#jay sez

[kiku91]

I’m trying not to obsess over numbers anymore, but this did make my brain tickle…

Payday, my new AC is waiting for me at home, and getting to work with the infants at my daycare today

Hoping this is a sign of good luck…

[kanedere-sama]

Growing up was realizing Connie from Steven Universe is lowkey so fucking annoying.

[kiku91]

I wanted to share this real quick, because I really love the story telling here! This is a short student film called “Love Language” by EriFabrize on YouTube. (The comments are turned off, otherwise I’d be singing it’s praises there.) (TW: step-families, parent loss, parent death)

There is so much subtext here. The story follows a young anthropomorphic puppy bonding with her new stepfather who is a dinosaur.

Those who don’t know, I lost my mother when I was a thirteen and within a couple years, my dad started dating a coworker and several years later, married her. It took me years to call her my “stepmum” instead of “my dad’s wife”, not out of resentment, but it just didn’t feel right. Even now I only call her stepmum as a title, and address her by her first name. (It’s all fine, she never pressured me to do so.) Whether you get good or not so good stepparents, that transition is very uncomfortable, especially if your first parent is no longer in the picture. In the short film it’s left vague on whether the puppy’s bio father left or died, however they don’t even have proper pictures of their father. (I can relate to this, because 70% of the pictures of my mum were from before us kids were born.) When you don’t get a lot of time to process the change, you feel displaced, and lots of times when you vent, older people tell you to consider the parent who lost a partner and “they deserve to be happy” however that doesn’t help your feelings when you lost that person too, but you don’t get the same closure if you don’t instantly bond with the new partner. I’m rambling, but the big point, without giving away too many spoilers, is “Love Language” shows how step parents aren’t meant to replace or take over your memories of your first parents, but to have your own special bond and friendship. For me: growing up my bio mum would make doll clothes for me, and one time she made a beautiful dress for colonial day for me. She wasn’t great at passing on technical knowledge so when she passed away, I was stuck trying to figure out how to use her old sewing machine. Now it’s been almost 19 years since my mum passed, but in the last 6-10 years, my stepmum has been helping me learn how to use my mum’s sewing machine better so I can use it for cosplays and repairing my own clothes. (I tend to use clothing until it’s in tatters) It meant so much, and my stepmum knows how much it means to use my mum’s sewing machine, and if it’s a little too advanced for me, my stepmum will use her own machine to fix something for me.

My stepmum’s family is German, and as I learned German in high school it was amazing to have someone besides my dad (his German is limited) talk to me about the German language, and read my song translations (it was a thing I did a lot in high school).

My stepmum never tried to replace my mum, she first opened up as my friend, and over the years we bonded by the things above, and quietly snarking at my dad’s (I love you, man, but I think I got my autism from you) interesting oddities. My mum and I bonded through words of affirmation and touch. My stepmum and I bonded through gift giving and acts of service. I’m so lucky that she was so patient, and let our relationship grow naturally. Do I miss my bio mum? Absolutely. I have gone through all the stages of grief, and actually as I’m writing this, my mother’s birthday was Friday. (She would have been 69 years old.) But I’m glad we have media that shows that transition with stepparents.

[violent-biker]

me liking and rebloging everyone’s posts just so i can get to see all these dumb april fools things

[violent-biker]

Some photos from my trip. I'm in Johnson City with a few of my friends, and things are pretty outside. It's nice.

[violent-biker]

i don’t always draw but when i do tbh????? i like go hard at it. I stay up nights into days doing small shit to it, details, etc. sometimes i like put far too much detail in and holy fuck. like even now my eyes are struggling to stay open and i am gradually lifting off into slight dissasociation(i hope that’s the right word, i feel like im really behind myself and not being myself right now?) with the world around me because I am positively exausted.

[superjaytroid]

Forreal, how the fuck did that punpun get 94 notes?

it wasn’t even that good holy shit thanks guys

[violent-biker]

*Crawls out of hole in the ground, is now a old skeleton* ...what have i missed out on since i’ve been away?