Hello everyone! I've started working on the idea of creating a Markiplier ego dating sim. Have you ever wanted to become friends with Engineer, dark, yancy, Illinois, warfstache, etc etc? Maybe even give em' a big ol smooch? Well, you can here! At some point in time! Potentially! If enough people think this is a cool idea. If you want to weigh in your 2 cents, all I ask is that you fill out the google form at the end of this post!
Whether you just want to vote on certain characters being included, volunteer to play test, or even play a role in the development of this project, this is the place to do that!!! This is completely volunteer based, and I don't plan on making any money off of this, or paying anyone. So if you're looking for money, you should probably look elsewhere.
I'm very passionate about dating simulators and game programming, and have always been very drawn to user immersion in stories, and the magic of markipliers choose your own adventures. I want to create something that I would enjoy playing, and people like me would as well. Right now the idea is very surface level and I definitely need to plan it out more, but I want to just gage interest and all that jazz. I'll make a discord server at some point, so keep an eye out for that. If you want to be personally invited by me, and have a link sent straight to your dms when it's created, drop your username in here, and let me know that's what you want!
All that to say, if you want to smooch up any Markiplier egos, now's your chance to tell me which ones you want!
Hello! My name is Zallia, I'm a writer, artist, and coding enthusiast! I have about 5 years of coding under my belt now, though most of the
Hello everybody! My name is Zallia (Main blog is @zalliafawn). In a fit of manic passion, I have decided to start this project! my goal here is to create a Markiplier Ego Dating Simulator, where you have the option to romance different egos! The game is currently called Ego Mania, and the characters I currently plan to have as routes are Yancy, Google, Dave, The Host, Illinois, Engineer, Darkiplier, Wilford, and maybe even Actor! This doesn't mean these will be the only options in the finished product, nor does it mean I'll actually do all these characters, but this is the current plan!
Ego Mania is a fan-driven passion project! It will be a visual novel, similar to the style of DDLC, if that tells you the kind of format it will be in. I plan to release it to Itch.io when we get to release, and currently have no plans for making it available to mobile devices, unfortunately. however, this could change in the future, as not many things are totally set in stone
There will be no money involved in any step of the project. before, during, or after. No money is being given and nothing will cost you any money. This means all work is volunteer work, the game is free, and there will be no in game currency.
Characters will have multiple endings, including romantic, platonic, and bad endings. there may be flirty comments, however nothing in the game will be NSFW/Explicit. However, there may be heavier themes that could be disturbing, depending on where the stories go.
All help is welcome!! I will use primarily discord to communicate with the team, and already have a discord server with dozens of people in it that have created a very friendly and welcoming community! Anybody looking to contribute to the project, these are the types of roles that this project is looking for:
If you would like to join the community discord server to chat or apply for the dev team, https://discord.gg/qavnBSFxbX this is the link! To join the server, you must be 13+, and any dev applicants need to be 16+.
more updates and information will be posted to this blog as development continues! Feel free to send suggestions/questions to the ask box, and I'll do my best to answer!
Hcs for egos with an s/o that is regularly touch starved and clingy? Actor Mark cuddles the beloved 👉👈 Thank you for considering and your faves love you! <33
So, guess who's not dead even while actively suffering through writer's block? xd I've been perpetually staring at my WIPs and adding a sentence here and there, but that's about it. Anyway, here's finally an answer to this at least <3 hope you enjoy
Tell me in the comments what you think!
~~~
Damien would accept it glady, even returning it a fair bit. He's a softie inside and outside once he can drop his politically correct persona, so he's being all gentle about it, allowing you to cling to him like a koala bear whenever you want.
Google does not like it because his system overheats easily, but he lets you get your fill by allowing you to play with his hair. You found this little loophole once, and now whenever you feel like cuddling him, you stand beside him and play with his hair.
Actor absolutely basks in the attention. He'll take any proof of love and physical affection pretty much can't be beat. He'll even wrap his limbs around you, much like a snake when it's strangling its pray. You, on the contrary, are perfectly safe. Probably. Just get him out of the manor once in a while.
Illinois doesn't mind you clinging onto him. Just don't expect him to return it that much, afterall if he did, you might just end up getting too attached. You tell him you're literally dating, but he doesn't let that ruin his free spirit persona. He'll wrap one arm around you very loosely and maybe even scratch your head or give you a noogie.
If you're in the same cell as Yancy, he's actually the one crawling into your bed and spooning you every night. He still has to keep his occasional tough act in front of the other prisoners, but then again, whenever he arranges choreographies, he makes it so you're always dancing together and touching at almost every move and turn.
With Wilford, get ready for bear hugs when you least expect them. You thought you were clingy, but he'll always one-up you. You end up regularly finding an arm draped around your shoulder, feel a subtle squeeze on your waist or the tickle of his moustache just on your shoulder.
Darkiplier would at first just glance at whichever part of him you're touching. Then he'd sigh. But before you could start thinking that maybe he doesn't like it, he'd gently pull you even closer to him. He doesn't reciprocate it that intensely, but he'd never stop you. Maybe just maybe he doesn't actually want you to stop.
Eric would be overwhelmed at first, even skittish, but if you were gradual about it, he'd warm up to it eventually. Just casual touches here and there. He still needs his space most of the time, though.
jealousy headcannons because I would love being a menace to these guys hehe
tw: cursing in some bits, but that's honestly the usual for me, mentions of mental torture and descriptions of gore in Anti's part
Darkiplier
boiling on the inside, but won't really show it.
I think Dark is oftentimes represented as a very cool-headed person, someone who barely, if at all, allows themselves to be pushed around, and is generally very... set in their ways. solid. therefore, they'd probably want to think about things like these before they get into a relationship with you, just to survey all their options, but still get caught off guard regardless because, uh-oh, they have feelings?? feelings that make them... impulsive?? oh no. disaster. catastrophe.
a part of them is uneasy because - ew, emotions. they thought they mostly got over those. but falling in love with you is proof in in of itself that they continue to plague them, so they begrudgingly have to accept they have them.
they've spent so much time trying to support everyone else around them that they basically lost themselves in that role - they're a constant, a safety net, and everyone around them who is even glanced at affectionately is usually someone they've deemed is going to stick around. so when they realise that oh, there's a chance you won't, the first reaction, instead of insecurity or destructive rage, is better summed up as solid, indifferent dishing out of 'the fuck you will'.
they know you're attractive. maybe that's not something that made them stick by your side - after all, they'd met plenty of conventionally attractive people in their... existence - but they can objectively say you're pleasant to look at, even extremely so. (more pleasant to feel, to get to know - something the other person would have no idea about. they feel proud to be able to gauge you like that.) suffice to say, no, they aren't sharing. absolutely not. they're pretty sure you know that, so most of the time they believe just a quick reminder will do the trick; showing up behind you and diverting your attention when the person flirting with you is trying something, laying down simple but meaningful touches (like a hand on the shoulder, pulling you in by the waist, fixing your hair/clothes for you...) or, if need be, nudging you in the other direction to distract you.
if the person is being forceful and you are very obvious in your attempts to disuade them? if they continue even after the first 'no'? guard dog privileges. looming over your shoulder, puffing out their chest, shielding you away with their body. it's less threatening towards you, and more protective. they'll only engage like this if they feel you're truly threatened, though after a while of being attached to you the feeling heightens. it's more likely to happen the longer you're together - if you're just starting out, they'll probably let you handle it on your own, but later? oh no, dearest. come here. they'll keep you safe. (the other person on the other hand, they can't exactly vouch for. even if they're a friend of Dark's, the reaction is the same - the full force of an eldritch monstrosity, untamed but reigned into a single look. well, that's just the warning. they will escalate if they have to.)
if you seemingly reject Dark, unintentionally I'm sure, to prioritise the other person in a way that isn't obviously teasing, now then they're going to get angry. you'll be treated to the silent treatment, mostly, because before it couldn't have been your fault, but now? now that you're actively (consciously or unconsciously) picking favorites? fine. they see they're not needed here. (you'll have to beg to have their affection later. they'll only forgive you if you really make it known whose partner you are, both to Dark and to the person you were flirting with, willingly and because you want to, not because they forced you to - despite the fact they kind of did force your hand.)
if you are teasing? now they're amused, instead, albeit a tense amusement that tightens the leash around your neck every time you lightly brush the person's shoulder or lean in a bit too close. unfortunately, as they put it, they have a vice for the little cat and mouse games you like to play. they like the chase, like the thrill - though it usually would easily bounce off their stoic personality - but those are the perks of a more... intimate contact, no? sure. play your game, darling. they'll be here when you're done and tuckered out to give out a solid lesson after, ready to kiss it all better. maybe they'll even play dumb for a bit, just to withold the reaction you're craving. they like when you test their patience, because they know they'll win. they've been waiting for a while before they met you, stalking, watching. you'll crack first. you always do.
"Oh? Now you want my attention? I don't know about that. Maybe if you prove you deserve it."
