She usually observed silently as Lord Honos worked, or at least she tried not to distract him too much. But she'd step behind him, wrap her arms around his waist, lean her head on his shoulder, all the while he studied whatever the Eternal Empire was up to. And he'd place a hand on hers as he spoke with Theron and Lana, and he'd intertwine his fingers with hers.
Hello. My name is Lee, a genderfluid (they/them) mess of an individual, and this is my SWTOR blog, made lest this cursed game invade my thoughts eternal. I'm a jobless ecologist (have degree, but have disability too which makes work difficult) that likes writing, Star Wars, and reptiles.
Elisai Legacy if you happen to catch me in game.
**Apparently this is also a Dune/Feyd-Rautha stan blog now as well.
Here is my OC page!
YO RP BLOGS THAT GET FOLLOWED BY ME: here is my side blog dedicated to rping my idiots -- @valleyofgolg
My quick and very incomplete SWTOR Character list:
*note: Nearly everyone is located on Star Forge and available for RP either in game, via discord, or via tumblr!
Leika'le Kela'an (Leika'le in game)
Self-exiled gray Jedi / Perpetually conflicted / Tainted with darkness / Trying to do the right thing
Class: Jedi Knight
Species: Kiffar
Gender: Female
Planet of Birth: Telos IV
Orientation: Lesbian
Ships: @oolathurman's Azukni (Lana Beniko and major Anri in game)
Spotify playlist
Notes: Former padawan of Saufa, bff of Rhin, enemy of Va'rika
Jarrok Kosokhan
Darth Honos / Former Emperor's Wrath / Commander of the Alliance / My *true* Outlander
Class: Sith Warrior
Species: Zabrak
Gender: Male
Planet of Birth: Agamar
Orientation: Straight
Ships: @oolathurman 's Xyraan (Vette and Major Anri in game)
Spotify playlist / Ship playlist ft. Xyraan / Ship playlist ft. Vette and Hildr
Notes: Ex husband of Hildr, Nemesis of Saufa, Ally/friend of Sek'nos and Siree
Sek'nos Atithim (Seknos in game)
Overseer of the Sphere of Ancient Knowledge / Darth Imperius / Darth Gnosis / Bad father / A huge nerd / The devil is a gentleman
Class: Sith Inquisitor
Species: Sith Pureblood
Gender: Male
Planet of Birth: Dromand Kaas
Orientation: Pansexual
Ships: n/a (Theron Shan in game)
Spotify playlist (ft. ship songs)
Notes: Father of Aurine, weird friend of Leika'le, ally/enemy of Saufa, Ally/friend of Jarrok
Saufa Veki (Saufa in game)
Barsen'thor / Tormented by everything he's seen / Failed Jedi Master the first time around / Better but still whoops Jedi Master the second time around
Class: Jedi Consular
Species: Miraluka
Gender: Male
Planet of Birth: Alpheridies
Orientation: Gay
Ships: n/a (Theron Shan in game)
Spotify playlist
Notes: (Former) master of Leika'le, Current master of Dhalu, Nemesis of Jarrok, Ally/enemy of Sek'nos, friend/ally of Rhin, older brother of Kaeve
Rhin Elisai (R'hin in game)
Battlemaster of the Jedi Order / Righteous good guy / Always clueless / Tragic victim of unrequited love
Class: Jedi Knight
Species: Human
Gender: Male
Planet of Birth: Corellia
Orientation: Straight
Ships: n/a (Kira Carsen in game)
Spotify playlist
Notes: Bff of Leika'le, friend/ally of Saufa, friend/ally of Dhalu, ally of Khi, enemy of Va'rika, enemy of Kaduul, arch nemesis of Skaeln
Va'rika Al'dira (Vaa'rika in game)
Darth Nox / Lord Hauntis / Dark Council Member / A true sadist / Hears the voices of her dead siblings / Why have morals when you can have power
Class: Sith Inquisitor
Species: Twi'lek
Gender: Female
Planet of Birth: Ryloth
Orientation: Pansexual
Ships: n/a (Andronikos Revel and Khem Val in game)
Spotify playlist
Notes: Arch nemesis/tormentor of Leika'le, enemy of Rhin, “pal “of Kaduul, ally of Skaeln and Mokon
Brask'ael'nuruodo (Skaeln/Ael) (Skaeln in game)
Cipher 12 / A bad bean / Addicted to spice
Class: Imperial Agent
Species: Chiss
Gender: Male
Planet of Birth:
Orientation: Questioning
Ships: @oolathurman's Athenyia (casual with Kaliyo in game)
Spotify playlist
Notes: Former fling/current coworker of Kaeve, coworker of Siree, ally of Va'rika, arch-nemesis of Rhin, underling of Jarrok
Liora Saris (Liurah in game)
Republic Trooper / Devoted mother / Cracks in her armor
Class: Republic Trooper
Species: Zabrak
Gender: Female
Planet of Birth:
Orientation: Questioning
