Discover Top Posts Tagged with #jacqipro

is morning drinking only acceptable in the form of mimosas at sunday brunch or can we dismiss that formality

#personal #thoughts #jacqipro #me #alcohol

This is where I am. Sleeping on a couch, living out of bags, jobless and broken. The past two weeks I've lost almost everything. I've been begging and praying to God to grace me with some sleep to escape this, but I'm forced to lie in silent misery with heavy, darkened eyes, replaying everything I ever had, thinking about how quickly I lost it. My only option left is to drown my blood in alcohol. I got laid off. And I thought it would be okay. I'd just get a new job and go back to normal. I still had him. I still had the support and the hope of tomorrow. Then I lost the love of my life, the first person I've ever looked at and genuinely thought, "that's my soulmate." It was unexpected and the absolute worst way to lose someone you thought was your forever, besides death. I don't know what to think, what to feel, where to run. I am more than broken, if I could find the word. It's been 5 days and it still somehow feels like a nightmare I can't wake up from, surreal. I've been running from this endlessly, because the reality is too much to bare. I don't have my heart- I don't know if I'll ever get it back- and my mind is flooding with the memories and the thoughts that I shouldn't be thinking which will soon consume me entirely. I packed my things and left, yet...it just still feels like I'm running and running and I can't stop. I'm a shell of the woman I was. My soul is stained and tarnished from the fight for its other half, and its sudden abandonment. My mind is everywhere, yet numb. And it just feels like an empty hole where my heart used to be. I've had my heart broken before, but I've never had the parts of me that gave life to my thoughts and validated my emotions and gave meaning to each breath ripped out of me, stolen, destroyed. It hurts to breathe, and this ache in my bones is only getting worse. My chest feels like it's on fire yet I feel like I'm drowning. All I can think about is what he said about it feeling like just falling down a hill. That's all it feels like. Like I'm falling and breaking every bone on the way down, and I see no end in sight. It isn't just dark. It's pitch black and I can't see anything, both in front of/around me and inside of me. And I'm crying out for somebody, for him, and nobody is around. And all I can do is accept this. I'm trying to grab ahold of something, anything to slow down or stop, and crawl back to the top where I had it all, but nothing. And I can't do a god damn thing. I'm a strong person, I'm known for it, but for the first time...I just feel so weak. So weak I can barely stand. It won't be this way forever, but right now, everything I have left, I'd give it all to have back my everything, my happiness, and for it to be REALLY mine. The plans and the future dreamt of would become reality. And I would soak in it every second of everyday. And it would all be...right. Fuck this ache is just resonating through the pieces of me that I have left, and their cracks and breaks. Please come back...the right way. The only way. Please figure it out. This is wrong. This is all wrong. If you have to be without me, fine. But just be without me. You don't need anyone else to work out what you need to...you just need you. Please don't fuck up more. Please. It was me, it was me. It was supposed to be me. Holy shit I can't handle this. I need to get angry so I can feel something... This is where I am. Maybe one day I'll know who I am again. But I don't care about "one day". I don't care about anything but all of the things I can't care about anymore. The things my heart dedicated itself to. Fucking fuck.

#personal #jacqipro #Jacqi Prochaska #thoughts #fuck this #it's 11am #time for a drink

I don't even know who "you" are 2•18•16 If you have IG I'd love if you followed my writing account @writingbyjacqi

#me #personal #heartbroken #jacqipro #fucked up #broken #love #@writingbyjacqi #writing #poetry

My boyfriend is my absolute rock and greatest support system I could ask for...through the streaming tears and gear and worry and anger I've felt today he's just held my hand, looked me in the eyes and reassured me everything was gonna be just fine and that he wasn't going anywhere. I couldn't be more lucky and I can't describe the gratitude I have for this man

#personal #me #jacqipro

i just want to shower someone in kisses and food and back rubs in exchange for love and cuddles and adventures and the occasional tickle fight but feelings and emotional attachment are dangerous ya feel me

#personal #jacqipro