Yancy
wilted flower that has fists.
best description I could give it, because - although he's easily turning to violence - he's dying on the inside. he knows he's no catch, being a criminal and all, despite how perfect for you you tell him he is. you're so nice, of course you wouldn't want someone like him, someone who's so hard to love, hard to get ahold of. but he sure as hell will try and get you back!
there's three ways I could see him reacting, depending on the situation at hand:
1) clueless. poor dear has no idea you're being flirted with, and just thinks this is someone who's friendly - which is the usual if you're with him in Happy Trails Penitentiary, where everyone is so nice and lovely, even as they're violently stabbing each other. of course they wouldn't flirt with you, everyone knows you're together! those are the perks of being in such a close-knit community - family, as you all are here in pri- the Penitentiary. if he notices something is off, though it would have to be really visible for him to notice, he'd transfer into one of the two other reactions, instead:
2) absolutely furious. sorry, I meant murderous. especially if this is someone he's known for a while, or who he'd been friends with prior (now that he's out of prison, if he is) and especially if he sees you're uncomfortable with it. almost ignores your distress in favor of getting rid of them first, and, oh, the rage is painfully obvious on his face. this is where you'd have to jump in to remind him, hey, you're still on parole and have to keep up good behavior, (or that he has an audience mainly made up of prison guards) or snatch away his pocket knife so he doesn't do anything... impulsive. he's way too good at being impulsive. he'll resign to keeping to a safe distance, shooting death glares to the person like launching bricks off of a six story building while you cling to him, keeping your hands on him and grounding him. yeah, he's barely holding it together.
it's more territorial than anything, however. like a dog snapping its teeth over a favorite chew toy and calming down as soon as the intruder takes a few steps back - immediately, as if forgetting anything even happened. it's a flaw, he knows, that he really doesn't think about you at all during those moments. of course, he refocuses on you immediately after, apologizes as he kisses your cheek, and he'd never like, push you if you were in his way or anything - but more like firmly relocate you to a safe space before whailing on the other person? he just gets caught up in the anger. he's working on it, but there's likely not going to be much give on how he deals with the situation, given he doesn't really catch on what's happening in the moment, mind too clouded with emotion, and can only react after the moment's passed. he'll try more, he swears. but if you're right next to him, providing comfort in a 'there, there (please don't do anything stupid)' fashion, it's more likely his grip will just turn steely where it lies on your back or waist and he'll puff out his chest as if to shout 'try me, pal' across the distance between you both and the person. (it's only a little cartoonish, you snort.)
3) the most devastated man you've ever seen. especially if you try and tease or toy with him by pretending to flirt back, or if you take it as friendly gestures. oh. oh... well. he knew he wasn't perfect, but... he'll just- get out of your way then. go back to his cell. maybe cry in his pillow a little. but like, just a smidge, he's still a man. (he cries a lot.)
it's not funny. don't do it. for the love of everything, don't even try. this man is going to fall apart at the seams, and even when you tell him, 'hey, hey, big boy, I was just joking!' - were you really? because that absolutely looked real to him!! are you just trying to get out of it?? he knows when he isn't wanted!!
you will not be sleeping in the same cell. you will get the silent treatment for the next week.
and an intervention planned out by the other members of the Penitentiary, all cornering you with harsh glares and sweat dripping down your forehead because, uh oh, did you forget to pay a debt back or something?? you're shoved into one of the empty cells and forced to sit in a circle like a council meeting while they debate whether or not to have your back as you fervently, passionately, begging on your knees go apologize to Yancy (as you're then instructed to, with all of them pointing various small shanks at you.). how dare you do this to him. hasn't that man been through enough?! (there are tears shed, wiped away by seemingly appearing out of thin air handkerchiefs of various colors and patterns, or with embroidery with lines like 'live, stab, HTP' or the Penitentiary logo surrounded by hearts or- is that the entirety of the plan of events for A Heist with Markiplier??) if you end up doing this in the Manor, the people organizing the intervention will most likely be other egos, pushing Dark in front as group leader as they begrudgingly explain that Yancy hasn't left their room in days. go make up. now. (Engineer nods his head violently behind Dark's back.)
he'll only hold off on the whole thing if you explain right away that you yourself were clueless in them flirting with you, and how you rejected them immediately once you caught on. then he really can't blame you, it happens sometimes, and he joyfully jumps into your arms as soon as he realizes what happened. you will have to be his weighted blanket for the next few days, though. and you owe him like, at least a dozen kisses. sorry, I don't make the rules.
"Really?? Youse mean it? Youse didn't know?? Oh, honey! I was, ahm, worried, there, fer a sec- haha, um... stay with me for a while, 'kay? Just 'till... 'till I feel better."
Head Engineer! Mark
annoying mode activate.
this man can be very, very persistent when he wants to, and when he smells something fishy going on between you and someone else? immediately inserting himself into the conversation. oh, hey, lovely weather, he was just meaning to talk to you! cool, cool, who's this, a new crewmember? ohhh, nice! did you tell them you're dating/married yet.
he's so cocky. like so, so cocky. yeah, he got you. he's yours, your one and only, blahblahblah - but you're his. he's so lucky, he thinks when he smiles brightly at you, only for that smile to turn into the most devious smirk when he looks at the other person. yeah, he's totally winning here. he'll even go as far as to mock the other person for trying - like, who do they think they are? this is a one in a million person over here- he worked his ass off trying to woo you, and he sure as hell isn't letting some - which level are they on again? - low-stationed officer try and take his Captain! (or whatever rank you are, considering he'd have an excuse to make you seem above said officer in rank even if you're lower than him simply by enhancing the amount you contribute to the Invincible II or the colony.) buddy, get a grip. this kinda partnership opportunity is classified for chumps who shoot for people out of their league.
either that, or he'll try and demonstrate how much better of a fit for you he is than the other person. oh, they don't know much about time travel? that's a shame, him and you know a lot. guess they won't be able to join in on that conversation. or, huh, they've been friends with you for how long? and they don't know your favorite book? Captain, really now. how is that even possible? don't worry, he knows it by heart. (even if the person outdoes him in some area of knowing you, he'll only steep in place, going unusually more quiet than before. gets very annoyed at knowing you less than someone else when he's supposed to be your boyfriend, or worse in this scenario, husband! afterwards he holds an interrogation, interviewing you for all he thinks he might not know. he needs to know you best. he must.)
even as the other person awkwardly or angrily shuffles away, he keeps the smirk going for a while until they're out of sight, after which he turns to you. if you were genuinely uncomfortable, it immediately drops and he turns back into his panicked self so much he starts checking you over for physical damage before he realizes, wait that stuff is internal- but, but, are you okay? what happened? tell him everything! he'll make sure that person never comes near you again if you want! the cocky exterior is but a mirage, but another face he puts on as Head Engineer, but inside his heart is racing a thousand beats per minute, more protective of you than concerned about his own status as your significant other. do you need help? need support? need him to chase someone off? he'll do it, just ask, no need to be shy!
if you did it on purpose, he'd probably know from the conversation he just butted into. Captain, really, he reads you like a book! he'll get it from your various 'oh, they were just being nice.' or 'they just needed some help.', making excuses for their behaviour with a mischevious smile. even then, he's more inclined to believe you - maybe they were just being nice and not at all trying anything - but just to be safe, they can ask him next time. wouldn't wanna bother you too much, since you're doing your very important duty. he can make time, for sure.
but if you make it really obvious through touches and how you refer to the other person that you're intentionally flirting to tease him, you better not be. same as Dark - Engineer shifts the blame over to you, but gets annoyed instead. you don't want him? you wanna be with someone else? fine! see if he cares! (he cares a lot. he cares a whole heck of a lot.) later, he corners you and asks what about that person is better than what he can give you. really probes you for it, asks for details, inserts follow-up questions until you're sweltering under his molten gaze. (you'll have to gently convince him you were joking. he doesn't believe you at first, but he's more keen to believe you the second time you tell him. when he's fully convinced, you can barely breathe in the crushing hug he envelops you in. no, no, he wasn't insecure at all! definetly! why would he be, haha? haha. ha. hm. okay, well. maybe just a bit.)
keeps an eye on you from then on. just checking in on you more frequently and conveniently working almost shoulder to shoulder with you on those allnighters you pull when both of you work through the night. just to be close. just to make sure you're safe.
"Hey, uh, if you had issues with anyone, Captain, you'd let me know, right? Yeah, yeah, just- just checking! Um, hey, you don't mind if I work in withcha in the cockpit tonight, right? Great!"
Actor! Mark
now, Actor's reaction depends on two things: whether he was in a relationship with you before Celine (in which case, his marriage with Celine would hopefully be nullfied, but that's a whole AU in in of itself) or if he was with you after Celine.
if it's the first option, he would rarely get jealous, if at all. he's confident you wouldn't leave him, because, well, why would you have any reason to? he's a rising star, he's rich and famous, he's charismatic, ready to sweep you off your feet and most importantly of all, he's your closest companion! really, in this period of his life, you two are a package deal, and whoever is tied to him that way is naturally objectively better than most of society. he'll probably assume whoever you're talking to is a producer or stage hand, or anyone in the film industry or paparazzi, really, because, well, you aren't just nobody anymore. you're his partner, and that in in of itself gets you on the frontpage of most tabloids before you can snap your fingers. why should he be jealous at you showing yourself off? in fact, let him show you off, if you want. he'll flaunt you all over the place before you even ask it of him, but ah, a well-mannered please also never hurt anyone.
if you're intentionally flirting, he also just sees it as a market opportunity. oh, you're trying to get under that producer's skin? maybe they already know who you are (no, they most definetly do, he assures himself) and will think of that interaction later and maybe, just maybe, consider adding Actor onto their list of calling actors to audition? wouldn't that be something, huh? you're flirting with a random stranger? that's just called being flattering, darling! wouldn't want to ruin your perfect, immaculate image, would you? no, of course not. you're so clever! adding some personal imprint on people you meet on a daily basis will surely boost your public relations. maybe you'll even end up in someone's newspaper article. what a smart cookie you are.
if you ever get fed up and tell him outright that you were flirting, that you weren't being oblivious, that you were trying intentionally to make him jealous, well - why? all you have to do is ask, pretty, and he'll give you any and all attention you want! no need to play games with him - that's reserved for people you control, people that are made to be manipulated, but you? you're both better than that. you're both higher than that, so what's the point, really? just ask him.
