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Apr 27

the boys are seething...

jealousy headcannons because I would love being a menace to these guys hehe

tw: cursing in some bits, but that's honestly the usual for me, mentions of mental torture and descriptions of gore in Anti's part

Darkiplier

boiling on the inside, but won't really show it.

I think Dark is oftentimes represented as a very cool-headed person, someone who barely, if at all, allows themselves to be pushed around, and is generally very... set in their ways. solid. therefore, they'd probably want to think about things like these before they get into a relationship with you, just to survey all their options, but still get caught off guard regardless because, uh-oh, they have feelings?? feelings that make them... impulsive?? oh no. disaster. catastrophe.

a part of them is uneasy because - ew, emotions. they thought they mostly got over those. but falling in love with you is proof in in of itself that they continue to plague them, so they begrudgingly have to accept they have them.

they've spent so much time trying to support everyone else around them that they basically lost themselves in that role - they're a constant, a safety net, and everyone around them who is even glanced at affectionately is usually someone they've deemed is going to stick around. so when they realise that oh, there's a chance you won't, the first reaction, instead of insecurity or destructive rage, is better summed up as solid, indifferent dishing out of 'the fuck you will'.

they know you're attractive. maybe that's not something that made them stick by your side - after all, they'd met plenty of conventionally attractive people in their... existence - but they can objectively say you're pleasant to look at, even extremely so. (more pleasant to feel, to get to know - something the other person would have no idea about. they feel proud to be able to gauge you like that.) suffice to say, no, they aren't sharing. absolutely not. they're pretty sure you know that, so most of the time they believe just a quick reminder will do the trick; showing up behind you and diverting your attention when the person flirting with you is trying something, laying down simple but meaningful touches (like a hand on the shoulder, pulling you in by the waist, fixing your hair/clothes for you...) or, if need be, nudging you in the other direction to distract you.

if the person is being forceful and you are very obvious in your attempts to disuade them? if they continue even after the first 'no'? guard dog privileges. looming over your shoulder, puffing out their chest, shielding you away with their body. it's less threatening towards you, and more protective. they'll only engage like this if they feel you're truly threatened, though after a while of being attached to you the feeling heightens. it's more likely to happen the longer you're together - if you're just starting out, they'll probably let you handle it on your own, but later? oh no, dearest. come here. they'll keep you safe. (the other person on the other hand, they can't exactly vouch for. even if they're a friend of Dark's, the reaction is the same - the full force of an eldritch monstrosity, untamed but reigned into a single look. well, that's just the warning. they will escalate if they have to.)

if you seemingly reject Dark, unintentionally I'm sure, to prioritise the other person in a way that isn't obviously teasing, now then they're going to get angry. you'll be treated to the silent treatment, mostly, because before it couldn't have been your fault, but now? now that you're actively (consciously or unconsciously) picking favorites? fine. they see they're not needed here. (you'll have to beg to have their affection later. they'll only forgive you if you really make it known whose partner you are, both to Dark and to the person you were flirting with, willingly and because you want to, not because they forced you to - despite the fact they kind of did force your hand.)

if you are teasing? now they're amused, instead, albeit a tense amusement that tightens the leash around your neck every time you lightly brush the person's shoulder or lean in a bit too close. unfortunately, as they put it, they have a vice for the little cat and mouse games you like to play. they like the chase, like the thrill - though it usually would easily bounce off their stoic personality - but those are the perks of a more... intimate contact, no? sure. play your game, darling. they'll be here when you're done and tuckered out to give out a solid lesson after, ready to kiss it all better. maybe they'll even play dumb for a bit, just to withold the reaction you're craving. they like when you test their patience, because they know they'll win. they've been waiting for a while before they met you, stalking, watching. you'll crack first. you always do.

"Oh? Now you want my attention? I don't know about that. Maybe if you prove you deserve it."

Yancy

wilted flower that has fists.

best description I could give it, because - although he's easily turning to violence - he's dying on the inside. he knows he's no catch, being a criminal and all, despite how perfect for you you tell him he is. you're so nice, of course you wouldn't want someone like him, someone who's so hard to love, hard to get ahold of. but he sure as hell will try and get you back!

there's three ways I could see him reacting, depending on the situation at hand:

1) clueless. poor dear has no idea you're being flirted with, and just thinks this is someone who's friendly - which is the usual if you're with him in Happy Trails Penitentiary, where everyone is so nice and lovely, even as they're violently stabbing each other. of course they wouldn't flirt with you, everyone knows you're together! those are the perks of being in such a close-knit community - family, as you all are here in pri- the Penitentiary. if he notices something is off, though it would have to be really visible for him to notice, he'd transfer into one of the two other reactions, instead:

2) absolutely furious. sorry, I meant murderous. especially if this is someone he's known for a while, or who he'd been friends with prior (now that he's out of prison, if he is) and especially if he sees you're uncomfortable with it. almost ignores your distress in favor of getting rid of them first, and, oh, the rage is painfully obvious on his face. this is where you'd have to jump in to remind him, hey, you're still on parole and have to keep up good behavior, (or that he has an audience mainly made up of prison guards) or snatch away his pocket knife so he doesn't do anything... impulsive. he's way too good at being impulsive. he'll resign to keeping to a safe distance, shooting death glares to the person like launching bricks off of a six story building while you cling to him, keeping your hands on him and grounding him. yeah, he's barely holding it together.

it's more territorial than anything, however. like a dog snapping its teeth over a favorite chew toy and calming down as soon as the intruder takes a few steps back - immediately, as if forgetting anything even happened. it's a flaw, he knows, that he really doesn't think about you at all during those moments. of course, he refocuses on you immediately after, apologizes as he kisses your cheek, and he'd never like, push you if you were in his way or anything - but more like firmly relocate you to a safe space before whailing on the other person? he just gets caught up in the anger. he's working on it, but there's likely not going to be much give on how he deals with the situation, given he doesn't really catch on what's happening in the moment, mind too clouded with emotion, and can only react after the moment's passed. he'll try more, he swears. but if you're right next to him, providing comfort in a 'there, there (please don't do anything stupid)' fashion, it's more likely his grip will just turn steely where it lies on your back or waist and he'll puff out his chest as if to shout 'try me, pal' across the distance between you both and the person. (it's only a little cartoonish, you snort.)

3) the most devastated man you've ever seen. especially if you try and tease or toy with him by pretending to flirt back, or if you take it as friendly gestures. oh. oh... well. he knew he wasn't perfect, but... he'll just- get out of your way then. go back to his cell. maybe cry in his pillow a little. but like, just a smidge, he's still a man. (he cries a lot.)

it's not funny. don't do it. for the love of everything, don't even try. this man is going to fall apart at the seams, and even when you tell him, 'hey, hey, big boy, I was just joking!' - were you really? because that absolutely looked real to him!! are you just trying to get out of it?? he knows when he isn't wanted!!

you will not be sleeping in the same cell. you will get the silent treatment for the next week.

and an intervention planned out by the other members of the Penitentiary, all cornering you with harsh glares and sweat dripping down your forehead because, uh oh, did you forget to pay a debt back or something?? you're shoved into one of the empty cells and forced to sit in a circle like a council meeting while they debate whether or not to have your back as you fervently, passionately, begging on your knees go apologize to Yancy (as you're then instructed to, with all of them pointing various small shanks at you.). how dare you do this to him. hasn't that man been through enough?! (there are tears shed, wiped away by seemingly appearing out of thin air handkerchiefs of various colors and patterns, or with embroidery with lines like 'live, stab, HTP' or the Penitentiary logo surrounded by hearts or- is that the entirety of the plan of events for A Heist with Markiplier??) if you end up doing this in the Manor, the people organizing the intervention will most likely be other egos, pushing Dark in front as group leader as they begrudgingly explain that Yancy hasn't left their room in days. go make up. now. (Engineer nods his head violently behind Dark's back.)

he'll only hold off on the whole thing if you explain right away that you yourself were clueless in them flirting with you, and how you rejected them immediately once you caught on. then he really can't blame you, it happens sometimes, and he joyfully jumps into your arms as soon as he realizes what happened. you will have to be his weighted blanket for the next few days, though. and you owe him like, at least a dozen kisses. sorry, I don't make the rules.

"Really?? Youse mean it? Youse didn't know?? Oh, honey! I was, ahm, worried, there, fer a sec- haha, um... stay with me for a while, 'kay? Just 'till... 'till I feel better."

Head Engineer! Mark

annoying mode activate.

this man can be very, very persistent when he wants to, and when he smells something fishy going on between you and someone else? immediately inserting himself into the conversation. oh, hey, lovely weather, he was just meaning to talk to you! cool, cool, who's this, a new crewmember? ohhh, nice! did you tell them you're dating/married yet.

he's so cocky. like so, so cocky. yeah, he got you. he's yours, your one and only, blahblahblah - but you're his. he's so lucky, he thinks when he smiles brightly at you, only for that smile to turn into the most devious smirk when he looks at the other person. yeah, he's totally winning here. he'll even go as far as to mock the other person for trying - like, who do they think they are? this is a one in a million person over here- he worked his ass off trying to woo you, and he sure as hell isn't letting some - which level are they on again? - low-stationed officer try and take his Captain! (or whatever rank you are, considering he'd have an excuse to make you seem above said officer in rank even if you're lower than him simply by enhancing the amount you contribute to the Invincible II or the colony.) buddy, get a grip. this kinda partnership opportunity is classified for chumps who shoot for people out of their league.

