#jacques laffitte

[a-la-rascasse]

Happy grand prix de France!!! 🇫🇷🥐 (have some twinks français)

[1337wtfomgbbq]

The Prosenna Wedding would include...

The other drivers forming a honor guard and holding up tires over the happy couple.

And being that those tires are kinda heavy and cumbersome Nelson 'accidentally' drops his one on Ayrton.

He goes, „ops,“ and waves Jean along to get smashed.

Don't ask me why Alain thought it would be a good idea to invited Nelson. Kinda feels counterintiutive to invite your ex to your wedding.

But then again Gerhard is there too. He even is Ayrton's best man, and he is rather well adjusted all things considered.

(FYI: Gerhard is pretty drunk himself. He's just really good at hiding it.)

Nelson is just a fucking mess.

And not even in the 'imma ruin your day' type mess (that's Elio), he is a straight up mess.

When the pastor asked if anyone had any objections to the wedding he straight up yells, „Alain, how can you do this to me,“ and brakes down into tears.

And because Jean has to look after Gerhard, after he figured out that Gerhard is absolutely smashed, you got Lole trying desperately to console Nelson.

And Carlos is awkward and shy but he tries his very best.

Meanwhile, you have the B-Plot, which consists of Elio trying to enact a plot to hit Ayrton with water balloons filled with paint before the first dance.

He enacts this with the help of Gilles and Jacques. As for them it's a personal vendetta too, because Ayrton hurt the third part of their gremlin trio.

And you have Nigel and Riccardo desperately trying to stop those three.

But they are nothing but determined.

So before the first dance Ayrton is hit by a barrage of water balloons filled with paint, hitting him from two sides and the fucking rafters of the ball room.

Ayrton, of course, is furious, while Alain is trying to defuse the situation.

So they try to cut the cake but discover that Rene has fucking eaten himself into the cake, and is sleeping in there now (like the cake goblin that he is).

Nelson might have actually smiled again at this point.

Patrick did the flowers for the wedding by the way. He worked closely with Bruno, who was in charge of actually planning the whole ass thing.

The third part of their trio was Didier. Who was tasked with stopping whatever Gilles and his minions would come up with.

But Gilles managed to always be one step ahead of him.

Andrea had the final task of driving the newly weds to the airport. But he accepted a bribe from Lole.

So instead of a peacefull drive to the airport and into their honeymoon, the newly wed couple had a glitter bomb go off in the limo instead.

By that point Nelson was laughing so hard again he almost cracked a rib.

Niki and James by the way were, conveniently, out of the country (probably because they knew this would be a shitshow) @greenliketheskyf1pics said they booked their tickets for that trip as soon as they got prosenna's save the date.

[eliotheeangelis]

[kainosite]

Laffitte: *hands Louis-Philippe the resolution inviting him to assume the throne*

Périer: *looks out of the painting like he’s in The Office*

[1337wtfomgbbq]

Launt getting their kids comfy christmas sweaters:

Alain: Mine's too big! *flapping arms*

Nigel: Mine's too short! *pulling sweater over exposed tummy*

Nelson: I hate red! *glares at sweater*

Jacques: Mine itches🥺 *scratches*

Andrea: Mine's too soft😠

Patrick: Why don't I have flowers on mine?😢

Elio and Ayrton: This is stupid😤 *stuck in 'our get along' sweater*

Rene: *trying to eat the bread depicted on his sweater*

Bruno: *rocking a Darth Vader sweater*

Riccardo: *ugliest sweater ever but happy as hell* 🤗

Gilles glaring at Didier: You stole my sweater😡

Didier: How- what!? *confused*

Niki: *wearing sweater with a hood with rat ears and a rat tail*

Niki:

James: 🤩

Niki:

Niki: Next year I'll get the sweaters again🤦‍♂️

[1337wtfomgbbq]

Gilles: You know, I love how kids of divorce really have the market cornered on family dysfunction. But let me share with you a typical Thanksgiving at the Launt household:

It starts with my mother yelling at Jacques for yelling at Nelson who's yelling at the television screen, which happens to be the microwave. And then Nigel gives my father attitude for using the word "black", even though he's referring to the turkey. Which, by the way, only got burnt because instead of turning the oven off, Ayrton tried shoving Alain's head in it. But you know what we do? We kiss and we hug and we apologize for all the things we said, 'cause a month later, we gonna get together and do it again at Christmas!