"Aw, trying to make me jealous? That's so cute. Don't worry, superstar. You've got me all to yourself, just say the word."
if this happened after Celine, well, that's a whole different story.
this man is scared, and even pretending to be as cocky as he used to be doesn't work in calming him down. can't fake it 'till you make it if you can't even physically calm down enough to try. he's not about to embarrass himself, no, but he will sit in the background to look, to observe. alike with Celine, he'll probably be reserved for a while, instead of outright confrontational. a part of him is still trying to grasp onto the fact that - heh - why would you ever leave him? he's great, awesome, spectacular, dazzling, he's everything you could ever want! so why, why, why, are you pulling away? why do you insist on pulling stupid shit?! but in the end, that reassurance is still very wobbly. you could leave, just like she did. please, please don't leave like she did. he wouldn't be able to take it. you promised, did you not?
he will probably confront you at some point, when he gathers enough of what he considers to be 'evidence' - phone call receipts, texts, photos from a private investigator (the same one who was a bit weirded out by your behavior too, but didn't think you were cheating or anything, as the encounters just seemed extremely friendly rather than flirtatious), or anything else. yes, he does think you calling the associate who is friends with the person he thinks you're cheating on him with is weird. how could it not be?! they must be your way of secretly arranging meetings, or something! must be...
even when he confronts you, he won't scream, not until you confess, at least. there will be a boiling rage thumping through him as he sits there and, with curt responses filled with venom, slowly unfolds your supposed 'plans' before you, gauging your reactions. Actor's never silent, not really - until he is.
when you somehow convince him his delusions are baseless, that you still love him, he doubts himself - if he's wrong about this, what else is he wrong about? are you trying to manipulate him? is this just some elaborate scheme? but when it fully sets in, oh goodness is he relieved. he won't apologise, not really, but he will keep you close to him for the next few weeks and not ask, but demand you not go anywhere. have some work to do? his office has two chairs. need a break outside? sit back down and open the window if you must, but you're waiting until he finishes what he needs to and then you can both go outside. it eventually simmers down into normalcy, but he will need a lot of love and reassurance to feel stable in the relationship again. seriously, don't exacerbate his trust issues, please.
if you're trying to make him jealous intentionally? now he's mad. that just says to him that he's right, that his perspective has at least some basis in reality and that crushes him, but hell if he's not going down swinging! he's interrogating you, ignoring you, giving you the silent treatment before yelling at you again the next day - all in rapid succession to each other, in different patterns each time. this is most likely the point where your relationship will develop its first cracks, and takes even more time to heal than you unintentionally doing it, because, what, he isn't good enough for you? him?? he isn't doing enough for you?? at least say something before you go off flirting with other people, even if it's fake! seriously. eventually you can get back to a somewhat normal status, but if it happens again, even unintentionally, he will bring it up immediately as a sort of 'proof' of your tendencies. even so, it's mostly you who'll have to do the hard part of the whole 'fixing the mess you made' rather than him brushing it off, because in his mind this is just another prophecy coming true.
"Had a nice date? Had fun? Good, I'm glad. Just great, really. Next time, try remembering you have a husband/boyfriend to come home to, would you?"
Wilford Warfstache
oh, that's funny. no, scratch that, that's hilarious.
either if you're being flirted with unintentionally or if you're flirting to make him jealous, well, no, that's not really happening. Wilford may be a cunning bastard, but he's no hypocrite - he flirts with people all the time and it barely means anything, so, you flirting doesn't really rattle him at all. hey, as long as you're having fun! he knows you'll crawl back home to him anyways, right, pumpkin? really the type of guy to sit not even 5 feet away from you flirting with someone else and not give a single shit, only for when you do come back to go 'hey, how'd it go?' with a giggle. he wants to know aaaaaalll the juicy details. what makes that one tick? what flusters that girl you were talking to? oh, it's just fascinating. it's like a little show for him.
(definetly uses the information later as a sort of 'gotcha' moment, either mentioning it in the most random situations or deliberately pointing it out as a sort of jab at the other person. but in the end, it's all a taunt, really. maybe it's just the right thing he needs to keep things... interesting.)
if anything, you'll probably end up competing in it. how fast can you get people to fall for you? who has the better pick-up line? who can make the other flustered first? the list goes on. but either way, he knows you're his, or will be his, or... were his? it all gets muddy eventually, what with all the timelines shifting back and forth. but you'll always be connected and if not, he can always find you again - some time, some place, and woo you all over again. he knows you front to back, really. there's nothing you can hide from him, not even your feeble attempts at riling him up, no, puppy, that won't work.
if he does get riled up (usually when the evidence starts piling up of you flirting with one person specifically for, let's say, months) he explodes. there is no build up, no hints, no warning - just cold-blooded murder. genuinely just takes the person by surprise by using his very... very handy Magnum 375 in at least a semi-secluded place, before wiping his bloodied phone on his pants, on a call with you asking you if you wanted to spend time with him. (semi-secluded mainly because well, yeah, while he doesn't really care if anyone sees - he still wouldn't want you to see. he knows you're kind of sensitive to these kinds of things.)
if you weren't even aware? oh, bunny, that's just the cutest! or so he says as he continues menacingly loading up his pistol. (faster than usual if you tell him it made you even a little bit uncomfortable.) whaaaat? some target practice never hurt anyone! especially if it sends a good enough message, like, um- don't touch what's his? haha, he's just kidding, sugar, don't be so tense! he'll be back in a jiffy, ready to smother you in every ounce of affection he has. just be patient and wait for him, 'kay? (death doesn't really matter either way, does it? that person's definetly alive... well, in some other universe at least. just as long as it isn't in this one, now that's just a swell concept, isn't it, cupcake? less problems for you, less problems for him... everyone wins!)
no mercy, yes, but also no dissaproval. flirt away! literally unable to be threatened at all. (not that you can see, anyways.) if anything, you're practicing so you can flirt with him better. aren't you, sweet cheeks? of course you are - him too! anything for his little duckling.
"Oh, that person? No, haven't seen 'em at all, sweetie. Who cares? They were starting to get boring. Anyways- wanna spend some time with your favorite show host?"
Illinois
distracts himself, trying not to think about it. ends up doing it anyways.
it starts off like a game - how long can he take it before he snaps? at first, it's easy, even a bit funny - what, you think someone flirting with you will disturb him? him? treasure, have you forgotten he's a man in high demand? he was fine before you, he'll be fine after you - really, it's you who should be chasing him. or, at least, that's what he tells himself while you're engrossed in conversation with a stranger, only turning with a sweet 'aren't they nice?' to see him tossing another award-winning smirk in your direction. no. he isn't jealous. he isn't. if he repeats it enough times it'll start being the truth, it'll become reality. but that smile - you reserved it only for him, did you not? so why are you smiling like that at someone else?
the first time is fine. he feels a bit uneasy, sure, but it'll pass. the second time it hits harder. the third time, even he has to admit to himself something's going on he didn't account for - the option of you not being attracted to him. in all honesty, he's confused. you're... not attracted to him anymore? that's... impossible. isn't it?
he'll pull back after that, albeit silently, so that you barely notice, if you do at all. says he's busy. (he tries to be. it doesn't stop his thoughts from slamming back into him like a truck loaded with bricks.) if you're a usual partner to him on his adventures, he'll start going alone again - says it's too dangerous, then that it's just a one-person mission, then that you have too much work at home that needs to be done... and then, he doesn't make up excuses at all. just packs his bags and leaves silently. if you're not by his side that often, you just stop seeing him as often all together. when he's in town, it's like he's... avoiding you? of course, this is all if he sees you with them more often. you think he's just... grown tired of you. of course he would, his life is so exciting, and you're just... you. but in reality, he's not tired, not even a little bit - if anything, he's too angry to face you. because he's not angry at you - he's angry at the other person, angry at himself, and above all, confused. he'd never been jealous of anything before! is that what people talk about when they say they're jealous? he's so used to being the best, the most attractive, the most sought after, everyone fawning over him. the playboy, the life of the party, the knight in shining armor - all thrown aside for what? someone who's more convenient? he just can't face it.
he returns just as swiftly - suddenly appearing back as if nothing happened. if anything, it's so sudden it feels stifling - he's around more than he'd ever been. butting into your conversations with the other person, leading you away, telling you about what he's seen while he's been away (and doesn't tell you about the nights he spent by the campfire, staring into the dark as if the voice he didn't dare let out would call you back to his side), insisting you just have to see it. you've gotta! he's been saving it just for you, came back just for you to go and see it! (he'll keep you safe, he promises while looking over his shoulder at the other person, much safer than anyone else ever could - whether you're experienced or not.)
if you don't confront him, you'll never hear anything about it. Illinois? jealous?? that's not a word associated with him. missed you?? please. (yes. goodness, yes.) more like, you missed him and you're projecting. totally. definetly.
but if you tell him you know what he'd been up to? well, if it was you flirting on purpose and you tease him about it, he'll surprisingly turn bashful - the surprise catching him so off guard his feelings actually show a bit! (congratulations! you did it! the one thing barely anyone can do to him!) he'll scratch at his neck, twiddle his fingers and go 'well, uh, um, yeah. I- I knew that!' (he did not. he is very relieved it was a joke, though.) if you notice any later and understand what had been happening before the trip? well, even if you apologise, he wouldn't say that he was jealous. nope. oh, you just now noticed? nono, that was him, just- uh- being broody, you know, like all manly guys are. yeah. y'know, when you're just, uh- this cool, y'know, you just- gotta have those moments sometimes. wasn't anything related to you. obviously.
but he'll hold you a bit closer at night. tug you to him a bit harder while you're walking, or riding, or doing anything that requires contact. just, uh, don't mention it too much.
"Here, let me see those hieroglyphs. What? Are ya too cool now for a lil' close contact? Too bad, partner. You should be thankin' me for it, really. Not many get this close."