either that, or he'll try and demonstrate how much better of a fit for you he is than the other person. oh, they don't know much about time travel? that's a shame, him and you know a lot. guess they won't be able to join in on that conversation. or, huh, they've been friends with you for how long? and they don't know your favorite book? Captain, really now. how is that even possible? don't worry, he knows it by heart. (even if the person outdoes him in some area of knowing you, he'll only steep in place, going unusually more quiet than before. gets very annoyed at knowing you less than someone else when he's supposed to be your boyfriend, or worse in this scenario, husband! afterwards he holds an interrogation, interviewing you for all he thinks he might not know. he needs to know you best. he must.)

even as the other person awkwardly or angrily shuffles away, he keeps the smirk going for a while until they're out of sight, after which he turns to you. if you were genuinely uncomfortable, it immediately drops and he turns back into his panicked self so much he starts checking you over for physical damage before he realizes, wait that stuff is internal- but, but, are you okay? what happened? tell him everything! he'll make sure that person never comes near you again if you want! the cocky exterior is but a mirage, but another face he puts on as Head Engineer, but inside his heart is racing a thousand beats per minute, more protective of you than concerned about his own status as your significant other. do you need help? need support? need him to chase someone off? he'll do it, just ask, no need to be shy!

if you did it on purpose, he'd probably know from the conversation he just butted into. Captain, really, he reads you like a book! he'll get it from your various 'oh, they were just being nice.' or 'they just needed some help.', making excuses for their behaviour with a mischevious smile. even then, he's more inclined to believe you - maybe they were just being nice and not at all trying anything - but just to be safe, they can ask him next time. wouldn't wanna bother you too much, since you're doing your very important duty. he can make time, for sure.

but if you make it really obvious through touches and how you refer to the other person that you're intentionally flirting to tease him, you better not be. same as Dark - Engineer shifts the blame over to you, but gets annoyed instead. you don't want him? you wanna be with someone else? fine! see if he cares! (he cares a lot. he cares a whole heck of a lot.) later, he corners you and asks what about that person is better than what he can give you. really probes you for it, asks for details, inserts follow-up questions until you're sweltering under his molten gaze. (you'll have to gently convince him you were joking. he doesn't believe you at first, but he's more keen to believe you the second time you tell him. when he's fully convinced, you can barely breathe in the crushing hug he envelops you in. no, no, he wasn't insecure at all! definetly! why would he be, haha? haha. ha. hm. okay, well. maybe just a bit.)

keeps an eye on you from then on. just checking in on you more frequently and conveniently working almost shoulder to shoulder with you on those allnighters you pull when both of you work through the night. just to be close. just to make sure you're safe.

"Hey, uh, if you had issues with anyone, Captain, you'd let me know, right? Yeah, yeah, just- just checking! Um, hey, you don't mind if I work in withcha in the cockpit tonight, right? Great!"

Actor! Mark

now, Actor's reaction depends on two things: whether he was in a relationship with you before Celine (in which case, his marriage with Celine would hopefully be nullfied, but that's a whole AU in in of itself) or if he was with you after Celine.

if it's the first option, he would rarely get jealous, if at all. he's confident you wouldn't leave him, because, well, why would you have any reason to? he's a rising star, he's rich and famous, he's charismatic, ready to sweep you off your feet and most importantly of all, he's your closest companion! really, in this period of his life, you two are a package deal, and whoever is tied to him that way is naturally objectively better than most of society. he'll probably assume whoever you're talking to is a producer or stage hand, or anyone in the film industry or paparazzi, really, because, well, you aren't just nobody anymore. you're his partner, and that in in of itself gets you on the frontpage of most tabloids before you can snap your fingers. why should he be jealous at you showing yourself off? in fact, let him show you off, if you want. he'll flaunt you all over the place before you even ask it of him, but ah, a well-mannered please also never hurt anyone.

if you're intentionally flirting, he also just sees it as a market opportunity. oh, you're trying to get under that producer's skin? maybe they already know who you are (no, they most definetly do, he assures himself) and will think of that interaction later and maybe, just maybe, consider adding Actor onto their list of calling actors to audition? wouldn't that be something, huh? you're flirting with a random stranger? that's just called being flattering, darling! wouldn't want to ruin your perfect, immaculate image, would you? no, of course not. you're so clever! adding some personal imprint on people you meet on a daily basis will surely boost your public relations. maybe you'll even end up in someone's newspaper article. what a smart cookie you are.

if you ever get fed up and tell him outright that you were flirting, that you weren't being oblivious, that you were trying intentionally to make him jealous, well - why? all you have to do is ask, pretty, and he'll give you any and all attention you want! no need to play games with him - that's reserved for people you control, people that are made to be manipulated, but you? you're both better than that. you're both higher than that, so what's the point, really? just ask him.

