i’ve had a hard time admitting this for a long time but i’m struggling. this isn’t for anyone to see. this for me, maybe some future version of me that remembers making a hidden post in one my “weaker moments” and maybe decided to delete it because i was just “having one of those nights.” i’ve finally scheduled an appointment with a therapist because i can finally admit that fixing this is the most important goal in my life right now. i’m tired of feeling like an empty shell of the person I used to feel like. i’m tired of feeling like everything i do is just going through the motions for what a past, happier version of me wanted, and i’m tired of falling back on suicidal ideation to calm myself down. none of these feelings aren’t normal and if i keep brushing them off i’m going to wind up alienating myself from literally everything and everyone i care about. i need to be able to let myself call this depression/anxiety and acknowledge that this is happening because this isn’t me