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proof is in the pudding - i am the anxious nerd

#dr ryland grace #goslingverse #jas posting

My spirit brother, who used to go by David, and now goes by Cal or Hal, has been in this body with me since it was born, and for a number of bodies before that. We were together both as Pearl, Griff, Ken Ichijouji/The Digimon Emperor, and as Jeritza/The Death Knight for certain. We are unclear on the status of Hook, Vriska, and Sabretooth. We are also unclear on if we were originally one entity that split apart, or originally two entities who came together.

In this body Cal and I first realized that we were distinct from one another and started communicating when we were around 10 or so. At the time we referred to one another as Gina (him) and Jamie (me).

We started switching and communicating more actively in our late teen years, and our interplay was a big part of our lives from around 2003-20010. Unfortunately a big part of the reason it was such a big part of our lives is because we were very opposite and had an extremely difficult time getting along, often having significant fights and causing problems for one another. I’ll admit that I sometimes did go out of my way to fuck with him. I was even more of a huge asshole at the time than I am now.

Sometime in 2011-ish I realized that he’d gone quiet, and vanished from our shared mental space. He had been threatening to leave for quite some time, so I thought it was possible that he had. Unfortunately this also presaged a serious full system disruption that lasted for about 2 years until around 2013 or 2014, where I was functionally singlet for the only time in this lifetime. 0/10 would not recommend. Thankfully it seemed to be mostly a communication disruption and everyone started fading again after that period of silence.

I didn’t, however, see any hide nor hair of my brother, even as communication returned and connections were re-established. For a while off and on I wondered if we had somehow sort of integrated, and that was weird, but I was kind of okay with that.

And then he came back.

Sometime in late 2019, early 2020, it just started with having him on the mind more. Fond memories of him outweighing the bad. Realizing what a huge dick I had been. Around the same time Otacon popped into the system as a soulbond. Or so we thought. Because slowly over the next couple of months, he and I realized that Otacon was-- had been-- my brother David. He *had* left the system as threatened, and apparently had gone and lived as Otacon. We’re both still kind of reeling from this situation, and picking it apart.

So he was born with me in this body. Left. Lived as Otacon. Died? And then came back here again.

He’s always been very shy, but he’s not as connected to the front any more as he once was, and we’re not sure if its because the nature of the connection changed and he now functionally is a soulbond, or if it's just because he’s not used to fronting any more.

It's a unique situation for us. I’d be fascinated to know if anyone’s had a similar experience.

#multiplicity #alterhuman #soulbonding #my brother hal #jas posting