"Aw, trying to make me jealous? That's so cute. Don't worry, superstar. You've got me all to yourself, just say the word."

if this happened after Celine, well, that's a whole different story.

this man is scared, and even pretending to be as cocky as he used to be doesn't work in calming him down. can't fake it 'till you make it if you can't even physically calm down enough to try. he's not about to embarrass himself, no, but he will sit in the background to look, to observe. alike with Celine, he'll probably be reserved for a while, instead of outright confrontational. a part of him is still trying to grasp onto the fact that - heh - why would you ever leave him? he's great, awesome, spectacular, dazzling, he's everything you could ever want! so why, why, why, are you pulling away? why do you insist on pulling stupid shit?! but in the end, that reassurance is still very wobbly. you could leave, just like she did. please, please don't leave like she did. he wouldn't be able to take it. you promised, did you not?

he will probably confront you at some point, when he gathers enough of what he considers to be 'evidence' - phone call receipts, texts, photos from a private investigator (the same one who was a bit weirded out by your behavior too, but didn't think you were cheating or anything, as the encounters just seemed extremely friendly rather than flirtatious), or anything else. yes, he does think you calling the associate who is friends with the person he thinks you're cheating on him with is weird. how could it not be?! they must be your way of secretly arranging meetings, or something! must be...

even when he confronts you, he won't scream, not until you confess, at least. there will be a boiling rage thumping through him as he sits there and, with curt responses filled with venom, slowly unfolds your supposed 'plans' before you, gauging your reactions. Actor's never silent, not really - until he is.

when you somehow convince him his delusions are baseless, that you still love him, he doubts himself - if he's wrong about this, what else is he wrong about? are you trying to manipulate him? is this just some elaborate scheme? but when it fully sets in, oh goodness is he relieved. he won't apologise, not really, but he will keep you close to him for the next few weeks and not ask, but demand you not go anywhere. have some work to do? his office has two chairs. need a break outside? sit back down and open the window if you must, but you're waiting until he finishes what he needs to and then you can both go outside. it eventually simmers down into normalcy, but he will need a lot of love and reassurance to feel stable in the relationship again. seriously, don't exacerbate his trust issues, please.

if you're trying to make him jealous intentionally? now he's mad. that just says to him that he's right, that his perspective has at least some basis in reality and that crushes him, but hell if he's not going down swinging! he's interrogating you, ignoring you, giving you the silent treatment before yelling at you again the next day - all in rapid succession to each other, in different patterns each time. this is most likely the point where your relationship will develop its first cracks, and takes even more time to heal than you unintentionally doing it, because, what, he isn't good enough for you? him?? he isn't doing enough for you?? at least say something before you go off flirting with other people, even if it's fake! seriously. eventually you can get back to a somewhat normal status, but if it happens again, even unintentionally, he will bring it up immediately as a sort of 'proof' of your tendencies. even so, it's mostly you who'll have to do the hard part of the whole 'fixing the mess you made' rather than him brushing it off, because in his mind this is just another prophecy coming true.

"Had a nice date? Had fun? Good, I'm glad. Just great, really. Next time, try remembering you have a husband/boyfriend to come home to, would you?"

Wilford Warfstache

oh, that's funny. no, scratch that, that's hilarious.

either if you're being flirted with unintentionally or if you're flirting to make him jealous, well, no, that's not really happening. Wilford may be a cunning bastard, but he's no hypocrite - he flirts with people all the time and it barely means anything, so, you flirting doesn't really rattle him at all. hey, as long as you're having fun! he knows you'll crawl back home to him anyways, right, pumpkin? really the type of guy to sit not even 5 feet away from you flirting with someone else and not give a single shit, only for when you do come back to go 'hey, how'd it go?' with a giggle. he wants to know aaaaaalll the juicy details. what makes that one tick? what flusters that girl you were talking to? oh, it's just fascinating. it's like a little show for him.

(definetly uses the information later as a sort of 'gotcha' moment, either mentioning it in the most random situations or deliberately pointing it out as a sort of jab at the other person. but in the end, it's all a taunt, really. maybe it's just the right thing he needs to keep things... interesting.)

if anything, you'll probably end up competing in it. how fast can you get people to fall for you? who has the better pick-up line? who can make the other flustered first? the list goes on. but either way, he knows you're his, or will be his, or... were his? it all gets muddy eventually, what with all the timelines shifting back and forth. but you'll always be connected and if not, he can always find you again - some time, some place, and woo you all over again. he knows you front to back, really. there's nothing you can hide from him, not even your feeble attempts at riling him up, no, puppy, that won't work.

if he does get riled up (usually when the evidence starts piling up of you flirting with one person specifically for, let's say, months) he explodes. there is no build up, no hints, no warning - just cold-blooded murder. genuinely just takes the person by surprise by using his very... very handy Magnum 375 in at least a semi-secluded place, before wiping his bloodied phone on his pants, on a call with you asking you if you wanted to spend time with him. (semi-secluded mainly because well, yeah, while he doesn't really care if anyone sees - he still wouldn't want you to see. he knows you're kind of sensitive to these kinds of things.)