The Host
the impact of his presence is enough to scare off most potential suitors.
when you're approached first, he's already there. in fact, he usually sticks close to you anyways - considering you're his safe space and all. really, he sometimes thinks he's exploiting you a bit, or acting clingy before you reassure him he's fine. but then, oh, you're leaving? someone needs your attention? of course, he can wait. but his mind's already racing a million miles per minute.
who are you talking to? what are they like? what are they thinking, saying? what are you saying in response? his brain is just filling up with every bit of information he can muster up, willing or not, and oh, he isn't pleased with what he knows. see, being with someone like the Host, alike Dark, is a very done deal sort of thing. either you're in, or you're out. usually, that stands for as long as they can keep the relationship alive, and they're damn sure going to try their best to keep it going as long as possible. so, while he shouldn't realistically be as concerned as he is, there's still an itchy sort of feeling clawing at his skull as he slowly narrates under his breath every emotion palpable on your face and the face of your admirer, as if to ground himself. then, slowly but with intent, he turns. just stares. menacingly.
usually, that's enough to scare anyone off and well, you're none the wiser considering he turns back just as you're returning back to him, before you see - you shouldn't be concerning yourself with his emotions right now, he wouldn't want to spoil your mood. you just skip and hop back to him with a smile, relieved to be back at his side. (where you belong.)
he tries not to admit it, but there are some remnants in him from his days as the Author (he flinches whenever he remembers that time, that name-) that stick around in him even now. namely, his possessiveness. though he'd never tell you, the Host is very, very, very eager to keep what he considers his, and you just so happen to fit into that category. (he chastizes himself whenever he feels the pang of it, the sweetness of the crookedness he used to possess, and how easily he could make anything he wanted happen without even batting an eye. he can't, for his and your sake, allow himself to go back there.) in this case, such feelings prove to be immensely useful. even without his eyes, even with an overcrowded mind, he is as sharp as ever and luckily - humans don't need to see someone's eyes to pick up on the fact their presence is highly unwanted.
so he uses what he has - simple, really.
if they're really persistent, he'll give 'em a chance to back away, once, leaning in closer to you and lightly putting his hands on your shoulders, all while 'staring' them down. this is his, the action will say. and if they don't listen? he'll lead you away without stopping. he doesn't want to get his hands dirty - you're strictly against that - so he pulls you away and tells you everything that'd been going through that person's mind while they looked at you, had been talking to you. your reaction tells him everything he needs to know. (plus, you've always believed him - why would he lie to you? if he didn't say anything, now that would be lying. he's putting his trust in you, letting you make your own decisions while easily providing you extra information. that's what he's good at. it's only fair, after all - what's yours is his, and vice versa.)
if you're horrified, unaware or admit you'd been uncomfortable, he asks if you'd like to leave. if so, he's grabbing your things immediately and not letting you retreat back into the room, using all he has to navigate himself without anyone's help, all while keeping up the body language of a rampaging bull. (as if he'd need to put in a lot of effort for it. he's already furious as is.) when you get back home, he's softer. do you need anything? a warm drink? physical affection? just for him to talk while you sit there and listen? he'll do anything. (sometimes it feels smothering, especially in cases where not much really happened and it was only mild uncomfortableness, but you let him do it regardless. it's his way of calming down, too. he needs to take care of you. needs to make sure you're as happy as can be before allowing himself to even sit down.)
if you throw on a smirk with a small 'I know.', instead, he's confused before he catches on. a slight flicker in his brows before he relaxes. honestly, he doesn't know what to do with that. why did you do it? does he need to be better? does he need to step up? why didn't you just tell him? he tells you everything. everything. and you're... what, not treating him as a person who values constructive criticism? angel, he's changed now. he's no longer this brash, morally twisted person. he won't get mad, or become troubled, or anything- why... why didn't you just tell him? he's offended, to cut the story short. he won't abandon you, no, but just issue a slight warning in the sense of 'if you want to flirt so much, go ahead. just don't expect me to be there to coddle you after.' or 'willing to put our bond on the line for a bit of excitement? I thought you were reasonable.' he'd never leave you over it - but you'd definetly lose respect in his eyes. again, being equals is highly, highly important to him - he knows he knows more than you, but he informs you regardless. he adores you for all your little human things, your quirks, your endearing flaws and virtues, and is always, always communicating and dedicating himself fully. it throws him for a loop a little. he doesn't know if he can trust you fully after that.
"My half, are you alright?, the Host questions his partner as he swerves them to the side. That person, they aren't bothering you, are they?, the Host's brows furrow lightly at the notion, concern slowly seeping from his expression. We can go home, if you'd like. But only if you want to. Or I could... do something about it., the Host's grip becomes steely where it resides on their shoulders. The choice is theirs alone to make."
Heist! Mark
he will fight for you! just, uh, if he loses... don't laugh at him, okay?
when he sees you talking to someone, anyone - even people he knows, he's butting into the conversation regardless of if it's one where you're being flirted with or not. this usually results in the entire interaction being stopped, so unless the person is really pushy, he won't know he just interrupted a very awkward situation, or foiled your, well, plans to make him jealous. really, just clueless.
however, if anyone is easily riled up, it's Heist. like, you barely need to do anything and he's already jealous - mainly because of his... personality.
you're used to sticking together - you're partners, after all, and the kind of business you're in usually values more sets of eyes looking at one task than one. or at least, so he tells you. you aren't really sure what got you into being a thief, anyways. it was all his idea at the end of the day. but yeah, you're his partner. and you talking to someone away from him? laughing? giggling? doing that cute snort he adores but makes fun of in front of you? oh, hell no. he's already stomping over there, a sickly sweet smile on his face as he slides in with a smooth 'heeeeyyy.'. everyone can see he has no actual good intentions, but he fully believes he is the prime example of stealthiness. as per usual.
if you want to make this man jealous, all you have to do is be sweet to someone. he's extremely insecure, and covers it up with jokes, light, friendly jabs and physical contact easily mistaken as unintentional. and when you mention it? the fact he might be jealous? what??? no, no he- well, you caught him. y'know, you're really good at interrogating people. (he folded instantly.) literally, you can breathe just a bit more loudly around another person and you'll catch him moping in the corner, or confronting you late at night when you're alone, most likely in a self-deprecating manner. do you still love him? you were just laughing at their jokes 'cause you're kind, right? his jokes are so much better, right? (sometimes you have to inflate his ego a little bit, or else he'll get so much worse. trust me, you don't want him moping around like a toddler for the next few days.) but really, he himself knows he's being dramatic. in fact, he's playing it up on purpose - sometimes he isn't even that upset, especially after you'd played this game multiple times before and he's more secure in the relationship - but he still adores being coddled by you, so he'll continue the charade for as long as he can milk it. yes, yes, he's sooooo insecure - won't you kiss it all better for him?
if you're unaware you're being flirted with, though, you're backing up against his arguments. he's being nonsensical - they were just being nice, no? you know how he gets. this is just him flaring up at something he has no business flaring up at, and really, would he quit it already? now he's going to be telling you you're not even allowed to have friends, either, huh? you hope he gets over himself already. because he's so dramatic, he's usually the picture perfect image of 'the boy who cried wolf' - and in this case, the wolf wants his partner. if you don't want to listen to him (you will, the first time, but the more he plays up the drama, the less you believe him, really), he'll go and try and fix it himself. by... fighting. and then crawl back to you wounded, usually either with a cover story like 'they attacked me first!' or 'I was defending your honor!'. either way you spin it, of course you're going to believe your boyfriend/husband over this other person (even if you suspect he's wrong. you know what they say - happy crook, happy- um, nook? or however that saying goes.), dabbing away at the open wound on his eyebrow while he lays his head in your lap. (totally not milking the attention. nope.)
afterwards, you'll notice him, well, noticing you more. the usual between you two is joking - it's your love language - as well as making jabs at one another, insulting each other endearingly, not really meaning anything by it. but the moments after he realizes he could've easily lost you are the moments when he's most tender. there are less jokes, less stabs at your pride, and instead you're greeted with simple compliments like 'you look nice today.' and 'did you always sound so smart, or did I never notice it before?', as well as unusually enthusiastic support for your ideas. it's only a temporary thing though, and you're usually quickly back to your everyday banter. he doesn't love you any less, though.
"Hey, psst! You're not sleeping, are you? Just wanted to make sure - that person you were laughing with this afternoon - you don't like them more than me, right? Right?? Okay, good.
...
Are you sure?"
Antisepticeye
good grief, he's like a feral cat and an eldritch nightmare all at once. leash that man.
the most possessive out of the bunch, his agression rivaling only Simon's. the moment he catches sight of someone appealing to his doll, intentional or not, that person is dissapearing right in front of your eyes. not that he'd usually let you see anyone - especially as you fall deeper and deeper under his control, but in those early days and rare cases... yeah. at first, it's like a glitch in the matrix. you feel like you were just talking to yourself the way they were zipped out of existence, and weirdly enough, after a while of trying to date someone, going on dates, living your life, (not knowing a certain entity had long staked its claim to you and is very unwilling to let go) you start believing all those Backrooms videos might have a certain point to them. might hold a certain... truth. or something like that. the details get foggier the more you try to think about it.
after a while, you stop trying altogether. seems like the universe doesn't allow you to even attempt, with your head exploding every few minutes. it's like a beating heart, thumping against your temple as if trying to break loose. you're scared. something is making you really scared.
when he finally shows himself, he makes sure to remind you whose. exactly. you are. doesn't hide it either - not even a little. every move is memorized. every attempt, however unknowing and innocent, is written down and every consequence is determined accordingly. as he grips your chin for you to give him a proper look, you shiver in fear over what's to come - though, if he's feeling generous enough, you won't remember anything. he can forgive. just for you. just once. then he won't anymore. next time, you're sure to remember. the punishments he administers for such acts are less of a... physical kind, but rather emotional and mental. you'll feel yourself unravelling for days, but oh, don't fret. he's here to make it all better, and well, if he reshapes you into something more favorable... you don't mind, right? not that much, anyways. (not when you're so out of it you can't even give him a proper answer, thought or utterance, or at least more than a pathetic gurgle. you're so cute when you writhe on the floor in pain.)
if you try flirting with someone else? even after it? maybe you're sick of his shit. maybe you're done and angry and frightened and tired, and maybe you're intoxicated and just looking for ways to piss him off - oh, pet. you are so, so stupid. he'll have you on your knees, begging to amend for your sins. and that's what they are, aren't they? any grave mistake committed against him is a sin unto itself. he'll make sure you bleed only when he cuts the wound anew, when he commands your blood to spill. he'll have you devoted to him and only to him. if you stray, he'll gouge out the eyes you'd strayed with. as much as he likes them, adores their glossiness, if you leave him no choice... well. there are ways to preserve the beauty of human organs.
after all...
you were born to yield to his will.