Ships: n/a (Aric Jorgan in game)
Spotify playlist
Notes: Ally of Saufa, Rhin, and Dhalu, enemy-to-friend of Siree
Kaeve Veki (Kaeve in game)
Cipher 22 / Walls up / Always escaping Korriban by the skin of her teeth / The use of Force suppressors is unhealthy / No name means no baggage right
Class: Imperial Agent
Species: Miraluka with cyborg fittings
Gender: Female
Planet of Birth:
Orientation: Questioning
Ships: n/a (Vector in game)
Spotify playlist
Notes: Younger sister of Saufa, Confidant of Darth Agonia, Former fling/current coworker of Skaeln, Familial relationship with Siree, bff of Aurine
Xiig
Absolute idiot wow what the heck
Class: Smuggler
Species: Human/Cyborg
Gender: Male
Planet of Birth:
Orientation: Questioning
Ships: n/a (Akaavi in game)
Spotify playlist
Notes: Both enemy and friend of everyone tbh
Aurine Atithim (Au'rine in game)
Empress' Wrath to Acina / Darth Portentis / Daddy and mommy issues with a smokin' side of abandonment issues / Honor-bound
Class: Sith Warrior
Species: Sith/Kiffar
Gender: Female
Planet of Birth:
Orientation: Questioning
Ships: n/a (Malavai Quinn and Arcann)
Spotify playlist
Notes: Bff of Kaeve, daughter of Sek'nos, casual lover/fwb of Darth Agonia
Mokon Zokanv (Mokon in game)
Champion of the Great Hunt / Asshole as an occupation
Class: Bounty Hunter
Species: Rattataki
Gender: Male
Planet of Birth:
Orientation: Straight
Ships: n/a (Mako in game)
Spotify playlist
Notes: Ally of Va'rika, Coworker/associate of Khi, Coworker/associate/unrequited desirer of Ahkira
Kaja Kallig
Zeison Sha Warrior / Chaotic neutral / my theyby
Class: Sith Inquisitor
Species: Chiss
Gender: Genderfluid
Planet of Birth: Yanibar
Orientation: Pansexual
Ships: n/a (Lana Beniko in game)
Spotify playlist
Notes: Zeison Sha warrior, ex-Sith, guardian of the spacelanes
Hildr Fahn
Darth Occlus / Darth Agonia / Overseer of the Sphere of Mysteries / Mentee of Darth Marr / Child of a literal wound in the Force / Machine-hearted / A healthy fear of chains
Class: Sith Inquisitor
Species: Sephi/Wound-in-the-Force
Gender: Female
Planet of Birth: n/a – born on a ship in Wild Space
Orientation: Pansexual
Ships: Jarrok and Vette (formerly), Aurine Atithim (casual), Theron Shan (casual) (Arcann in game and in my black heart)
Spotify playlist / Ship playlist ft. Vette and Jarrok
Notes: Mentee of Darth Marr, Child of a literal wound in the Force, machine-hearted, has a healthy fear of chains (and commitment), uses the word “darling” way too much
Khi Vreetoas
Mandalorian / Ex-slave / It's entirely possible to be a bounty hunter with a heart of gold
Class: Bounty Hunter
Species: Nautolan
Gender: Female
Planet of Birth: Glee Anselm
Orientation: Questioning
Ships: n/a (Torian Cadera in game)
Spotify playlist
Notes: Ex-slave, Heart of gold, Mandalorian of Clan Skirata
Dhalu
Knight of the Old Republic / Dark-hearted / Beliefs are polarizing
Class: Jedi Consular
Species: Togruta
Gender: Questioning, she/her
Planet of Birth: Shili
Orientation: Demisexual
Ships: n/a (Tau Idair and Sahar in game)
Spotify playlist
Notes: Dark-hearted, Beliefs are polarizing
Siree Fahn
Watcher 6 / Mother on a mission / Local hater of the Sith / Undercover to find her daughter / Now knows not to have relations with wounds in the Force masquerading as pretty men
Class: Imperial Agent
Species: Sephi
Gender: Female
Planet of Birth: Thustra
Orientation: Uncertain
Ships: n/a (Vector Hyllus, Nico Okarr in game)
Spotify playlist
Notes: Mother on a mission, Local hater of the Sith, Undercover to find her daughter, Now knows not to have relations with wounds in the Force masquerading as pretty men
Qirzah Kela'an (Quirzah in game)
Not a smuggler / Has a kid out there somewhere
Class: Smuggler
Species: Kiffar
Gender: Female
Planet of Birth: Kiffex
Orientation: Uncertain
Ships: n/a (Nico Okarr and Risha in game)
Spotify playlist
Notes:
Kaduul
Lord Desolatis / Practitioner of Sith Alchemy
Class: Sith Inquisitor
Species: Miraluka
Gender: Agender (they/them)
Planet of Birth: Ch'hodos
Orientation: Asexual/Aromantic
Ships: n/a
Spotify playlist
Notes: Mentee of Darth Agonia, Enemy of Rhin, Arch nemesis of Dhalu, ex-friend/ex-ally/ex-obsessee of Va'rika
Chit-to
Desc. here.