if you weren't even aware? oh, bunny, that's just the cutest! or so he says as he continues menacingly loading up his pistol. (faster than usual if you tell him it made you even a little bit uncomfortable.) whaaaat? some target practice never hurt anyone! especially if it sends a good enough message, like, um- don't touch what's his? haha, he's just kidding, sugar, don't be so tense! he'll be back in a jiffy, ready to smother you in every ounce of affection he has. just be patient and wait for him, 'kay? (death doesn't really matter either way, does it? that person's definetly alive... well, in some other universe at least. just as long as it isn't in this one, now that's just a swell concept, isn't it, cupcake? less problems for you, less problems for him... everyone wins!)

no mercy, yes, but also no dissaproval. flirt away! literally unable to be threatened at all. (not that you can see, anyways.) if anything, you're practicing so you can flirt with him better. aren't you, sweet cheeks? of course you are - him too! anything for his little duckling.

"Oh, that person? No, haven't seen 'em at all, sweetie. Who cares? They were starting to get boring. Anyways- wanna spend some time with your favorite show host?"

Illinois

distracts himself, trying not to think about it. ends up doing it anyways.

it starts off like a game - how long can he take it before he snaps? at first, it's easy, even a bit funny - what, you think someone flirting with you will disturb him? him? treasure, have you forgotten he's a man in high demand? he was fine before you, he'll be fine after you - really, it's you who should be chasing him. or, at least, that's what he tells himself while you're engrossed in conversation with a stranger, only turning with a sweet 'aren't they nice?' to see him tossing another award-winning smirk in your direction. no. he isn't jealous. he isn't. if he repeats it enough times it'll start being the truth, it'll become reality. but that smile - you reserved it only for him, did you not? so why are you smiling like that at someone else?

the first time is fine. he feels a bit uneasy, sure, but it'll pass. the second time it hits harder. the third time, even he has to admit to himself something's going on he didn't account for - the option of you not being attracted to him. in all honesty, he's confused. you're... not attracted to him anymore? that's... impossible. isn't it?

he'll pull back after that, albeit silently, so that you barely notice, if you do at all. says he's busy. (he tries to be. it doesn't stop his thoughts from slamming back into him like a truck loaded with bricks.) if you're a usual partner to him on his adventures, he'll start going alone again - says it's too dangerous, then that it's just a one-person mission, then that you have too much work at home that needs to be done... and then, he doesn't make up excuses at all. just packs his bags and leaves silently. if you're not by his side that often, you just stop seeing him as often all together. when he's in town, it's like he's... avoiding you? of course, this is all if he sees you with them more often. you think he's just... grown tired of you. of course he would, his life is so exciting, and you're just... you. but in reality, he's not tired, not even a little bit - if anything, he's too angry to face you. because he's not angry at you - he's angry at the other person, angry at himself, and above all, confused. he'd never been jealous of anything before! is that what people talk about when they say they're jealous? he's so used to being the best, the most attractive, the most sought after, everyone fawning over him. the playboy, the life of the party, the knight in shining armor - all thrown aside for what? someone who's more convenient? he just can't face it.

he returns just as swiftly - suddenly appearing back as if nothing happened. if anything, it's so sudden it feels stifling - he's around more than he'd ever been. butting into your conversations with the other person, leading you away, telling you about what he's seen while he's been away (and doesn't tell you about the nights he spent by the campfire, staring into the dark as if the voice he didn't dare let out would call you back to his side), insisting you just have to see it. you've gotta! he's been saving it just for you, came back just for you to go and see it! (he'll keep you safe, he promises while looking over his shoulder at the other person, much safer than anyone else ever could - whether you're experienced or not.)

if you don't confront him, you'll never hear anything about it. Illinois? jealous?? that's not a word associated with him. missed you?? please. (yes. goodness, yes.) more like, you missed him and you're projecting. totally. definetly.

but if you tell him you know what he'd been up to? well, if it was you flirting on purpose and you tease him about it, he'll surprisingly turn bashful - the surprise catching him so off guard his feelings actually show a bit! (congratulations! you did it! the one thing barely anyone can do to him!) he'll scratch at his neck, twiddle his fingers and go 'well, uh, um, yeah. I- I knew that!' (he did not. he is very relieved it was a joke, though.) if you notice any later and understand what had been happening before the trip? well, even if you apologise, he wouldn't say that he was jealous. nope. oh, you just now noticed? nono, that was him, just- uh- being broody, you know, like all manly guys are. yeah. y'know, when you're just, uh- this cool, y'know, you just- gotta have those moments sometimes. wasn't anything related to you. obviously.

but he'll hold you a bit closer at night. tug you to him a bit harder while you're walking, or riding, or doing anything that requires contact. just, uh, don't mention it too much.

"Here, let me see those hieroglyphs. What? Are ya too cool now for a lil' close contact? Too bad, partner. You should be thankin' me for it, really. Not many get this close."

