A Rod & A Ryder
A Supernaturally Silly Story
~ When Dean decides to give Y/N a sexy DIY gift, he finds himself in a rather tight predicament ~
Dean Winchester x Reader, Castiel
3,306 Words
Warnings: NSFW, Explicit Talk of Sex Toys and Self Love, Tiny Fleck of Jealous!Dean, Mishaps, Crack
For @jacklesversebingo “Free Square”
Impala-Dreamer’s Masterlist ~ Patreon ~ Published Works
Dean hung back while Y/N was at the counter. She was more than capable of interviewing the salesperson by herself, and besides, he had other things to investigate. Like, for instance, the extremely large red, white, and blue dildo sitting on the shelf by the window.
He blinked a few times at the toy, marveling at the size and wondering how a human being could open any hole, mouth included, wide enough to insert such a tree trunk of a phallus. Deciding it was simply a gag gift, and laughing at the word ‘gag’ even as he thought it, Dean moved on, trying not to become too enthralled by the offerings around the sex shop.
He’d been in porn shops before, but not in a long while, and they were certainly fancier than he remembered. Slightly more adventurous too.
Whips in various sizes and materials lined the wall to his right; plush handcuffs and spacer bars were displayed to his left. A section seemingly devoted to Fifty Shades held his attention for a while. More than a few things raised an eyebrow and he couldn’t help but look over at Y/N, wondering if she’d ever allow such things into their bedroom. It wasn’t like he longed to fix that cute powder-pink collar on her throat and lead her around on a leash, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about it before. Just like he hadn’t thought about her locking little Dean up in one of those tiny metal cages and teasing him until he-
“See somethin’ you like?”
Her question made him jump and Dean turned with pink cheeks towards his girlfriend.
Y/N was holding back a laugh, trying not to embarrass him and blow their cover. Federal Agents weren’t known to giggle like twelve year olds at vibrators and butt plugs, even the ones with fluffy tails on the ends.
One such tail drew Y/N’s attention and she picked the sample up from the clear display shelf and wiggled it in his face, making him cringe and back up a step.
“Gross,” he laughed, swatting away the faux fox fur. “Stop that.”
Y/N set the toy back in its spot and bit her lip. “Why, Agent Zappa, I never pegged you for a prude.”
Dean stood up straight and adjusted his tie. “First of all, you’ve never pegged me at all, and-”
A twinkle sparkled in her eye. “I could, ya know-”
He sucked in a quick breath and ignored the offer. “Secondly…” He cleared his throat. “I’m not a prude, I’m just a little… There’s a lot of stuff here that… I mean- come on.” He waved at a line of latex cocks behind her and Y/N spun around, coming face to face with a rather realistic looking, fully erect penis.
“Oh my…”
Dean hummed. “Exactly.”
Curious, Y/N picked up the corresponding box and scanned the information on the back. “Huh.”
“What?”
Holding up the box, she read from the description: “This lifelike replica is molded directly from one of the hottest porn stars of the new millennium. Sterling Rod’s eleven inch cock is crafted with incredibly lifelike, innovative material that replicates the texture and firmness of the real thing.”
Dean swallowed hard, looking up at the longer-than-life penis and then sadly down at his crotch. “Eleven inches?”
Y/N hummed a sexy little note and carried on. “The dynamic features of this beautiful dildo include realistically jiggling balls that enhance the authenticity of the experience…”
“OK, we don’t have to keep reading that…” Something about fake jiggling balls made him uncomfortable.
“The suction cup bottom gives you a hands free option to-”
“Suction cup?” Green eyes glazed over as a quick fantasy scene played in his head. Y/N, alone in the Bunker, bouncing on Sterling Rod’s rod suction cupped to the top of the table in the War Room, her juicy bottom illuminated by the glowing map. His slacks shrank a bit.
“The impressive eleven inch length…” Y/N let out an impressed breath and squirmed, adjusting her weight from one foot to the other.
He frowned at the measurement and her apparent interest. She always said he was the perfect size for her and yet-
“...Delving deeper than any other to pleasure you in ways no man can.”
“OK!” Jerking the box away, Dean put an end to his torture. “OK. I get it.”
Y/N pursed her lips and squinted at him. “Jealous?”
“Of a toy?” He leaned back, offended. “No.”
“It’s not just a toy,” she teased. “It’s Sterling Rod’s cock.”