Class: Jedi Knight
Species: Mirialan
Gender: Nonbinary, she/her/they/them
Planet of Birth: Mirial
Orientation: Lesbian
Ships: n/a
Spotify playlist
Notes: Ally of Akhira, ally/friend of Leika'le
Sibahl Singh
Desc. here.
Class:
Species: Wound-in-the-Force/Human ig
Gender: Male
Planet of Birth:
Orientation:
Ships: n/a
Spotify playlist
Notes:
Akhira Rudak
Desc. here
Class: Bounty Hunter
Species: Cathar
Gender: Trans/Female
Planet of Birth: Cathar
Orientation: Lesbian
Ships: n/a
Spotify playlist
Notes: Ally of Chit-to, friend of Khi, friend of Leika'le, associate of Mokon
NPCs!
Mel'tari
Good at his illicit job / Accidental dad
Class: Smuggler
Species: Twi'lek
Gender: Male
Planet of Birth: Coruscant
Orientation: Straight
Ships: n/a
Spotify playlist
Notes: Father figure/protector of Akhira, father figure/protector of Leika'le
Jarrok: 👀😍 💞🔥🧸 (I need to know how xyraan gets to tease him ok)
Agonia: 👙👂💘
Leika'le: 👃💌💐
Khi: 🚲🦴
Piping Hot OC Asks || @oolathurman
Jarrok:
👀 Does your OC believe they are attractive? Do they use that to their advantage?: Yes. Absolutely, yes. And, again, yes to the utmost; he has used his attractiveness to his advantage to manipulate. Well. Everyone he's ever needed to manipulate lmao. Not like an Agent-level of seduction prowess, but throwing out a subtle flirt or a well-timed smile if necessary to lower someone's guard. This was definitely more of an Academy days thing, though. Outlander Jarrok is admittedly too tired(TM) to bother, because if someone is already going to disagree with him, they can kriff off. He still has an ego though, because he is still very, very pretty.
😍 What does your OC find irresistible in others?: Confidence. The ability to speak one's mind and damn the consequences (very intriguing for this particular Sith Lord tbh). Someone taking charge is very attractive to him (unless it's taking away his charge lmao).
💞Do they treat sex casually or do they view it as something with a lot of emotional weight?: For the most part, he treats it very casually. Long term relationships weren't very common for him, especially when he was younger, but man-- when there is an emotional connection, he treats sex as something sacred... in his own personal way that probably wouldn't even be perceived by his lover.
🔥What’s a surefire way to make your OC get flustered?: I had to think about this omg. He likes lace, especially in all the right places. Being threatened. Whispering in his ear, light kisses behind the shell of the ear. Collarbone kisses. And, because he's a messed up Sith that needs therapy, a little bit of violence/prowess on the battlefield. Actually, that's not even just because of his... issues... but Jarrok is a duelist. He finds form and balance in fighting to be very attractive -- definitely a thing that drew him to Agonia in the verse where they're briefly together.
🧸 Into public displays of affection or are they more reserved?: He's neutral about it, tbh. I think it depends more on his partner's preference. That said, he'd never shy away from public hand holding, kissing, makeouts... or even things that border on public indecency.
Agonia:
👙What kind of underwear do they use? Is it pretty or functional?: Most functional. She has a lot of scars from her torture on Varadan and do to disobeying her master as an apprentice. While she is very sex-positive and a lover of FWBs, she rarely wears lingerie, because she thinks it'd be wasted on her scarred body. :(
👂Does your OC have an attractive voice?: I think so. I headcanon almost all of my OCs voices as something way different than SWTOR canon (except for Jarrok's because Mark Bazeley is a fiend). For Agonia, I've always heard her sounding a bit like Cecilie Stenspil's portrayal of Eivor (example here ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) but a bit lower and raspier. She does have some vocal chord damage. The mask that she's almost always wearing distorts everything even more, of course.