The Host

the impact of his presence is enough to scare off most potential suitors.

when you're approached first, he's already there. in fact, he usually sticks close to you anyways - considering you're his safe space and all. really, he sometimes thinks he's exploiting you a bit, or acting clingy before you reassure him he's fine. but then, oh, you're leaving? someone needs your attention? of course, he can wait. but his mind's already racing a million miles per minute.

who are you talking to? what are they like? what are they thinking, saying? what are you saying in response? his brain is just filling up with every bit of information he can muster up, willing or not, and oh, he isn't pleased with what he knows. see, being with someone like the Host, alike Dark, is a very done deal sort of thing. either you're in, or you're out. usually, that stands for as long as they can keep the relationship alive, and they're damn sure going to try their best to keep it going as long as possible. so, while he shouldn't realistically be as concerned as he is, there's still an itchy sort of feeling clawing at his skull as he slowly narrates under his breath every emotion palpable on your face and the face of your admirer, as if to ground himself. then, slowly but with intent, he turns. just stares. menacingly.

usually, that's enough to scare anyone off and well, you're none the wiser considering he turns back just as you're returning back to him, before you see - you shouldn't be concerning yourself with his emotions right now, he wouldn't want to spoil your mood. you just skip and hop back to him with a smile, relieved to be back at his side. (where you belong.)

he tries not to admit it, but there are some remnants in him from his days as the Author (he flinches whenever he remembers that time, that name-) that stick around in him even now. namely, his possessiveness. though he'd never tell you, the Host is very, very, very eager to keep what he considers his, and you just so happen to fit into that category. (he chastizes himself whenever he feels the pang of it, the sweetness of the crookedness he used to possess, and how easily he could make anything he wanted happen without even batting an eye. he can't, for his and your sake, allow himself to go back there.) in this case, such feelings prove to be immensely useful. even without his eyes, even with an overcrowded mind, he is as sharp as ever and luckily - humans don't need to see someone's eyes to pick up on the fact their presence is highly unwanted.

so he uses what he has - simple, really.

if they're really persistent, he'll give 'em a chance to back away, once, leaning in closer to you and lightly putting his hands on your shoulders, all while 'staring' them down. this is his, the action will say. and if they don't listen? he'll lead you away without stopping. he doesn't want to get his hands dirty - you're strictly against that - so he pulls you away and tells you everything that'd been going through that person's mind while they looked at you, had been talking to you. your reaction tells him everything he needs to know. (plus, you've always believed him - why would he lie to you? if he didn't say anything, now that would be lying. he's putting his trust in you, letting you make your own decisions while easily providing you extra information. that's what he's good at. it's only fair, after all - what's yours is his, and vice versa.)

if you're horrified, unaware or admit you'd been uncomfortable, he asks if you'd like to leave. if so, he's grabbing your things immediately and not letting you retreat back into the room, using all he has to navigate himself without anyone's help, all while keeping up the body language of a rampaging bull. (as if he'd need to put in a lot of effort for it. he's already furious as is.) when you get back home, he's softer. do you need anything? a warm drink? physical affection? just for him to talk while you sit there and listen? he'll do anything. (sometimes it feels smothering, especially in cases where not much really happened and it was only mild uncomfortableness, but you let him do it regardless. it's his way of calming down, too. he needs to take care of you. needs to make sure you're as happy as can be before allowing himself to even sit down.)

if you throw on a smirk with a small 'I know.', instead, he's confused before he catches on. a slight flicker in his brows before he relaxes. honestly, he doesn't know what to do with that. why did you do it? does he need to be better? does he need to step up? why didn't you just tell him? he tells you everything. everything. and you're... what, not treating him as a person who values constructive criticism? angel, he's changed now. he's no longer this brash, morally twisted person. he won't get mad, or become troubled, or anything- why... why didn't you just tell him? he's offended, to cut the story short. he won't abandon you, no, but just issue a slight warning in the sense of 'if you want to flirt so much, go ahead. just don't expect me to be there to coddle you after.' or 'willing to put our bond on the line for a bit of excitement? I thought you were reasonable.' he'd never leave you over it - but you'd definetly lose respect in his eyes. again, being equals is highly, highly important to him - he knows he knows more than you, but he informs you regardless. he adores you for all your little human things, your quirks, your endearing flaws and virtues, and is always, always communicating and dedicating himself fully. it throws him for a loop a little. he doesn't know if he can trust you fully after that.

"My half, are you alright?, the Host questions his partner as he swerves them to the side. That person, they aren't bothering you, are they?, the Host's brows furrow lightly at the notion, concern slowly seeping from his expression. We can go home, if you'd like. But only if you want to. Or I could... do something about it., the Host's grip becomes steely where it resides on their shoulders. The choice is theirs alone to make."

