#jaytp

[captainimprobable]

I haven't been this fascinated with a ship, let alone a straight ship, in SO LONG.

JinMao is just so good??????? Jinshi, the man who has everything but nothing, the man who has the looks, the man all the girls want. The man nobody actually loves. He wants it so bad, he wants someone to SEE him so bad. He's resigned himself to a life without.

But then Maomao shows up! And she doesn't give a shit about him, and that's interesting, and she's smart, and that's even more interesting, but wait she has passion. And she has drive. And she's a fucking FREAK.

And he tells himself she's his new toy. And she is.

But then he gets attached.

But his toys have always been taken away from him.

But now she's something else, something he wants but also needs, now she's someone he can't be without, and it all happened so fast!

And suddenly his future looks different. Suddenly he sees her there too, sees someone he can trust with everything he has, all his broken pieces he doesn't want anyone to see.

But he wants her to see. He wants her to see so bad. And then there's Maomao, who has gone through life being loved, and loved loudly, but her heart doesn't feel big enough. It feels like she's never been important or indispensable, and she's fine with that.

She can exist as a nobody. That's fine.

And she meets Jinshi, and he's sparkly and pretty, but he's just Some Guy. He's just her boss.

Until he isn't.

Because suddenly he's Seeing her more than anyone ever has. Suddenly he's protecting her, suddenly he trusts her.

And that's scary. She doesn't want his trust, because that's a big responsibility, and she's Nobody, and if she accepts that she's important to Jinshi then everything she understands about herself goes out the window.

And she tries so hard to keep her head down, and to keep herself existing as someone without meaning, but it's too late. She means a lot now, and maybe she doesn't understand why Jinshi looks at her like that, but he Looks at her.

He sees her. She sees him.

They are terrible for each other in all ways except the one that matters. They're friends, and they make fun of each other, and they drive each other insane.

But they can't live without each other anymore. Their lives are so closely intertwined and neither of them knows how or why that happened.

But it happened. And it's scary and it's hard and it makes no sense.

But god.

God, is it perfect.

[captainimprobable]

ARFID has to be the absolute silliest eating disorder. What do you mean I'm practically starving right now even though there's tons of food options? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I can't eat and there's NO REASON FOR IT WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVEN'T HAD A FULL MEAL IN DAYS FOR NO ACTUAL TANGIBLE REASON??? HELLOOO?????

[captainimprobable]

narcolepsy is like what if you stayed awake for 72 hours and then took a benadryl, but all the time. every day. narcolepsy is sleeping for 4 hours or 8 or 12 or 18 and still waking up feeling like you took that goddamn benadryl. its like what if you were so tired your bones burned and your brain started turning to gas but there was no way to escape because sleep doesn't do what it's supposed to for you. its canceling all your plans because you haven't been able to actually move in three days, but at least you caught up on six seasons of an anime. its not being able to have a full time job because the idea that you can concentrate on something for eight hours without taking a break or going to sleep is laughable. its having to stop what youre doing right when youre finally having fun because your body decided you cant do anything anymore unless you nap for the next three hours. its trying to count to three but forgetting how, because when you dont sleep you cant fucking THINK. its sleeping and sleeping and sleeping and hoping that maybe this time, when you wake up, youll feel awake. but thats not what happens. you dont think youve felt actually awake in over a decade.

"I wish I could sleep that much!"

Okay. Wanna trade?

[captainimprobable]

Donate to Myalgic Encephalomyalitis Research and Support, organized by Jacqui Blue

Hey guys, Here is the pre written thing. Scroll down for my w… Jacqui Blue needs your support for Donate to Myalgic Encephalomyalitis Re

HEY GUYS, it would mean the world to me if you would consider donating or sharing or both! I'm raising money for research and support for ME/CFS, the disorder I have that I don't shut up about. At its worst it can be fatal, and yet it has less research done into it than male patterned baldness. There is no cure and no approved treatments, and it makes my life hell. You can help change that <3

[captainimprobable]

I NEED TO RANT ABOUT JINMAO FOR A BIT BC IM VERY FRUSTRATED

SPOILERS THROUGH BOOK TEN OF THE LIGHT NOVELS

I'm gonna kill them. I had to stop reading bc one page frustrated me so badly I HAD TO TAKE A BREAK. Tell me why Maomao literally is like "So it was that maomao pretended not to know, even though she did. Not fair of her at all."

GIRL I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD. I KNOW YOURE EMOTIONALLY STUNTED BUT I CAN'T HANDLE MUCH MORE OF THIS. IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS BESTIE. YOUR MAN HAS KISSED YOU. HE HAS TOLD YOU MULTIPLE TIMES HE WANTS TO MARRY YOU. HE BRANDED HIMSELF, CHANGING THE ENTIRE COURSE OF HIS LIFE.

THROW THE MAN A FUCKING BONE GIRL Like. It's not just her fault the burn is so slow. She even says something about how he could have what he wants at any time, but he's too nice to do it and wants the other person to be happy.

But Jinshi what about me. What about ME? I am not happy. I need to mash you together like dolls.

This is mostly a joke, the whole thing is written extremely well and the burn is great but I can't handle much more burning imma be real. And every other book they give you something that's just enough to keep you reading. A tiny Jinmao moment that makes you think it'll happen soon.

AND THEN IT DOESN'T. I actually want to write like. A real actual well thought out post about why they are so dysfunctional and why they're not together yet bc I think it's fascinating.

But also. I just NEED them together. So for now this will have to do bc I NEEDED TO RANT. Thank you for your time.

[captainimprobable]

hey besties, anyone out there with PCOS wanna tell me what your experience is like? Mostly symptoms? How does it present for you?

Looking into possibilities for myself because obviously I need to collect disorders like rare vintage teacups.

[captainimprobable]

Working on the soulmate AU and felt called by god to insert Suiren into the mix

[captainimprobable]

If you have me/cfs: how do you find reasons to stay? Im mild to moderate and I know im so lucky in that. I have a place to live and food to eat. But knowing im going to be sick for the rest of my life isn't something I can easily accept. How can I accept that ill never get better? How can I accept that ill always be this tired? That ill always feel so sick? How do I accept that ill probably never move out of my parents house, never have a full time job, be functionally alone for the rest of my life?

Its not that im actively suicidal, it's that i genuinely dont understand what the point of being here is if its going to be like this? My life ended before it started. I have no interest in spending the next 60 years in bed alone with nothing to ever look forward to.

And if I speak to other people with ME who have had it longer than me they just agree with me like. Yeah. Had this for 35 years. My life is a living nightmare. What can you do.

Well frankly I can leave. Im not existing that way.

So, if you have ME: what keeps you here? What makes you happy? What positives do you have in your life? How do you keep going knowing this is forever?

This isn't hypothetical this is a real genuine question. And please, if your answer is negative, simply dont respond.

Thanks.