"It's funny seeing you beg me to let you go. You know we're far too deep into this shit to stop now. Not like I'd want to, anyway. And for you, what I say goes."
Simon the Convict
a hurricane in human form.
Simon's... fragile. as much as he doesn't want to admit this to himself, he's very easily rattled, with a short fuse to boot. and even when you tell him, over and over and over again, how you didn't know, how it was an accident, how - if you'd known - you would've stopped immediately - he's too angry to listen to you. all that rings in his ears, from the moment he saw you with one of your coworkers, exchanging glances across the table, giggling about something he wasn't privy to, moving in perfect sync with casual touches and bright smiles, is betrayal, betrayal, betrayal. he didn't even ask you who, or why, or how - too captivated by the snake that snagged at his heart, the venom spreading and withering away at his insides, bitingly sour. (he'd been loyal to you, the vibrations in his teeth hiss at him as he grinds them together, he'd been yours. and what about you? how. could. you.)
it happens rarely, if that's any consolation - and with every reaction, with every time it happens, even he starts to understand that it's useless. you wouldn't leave him. you're not like that. you wouldn't have done all that for him, lived through all that for him, if you didn't love him. but he can't help it. the walls he built up inside and took down just for you are both barriers away from humanity and shields that kept him safe. he can't allow for them to crumble. not again. not after Eden. and yet, he took down brick after brick, just for you. so, every reaction is a tenfold process. every emotion is intense, and overwhelming, and all-consuming. he just hopes you could at least attempt to understand.
it takes time for him to process it. takes more than time - by the time you rush back home after not seeing him for the entirety of the day, you come back to a trashed hallway and living area, and the bedroom door locked, with only heavy breathing to accompany his presence. it continues for days - he sleeps, he eats, he goes to work - but he doesn't acknowledge you, or else he's mentally out for the day. for as long as he can muster it, he stays behind that door. it helps when you talk him through it through the door, even if you sound like a broken record. repeating over and over again, 'I didn't mean it, Simon, really.', or, 'I would never leave you. I would never do that to you.', or, 'I love you. please talk to me.'. it really does help, as much as he hates to admit it. he knows he's being unreasonable - but he has to let these things settle before he takes up arms, or does something equally as bad that he'll regret later.
after a few of these encounters, you build up a routine, and he talks to you. not face to face, per se, but he writes you letters that he slides under the door, seeing as he'd only scream at you if you were right in front of him. there's always pens and paper now in your bedroom. in them, he writes how he feels at that moment, writes how much he loves you, how hurt he is - so you have material to say through the door. 'you said it really hurt you when I touched their hand - I know only we interlock fingers, Simon, but- well, they were really sad about... something happened. I was just trying to comfort them. it's not- you know that was a one time thing. I only do that regularly with you. you know I do.' that. that really, really helps. even if he doesn't answer, he comes out of the room more quickly each time, ready to hug it all out and kiss it all better. he stops breaking things as easily. he starts feeling more secure.
if you flirt intentionally? worse, admit it to him? he's going to break up with you. Simon isn't the kind of person to play cat and mouse - he'd been through waaaay too much bullshit to start being all coy and playful now. he can joke, to an extent, he can crack a smile, but that kind of playful? the kind where feelings easily get hurt? absolutely not. he does not play with you, or yours or his feelings. the only thing he wants out of a relationship, really, is something constant and secure. he isn't ready to gamble his future, exacerbate his insecurities, endanger the one thing that keeps him sane, just so you could have some fun. even if it hurts you both, he'll do the right thing.
"I'm sorry, I- I just... I love you. I need to be sure you love me too. You love me, right? I love you. I love you. Don't leave me. Please don't leave me."
(top, bottom, switch, as well as kinks/fetishes they would probably have)
Maybe OOC idk this is going off of memory for all of them (in character to me lol)
Top, Bottom, or Switch?
Damien- Switch
So I feel like Damien would depend on the day
Like I feel like he would love to lay back and let you take the lead after a long, hard day as the Mayor
Letting you tie him up, use him however you need
But he would also be so down to top
I can picture it now
Him making you get off on his thigh or shoe or something because he is too busy with his work
Being "mean" and using his "Mayor Voice" with you when you are too needy
oml making you hump his cane
anyways...
he would be a switch, but I feel like he would prefer bottom most of the time!
Darkiplier- Top
Branching off of Damien, I feel like Dark would top most of the time, if not ALL of the time
Don't get me wrong the idea of putting him in his place is VERY pleasant (for everyone involved)
But I don't think he would be able to let his guard down enough to do that
I don't see him as a "hard dom" or anything like that
Because I headcanon him as a major dork who is lowkey shy and very obsessed with you
and gets flustered by you really easy
BUT
he would never be able to let go enough, no matter how long you have been together, to let you top him
but he would really like the idea
Wilford- Bottom
I have seen TOO MUCH top Wilford to let this go on any further
LOOK at that man and tell me he doesn't want to be tied up and used
He wants not just a top, but a dom.
He wants nothing more than to let you take care of him
I physically can not see him topping anyone
He, like Dark, would get flustered by you so easy omg
Anyways, bottom Wilford supremacy please and thank you
Engineer Mark- Bottom
This man would do anything for you
Which includes topping you if you wanted...
but he would only ever really like bottoming
Engie is smitten, we all know this
The only time I could see him "topping" would be if he gets genuinely angry at you and it is a hate-fuck sort of situation
But on average he isn't going to do anything but bottom
Like Damien, the thought of you taking the lead—of wanting him enough to initiate and take the lead—is the hottest think in the world to him
Actor Mark- Top
Let's be real he is only using you for his pleasure
Unless he really really likes you, he is using whatever you have to get himself off
You will, 9 times out of 10, be sucking him off
But when you have actual sex, he is taking the reins
He is always in control, and don't you forget that
...
seriously. if you try to top him he will get offended.
Like "oh do I not get you off well enough as is? do you have to tell me what to do because i don't do well enough"
and then sulk for a few days before crawling back to you like nothing happened and fucking you senseless
Simon- Switch
Our good 'ol convict :)
The reason I say switch is because I think it depends on the point in his life
His "Butcher" days? Top 100%
Quick fucks in a bathroom or supply closet where he ghosts you the next day
No. You can't take the lead. He doesn't have time for that.
He has stuff to do, and you are the least of his priorities
So he will top. And if you don't like that? Leave. He'll find someone else. He always does.
Post-Arrest/Convict Simon? True switch.
This man wants to be held, but understands if another convict also wants that
Torn between Convict!Simon who will take charge and fuck you senseless in the span of 10 minutes versus Convict!Simon who will cum in his pants because you demanded he lie down and kissed him on the forehead...
And then there is after the events of iron lung.
He wins back his freedom, and finally settles down
Finds a S/O, maybe gets married, maybe even has kids
But one thing is for certain, this man will bottom forever
He wants to be held
To be told what to do, but in a sweet way
He wants you to demand he lays down on the bed and "take it" while kissing him from head to toe
He just wants to feel loved
Useful
Like you aren't going to leave him
I think he needs therapy
Yancy- Top
Yancy was harder for me to figure out
I feel like he would be fine with you thinking you are taking the lead, but would never actually relinquish his control
if that makes sense
He is very soft, though
Very careful
He wouldn't ever say anything to you that would come across as mean or anything
He would be very polite with it
"Please lay down, dollface"
"Fuck, get on your knees f'me, doll, please"
Always saying please and thank you as he fucks your brains out and pins you against the mattress, yk?
Heist Mark- Switch
I think it, again, depends on where you are with Heist Mark atp
Like, is it in the beginning of AHWM when you are annoying the fuck out of him?
Constantly trying to stick together?
Eyes wide, face flushed every time he so much as looks at you?
Yeah. Top. 100%
He would top you just to get you to shut the fuck up
Maybe so he could slip away while you are reeling from the aftermath of fucking in a sewer or something equally insane
But he really wouldn't be able to slip away
Not after he sees you so helpless, so completely fucked out
Anyways
When you get to know each other a bit better
Maybe after a few near-death experiences...
He gets soft on you
Well- soft may not be the best word to describe him around you...
But ykw i mean
He would mainly bottom
Let you take care of him
Climb into his lap after you wake up the next morning after you steal that jeep from the museum
Thanking him for making breakfast for the two of you.
God he looks good in that apron
(yes i still count that as Heist mark... technically most of these guys are actor so who cares)
Illinois- Top
Not a whole lot to say about Illinois tbh
He's pretty much a "what you see is what you get" sort of guy
I think he is like Dark a lot in the way that he would ALWAYS top, but would secretly want to bottom
But I feel like he would really enjoy topping
Like
A lot
He is just a cocky, kinky bastard who loves to make people, especially you, scream his name
Kinks? Or Fetishes?
(for reference, kinks are something that help you get off, while fetishes are something you need to get off- brief explanation but just in case you were confused)
Damien
I think he is a very vanilla man
I don't think he has any fetishes tbh
A few kinks, though (because who doesn't?)