Heist! Mark

he will fight for you! just, uh, if he loses... don't laugh at him, okay?

when he sees you talking to someone, anyone - even people he knows, he's butting into the conversation regardless of if it's one where you're being flirted with or not. this usually results in the entire interaction being stopped, so unless the person is really pushy, he won't know he just interrupted a very awkward situation, or foiled your, well, plans to make him jealous. really, just clueless.

however, if anyone is easily riled up, it's Heist. like, you barely need to do anything and he's already jealous - mainly because of his... personality.

you're used to sticking together - you're partners, after all, and the kind of business you're in usually values more sets of eyes looking at one task than one. or at least, so he tells you. you aren't really sure what got you into being a thief, anyways. it was all his idea at the end of the day. but yeah, you're his partner. and you talking to someone away from him? laughing? giggling? doing that cute snort he adores but makes fun of in front of you? oh, hell no. he's already stomping over there, a sickly sweet smile on his face as he slides in with a smooth 'heeeeyyy.'. everyone can see he has no actual good intentions, but he fully believes he is the prime example of stealthiness. as per usual.

if you want to make this man jealous, all you have to do is be sweet to someone. he's extremely insecure, and covers it up with jokes, light, friendly jabs and physical contact easily mistaken as unintentional. and when you mention it? the fact he might be jealous? what??? no, no he- well, you caught him. y'know, you're really good at interrogating people. (he folded instantly.) literally, you can breathe just a bit more loudly around another person and you'll catch him moping in the corner, or confronting you late at night when you're alone, most likely in a self-deprecating manner. do you still love him? you were just laughing at their jokes 'cause you're kind, right? his jokes are so much better, right? (sometimes you have to inflate his ego a little bit, or else he'll get so much worse. trust me, you don't want him moping around like a toddler for the next few days.) but really, he himself knows he's being dramatic. in fact, he's playing it up on purpose - sometimes he isn't even that upset, especially after you'd played this game multiple times before and he's more secure in the relationship - but he still adores being coddled by you, so he'll continue the charade for as long as he can milk it. yes, yes, he's sooooo insecure - won't you kiss it all better for him?

if you're unaware you're being flirted with, though, you're backing up against his arguments. he's being nonsensical - they were just being nice, no? you know how he gets. this is just him flaring up at something he has no business flaring up at, and really, would he quit it already? now he's going to be telling you you're not even allowed to have friends, either, huh? you hope he gets over himself already. because he's so dramatic, he's usually the picture perfect image of 'the boy who cried wolf' - and in this case, the wolf wants his partner. if you don't want to listen to him (you will, the first time, but the more he plays up the drama, the less you believe him, really), he'll go and try and fix it himself. by... fighting. and then crawl back to you wounded, usually either with a cover story like 'they attacked me first!' or 'I was defending your honor!'. either way you spin it, of course you're going to believe your boyfriend/husband over this other person (even if you suspect he's wrong. you know what they say - happy crook, happy- um, nook? or however that saying goes.), dabbing away at the open wound on his eyebrow while he lays his head in your lap. (totally not milking the attention. nope.)

afterwards, you'll notice him, well, noticing you more. the usual between you two is joking - it's your love language - as well as making jabs at one another, insulting each other endearingly, not really meaning anything by it. but the moments after he realizes he could've easily lost you are the moments when he's most tender. there are less jokes, less stabs at your pride, and instead you're greeted with simple compliments like 'you look nice today.' and 'did you always sound so smart, or did I never notice it before?', as well as unusually enthusiastic support for your ideas. it's only a temporary thing though, and you're usually quickly back to your everyday banter. he doesn't love you any less, though.

"Hey, psst! You're not sleeping, are you? Just wanted to make sure - that person you were laughing with this afternoon - you don't like them more than me, right? Right?? Okay, good.

...

Are you sure?"

Antisepticeye

good grief, he's like a feral cat and an eldritch nightmare all at once. leash that man.

the most possessive out of the bunch, his agression rivaling only Simon's. the moment he catches sight of someone appealing to his doll, intentional or not, that person is dissapearing right in front of your eyes. not that he'd usually let you see anyone - especially as you fall deeper and deeper under his control, but in those early days and rare cases... yeah. at first, it's like a glitch in the matrix. you feel like you were just talking to yourself the way they were zipped out of existence, and weirdly enough, after a while of trying to date someone, going on dates, living your life, (not knowing a certain entity had long staked its claim to you and is very unwilling to let go) you start believing all those Backrooms videos might have a certain point to them. might hold a certain... truth. or something like that. the details get foggier the more you try to think about it.

after a while, you stop trying altogether. seems like the universe doesn't allow you to even attempt, with your head exploding every few minutes. it's like a beating heart, thumping against your temple as if trying to break loose. you're scared. something is making you really scared.

