#jaesun:r

[amnitiis-blog]

If you ask Haeri, that is truly one of the things she will never reveal. How Jo makes it hard to not acknowledge everything, she might have had more to do with Haeri getting more and more comfortable in her skin around Jaesun, and with Jaesun than Haeri herself. Or anyone else could have helped her with. Forgive her but it’s seriously not easy being the girl in a relationship, there are so many things she just cannot control and so many times she feels as if she’s too invested in him, the worse part?

She doesn’t ever think that it’s truly a bad thing, she grosses herself out is what, it might be why she let Jo get away with a lot of things he’s just named. It evens out the not being in control part. Like how he’s pulling the pillow and Haeri should be reaching over to get it right back, fight the show he wants her to put on. Well not show, that’s not the right word. But there’s vulnerability in the way she’s so easily flustered around him–which is fine, actually. She knows it is, it just is hard to get past the can’t let Jaesun see what he does to me and then realise that it’s okay, I have to let him see what he does to me so he knows how deep into this she is.

That bridge? That’s a hard one to stand in the middle of, dandling from side to side with the only thing she finds herself clutching on being him–hands, arms, anything she can grasp. “I hate pink, why is it always associated with girls? It’s not like we’re the only humans who turn pink or red, red I can live with, but I hate pink. Why do you think I look good in pink? The actual colour or just my cheeks turning rosy? I mean honestly, pink is horrendous Jaesun, your taste in colour suck you’re never dressing me up.” But she’ll wear it proudly on her skin if he puts it there, that’s another surprising thing she’s learned about herself.

So Jaesun has a few options here, which is funny because never before has he considered them before acting on them. Never. It’s a part of this new process he’s taking to for the new years. That involves being a little different with his motions. Not exactly hesitant, maybe gentler. He sees her easing into them so he’ll make it a bit easier. If there’s anyone’s comfort he’s worried about it’s her which is why his grip on the pillow loosens, almost.

So he’s moved it. Decision one. So he’s grinning up at her and wondering if he should ask more about how Jo helps him. Maybe she does. Maybe she doesn’t. It’s a matter of perspective with that one. They might actually get along had they not met under different circumstances. He decides that’s a lie and the thought even brings a scrunch to his face so he moves the pillow out the way to cover for it. 

Decision two? A cheeky little smile when he finds that her hands have found a grip around his shoulders. He’s always going to be a cheeky little shit even if he doesn’t completely throw himself on her. That’s the decision he’s contemplating, he finds himself always wanting to do so when Jo’s name comes into the picture. She’s not a threat. Alright that’s another lie she’s very much a threat. To his time with her. To his comfort. To that little smile he wants to be only his. But it won’t be, she has too many friends he’s realized. He’s listening and deciding just to smile and glance up at her while she speaks, hands slowly lowering her to his level. It’s probably an awful position, he realizes midway but he’s already at it.

“Why don’t you write a petition, make a time machine and tell the person who decided it was a girl thing that they’re wrong? I’ll even wear pink for you how’s that sound? I don’t look good in blue either so I guess it’s a win-win.” He pauses because she’s asking questions she knows she doesn’t want the answer too because when she’s this close and he’s being this cheeky well. “If you want the truth, you honestly look good in anything. Light colors more than anything, especially because I can see when your cheeks turn pink better. Pink isn’t that bad, I mean on you anyway. On your cheeks, on your hair, on your body----” he pauses again. “What I’m saying is I like any color on you.” He’s not eloquent, not in the least, but it’s something he’s good at, being truthful. 

[amnitiis-blog]

“Do you know the saying, curiosity killed the–” she starts but then purses her mouth, arm hurting from how high she’s still holding the pillow out of his reach and her brain supplies her with one important missing piece. Right, honesty Haeri she thinks and immediately wants to scowl, push the pillow down on his face and him off her lap and find another room to shuffle in. She opens her mouth around words but she spills others, she can’t help it, it takes some sort of filtering through the rambling in order to get to the truth, “Well, Jo’s fine, for me, to me. She’s fine, she actually helps you more than you’ll ever be aware of, she just likes messing with you when you’re there.”

Kind of like how Haeri does enjoy messing with him too? Is it bad if she doesn’t want to stop doing that? Because honestly, it sometimes feels like she’s the only one that’s hugely affected by everything that they are and it sort of feels good when he stumbles through his words, because he says some things like they’re so easy for him. So easy for him to like her and show it, and not want anyone else to have the place that he wants to have in her life, heart.