Dean rolled his eyes. “It’s not his actual cock. That’s just for advertising.”
“No, no. It’s really him.” Y/N picked up the box and pointed out the print she’d just read aloud. “Molded directly from-”
“Please don’t read it again.”
Shrugging, she returned the box. “They do that now, ya know,” she laughed. “For the girls too.”
Dean’s jealousy faded and his interest perked up. “What now?”
“Mhm.” Y/N spun on her heel and crooked a finger at him.
Dean followed without hesitation as Y/N led him to the other side of the store.
The multicolored dildos and clit-sucking vibrators gave way to pocket masturbators and lube, anal beads, and a set of manly blank nipple clamps that made Dean’s pulse quicken just a bit.
Y/N paused beside a display of what, from far away, appeared to be blooming roses. “See? Custom pussies.”
A joke tickled his throat. “Say that again?”
“Custom. Pussies.” She popped the P and Dean choked back a laugh. “See? This one is Angel Ryder’s.”
“Angel Ryder?” Dean smirked. “Good name…”
“You know her.”
Dean’s brows furrowed in thought.
“You know, the redhead in the trench coat from that one we watched on Christmas…”
The tip of his tongue pressed against his front teeth as he scanned his memory.
Y/N sighed. “With the tattoo… on her…”
Dean lit up. “Oh! Yeah. OK… I remember her.” He blinked and saw her in his head: big, fake tits bouncing on a muscular Santa’s lap. His lips puckered into a horny grin.
“Yeah. Her.” Y/N picked up the box beneath the flourishing rubber vagina and held it out to him. “Molded from her actual sausage wallet.”
Dean scanned the box and nodded in approval. “So they just like… stick some goo up there and-”
“Ew. No.”
“No?”
Y/N paused for a moment and pondered. “Actually, I have no idea how they do it, but I’m sure they don’t just tip her upside down and pour silicone in there.”
Dean smirked.
Y/N laughed and rolled her eyes. When she righted them, they were stuck on the ridiculously long length of Sterling’s erect silicone dick and she hummed in a way Dean didn’t care for.
He cleared his throat. “You don’t have any… ya know…”
It was endearing that he couldn’t even ask. They’d fucked in the back of his car, on the hood of his car, in random bars, once in the woods next to a flaming vampire nest, and even in the Franklin Mills County Morgue while sneaking in late at night for evidence. But the fact that he couldn’t ask her right out if she had a box of sex toys tucked away somewhere was too adorable to not tease him for.
“Dean, are you asking me if I have a dildo?”
He swallowed hard and tugged at the knot of his navy tie, loosening it a tiny bit. “Well, yeah.”
She refused to answer verbally but gave him a very affirmative shrug.
His jaw dropped. “In our bedroom?” He lowered his voice, comically leaning in so the saleswoman of a sex shop couldn’t hear them discussing sex stuff. “You have a fake dick in our bedroom when you’ve got a… pretty impressive human specimen right next to you whenever you want?”
His eyes were wide with worry and Y/N took pity. She lay her hand warmly on his arm.
“Baby, I don’t use it… all the time. It’s just there for like… .emergencies.”
“Emergencies?”
“You know, if you’re out or-”
He jerked upright. “So when I’m out getting pizza, you’re riding plastic probes?”
Her laugh was unstoppable but strangled. “No. Like, if you’re away for a while. I miss you, ya know.”
He softened a bit at that.
“And, excuse, me, are you saying you don’t masturbate anymore?”
“Uh…” Green eyes flitted about, looking for a safe place to land.
“It’s OK if you do.”
Dean shrugged just as she had. “A man has… needs, Y/N/N.”
“You’re cute.” Giving up on the conversation lest things get too intense, Y/N pushed up on her toes and dropped a kiss on his cheek. “But can we go? The scent of edible lube is making me sick.”
She turned away before he could answer and Dean gave Angel Ryder’s plump petals an intrigued look. Saying a farewell, he turned to the door, jogging a few quick steps to catch up.
“Hey! I thought you liked wild cherry…”
~
Time wore on and the memory of their explicit sex shop conversation had mostly faded into the Arizona horizon. Y/N hadn’t brought up their chat again after they’d banged it out in the hotel room that night, and she’d even stopped teasing him about how she would introduce him to the little purple pole hidden in her underwear drawer.
