#jamescript

[fiercedeitysmask]

wow it’s been a while. i don’t have any plans to use this account anymore but i didn’t want my last post to end on such a sad note. so quick update to bookend the tumblr of fiercedeitysmask

went to therapy, got myself sorted out, got the girl, got a pup, the story had a happy ending

[fiercedeitysmask]

i’ve had a hard time admitting this for a long time but i’m struggling. this isn’t for anyone to see. this for me, maybe some future version of me that remembers making a hidden post in one my “weaker moments” and maybe decided to delete it because i was just “having one of those nights.” i’ve finally scheduled an appointment with a therapist because i can finally admit that fixing this is the most important goal in my life right now. i’m tired of feeling like an empty shell of the person I used to feel like. i’m tired of feeling like everything i do is just going through the motions for what a past, happier version of me wanted, and i’m tired of falling back on suicidal ideation to calm myself down. none of these feelings aren’t normal and if i keep brushing them off i’m going to wind up alienating myself from literally everything and everyone i care about. i need to be able to let myself call this depression/anxiety and acknowledge that this is happening because this isn’t me

[fiercedeitysmask]

how in the fuck does it not cross my roommates mind that it's a little inconsiderate to start screaming at a video game a 3:30am

[fiercedeitysmask]

i’ve been out of school for a year and I still can’t manage to rewire my brain out of “is only productive at night mode”

[fiercedeitysmask]

it’s past midnight and i should be in bed but i’m cleaning out my tracked tags

[fiercedeitysmask]

new...hnnnng........THEMEEEEEEEEEEE

[fiercedeitysmask]

new personal goal: each day i’m going to strive to not go to sleep until i can say that i’ve done something that makes me happy and excited. i will not continue to make excuses for my lack of initiative in pursuing the things i used to enjoy. for today, we’ll call it spending a good day with the fam and making plans to see one of my favorite bands in concert for the first time in november. also not thinking about work once today. much like when I was a teenager and i trained myself not to dwell on bad thoughts when i went to bed, i’m making a point to not think about work when i’m at home. 

[fiercedeitysmask]

games that have had a legitimate long lasting emotional impact on me

journey

the last of us

majora’s mask

soma

life is strange

dark souls (strange but true)

mass effect

ico & sotc

silent hill 2

kingdom hearts