I thought I’d go with a different direction on this one. My couples tend to be pretty ride or die with each other, so if one is charging into danger, the other one is coming along. Then I thought, what if the situation was something else. So here is this drabble. Only trigger warning is maybe mention of therapy.
Jared stared at the screen. He should call the number there. He should. He really should. He needed to. He just had to pick up the phone and call. Hell… he could give the place one of his email addresses and they would reach out to him. That’s all he had to do. Send them an email and they’d reach out. Easy. Simple. Straight forward. Minimal effort on his part. All he had to do was type in an email address. They couldn’t have made it any more simple or straightforward.
None of that explained why he was still staring at the web site. His fingers rested on the edge of the laptop. All he had to do was move them. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done this before. He had and it had helped. It definitely had helped, but that was over a decade ago and a lot more had happened since then. He closed his eyes and sighed, frustrated with his own cowardice and hesitation. It was a simple thing to do. Why couldn’t he do it?
“Fuck! Just do it!” he yelled.
“Just do what?” Kyra’s voice snapped his attention to his study’s door.
His hand slammed the laptop shut. “Nothing.” He stood, holding his hand out to her in invitation. “You’re home early.”
She took his hand, curling his arm around her as she leaned against him. Her other arm went around his waist. “Fewer people trying to kill themselves tonight, so I got off early.” She kissed him, long, slow, and so damn sweet. Her eyes gestured to his laptop. “Wanna talk about it?”
“No.” He kissed again, drawing solace from having her here with him.
“Sure about that?” she asked when he decided he needed to explore her neck.
“Yes.”
He didn’t want to think any more. He just wanted to feel. Her arms around her. Her body against his. Her skin under his lips. Even more, her mouth on his skin. Her hands on his back. Her legs around him. He just wanted to sink into her and not let that go. No thought at all. Just the feel of her, all the different parts of her, and how they all made his breath catch and his heart sing. That’s all he wanted.
“Cap.”
The way she said his name made him still. That tone of worry, that hint of conjoling, but always with such care behind it. He mattered to her, as much as she mattered to him. If he didn’t tell her, she would worry about him and he didn’t want her to worry. Yet, if she knew, she’d worry as well. He rested his forehead against hers. So which was the lesser worry? Her hands cradled his jaw and neck, holding him delicately and with such care his heart fell anew for her.
So he decided. Slowly, he drew her to him, her back to his front before he opened his laptop. She rested her arms over his around her waist. He gestured to the screen blindly, his face pressed against the back of her head.
“Oh.” Her hands tightened over his.
“Yeah.”
“Probably a good idea.”
That surprised him. “Really?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
Foolish of him to think that he could hide his struggles from her. She knew him too well. Hazard of knowing each other since they were five. He sighed and nuzzled against her neck. She smelled of astringent and iodine with a hint of cinnamon and shea under it. The latter always reminded him of snickerdoodles. He closed his eyes and sank into feel and smell of her.
“Cap,” she called. He lifted his head slightly. “So what’s stopping you?”
He rested his forehead against her shoulder. “I don’t know.”
“And that frustrates you.” He nodded. “Of course it would.”
“It should be easy.”
She turned in his arms. “Theoretically.” She drew him closer to her. “Except that you know what happens after you engage again. You know that there’s going to be a lot of work and emotion and challenges and likely your lizard brain is protesting against all of that.”
He narrowed his eyes at her, not because he doubted her, but because he so desperately wanted to tease her. Yet he couldn’t. “My lizard brain?”
She shot him her all-knowing look which made him smile. He loved that look from her. “Yes, your lizard brain. You know what I’m talking about.”
“I do.” He kissed her gently. He did. He just needed that look from her. For whatever reason, he felt love in that look. “I... just… I don’t know.” He stopped, not sure how to express all the words and emotions. “Seems stupid that I can’t set up my own therapy appointment.”
“It’s not stupid, Cap.” Her hand traced over his cheek in the way that reminded him that she loved him as well. “That first step is hard to take or even consider, so be kinder to yourself about it.”
“So you keep telling me.”
She smirked, that one that made him want to kiss her senseless. “That’s my job, isn’t it? To be Miss Know-It-All?”
He grinned. “Yes.” Then he kissed her, long and hard until she made that low moan that so heated his blood. He broke the kiss, his breath coming quick like his heart. “Mostly definitely yes.”
“So glad we agree.” She kissed him back, just as long and hard and senseless. At the kiss’s end he wasn’t sure how he was still standing. “If you go, I’ll go with you.” Her hands lifted his shirt up to rest on his bare skin.
He groaned, his own hands working on her scrub top. “They usually don’t let you into the sessions.”
“Then I’ll be sure to bring a good book while I wait.”
He paused in undressing her. Knowing that she would go with him made it easier to think of going. He wouldn’t have asked, but she knew him well enough to offer. “OK.” He kissed her again. “Thanks.”
She grinned. “My thanks is for you to make the appointment.”
He arched an eyebrow at her. “Now?”
“Oh, hell no.” She pulled his shirt off completely. “Ravage me first then make the appointment.”