I feel like he would like latex? Idk it's just a vibe i get from him
But like only a little latex
Like you wearing a latex suit? Think catwoman vibes
I think he would also be really into puppy play/ pet play
But for you
He would give you a crate in his office with a dog bowl for water and like, toys and stuff
Make you sit in just your underwear and a collar with a little bell on it
Underwear if you're lucky
I think he would so get off on clicker training you omg my world has opened up to this possibility
Clicker training you to crawl over to his desk and suck him off whenever he gets a little stressed
The bell on your collar tink-ing every time you move
Light bondage would also be a kink for Damien
I don't think he would be into either of you being super intricately tied up
But maybe tie him up to the bedframe using his belt, or vice versa?
I think he would find that so fucking hot omg
Other than that maybe public stuff?
But I also feel like that would be a secret idea he enjoys on his own
He would be too flustered and nervous to actually be able to pull it off, I think
Darkiplier
Good lord what is this man not into?
He would genuinely be up to try anything with you i feel
Are you into it? Cool. So is he.
On his own, however, I feel like he would be into everything Damien is but 10x more hardcore.
Pet play?
You are crawling around 24/7 as his own personal kitty
He calls? you come
But he would be less gentle that damien with it, i fear,
Like, if you disobey enough, or he finds you difficult to "train"?
Shock collar (like the ones for dogs..)
You want to be a brat and not come when he clicks? Well prepare to be shocked
The reason it is a kink more than fetish for him is bc I don't think he would need this
If you aren't into it at all, he can drop it
You want to know what he can't drop?
Like to the point where he won't come unless this is involved?
Overstimulation, and it's very dear cousin, edging.
He genuinely won't cum unless he edges you/overstimulates you
He doesn't have to do both
But god would he love to
No matter what happens, be prepared for a 3+ hour session of him either making you cum over and over and over again until you are a writhing mess, or edging you a billion times until you are a sobbing, pleading wreck for him
Seriously can't get off without it
On that note, he loved when you cry
Not in a mean, evil way
No.
He wants you to feel so good you can't do anything but cry
He wants to break you just so he can put you back together again!
Wilford
He is into those beautiful bdsm bondage things.
I think it is called Kinbaku or something
Anyways, he is SUPER into that
honestly, anything to do with art or creating he would love to bring into the bedroom.
He is, inherently, a creative person
Being able to tie you (yes, even though he is a bottom he wouldn't find it nearly as fun being tied up that intricately, since he wouldn't be able to see it) into beautiful knots like that would be a dream come true
I don't even think most of his kinks are inherently sexual, if that makes sense?
He just sees a beauty in the thinks people (especially you) create
I think he would also be into gun play
Yes, i know, big jump from making pretty knots lol
But he would never actually load the gun... maybe... probably.
Yeah you would play russian roulette once while having sex and then the gun would actually go off missing you by an inch and he would never bring it up again
BUT he would absolutely get off on you making him suck off a gun while fucking.
OR pressing a gun to his head while fucking.
OR a gun even being in the room while, you guessed it, fucking.
On the same note as both, I feel like knife play would work for him
Like, in the sense that you are cutting patterns into his bare skin
He would love to bare the scars of your creations
He wants to be littered with what you create
Adding onto this... marking
Mark that man UP
Hickeys, cutting him, biting him
Hell, piss on the man for all he cares
Just do whatever you can to make sure everyone, including himself, knows he is YOURS
Engie
I want to say something that might get me crucified ngl
But maybe, potentially, electro-shock play? (idk what it would be called)
Maybe it starts bc one day you, captain, are making your rounds and come across your beloved head engineer trying, desperately, to fix something.
You are about to pass by him when there is a big spark, which shocks him, making him make the most delicious sounds
You know that he was literally shocked by live wires... but god the moans that poured out of him from it
He never knew that something so painful could be so hot when you were doing it to him.
Atp buy him a shock collar.
OMG wait—
He would be into pet play but where he is your pet
Give this man a collar and a leash and he will be yours for eternity (as if he isn't already)
His dick would be so hard just by you saying "good boy" when he fixes something, his metaphorical tail wagging
He has both a praise kink and a degradation kink
Or would it be more of a fetish?
Yeah, change that font to red baby
You need to praise that man, tell him how good he's doing for you, or else he won't be able to get off
He can get hard from just your touch, yeah, but actually cumming?
Has to be called a good boy to do it. Them's the rules.
OR he has to be told how much a dirty boy he's being
Degrade that man until he's brought to tears because he knows he's being bad, he just can't help it.
Actor Mark
Intox kink.
Actor will fucking drown you in alcohol or pills or whatever he can get his hands on before absolutely wrecking you
His fat cock wedged inside you while he shoves a bottle of whiskey into your mouth
Gets off on not just the fact that you are so sloppy drunk/high that you can't even think straight, but that you are just letting him do whatever he wants to you
You are just sitting there, looking up at him all doe eyed while he pours tequila down your throat.
You could say no, you could always say no, and he would absolutely respect that
But you don't
And you won't
And he can't get enough of it
I feel like he would also have a breeding kink
NOT because he wants to get you pregnant (if you even can be). GOD no. the last thing he wants is another fucking kid to pay for
But the thought of you being so fucking full of him is something he can't stay away from.
The thought of you dripping with his cum, which he then pushes back into you with his fingers, will make him cum on the spot
He also has to degrade you.
He can't help it that you're just a dirty little slut, letting him cum inside you
That you're a fucking whore, wrapping your mouth around him like that.
He can't cum unless he does it, so if you don't like it idk what to tell you (I fear he cares about his pleasure more than yours, sorry)
Simon
I am going to focus on post-iron lung simon, because anything else would be completely different (i can do the butcher and convict!simon in a separate post if you are interested/have even read this far lol)
i think this man need to have a therapy kink. king, go to therapy. king, be loved. love fetish.
jokes aside, I think he would be fairly vanilla post-lung.
I like the thought of him having a breeding kink
Knowing you are his forever person, and wanting to tie you to him forever so you can never leave.
Not to the extent of poking holes in condoms (realistically, even though that is kinda hot), but moreso you fucking yourself on him and begging him to breed you gets him off so much
I think knowing you love him so much that you would let him cum inside you has to be the best thing in the world to him.
But also...
virginity kink??
Like yeah... he wants you to take the reins, to be on top.
He wants to be with you forever...
but that doesn't mean he doesn't get off on being able to be your first everything, when so much of his firsts were taken from him.
Being able to make your first time slow, and good, and beautiful, where his was haste and rushed in between whatever Eden wanted him to do means so much to him
He also like the dirty feeling it gives him that he is literally all of your experiences. No other man or woman has touched you like he has. And nobody ever will. It's like you were created just for him, and oh fuck does that turn him on.
He also loves being praised.
Makes him cum immediately.
Seriously. First time you called him a good boy he came in his pants at dinner. Untouched. Yeah.
I don't think he would really have a fetish, sadly. I just don't think he would have experienced enough that made him feel good enough to form a fetish.
Maybe eventually one of the kinks will turn fetish, who knows?
Yancy
Bondage, bondage, and more bondage.
He loves it so much it is a borderline fetish
Not in the same way as Will, but more in a rough and fast sort of way.
Ripping a shirt apart to tie up your hands, for instance
Using your panties/underwear to tie them together, even
Shoving your underwear in your mouth as a gag is a big one for him omg. Shoving his underwear in your mouth as a gag... wow
Handcuffs, which i fear is obvious given it is Yancy, is a super extra turn on compared to everything else.
If you guys are in prison together, he's stealing a pair of cuffs just to handcuff you later.
He likes to toy with you by saying he lost the key/forgot to steal it once you are handcuffed to whatever he handcuffed you to
This one might be a bit more... unconventional to the general audience...
piss kink?
DONT SHOOT. PLEASE HEAR ME OUT.
It's not like he wants you to piss in his mouth or anything, right?
just maybe... all over his dick?
He makes you drink like, a gallon of water before he fucks you. Within like, an hour before?
"Yous's dehydrated, dollface. Gotta drink up f'me, yeah?"
Pressing on your bladder while he fucks the shit outta you, just to act surprised when you piss while he shoved his dick so far inside you.
I know, i know, im a disgusting piss freak monster. Shoot me down.
Heist Mark
He is a brat tamer through and through
sorry not sorry
you are going to tell me he wasn't about to punish-fuck you after you said you didn't want to split up for the millionth time? please.
i feel he also enjoys a good hate fuck
i don't think he is one to be super romantic, usually. Especially early on.
so passion fueled hate fucking is his forte
finding someone he can't stand (you) and letting out all his rage in like, 30 minutes of the filthiest, dirtiest sex imaginable is his bread and butter
even when you are in a long term relationship, hate fucking after an argument is enough to make him start an argument in the first place
One thing that is consistent no matter how long you have been together though, is he loves being in public
Not necessarily going to the mall and fucking in front of the JC Penny
But car sex, dicking you down good in the front seat, letting anyone who walks by see just how good you are for him turns him on like no tomorrow
You aren't super comfy with that? What about driving out into the woods. Nobody'll be there baby? Yeah?
Just to go fuck, top down on the car, near a campsite. The thought of someone walking up on the two of you is enough to spur him on.
His favorite is during the heist, however.
You two are partners in crime, so why wouldn't you act like partners during the crime? Duh?
Yeah you fuck on the mission to steal that fuckass box and are almost caught by security guards because you can't stay quiet
Illinois
Public. Public. Public.
If it isn't public, why do it?
Whereas Heist Mark is very car-sex vibes, Illinois is very "let's have sex next to this historical monument" vibes
Yeah, so what some tour guide who is getting paid minimum wage is about to bring a group here? You will be quiet and fast, like it never happened.
Not like he would mind if someone caught you...
in fact he would love getting caught
showing off how well he fucks his little toy, how good you take him
even you catching him jacking off is like a cherry on top, the way your eyes widen and cheeks flush
he eats it up
He is big on thrill. He doesn't play around too much with gun play/knife play, but once you bring it up good GOD does he go crazy with it
He likes it when you get all shy and flustered bringing something kinky up to him. He loves having to coax it out of you
You could bring up anything and he would do it. Truly a "i'll try anything once" kinda guys.