💘Is your OC a very good flirt? Are they charming?: A good flirt? I'd give her a B+. Charming? Absolutely not. She tries, but her inability to connect with other emotionally makes this pretty tricky. There is a charm about her, but it's something that's really seen after spending some time with her. It's definitely not something that people remember her for lmao.
Leika'le:
👃Does your OC smell good? Do they have a signature scent?: This is weird and I have no idea why, but I've always thought that Lei would have a very light vanilla and sandalwood scent about her. So... yes?? Aside from times when she simply can't, she's showered and has a good hygiene regiment (especially when her hair is really long!). Fun fact: her shampoo of preference is Alderaanian flame-lily scented.
💌How would they plan a romantic evening for a significant other?: Lei is not good at planning. It's not because she doesn't care to or anything, she simply finds most of her ideas to be subpar and, well, just not good enough. So, instead of something extravagant, she'd plan something small and intimate, like a dinner and then a walk in nature/under the stars, or a night in watching bad holo-movies.
💐What is their courting style? How would they woo someone?: Lei's poke-type is chaotic lesbian, so her way of courting is: Sparring as a way to flirt! Smashing Corellian beer cans with her forehead before recycling! Fighting the guy that accidentally spilled a drink on her potential gf's clothing! Blurting out "you are so kriffing pretty!" at the most random and inopportune moments!
Khi:
🚲Does your OC enjoy playing the field? Or are they more monogamy-minded?: I'd say she's more monogamous. Khi isn't the jealous type and she probably could be involved with more than one person at a time (she has a lot of love to give) but... she's way too tired for that. One relationship is exhausting.
🦴Does your OC have much sexual experience? What are they like?: Not a lot of experience, no. Most of her time has been spent focused on work and survival, and honestly her libido isn't high. So, she's a bit shy in bed, certainly more submissive at this point in her life, but that could change.
Night on Odessen. It’s past 2200, whatever that means – Xyraan never really bothered to figure out military time. Outside his quarters she could hear the occasional soldier passing by, laughing with a comrade about something she couldn’t make out. She didn’t care, couldn’t, not when she had her forehead pressed against his chest, double hearts beating in her ears, her hands against his chest and his hands tangled in her hair.
It’s been a few days at most since she’d arrived, but time was harder to tell when she was surrounded by the walls of stone and no windows. You’d have thought that all that time on Dromund Kaas would make you an expert on how to tell what time of day it was without sunlight and stars filtering through the windows, but apparently not. It didn’t matter right now. This was all that mattered.
Lord Honos shifted underneath her, and she looked up at him. “I thought you fell asleep,” she smiled softly, poking his cheek.
“I’ve been asleep for five years, I don’t need more sleep,” he muttered.
“The dark circles under your eyes say otherwise, my lord.”
Lord Honos growled as he threw her onto her back, and she batted at him in playful protest. “Stop bullying me!” she kicked her feet and wiggled under his grasp uselessly. “You horrid man!”
“Five years. Five years I’ve been gone and I don’t even know what you’ve done all this time. You haven’t told me anything.”
Xyraan finally stilled. “... You mean you didn’t get my message?”
“What message?”
“... Well, shit.”
How unladylike of her to swear and curse. She would have covered her mouth in shock at herself if she wasn’t still pinned down. “Xyraan, what message?”
She wriggled again and he finally released his grip on her, giving her the chance to sit up and compose herself.
“I sent you a message a year after you were declared– a year after the battle.”
“And…? What did it say?”
“My lord, it’s been four years–”
“What did it say?”
Damn him. She’d forgotten that he had gotten so good at telling when she was avoiding the question. He knew she remembered what was on that letter, and he wouldn’t let her go without an explanation.
Or confession.
She wanted to wait. Wanted to tell him she’d explain another day, after she had time to prepare, time to plan out the perfect moment. “Well,” she curled a loose lock of hair behind her ear, hands falling to the end of it and she fiddled. “I talked about how I was seeing this personal counselor, of sorts.” Her nails dug into her palm, and as much as she wanted, she couldn’t look him in the eye. “I talked to her about us, and how I didn’t– didn’t realize–” Her chest was pounding. Why was it pounding?
She stammered enough (she didn’t stammer, she was too good to stammer, why was she stammering) that she felt his hands cover hers, and saw him creep into her peripheral vision. “Realize what?”