God she’s flushing bright and quickly getting to the point, “Yeah, I do, I like you, a lot, so much it’s like I feel like, I don’t even have enough place to fit it all in–so it just you know, spreads everywhere and maybe this is why pinking is so easy, I mean I’m hardly a blushing virgin, have you ever seen me turn red from even hearing embarrassing stories, never, this only happens around you.” Now she’s glad she’s still holding the pillow, she stills all movement in order to bury her own face in it, that’ll do.

Here’s where his curiosity might actually kill hi, because under no circumstances would he think to ask about her. Jo that is. He finds himself pushing aside all thoughts and conversations about the female to the side. It’s not that he doesn’t like her, he just thinks she gets a little too cozy to Haeri. So yeah he’s jealous there’s no denying it and if Haeri asked him in the right moments he’d be able to admit to it. There’s not a lot he can hide from her anyway. “What do you mean? I can’t see any way that anything she does is helpful to me. Like when she steals kisses from you and hogs you and I don’t get to touch you for days? Yeah that, that’s not fun.” There should be a scowl but it’s more of a whine and he finds his own nose scrunching up much like hers.

It’s remarkable really, the parts of her that have taken refuge in him. They start to show in his words and his actions and he’d be damned if he didn’t notice.

“A blushing virgin huh?” So there’s surprise because usually honesty is his nature. Usually he’s the one talking about how much he likes her, about how she drives him crazy, like he needed words for her to know. It’s welcomed really but he’s not sure how to handle it so his first move is to grab for the pillow and gently attempt to shake it free. If he were to snatch it that’d be bad and he can tell she’s adjusting to this new-- what was it? Ah resolution that’s right. Any laughter at her antics is shoved down for when he can see the results of her decisions. “That’s not fair you know, you’re turning pink and I can’t even see it. Didn’t I tell you pink looks good on you and you’re hiding it from me, I am appalled.” There’s so much more he can say, wants to say but right now he’s focused on one thing. So he’ll speak once that’s over it.

[amnitiis-blog]

Sometimes Haeri does get hit with it, which is basically a strong realization that yeah, I have a boyfriend and I may or may not be gone over my head in the disgusting thing she will never name and he’s human. Actual, human, skin, flesh and bones, a hundred percent blood and water–oh and muscles. Which she wants to protect, all of it, just cocoon him and not let him see anything of the ugly world that he’s already swam in it. She knows that’s impossible, a dream, but hey she’s good at that, dreaming. So when Jaesun’s voice turns a little slow on his ‘I had to.’ She wants to scream no, you don’t have to do anything you don’t need to do anything. You have to live, you know and not look this tired every time–or distracted, or everywhere else but here.

“It’s not like I like your opponents anyway, they’re your opponents you know, your boss, I could spare, I mean they give you a living, something to do, I guess they can be spared, but your opponents? Those assholes? God if it wasn’t illegal, they’d be down years ago.” But there are some things she’ll never allow herself to just blurt out, it’s why her words are layered, sheets and sheets of things she spits to cover what she truly would be blabbering about if she didn’t go on about nonsense. “It kind of goes like you know, your enemies my enemies, you don’t like someone, I don’t like them–well maybe except for Jo, because I don’t think you like Jo much. But you like me and I like me very much, do you like yourself? Because I like you even more.”

He’s glad. Relieved. He holds it back from the air that wants to make it known but he is. Because he doesn’t want to talk about it, the need to satisfy her. So she can say she doesn’t need him to. so he can reply that he’ll always feel like he has to. That she can have almost everything and he wants to be able to give her something even if it’s a pocky when she runs out. That a smile from her mother will always mean more than anything even if she says it doesn’t. That if being an upstanding boyfriend means working his ass off he’ll do it. That he needs to do this not for his pride and not for her but because he simply needs to. It’s ingrained in him. So to have her ignore it and continue at it in his hair, he’s relieved.

“If you think about it though, my opponents only take up ten minutes of my time, depending on the match? My bosses take up about ten hours? So in reality they should be your opponents not the people who might actually fight you. I can only pull you off so many guys.” He’d still do it though, drag her off her pathway set to attack the first guy who knocks him out in the ring. It’s a rare occurrence but when it happens he makes sure it doesn’t happen again. Not because he doesn’t want his girlfriend to see him hurt but because he’s not about to be dominated in his domain. “I have no comments on how I feel about Jo.” He has several. But he simply moves for the pillow and being unable to reach it he just huffs, lips pursing at the mere thought of the female. “You’re admitting to how much you like me? This is new? How much is even more I’m curious now.”