[1337wtfomgbbq]

Launt and the kids and hygge...

Honestly, the only time there is any type of hygge to be felt in the Launt household, with thirteen kids, is when everybody is asleep.

Most nights they already start out with Andrea and/or Bruno in their bed, or whoever ate too much that evening.

So let's say they start out with Andrea, who wants to cuddle, and Nigel, who ate himself into a food coma.

Barely an hour later, at 11pm, Bruno crawls into bed with them, which he does quite often as he's afraid of the dark. Elio shows up not shortly thereafter, who can't fall asleep without Nigel there. (He also gave Nigel his plushy cause of his stomach pain🥺)

Alain, actually on his way back from the bathroom, walks into the wall and accidentally ends up in his parents bed. Ayrton, who wanted to play a prank on him, ends up with them too as he goes looking for Alain.

Jacques and René come in in the middle of the night. René had a little (read: giant) midnight snack and threw up on his bed. And after Niki cleans that up, and sees his bed that's almost filled to the brim, he sighs and gets out an air mattress they store in their bedroom for those exact situations.

So Niki ends up on the air mattress with Jacques and René.

Didier comes in around 2am because Gilles won't stop kicking him in his sleep. And Gilles shows up moments later, rubbing his eyes tiredly and flops down next to Didier on the air mattress. Of course Didier ends up with a hand to his face and a leg to his back again

Nelson comes in at 4am, cheeks wet with tears he won't admit shedding because he had a nightmare.

There is a little tussle, at the end of which Alain ends up being the cuddle buddy to both Ayrton and Nelson.

At 4:30am Riccardo comes in, barely even aware as he flops down on Niki, and at 5am Patrick comes in and rolls himself into a tight ball at the foot of the bed like a kitten.

And Niki and James exchange looks as they look at each other from where they are both burried under their children.

Niki is being squashed by Riccardo, René still smells faintly of puke and Gilles kicks him in the ribs about every five minutes.

James on the other hand is sweating himself to death as the closest kids to him are Andrea, Nigel and Elio, all three of them running hot as hell. Alain won't stop snoring and Nelson won't stop talking in his sleep.

But honestly, as they look at each other, Niki and James can't help but smile. They won't have it any other way.

[1337wtfomgbbq]

And because I like doing these Imma do a 'launt gremlins vs the parents' again. Cause I haven't done one of those for a hot minute.

~~~

Okay let's go.

Emerson grabs fishing bait and Jackie grabs fishing gear. (Good job to the parents on that one, working together)

Elio breaks Gilles nose over a basket of bread (??? Isn't René the one crazy for baked-- imma shut up now)

Jacky, Andrea and Jacques get into a fight and Jacques kills them both (woof, Jacques is taking no prisoners this time)

Carlos grabs fishing bait and Graham the gear, same as Riccardo and Jim (whats with all the fishing??)

Ayrton bashes René's head in.

(This is crazy. The gremlins seem to be imploding before we even get started... Ah whatever, there can only be one winner after all)

~~~

Gilles forces Bruno to kill either Patrick or Niki  and Bruno decides to kill Niki (and as sad as that sounds, props to Bruno for actually killing who they were supposed to kill. Looking at you Ayrton🤦‍♂️)

Nigel defeats Jim in a fight but spares his life (why do I have the feeling this is going to come back and bite him in the ass??)