Dean, however, couldn’t get the idea of Y/N playing with some other dude’s joystick, even if it was made of plastic, out of his head. If she was fucking some dick, he wanted it to be his. If some asshole was plunging her depths, he wanted to be that asshole. Cowgirl Y/N should only be riding one horse and his lap was the saddle.
After two weeks of unwarranted jealous thoughts and sulking around, Dean had an idea.
One quick Google search later, Dean had a plan.
After four days of waiting for the slow-as-hell local post office to get its act together, Dean was ready to go.
That is, once he got Y/N to go.
Thankfully, Sam had found a case a few hours away and Dean convinced Y/N to take the drive, claiming he was feeling under the weather. He got an extra kiss on the forehead for that, and waved goodbye as headlights faded out of sight.
Dean laid out the materials on his bed. A bag of powder, a plastic tube, a tongue depressor, and a mug of water. The instructions said the water had to be 90 degrees exactly, and he waited until the water was cool enough to touch but still warm. If he was sticking his dick in it, he didn’t want to burn the skin off.
Working quickly, he mixed the powder and water, dumped it rather messily into the tube, and grabbed his dick.
“Come on, Dean. This is for Y/N.”
He closed his eyes and thought about her using his gift; naked and spread wide on the hood of the Impala, his hot pink clone pounding her sweet pussy. He jerked himself a few times, wanting to make sure he was as big as possible, and then stuck it in the goo. A bit of casting spilled over the top but he could clean it up later.
It was warm and wet. Somewhat squishy, and not altogether unpleasant. Humming happily, Dean leaned back against the wall and held himself in the tube, still fantasizing about its future.
Y/N licking it like a lollipop in front of a mirror; spit dripping down her chin…
Y/N on all fours, fucking herself on the toy, moaning his name…
Y/N nudged the dildo gently against his tight ass…
Startled but not disgusted by his subconscious desire, Dean gave himself a little shake to clear his head, and made a note to bring it up with Y/N at some point.
He checked his watch and more than five minutes had passed which was three more than the two stated in the instructions.
“Well, a little more never hurt anyone.”
Except, it did.
Dean carefully pulled on the tube of hardened casting and nothing happened.
He tried again, a little less carefully, and it moved not even an inch.
“Shit.”
Again.
“Fuck.”
He was stuck. More specifically, his now soft, over-sensitive penis was stuck in a tight tube of hardened plaster-like junk.
He tried to fit a finger into the mess, but it was too tight, sealed against his skin.
He thought for a moment about getting a knife from the kitchen and cutting his way out, but it was a very short thought that ended with him terrified to even move lest he cut his precious instrument.
If he called 911, he’d have to explain some things and they might also use something sharp. Calling Y/N would be even worse than being stuck, and he’d rather cut his dick completely off than tell Sam what he was up to.
That left only one option.
Sitting on the side of the bed, Dean grabbed a pillow and held it gingerly over his issue. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“Cas? Kinda need your help, buddy.”
He waited a second and then peaked his right eye open, finding the room just as empty as before.
Gritting his teeth, he tried again.
“Cas! Help!”
A whoosh of air and the flap of wings opened Dean’s eyes and he found his best friend standing a foot away.
“Dean. What’s wrong?”
The worry in Castiel’s voice was strong and Dean felt somewhat bad for making him rush over. But then again, his dick was encased in stone.
“Are you hurt?”
Dean clicked his tongue, debating the truthful answer. “Not yet.”
“Not yet?” Cas’s head tilted dramatically to the east. “What’s going on?”
Begrudgingly, Dean removed the pillow from his lap and displayed his nakedness shoved into a long plastic tube.
Blue eyes squinted at the apparatus. ”Dean, what are you doing?”
“It’s a gift,” Dean confessed.
Confusion twisted the angel’s face. “For who?”
“Y/N!”
Castiel nodded in understanding. “Ah. Yes.”
To investigate, Cas bent at the waist and let his gaze zoom in on Dean’s crotchal region. Blood rushed from Dean’s face to dick and back up again. He was embarrassed and scared but it was still kind of hot.
Castiel poked at the tube with a gentle finger and Dean quickly swatted him away.
“What exactly have you done to yourself?”
“It’s a kit to…” Dean’s ease of speech was temporarily stunted. “I’m…” He looked away in an attempt to hide. “I’m making a clone of… well, me.” He cleared his throat. “And I got stuck.”
Cas stood up and nodded, but he still had questions.
“Why do you think Y/N would like something like this?”