[amnitiis-blog]

“Okay, but Kown Jaesun!” Now she feels like chastising as she reaches over, both hands grabbing the pillow he’s been toying with and tugging it out of his grip, “Why did you have to go and get another job in the first place?” Haeri’s been to it once, only once and god, it’s not that she hates it or anything. But the thing is–well actually no, she promised herself, if she doesn’t think or talk about it, it never happened.

“Also clearly, your new boss doesn’t know who I am, tell him he shouldn’t tell you to deny me anything, and there’s nothing he can do to deny me anything I wish to have. If I want to go see you at the garage, I will go see you at the garage, we’re clear on that right? Right?” Then she’s pouting, as if she’s the one suffering in his shoes. A low whine follows suit too and it seems as if she’s even about to say something that actually makes sense, not, “Poor baby, would you like me to hire a hitman for all of your bosses, I mean it exists, I saw a movie once where these employees became hitmen to stop their bosses from existing and it was awesome. I could be the hitman, hey, do you want me to commit murder? That can easily be arranged.”

First she’s calling his name and man he wants to bask in it for a few moments longer but whenever his full name is called ( and it’s usually his full name come to think of it ) he’s in trouble. or she’s frustrated with him. any kind of frustration. Then his pillow is gone and he gets his answer faster than expected. He doesn’t mean to pout but his only regulator is gone and his face is cold and he doesn’t want to open his eyes to face her because yeah, he’s frustrated too. “I had to babe....” it’s whispered and it’s weird because yeah he feels bad too. He’s feeling too much right now and he wants to roll over in her lap and forget the entire conversation.

“Right.” He’s glad, having someone like her who does what she wants and on the only side he’s glad his bosses don’t threaten to fire him from disobedience. “Is this gonna be like Coyote Ugly? Where I’m fired because my girlfriend causes a fight at my job? Don’t kill anyone please I----- I have several reasons why that’s a bad idea and the killing part isn’t even it.” He’s smiling though, just a tad bit because it’s hard not to when she’s like this and not even trying. “How am I going to make a living if you threaten to kill all my bosses? Will I just train hard and be a champion boxer? Or are you going to kill my opponents too?” It didn’t sound bad, training and only seeing her. Jaesun hated working, he’s been doing it all his life.

[amnitiis-blog]

There’s a hum, she’s leaning against the couch, won’t let her fingers slide out of his hair. It’s quietening a lot of things and he might be saying that she’s not being ridiculous, but it’s also getting this awful feeling out of her. “Phone exists, we lived off that for what, a month? Two?” God it was awful, but be reasonable Haeri, “I mean It’s not like I can take him on every time, one day he’s going to definitely retaliate in the worse way possible.” Not that she’s scared of that, if she wishes to, Haeri could do even worse than his trainer ever would. But it’s been sitting here still, she gets it.

Jaesun isn’t pleased–she might or might not join in the feeling, she definitely joins in the feeling. She tends to turn all mopey and ten times snappier after awhile of missing him, god forgives her, she’s not the one who chose this. It’s all his fault, so whatever, the world can handle it. It’s worrying her though, his words, what they mean for him more than anything else, “Unless you get overworked, then he and I might turn into sworn enemies, hey I’m serious, it sounds like you’re piling a lot and I know what it looks like when a certain someone tries to go into a fight without the energy or mind to do so." 

There are a lot of things he can focus on right now. The sound of her voice, gentler than usual and only saved for precious moments such as this. Then he remembers the context behind it and he frowns against the pillow. There’s her humming which is also rare but she could be doing it to soothe her own thoughts, reminders of what his schedule will do coursing through his head and the frown deepens. This time he focuses on the feeling of her hands in his hair, and for once he can sigh in content as her next words prepare to beak him back on. “That was hell....” he’s lifting the pillow from his mouth, enough to utter the reminder of the agony they went through. “First the restaurant owner, then my trainer and now my new boss. He already said I can’t bring you by the garage....”

