that it's not supposed to modify, or modifies something that is not in the sentence at all.

"In Hoboken, which was hit hard by Hurricane Sandy, the voting machines were delivered to the polling places before the storm, and now many are damaged."

This sentence, which was the pull-out sentence of The Daily Beast article" Scramble Ahead of Election Day in Areas Hardest Hit by Sandy” by Ben Jacobs, has a dangling modifier that makes the sentence read slow and unclear. While the main point of the sentence was that Hoboken voting machines were damaged by Hurricane Sandy, the writer struggled to get to the point. The dangling modifier of this sentence was "and now many are damaged" because, although it was the main point of the sentence, it is thrown at the end as if a side note.

One solution to this dangling modifier is to simplify the sentence:

"Hoboken is one of the hardest hit cities by Hurricane Sandy, and many of the polling booths delivered before the storm are now damaged."

Full Story Here: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/11/03/scramble-ahead-of-election-day-in-areas-hardest-hit-by-sandy.html

[j420newseditingproject]

Cliche

Cliche: a trite, or an overused phrase, expression, or idea. (noun)

"Unlike baseball, there can be no rain delay for Election Day."

This cliche was the first sentence of the lede graph in The Daily Beast article "Scramble Ahead of Election Day in Areas Hardest Hit by Sandy", written on Nov. 3 2012, by Ben Jacobs. This cliche, which relates the possibility of delaying the Election day for the northeastern states affected to Hurricane Sandy, to a baseball game cancellation because of rain. Although Jacobs tries to relate the two phrases with the rain metaphor, the cliche loses its power when relating major regional hurricane damage to a potentially muddy baseball field sandlot. 

This lede can be fixed by deleting the baseball game cliche and focusing on the main point of the story, which is that northeastern residents will vote on time for the presidential elections, regardless of the Hurricane Sandy destruction.

Correction:

"Despite the destruction, northeastern residents are still expected to vote on schedule for the presidential elections."

Full Story Here: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/11/03/scramble-ahead-of-election-day-in-areas-hardest-hit-by-sandy.html

[whatjamesfrancodidtoday-blog]

To the Shore

Today, Mikey, Pauly, Vinnie and J420, GTL'd