Don't think he would really have a fetish, but I think he would have almost every kink. Again, if you are willing to try everything once like he is, why not try it again?
Why is there so many of them... more loves for me I guess!!!
₊‧.°.⋆✮⋆.°.‧₊
Googleiplier
☆ How you manage to get him to agree to it is beyond me - maybe you just scoop him into your arms without giving him time to object. Regardless of methodology, Google is the epitome of rigidness if you catch him off guard long enough to wrap your arms around him. He just stands there, stone-still; it’s like hugging a stack of concrete bricks. That being said, you’ll faintly hear an uptick in his machinery, a whirring as a fan spins faster, and begrudgingly, he will admit that he likes it - he can’t exactly lie to you, after all.
Illinois
☆ This man practically wrote the definition of bear hugs - and then re-writes it when he hugs you. Maybe you’ve just escaped a trap-laden temple, or are saying goodnight under the stars, Illinois hugs you with bravado and borderline smothering; forcefully clapping a hand to your back, ruffling your hair, pinching your cheek, affectionately calling you whatever nickname he’s dubbed you with and plastering a kiss to your forehead.
Murdock
☆ You’d think at first he’s entirely opposed to the gesture - I mean, being a serial killer and all - but it turns out serial killers have feelings too. While it’s once in a blue moon, if you catch him in just the right mood and pull him in for a hug, he will gingerly place a hand on your back… before giving in and reciprocating properly. He’ll make some comment about professionalism, but ultimately revels in the feeling of your heartbeat through your chest being so close.
Actor Mark
☆ The Actor doesn’t typically hug in the traditional sense, usually just perching an arm around your waist. His gestures are calculated, delicate, poised - ready for a camera at any moment. So when the occasion does arise that he hugs you properly, it’s a stark contrast from his usual composure - his hands are uncertain, looking for an excuse to hold you in his arms. You’ll have to remind him he doesn’t need one.
Damien
☆ Long days of politicking means spending most of his free time exhausted. He will all but collapse into you, leaning into your touch and basking in the solace you provide. He’ll mutter about his grievances into your shoulder or against your chest, letting himself ease into a relaxed state for once. He especially likes when you stroke his hair or knead his shoulders.
BONUS ☆
Dave Torres
☆ He’s probably running on fumes and three energy drinks, so the moment he’s safely in your arms, the emotional dam crumbles. He’ll appreciate every ounce of comfort you give, hugging you and whispering his thanks for you being there. Dave is probably a big fan of cuddles in general, so prepare to be pulled into the nearest seat for a cuddle and impromptu nap.
I consider this a slightly late Valentine's day special. I rewatched Heist and realized I really missed our favorite smooth-talking adventurer.
tw: Suggestive comments
Word count: 3k
Summary: Tired of sleeping on the firm ground you convince Illinois to spend the night in a hotel instead. While booking the room, in your excitement to sleep on a mattress again, you forget to read the entire description.
You had always teased Illinois about his refusal to adjust to modern day technologies. Sure he had a phone, but he would always choose to call you, even if a quick text would’ve been much faster. If he ever did use the internet, it was just to look up nearby libraries just to find a certain book about whatever topic he wanted to do more research about. So if he had been the one booking the hotel, he would have just called.
But Illinois was not the one who wanted to take a break from camping under the stars, you were. As much as you loved the outdoors, nights were starting to get unbearably cold, and your thin sleeping bag just wasn’t cutting it anymore. You offered to book and pay for the room, just for one night, and after a little convincing, Illinois agreed. You were currently on your phone, in the passenger seat of your adventuring partner's car, pulling up the closest hotels with open bookings nearby. It was a weekend, so you were struggling to find many options.
Illinois watches you as you scowl at your phone. “You know, we could always just drive through town and stop by the first place we see?” He offers.
“They’re all booked, it must be some town holiday or something." You grumble once again coming across another dead end.
“Or, we can do what we normally do and-” His voice is smooth as if he’s trying to coax you into changing your mind.
“No! Come on, it's supposed to be freezing tonight.” You turn to him before resuming your search on your phone. “Plus my back hurts, I want to sleep on an actual mattress for once…ah-hah!” You show him your phone screen in triumph, a hotel not too far from here had exactly one room left. Illinois glances at your screen, before his eyes widen slightly and he does a double take, staring at your screen for a moment, and scrolling through a few pictures before smirking.
“Yea you sure found…somethin’.” You roll your eyes at his odd expression.
“Come on, it can’t be that bad, it has good reviews! You're just mad I found a place my way. Using google, like a normal person.” You turn back to your phone to type in your information for the booking. “It is a little pricey…probably because of the holiday or something.”
“Yea…the holiday.” Illinois has a tone you can’t exactly place, but you just chalk it up to him teasing you about your way of booking rooms online. You weren’t even sure if you could name anyone else that booked hotels through calling, other than him.
“I don’t care, as long as I get a bed I'll be happy” You smile at him as you show him your phone again, words “Booking Complete!” bold across the top. ”.…shoot, I forgot to check if it had separate beds.” You turn the phone screen towards yourself again, but all you see is a digital receipt.
“Did you even read the booking description?” Illinois chuckles as he starts up the car.
“I put in that we needed a room for two people, so it should be fine.” The two of you have shared a bed before, it wasn’t that big of a deal. You’d been adventuring partners for a while now and have had enough near encounters with death to have gotten close enough for things like that not to be awkward. You were too tired to care, at this point you’d even take a couch or a pull out over the uneven ground again. He laughs, and you wonder what he finds so funny as you tell him the directions to the hotel.
. . .
“Yes, I have the booking right here.” A kindly mannered, older lady taps away at a computer before handing you a set of room keys. “All the package details are already set up! And don’t worry, the room is completely soundproof~ ” She says the last part in a loud whisper, and ends it with a wink. “Have fun you two!” You hear Illinois cough, stifling a laugh before grabbing both of your bags.
”Yea, come on honey.” He leans in as he says it, an amused grin on his face. It’s not unusual for people to assume the both of you are a couple, so you simply smile politely at the lady and turn to start towards your room, shooting Illinois a light-hearted glare.
“At least you won’t bother the other guests with your snoring.” You smirk at Illinois as you both head up the elevator to your room.
He scoffs, offended, “Excuse me? I do not snore.” You chuckle in response.
“Sure…I’m sure it’s just the wind I hear coming from your tent all night.” He rolls his eyes but surprisingly doesn’t send back a retort as you arrive at the door to your room. “Finally…” You let out a relieved sigh as you unlock and open the door.
…you wish you could take back your relieved sigh. “What the…” The room is fairly spacious, with a huge bed in the middle with soft looking covers. On top of the covers are rose petals, carefully arranged in the shape of a heart, chocolate covered strawberries beautifully arranged on a plate decorating the center. A quick glance around the room also revealed a pre-filled jacuzzi decorated with the same colored rose petals.
In the seconds it took for you to take in the sight, you had finally realized what Illinois had thought was so funny this whole time. And why he wasn’t bouncing back your teasing, because he was just waiting for you to figure out the horriblely embarrassing mistake you’ve made, all by yourself.
You don’t think you’ve ever heard Illinois laugh so hartily, it's a deep sound that reverberates through the narrow hall of the hotel. Your face feels warm, but you can’t help but smile as your partner has to clutch his chest to try and calm his laughing fit. “You could’ve said something…fucking asshole.” Your comment just triggers another fit of laughter and Illinois has to lean against the door frame to keep himself upright. You try to look mad, but seeing your usually calm and collected cowboy almost crying of laughter was a rare sight to see.
“How- how did you not notice the name of the room.?” He manages to get out when he finally starts to regain his composure. “Even the hotel is called The ‘Honey’comb-” You feel heat rise up to your face again.
“I- I don’t know! I was just looking at the availability and the prices…” You stutter out not making direct eye contact.
“You know…this never would’ve happened if you just called-”
“Oh fuck off-” He snickered, as you roll your eyes and decide to step into the room. You had already paid for it after all. As you take a few more steps in though, your determination wavers a bit. “This…is actually ridiculous. Who would even want all this?” Illinois follows you into the room, closing the door behind him, and dumping the bags he was carrying off to the side.
“You would, apparently.” You gently smack the brim of his hat down, so that it covers his eyes.
“Oh shut up. If you really didn’t want to stay here, you would’ve warned me before I booked the room.” He lifts his hat back up, smirking.
“And where's the fun in that darling?” He winks at you, and you roll your eyes again, fighting the urge to smile.
“Ok, it’s not actually that bad. We just have to get rid of these stupid petals…” You start to clean up the flower petals on the bed, and can’t help but eye up the chocolate strawberries. Illinois notices, and instead of helping you, he takes the platter, and sits at the edge of the bed.
“Hey, these don’t look half-bad.” He comments as he takes a bite of one. You throw the handful of flower petals you’ve collected into a nearby trashcan before sitting down next to him.
“Yea, these I’m definitely not mad at.” You reach out to take on, but Illinois moves the plate just out of your reach. You quirk an eyebrow, looking at him confused. You can see a mischievous glint in his eye as he smirks.
“Woah, hold on there partner. You worked so hard cleaning off the bed, so allow me.” He takes one of the strawberries into his hand, and holds it up to your mouth. You can feel your face heating up once again as you glance past the strawberry at Illinois cocky smile. You're tempted to deny him, but the scent of the sweet fruit so close to your face wins you over.
“I hate you…” Your mutter before taking a bite from the strawberry, deciding to indulge him just this once. The smirk on Illinois’ face grows, and you roll your eyes before taking the rest of the strawberry from his hand. “For someone so unattached, you sure are a cheesy romantic, huh?” He chuckles at your comment, and you take the opportunity to snatch another strawberry off the plate.
“I think the decor of this room might be rubbing off on me.” He takes another strawberry in his hands and stares at it a moment. “Or maybe it’s just you.” You chuckle.
