May 21st, 2018
I was in a really bad place after my concert I went to Friday night. When I go to these concerts, I am brought back to how I feel when I was in high school. Standing in the crowd, I feel small, scared, and insecure. I have grown so much since that point. I have become more confident, and brave, and bold. I hate feeling like that scared, stupid, idiot. I was insanely depressed my freshman year, and I was a scared, insecure girl. I didnt know who I was, I didnt know if I even had a purpose in life. I was so lost, in friendships that were toxic to my mind as well as my general well being. I was brought back to that point when I went to the concert, and felt even worse when I got home. I got home insanely late, and I was so tired, and feel absolutely awful.
I called into work, mostly because I just felt like actual shit. I felt like that 14 year old. My daddy had off, and when he came home, cuddled me for a little bit. I just wish he spent more time with me, and less time on his video game. I know its his thing, but I just hate how alone I feel when he is sitting two feet from me.
I am trying to get over feeling like that, I really want to just feel better, feel close to my man, feel happy. I think him taking me out tomorrow will help put me back in the proper headspace that I need to be in. I just really need my partner to spend time with me, to be there for me, to support me when I am feeling like this. I know I need to talk to him, I just have to find time. Hopefully tomorrow. He said he was going to take me to get a stuffie, so I really think spending some time with him, getting to tap into my little space will definitely help me open up and tell him how I feel.