This wasn’t how she wanted to do this. But at least she was finally saying it. After years, years of knowing this man.
for Xyraan and Jarrok because we have no chill. || @oolathurman
She'd heard his name in a whisper.
Just a brief manifestation of syllables falling from dried lips, a whisper cut down before it could metamorphize into something more, but it had been enough.
The former Darth Honos. Odessen. An alliance against Zakuul and all of the oppression it wrought. She didn't believe in whispers, least of all this one, because how could he be anywhere aside from her thoughts, eternally orbiting her heart like a ghost that refused to leave? An uninvited guest in her mind that refused to be evicted.
Yet, for all of the hauntings, she longs for the real thing, yearning tangible enough the she finds a way there, to Odessen, along with a shuttle Imperial defectors. Perhaps that will be enough to exorcize this phantom that clings to her.
Hearded out onto the landing platform like a gaggle of lost children, she isn't quite sure what to do. There are questions, of course, to each of them: what are your skills? what can you provide? why are you really here?
The latter might've been in her head, echoing like an accusation that she doesn't want to face.
It doesn't matter.
Limping in to meet the newest shipment of refugees, she sees him, and thinks for a moment that she might've gone mad in her longing. It's his voice that proves otherwise, perhaps lower and less authoritative than she'd recalled, weary and in need of a very long nap. Like a half-dead ghoul herself, Xyraan approaches him, pushing through the soldiers taking stock of the newest members, their protests deaf on her ears. If they thought, for a moment, to raise their blasters and perceive her as a threat, it's not for long as Jarrok's already welcoming her into his arms. As if they were the only two in the entire compound.
She hardly feels the tears streaming down her face, only forced to acknowledge the mess he'd made of her when a sob wracks her throat. Half-heartedly pounding her fist into his armored shoulder, stooped down to his level, no coherent words can escape from her mouth. She feels herself falling into a strange dizziness, the edges of her vision blurred with tears and the teasing of black.
"Breathe," he commands gently, lips pressed against the crook of her neck, arms wrapped around her so tightly that he forces himself to realize, to remember, that he's the cause of her asphyxiation-- so he loosens them, just enough. There's a certain quivering inside of his chest, stuttering both of his hearts, that renders him into wreckage of a man.
He must also remember to breathe, yet fearing if he does, then the love of his life will wither away into nothing more than a fever dream.
Instead, he says,
what if this dumb thing popped into my head after @oolathurman's post about Xyraan and weddings, what if
Somewhere along the way, amidst the war and the decimation and the loss, he had misplaced something important.
A pressing thing that had held him steady in a galaxy at war, like gravity, staying grounded. Interesting how these things remain ghosts until they are gone, always gliding between the lines and the shadows. Interesting how when they vanish, they become ghouls, poltergeists, deadly and intent on causing the most strife imaginable. These hauntings fester in him until he's certain he's rotting with it, falling apart at the seams.
If flesh could cure it, he'd have been a free man ages ago. Passing touches and lingering looks and everything in between. If alcohol, spice, the battlefield could ease the symptoms-- Jarrok knows that these things can't, but they've been chased just the same. Ghosts to exorcize a ghost.
--He realizes, standing amid the ruin and rubble on a newly decimated Begeren, just where it is that he's misplaced it.
Sometimes, a failed venture is the most enlightening one.
There is little time between loss and loss again, yet the Emperor's Wrath carves precious time from a clock continually counting down, to find her on Dromund Kaas. Soon, he'd be departing once more, this time to the ends of Wild Space, at the whim of Marr.
Amid the hatred that fuels him, the pain and the passion, there is a vulnerability that even he, great warrior and Sith-scorned savage, cannot rid himself off. Why his love is realized as the Core Worlds fall to ruin around him ought to be poetic-- if he were a better man.
He isn't a better man.
But he is in love-- and something more.
"Xyraan," he says before she can greet him, ask about his new scars, scuffed armor, why he's there, everything in between, "I love you."
Not the first time the words have slipped from those devilish lips, he hopes not the last. He drops to one knee, no ring, nothing to show for all of the elaborate decorations of the apartment, the wealth accumulated, material possessions forgotten in the desperation of the moment. He won't have time for it, not before he leaves again, but there is always next time. Always.
--"I want you to marry me." Sure as he always is, confident and bold; and this time, with the missing thing newly-regained burning in his gaze. If a changing galaxy means the end, it ought not to be wasted, and he ought to prove his worth to her. "Will you? Will you be my wife?"