when he finally shows himself, he makes sure to remind you whose. exactly. you are. doesn't hide it either - not even a little. every move is memorized. every attempt, however unknowing and innocent, is written down and every consequence is determined accordingly. as he grips your chin for you to give him a proper look, you shiver in fear over what's to come - though, if he's feeling generous enough, you won't remember anything. he can forgive. just for you. just once. then he won't anymore. next time, you're sure to remember. the punishments he administers for such acts are less of a... physical kind, but rather emotional and mental. you'll feel yourself unravelling for days, but oh, don't fret. he's here to make it all better, and well, if he reshapes you into something more favorable... you don't mind, right? not that much, anyways. (not when you're so out of it you can't even give him a proper answer, thought or utterance, or at least more than a pathetic gurgle. you're so cute when you writhe on the floor in pain.)

if you try flirting with someone else? even after it? maybe you're sick of his shit. maybe you're done and angry and frightened and tired, and maybe you're intoxicated and just looking for ways to piss him off - oh, pet. you are so, so stupid. he'll have you on your knees, begging to amend for your sins. and that's what they are, aren't they? any grave mistake committed against him is a sin unto itself. he'll make sure you bleed only when he cuts the wound anew, when he commands your blood to spill. he'll have you devoted to him and only to him. if you stray, he'll gouge out the eyes you'd strayed with. as much as he likes them, adores their glossiness, if you leave him no choice... well. there are ways to preserve the beauty of human organs.

after all...

you were born to yield to his will.

"It's funny seeing you beg me to let you go. You know we're far too deep into this shit to stop now. Not like I'd want to, anyway. And for you, what I say goes."

Simon the Convict

a hurricane in human form.

Simon's... fragile. as much as he doesn't want to admit this to himself, he's very easily rattled, with a short fuse to boot. and even when you tell him, over and over and over again, how you didn't know, how it was an accident, how - if you'd known - you would've stopped immediately - he's too angry to listen to you. all that rings in his ears, from the moment he saw you with one of your coworkers, exchanging glances across the table, giggling about something he wasn't privy to, moving in perfect sync with casual touches and bright smiles, is betrayal, betrayal, betrayal. he didn't even ask you who, or why, or how - too captivated by the snake that snagged at his heart, the venom spreading and withering away at his insides, bitingly sour. (he'd been loyal to you, the vibrations in his teeth hiss at him as he grinds them together, he'd been yours. and what about you? how. could. you.)

it happens rarely, if that's any consolation - and with every reaction, with every time it happens, even he starts to understand that it's useless. you wouldn't leave him. you're not like that. you wouldn't have done all that for him, lived through all that for him, if you didn't love him. but he can't help it. the walls he built up inside and took down just for you are both barriers away from humanity and shields that kept him safe. he can't allow for them to crumble. not again. not after Eden. and yet, he took down brick after brick, just for you. so, every reaction is a tenfold process. every emotion is intense, and overwhelming, and all-consuming. he just hopes you could at least attempt to understand.

it takes time for him to process it. takes more than time - by the time you rush back home after not seeing him for the entirety of the day, you come back to a trashed hallway and living area, and the bedroom door locked, with only heavy breathing to accompany his presence. it continues for days - he sleeps, he eats, he goes to work - but he doesn't acknowledge you, or else he's mentally out for the day. for as long as he can muster it, he stays behind that door. it helps when you talk him through it through the door, even if you sound like a broken record. repeating over and over again, 'I didn't mean it, Simon, really.', or, 'I would never leave you. I would never do that to you.', or, 'I love you. please talk to me.'. it really does help, as much as he hates to admit it. he knows he's being unreasonable - but he has to let these things settle before he takes up arms, or does something equally as bad that he'll regret later.

after a few of these encounters, you build up a routine, and he talks to you. not face to face, per se, but he writes you letters that he slides under the door, seeing as he'd only scream at you if you were right in front of him. there's always pens and paper now in your bedroom. in them, he writes how he feels at that moment, writes how much he loves you, how hurt he is - so you have material to say through the door. 'you said it really hurt you when I touched their hand - I know only we interlock fingers, Simon, but- well, they were really sad about... something happened. I was just trying to comfort them. it's not- you know that was a one time thing. I only do that regularly with you. you know I do.' that. that really, really helps. even if he doesn't answer, he comes out of the room more quickly each time, ready to hug it all out and kiss it all better. he stops breaking things as easily. he starts feeling more secure.

if you flirt intentionally? worse, admit it to him? he's going to break up with you. Simon isn't the kind of person to play cat and mouse - he'd been through waaaay too much bullshit to start being all coy and playful now. he can joke, to an extent, he can crack a smile, but that kind of playful? the kind where feelings easily get hurt? absolutely not. he does not play with you, or yours or his feelings. the only thing he wants out of a relationship, really, is something constant and secure. he isn't ready to gamble his future, exacerbate his insecurities, endanger the one thing that keeps him sane, just so you could have some fun. even if it hurts you both, he'll do the right thing.

"I'm sorry, I- I just... I love you. I need to be sure you love me too. You love me, right? I love you. I love you. Don't leave me. Please don't leave me."

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