“Well, it makes a… toy. A sex toy. For her. It’s a dildo, OK? Ya know, for when I’m away… or not in the mood.”
Another squint, another head tilt.
Dean huffed. “Yeah, OK, I’m always in the mood. But, I don’t know, I thought it would be a nice thing to do. A sexy gift. Thought it would be kinda hot.”
“And is it?”
Dean sighed. “Not currently!”
Sensing the urgency, Castiel knelt down between Dean’s knees and plotted his move. “Why did you call me?” he asked, getting closer than Dean could really handle.
Green eyes rolled in utter annoyance. “Who the hell else was I gonna ask? Sam?”
“Good point.”
“Can you just… Help.”
Castiel took a deep, unnecessary breath and locked eyes with Dean. Slowly, he set his hands on the plastic tube, ready to extract Little Dean.
“Don’t move, Dean. This may be a bit uncomfortable…”
~
Dean hung back while Y/N kicked off her shoes and tossed her backpack on the desk. She was tired and sore from the road, and more than happy to be home.
“You are lucky you got sick,” she told him, peeling off a sock and pitching it into the laundry basket by the door. “I have never seen so much ectoplasm in my life. And it stunk.”
Dean watched her from the door, his shoulder holding up the entire wall. “Oh yeah? Eggs or asparagus?”
She laughed and cringed at the same time. “Worse. Horse. Like, end of the parade, rainy, horse shit.”
Their eyes met and Dean licked his lips unconsciously. “I missed you.”
She beamed. “Me too.”
She held out her arms for him to join her on the bed, but he stayed put and nodded at the pillow.
“Gotcha something.”
“Oh?” Y/N held onto a smile with her teeth dug into her bottom lip as she turned to find a happy birthday gift bag lying on her pillow. The handles were tied together and price tag sticker residue smudged the bright blue outside. She laughed. “It’s not my birthday.”
Dean moved inside the room. “Yeah, well, they don’t exactly make gift bags for this.”
Curious, Y/N plucked apart the knot and looked inside at her gift. Her jaw dropped. Her eyes went wide.
“Is that?”
Dean held his breath. “Take it out.”
Y/N’s cheeks burned as she pulled a hot pink silicone cock from the bag. “This is… nice…” She held it in a light fist and marveled at how familiar it was. “This is…” She squinted at the top, traced the underridge with her thumb. “Holy shit, Dean! This is you!”
Proud, and rather impressed that she recognised his dick so easily, Dean grinned. “You like?”
Her smile was worth all the pain.
“I love it.”
Dean bent to kiss her softly. “I’m glad.”
“Also…”
He stood up, worried. “Also?”
Placing the replica staff gently on the bed, Y/N went to her backpack and pulled out a plain white box.
“I didn’t have time to wrap it,” she joked, handing him the present.
Carefully, Dean lifted the lid and nearly fell over.
Tucked inside was a silky smooth pink rose with a rather familiar petal formation. Stunned, he looked up at Y/N as he pulled the toy from the box.
“Is this your-”
“Kitty?” She laughed. “Yes.”
Dean let out a laugh that shook his shoulders and brought tears to his eyes. “Great minds, huh?”
Y/N nodded and then rolled her eyes as Dean shoved two fingers into the silicone hole and giggled.
“I’m glad you like it.”
His arms fit around her more perfectly than either would find again. She kissed him sweetly and he retaliated with more, licking into her mouth with hunger and intent.
When he let her go, Y/N hopped on the bed and picked up her toy, examining it closer.
“I do have to admit,” she said, sniffing the cock absently, “I had a little trouble making it.”
Dean joined her, stretching out on his side of the bed while still fingering her petals. “Really? So did I.”
“Not like this.” She laughed and hid her face in her hands. “I kinda… I had to ask for some help.”
Dean sat up quickly and turned to her. “Please tell me you didn’t call Cas.”
She cringed. “Well, who the hell else was I supposed to ask? Sam?” Embarrassment closed her eyes as she explained. “I was… It was making a mess and it was getting all up in… I just… I was kinda praying. Well, cursing loudly, and he popped in and…”
Dean’s silence caught her attention and she opened her eyes to find him red-faced and guilty.
“Wait.” She leaned in, peering into his eyes for a confession. “Did you call Cas?”
He squirmed and shrugged.
“Oh my god, you did!”
Dean laughed. “Like I said… great minds.”
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