#jardnd

[designatedspeakingcorner]

I’m just... so down. Please just... give me easy access to my college friends, drummerboy, or marine back. Just one. I only need one of those and I’ll be fine for months.

Is this mere loneliness or is it a sign I need to up my depression meds? Cause I am not doing well.

[designatedspeakingcorner]

I freaking love my friends. I love them. I swear on this earth.

We have such a freaking good time, every time we all hang together. I am so grateful for them. I am grateful how they play little mini games with me while we are all doing something else, they all have phenomenal senses of humor, they enjoy my company whether I’m bouncing off the walls or more laid back. I’m sad I might lose them soon, but I am so thankful for the times we have had.

That group hug was so good. It made me so happy. You all rock. Go us!!

[designatedspeakingcorner]

Boys

What even are feelings?

Feelings feel so far away. Everything feels so distant, and muted, until I’m sitting around a table with my friends, making them howl with laughter, and for a brief moment everything feels okay. Feelings are so muted, until I hear him hum to himself late at night. Is that mere friendship?

The man I claim to love is a distant memory. He has been inaccessible to me longer than I have known him. I write him letters to tell him I adore him, and I wait, and I wait, and I wait for the chance to see him again, make myself rekindle a fire that is nearly out.

Men are so scary, and I only trust two of them, one of whom is gone.

I trusted a stuttering kid for a little while, until I learned more about him. I feel hurt, I feel betrayed, I feel as though I cannot trust any new guy. I can trust them in groups, and that is all. Except for my two boys.

I’d trust my little drummer boy with my life.