“Me? What do I have anything to do with you acting like a sap?” He smiles at the strawberry before, leaning over to feed it to you again. You roll your eyes but oblige, leaning towards him.
“Dunno sweetheart, maybe I just like being in your company. More so than I have with any other partner I’ve had.” Your eyes widen slightly, and you have to force yourself to take your eyes off the handsome man in front of you. You know that a comment like that is one of the biggest compliments a man who's gone through as much as he has, can give. You can take a bite of the strawberry before you can say something stupid. This didn’t feel like one of his usual playful flirts…it felt different. He finally seems to gather the courage to look at you, searching your expression for…something. With that bite you decide you’ve had enough sweetness for the night as you turn your face away from him to hide your flustered expression.
“I um, I feel the same…not that I’ve had as many partners as you, but uh…You know what I mean.” Real smooth. You scold yourself internally. “Anyway, I should go get washed up. I’m exhausted and I wanna use this stupidly soft bed I paid for.” You miss the oddly sad look Illinois gives before he’s smiling again.
“Maybe if I’m lucky, we’ll both get some use out of it.” Illinois replies with a wink. There it was, the usual flirty kind of comments he makes, so what was the deal with that earlier one. The one that felt so real your whole world felt like it just shifted.
You stole his hat for that one, a soft “Hey-“ escaping him as you put it away in the coat closet. He has to ruffle his locks back up to fix his hat hair.
Trying not to let him see your smile, you shake your head, “You are impossible, I don’t know why I put up with you.”
“I don’t either.” There was a somber tone to his words, and you turn to him, surprised. His expression looks care-free as always, but there was something you couldn’t recognize in his eyes. You just shake your head again, and turn to go take a shower.
. . .
You had gotten under the covers as soon as you were washed and ready for bed, quietly hoping you’d fall asleep before Illinois would finish cleaning up. Your racing mind had other ideas though, wondering about what the unusual pattern of Illinois recent actions could possibly mean. First he’s messing with you about booking the hotel incorrectly, then he’s feeding you strawberries telling you how much you mean to him, and then he’s back to making dirty jokes like nothing even happened?! You just couldn’t figure him out.
You're still lying awake when Illinois steps out of the bathroom. He goes to turn off the lights before getting into the other side of the bed. You silently thank all the gods from all the heavens you’ve ever been to that the bed was big enough for the both of you to be able to lay comfortably without touching. You couldn’t handle him being that close to you right now. Not after…whatever all that was. Something felt different between the two of you. For a while now, you have been so comfortable with each other. You’ve gotten to know each other's quirks, and worked well together both as coworkers, and as friends. You’d brush off his flirts as the jokes they always were, and the both of you would take care of each other as good partners should. It's why you’ve both been able to stay alive this long in such a dangerous line of work. Thinking about it, this is the longest you’ve ever worked with the same person.
But now, thinking about his dark eyes and charming smile made your head hurt. All the feelings you’ve managed to keep bottled up for your own safety come flooding out. Because suddenly it wasn’t a totally stupid idea to fall for him, because now there was even a sliver of a chance he might have fallen for you…and that idea scares you more than anything.
You lay there ruminating in your rollercoaster of current emotions for what feels like forever, even though it realistically couldn’t have been much longer than half an hour. You haven’t heard anything from Illinois’ side of the bed, so you decide it’s safe enough for you to turn around and face him. Sure enough, his eyes are closed, and those gods you prayed to earlier must actually hate you because his face is illuminated by soft moonlight coming through the window behind you. His features are completely relaxed, an expression you don’t see often on the ever brave and clever adventurer. His soft dark hair layers ruffled and free from the hat he always wore when he was awake. This was a part of him you rarely got to see, and it made your already aching heart melt that much more.
“Having trouble falling asleep sweetheart?” His eyes flutter open, and his voice is a bit gravely from sleep. Had you really woken him up just by moving? Your eyes widen slightly as if you’d been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing, and in a way, maybe that was true.
“Uh…yea. A little” You reply sheepishly. He smiles softly, a teasing glint in his eye, even while he was still half asleep.
“You went through all this trouble to get a hotel room, and you already miss sleeping under the stars.” He gets up slightly and props his head up with one of his arms, looking down at you with a smirk. You sit up slightly as well, pushing yourself up with your elbows.
“I guess I do kinda miss the white noise of the wildlife, it’s so quiet in here.” You're not technically lying, the quiet was a bit unsettling after so many nights spent with the constant hum of cicadas or the relaxing murmur of a stream. Illinois hums in thought before responding.
“I could turn on the AC if you’d like? Or you could use your favorite “internet” thing and play some noises I’m sure.” You look at him, and maybe it’s because you can see the genuine concern he has for you in his eyes, but something makes you tell him the truth.
“…actually…I was thinking about what you said… Am I really your favorite? Of all of them?” It took him a moment to register what you were asking, and when it dawned on him, you could have sworn a flash of fear ran through his eyes. It was gone as soon as it came, and slowly, as if not to scare you away, he reached out for one of your hands.
“Is this…ok?” He asks, and this might be the first time you’ve ever heard him unsure. You squeeze his hand reassuringly.
“Yea…I think it’s more than ok.” You look at him, taking in his features unashamedly this time. There’s a look in his eyes that you’ve never seen before, and somehow you know he feels scared. You know how many partners he’s lost, and you know first hand how hard it was getting attached to the people you adventured with just to have them die in your hands in the most gruesome way imaginable… It did something to you.
So you start slowly, leaning forward gently, watching him for any sign of hesitation or rejection, but you don’t find it. Instead it seems something inside him finally breaks through as he meets you halfway. He sits up more just to cup your face with one of his hands,and gives you a kiss that steals your breath away. It wasn’t long, but it was incredibly sweet, and maybe just a little desperate. Most of all though, it just felt right. You both pull away, eyes lidded, before Illinois catches something in the corner of his eyes and starts laughing. You blink before giving him an incredulous look. “What are you laughing at-?”
“I just, I just saw the tub full of roses behind you and realized we’re sharing our first kiss in a honeymoon suite.” Your eyes widen as you whip around to look at the tub, before looking back at him. You both burst out laughing, and you let yourself fall into his chest. Once you both settle down again, you look back up at him, cupping his face in your own hand. He gently reaches up to interlock his fingers with yours, and kisses your hand. You smile.
“I’m right here Ily. And I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” You know he’s probably heard that before, hell, you have too. But this time was different. Your partnership was different. And you could tell by the look on his face that this time, he really believed you.
Old meme, I know, but we are cringe and we are free, and at least half of us (myself included) are insecure as hell and/or have a sense of humor. So, Markiplier egos reacting to you asking, "Would you still love me if I was a worm?"
Very silly with only a few egos because my melatonin is kicking in. Forgive any mistakes.
Egos mentioned (in order): Actor, Date Mark, Heist Mark, Head Engineer Mark, Dark, Wilford, Yancy, Illinois
Actor
- He'd stare at you for a long few seconds because he has to consider if, somehow, despite the over a hundred years he's been "alive", if he's somehow having a stroke. What did you just say? To which you repeat yourself. Where is this coming from? You tell him to stop avoiding the question. He's even more baffled, and one more unhelpful answer might set him off. Tread carefully. He knows what the internet is, but he is nowhere near where you are on it.
Date
- He doesn't hesitate before saying yes. Mind you, he barely processed that last part before speaking - he was more focused on the "would you still love me" bit - but, he is lovingly beholding your depression cocooning on the couch next to him while you both watch Netflix while eating dessert. He loves you, okay? Like, leaves post-it notes on the mirror, remembers the small things, random gift "because I thought of you" kind of loves you. He'd probably find a way to make himself a worm just for you.
Heist
- Sorry, you walked right into this one, he starts laughing. Like, what do you mean "if you were a worm"? What kind of question is that? He doesn't know. He doesn't know (except, he kind of does) that if you were a worm, he'd love you all the same. (It's a metaphor, don't you understand?) (He's an idiot. Dammit, he loves you.) (Don't ever stop being you.)
Head Engineer
- The answer is yes, obviously. Not to mention according to multiverse theory there is a universe wherein you are a worm, he is a worm, you both are worms, etc. and going by everything you two have been through, it's safe to say that when it comes to the two of you, you two will always find a way. Someway, somehow.
Dark
- You really were just reading it off your phone, not intending it as a question, but it immediately catches his attention. He raises his head, confused, asking what on earth you were talking about. You backtrack and explain it's just an internet thing, and you have to explain the premise and what the actual intention is since he's such an old man in regard to the internet. Inevitably it doesn't go anywhere and he thinks it's ridiculous. Besides, how would you even become a worm? Why is he even thinking about that? He likes you perfectly fine as you are now.
Wilford
- "Don't be ridiculous, gumdrop, of course I would! Now, where did I put my—" and as he says this, pantless, you maneuver with smooth practice away from the direction of his gun as he returns to looking for whatever it is he's misplaced. You know exactly where it is in an instant. He smiles wide when you hand it to him, then goes back to what he was doing with a little assistance. Not everyone understands you two and how you work together so well or, hell, why you like being with him...but you do. That's what matters.
Yancy
- He's so confused. So, so confused. He says yes(?), but again, he is so confused. He loves you, though, even if you are a little weird. (Who's he to judge, after all?) (He's so lucky to have you.) (Sure, okay, he'd love you if you were a worm. Whatever that means.)
Illinois
- You are sooooo delirious right now. Whether it's a fever, side effect of something, or what was encountered during an adventure, the filter that you typically strain your thoughts through before spouting them out is gone, and you cannot be held accountable for what comes out. He totally will, though, and he is absolutely basking in it. He loves it, and the shit-eating grin he's wearing isn't going to leave his face for weeks.
He tells you he would. (If you did somehow randomly turn into a worm, he'd find you the perfect place to live the rest of your worm life. Trust me.)