François overhears Carlos and Nelson talking in the distance (piquemann anybody💖)

James defeats Emerson in a fight but spares his life (and he better cause that's a team mate bro)

Didier and Jacques team up with Graham (🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️ to all involved)

Elio gets medical suppplies from an unknown sponsor (okay, who of yall is sponsoring the blorbo king??)

~~~

Okay what now. Bruno, Jochen and Nelson are singing songs together; and Jim, James and Nigel are doing the same.

Carlos and Graham are also teaming up for the night, but that actually makes sense.

François just bashed Didier' head in (😳😳)

Patrick just got sponsored and got clean water (can I pretend that byby!jacques villneuve is sponsoring him... imma do it anyways)

Emerson attacks Gilles but Riccardo protects him and kills Emerson (now, that was actually a good one on the gremlins part)

~~~

There is a lot of just foraging for food.

Elio is still getting medical supplies from his sponsor, while Graham is getting explosives from his sponsor.

Carlos steals from François (which... imma be real my piquemann brain is going apeshit)

NIGEL. This time it was that dumbass who fell into a frozen lake and drowned (Elio, avenge your boo and kill that lake. For real)

Uuh, James also got explosives (should he though??)

Gilles, Patrick and Riccardo start fighting but Patrick runs away as Gilles kills Riccardo (Gilles is still out for blood)

~~~

Bruno just got lost in the dark (no byby no🥺)

James kills Graham slowly with a poisonous blow dart (wait, what did Graham do to you??)

Jochen got clean water from an unknown sponsor.

Nelson screams for help (although that is futile)

Now Gilles is begging Carlos to kill him?? But Carlos refuses?? (What the fuck is happening??)

Alain destroys Ayrton' supplies (cause prosenna bitchfight or something🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️)

Jim attempts to start a fire but is unsuccessful (🥺)

Jacques and Elio both get sponsored.

~~~

Carlos and Elio and Jim and Ayrton are teaming up. (The teams of gremlins and parents seem to be meaningless anyways)

Nelson, Jackie and James get into a fight and James kills them both (wow James, you are actually usefull for once.)

Jacques cannot handle it anymore and kills himself.

François killed Jochen. (Cause as I said, the teams are meaningless)

Alain gets fresh food from a sponsor.

~~~

Wow, okay. Bruno, François, Carlos, Alain and Gilles all ganged up on Ayrzon and killed him. FIVE people ganged up and killed him. (Seems like overkill or maybe precaution🤷‍♂️)

The rest of them sleep in shifts.

~~~

The feast:

Alain, Jim, François and Elio all say "fuck that shit" and don't go.

James, Carlos, Gilles and Patrick meanwhile track down and kill Bruno.

(I love how nobody even WENT TO the feast🤣 They either stayed away or used the time to kill Bruno🤦‍♂️)

~~~

Gilles sees smoke in the distance but decides to stay away (cause he smart)

Elio, Carlos, François and Alain raid Jim's camp while he is out hunting.

James stabs Patrick in the back with a trident (again, James I have to applaude you, you have been pretty usefull this time around. Well done🤗)

~~~~

Carlos and Elio huddle for warmth.

François questions his sanity, while the rest sleep in shifts.

~~~

The next day is pretty uneventfull, appart from James slicing Alain with a sword. But idk if that killed him. Let's see.

~~~

Okay what the heck. The capitol is apparently pissed off that nobody is dying so they rapidly contract the arenas borders.

Carlos TRIPS ON A FUCKING TREE ROOT and that is why he dies.

Jim and Gilles THOSE MORONS think they can escape by running through the border??

Elio pushes James into the border like the cold hearted bitch that he is (fuck James was doing so good😭)

François is the ONLY ONE that just survives (cause he pretty!! I see what you did there capitol!!)

Fyi: Alain did die from the sword slice.

~~~

Aaaand Elio kills François for his supplies.

Cold hearted bitch didn't I tell you.

Elio wins🥳🥳