“Thank you both so much for doing this,” Jared says, weighed down with three diaper bags on his shoulders and forearm. Gilfoyle nods and holds the door open for him and Monica, who’s carrying what looks to be a 2-ton plastic carrier, inside of which is a roughly 8-pound baby.Jared sets the bags down on the sofa and sees Dinesh, sitting on the edge of the coffee table and looking nervously towards the baby.“Dinesh, Nora won’t bite you.” He says. Monica shoots him a look as she sets the carrier down by her feet. “Well, she might bite a little bit. But you won’t feel a thing, I promise!” Jared laughs and Dinesh thinks he might throw up more than the baby tonight.“Yeah, I’m just, uh… I’ve never taken care of a living thing before? I haven’t even had pets, and my only plants were cacti, which don’t even need tending to, and I still managed to kill those! I mean, I can barely take care of myself. Gilfoyle can attest to that–”“Dinesh!” Monica interrupts him with a laugh. “It’ll be fine. She’s a baby. There are only like, three things that could ever be wrong with her at a time.”Dinesh watches as Gilfoyle leans down to scoop Nora into his arms, and when he smiles down at her, Dinesh feels his stomach do six thousand backflips. He will not survive the night, and he’s not even quite sure why. Jared claps his hands together. “Well we better get going! You have our numbers, and I trust that you both saved the google doc I sent you. It contains contact information for the restaurant we’ll be at, our hotel, the taxi company we’ll be using–”“Yeah, Jared, we got it. Get the fuck out.” Gilfoyle says as he and Dinesh lead them to the door.“Please don’t swear so much around our child, Gilf.” Jared says with a fond smile that’s aimed mostly at Nora, nestled on Gilfoyle’s hip.Monica turns to Jared. “Babe, you go ahead. I just wanna explain some baby things to the guys before we leave.”“Sure thing!” Jared grabs one of Nora’s chubby fingers. “Good night my sweet angel,” He grins and heads down the hallway.Once out of earshot, Monica’s smile turns into a hard stare.“I’m turning Jared’s phone off. He has agonized for weeks about leaving Nora alone for a single night, and I will not let you knuckleheads ruin our fun by calling him every five minutes with stupid questions.”Dinesh opens his mouth to respond, but she holds up a finger.“My phone will also be on silent. Point is, if it’s an emergency, call 911. Understand?”Dinesh and Gilfoyle nod.“Great. See you in the morning!”Gilfoyle heads back into the living room, but Dinesh just stands there, looking dumbfounded and feeling a pit form in his stomach with every step Monica takes away from their front door.“You gonna close the door and join us, or just stand there all night with your mouth open.” Gilfoyle calls from the couch.Dinesh closes the door and sits awkwardly on the couch next to Gilfoyle and Nora. They’re looking at each other, Gilfoyle’s hair falling around his face and gently brushing Nora’s forehead. She gurgles and grabs at it with her tiny fingers.“Lord below, you are strong!” He chuckles, not bothering to loosen her grip. Dinesh just stares at Gilfoyle, not sure if he should be disgusted at how…. un Gilfoyle-like he’s being right now or if he should be turned on. No. No, he should definitely not be turned on when there’s a baby in the room.Dinesh is maybe a little busy thinking about how sturdy Gilf’s arms look when he realizes he’s saying something.“Do you want to hold her?” Gilfoyle asks, shifting the baby in his arms a bit. “I’m gonna warm up one of her bottles. You can feed her if you want, too.”“I’m, uh-” Dinesh tries to answer, but Gilfoyle is already moving towards him.“Just open your arms a bit. Watch her head,” He says, gently placing the baby in Dinesh’s arms.Nora stares up at him, unblinking. Dinesh does the same.“So, like. What do I do…?”“Anything, really. You could make funny faces, or say swear words in a high-pitched voice. She’s a baby, Dinesh. Just don’t drop her and you’ll be fine.” He grabs a bottle from one of the diaper bags and disappears into the kitchen.“Well now I’ll probably end up dropping you,” He says to Nora as she lifts a tiny hand to his nose. “And you can blame uncle Gilfoyle for that.”–“I fucking blame you for this,” Dinesh hisses over the baby’s piercing cries. It’s been hours, and nothing he’s done has put a stop to it. Dinesh’s feet are getting tired from all the gentle bouncing, but he’s too proud to hand her over to Gilfoyle. More than anything, Dinesh wants to not be afraid of this tiny monster in his arms.“I told you, she just needs to be burped! Or something, I don’t know.”“I’ve been trying to get her to burp, asshole, but she won’t. I would pay a million dollars for Nora to spit up on my shirt right now!”“Well, that would make two of us.” Gilfoyle rolls his eyes.Dinesh glances down at the bright teal polo he’s wearing and then glares at him. “You love this shirt and we both know it.”“Give her to me.”Dinesh scoffs and finally passes Nora over to him. Gilfoyle smirks when she stops crying almost immediately. “How… the fuck. Did you do that.” Dinesh stares at Nora while he carefully places himself next to Gilfoyle on the couch.“I guess I’m just better than you,” Gilfoyle says. Dinesh stifles a yawn. “I think my hair might have magic baby powers.”“Hmm, yeah. Probably.” Dinesh settles into the couch a bit more, leaning into Gilfoyle’s side and closing his eyes. “You’re gonna fall asleep on me already? It’s barely midnight, Dinesh.”“Mhm. You can take it from here. Good night to you both.” Gilfoyle rolls his eyes at the long, contented sigh Dinesh lets out.