Jaesun’s frustrated and hiding it has never been a good skill of his. “I don’t really get it, treating new boys like trash. These assholes just give left over shifts with too much damn overtime, the hours don’t match up to the pay.” It’s a matter of circumstance and choosing his battles. If anything he doesn’t want the thought of a battle yet to come to interfere with his time but he moves the pillow and he’s still got a deadpan look of irritation on his face. “Overworked doesn’t come closer to what they’re giving me. Baaaaaaabe, I hate this.”

[amnitiis-blog]

“Nah, I’ll stay mad, they can have you.” She starts, but then takes in a deep breath, reprimands herself quietly before shrugging, “I mean, no, I just mean it is important, don’t pay attention to me, I’m being ridiculous. You do need those schedules right, and if he does it in a certain way it must mean he knows how much training would be good for you right?” It’s more convincing herself so she stops acting the way she is right now, than convincing him that she’s alright with it. She is, there’s no denying it, she’ll never actually butt in when it comes to training. 

Because she’s seen those bruises from when he wasn’t focused enough, or hadn’t had enough time to shape up and just one second of inattention, a wrong move–is something she doesn’t want to be responsible for. So her tone softens desptie the fact that yes, she still feels the sting because she’d like to monopolize his entire time and attention, that’s normal, isn’t it? It’s fine though, just peachy–she thinks as she reaches down to let her fingers through a few strands of his hair, “Better they keep you away from me if it means you get less injured too.”

He’s nervous, only because he can’t quite tell if she’ll get mad truly or if she’ll let it slide. Even if she does, does anything really slide off her like that? Something that clearly bothered her? Sure she can brush things off but there was a fine line between hiding things and releasing them when it came to Haeri. That fine line’s gotten him in trouble sometimes.”Nah he’s just----- overloading me and I gotta schedule shifts at the shop and then at the restaurant....and then coordinate it all. I’m going to have little to no time to see you.” and of course they’re not listening to reason. What do they care about his love life.

“Boss says because I’m new means I should take whatever shifts he gives, but they’re the leftover ones late at night and I just------” Very rarely does Jaesun go on about what’s eating at him. That’s his problem. His mom says he’s a little too nice and the thought has him practically groaning and throwing a pillow right over his face. “I’m really sorry you’re not being ridiculous at all-----”

[amnitiis-blog]

Haeri lets out a sigh, she actually just settles down and crosses her arms, putting enough distance to just stare at him. Staring, isn’t the word, she isn’t pleased. Not even the slightest bit, that kiss, that quick good for nothing that shows how distracted he is? That didn’t help either. “Yeah, well, but at least when I do give you my attention I give it all away but seems like I might need to change that right now and go find Sesshou, at least he won’t be double-timing right in front of me and totally ignore the hell out of me.” Is she being childish? She’s being childish and that makes her frown even more, add to that a clear sulking expression, she seriously didn’t think she would be the whiny type.

He looks up. It’s the longest he’s looked up since he looked at his phone. Sometimes there were increments, to prove he was watching the movie, to prove he was attentive as he should be when he’s not. But this? This is different. He looks up and it’s weird for him to look up once her words settle in, he’s usually always looking at her, and she usually never has that expression on her face. “I’m sorry.” And he could add a babe to the end of that but he’s not trying to test his luck. He holds up the phone to her, now sitting up and getting all the weight off his chest with a stretch. “Wanna yell at my boss for me, he’s trying to take up all my time next month. I was busy negotiating my schedule with him and my trainer.” And with that he throws his head on her knees only staring up with the most pitiful expression that honestly isn’t an act. “They’re trying to take you away from me.”

[amnitiis-blog]

It's not that she's not noticing the phone, not at all. Maybe that's why she decided to join the fun on the couch. It's--weird, he's not even aware of where she is and it's weird she wants to see how far she can go before he snaps, "Hey, you want to be a girl now, is there something you're not telling me? Plus, Marshall wasn't all that nice." Where is she now? Close enough that she can throw a leg over his, straddling his legs as she faces him, "Are you cheating on me?"

“Girls clothes are more comfortable right? Or is that guys?” He’s typing and speaking, typing and speaking and normally it’s a routine he would loathe if he didn’t need to do it right now. Coordinating was hard, multi-tasking was harder. “Marshall wasn’t nice but Finn’s kinda dumb. I’ll be nice Marshall.” He does stop when the  final question comes through and he glances up look at her. “No.” It’s the first time he smiles through the conversation and just because he can he leans forward to peck her lips before he’s back to responding on his phone. “Though I don’t mind you dating me and Sesshomaru at the same time.”