#jencsi

[julie-finlay]

I love reading your tags and I know we talked about stuff like this on here before, and I think you are absolutely right regarding Finn and her anger towards Russell and even herself for what happened in Seattle and later on for everything she goes through in Vegas. Under A Cloud is one of my favorite episodes for this reason, we get so much more of that angst and hurt from Finn. But even going back to the season 12 finale “Homecoming” Russell tells her he never said she was wrong about the Cooley thing which makes me think he was only angry at her for putting him in the position of having to fire her. And makes things even more complicated in her head. There is so much complexity to their relationship I could write so many essays. Thank you for getting me motivated to think about them more (as if I couldn’t help but keep them in the back of my mind all these years since the show ended 😂) but I really miss it and them and I don’t think I’ve found another dynamic quite like Russell and Finn on TV since then.

Hey!! I'm so glad you don't mind me tag rambling meta and/or idiocy on your content, because it makes me very happy :)

This is INTERESTING because it made me realise I've spent a lot of time thinking about Finn being angry with the job/the system/Russell, but not really at HERSELF and I think that's such a good insight?? Like I think she would HATE feeling like she's disappointed people because she is such a people-pleaser, but /especially/ Russell, and honestly that's probably a good part of the reason she's so resolute and adamant about being right, because if she's the one who's been wronged then it's easier to avoid thinking that she's hurt anyone else??

And the point about Russell not saying she was /wrong/ about Cooley is so key (I'm close to Homecoming on my re-watch and looking forward to it!) - and it touches on something else I've been thinking about lately which is that so often they refer to him firing her / her being fired, and only a couple of times touch on the fact that he actually asked for her resignation. Which feels like a Very Important Distinction in the sense that doing it that way essentially meant she was able to take some time away and then work again, whereas had she actually been /fired/ I don't know if that would have been possible? Like I think from Russell's position, doing things that way probably saved her career in the long run, but 9 times out of 10 she's just like 'u fired me >:(((' which is actually not even TRUE.

Okay this was long but it also felt extremely cathartic so thank you! I totally get what you mean about not finding another dynamic quite like that, because hey, it's a decade later and here I am re-watching :')))

[ilkkawhat]

For the hurt/comfort prompts- 12 “You don’t have to be strong all the time” for Finn and Nick :)

She had no reason to believe anything was wrong.

Nick just isn't the type to respond to text while he's working a scene, his work ethic is just too strong. 

But she gets concerned when Greg returns to the lab, and Nick doesn’t.

“Where’s Nick?”

“Oh, he, uh. Wasn’t feeling good, went home,” Greg quickly explains, noticeably not meeting her eyes. 

He know something she doesn’t know. 

“Greg,” she raises her eyebrows with a warning tone in her voice.

“Alright, he’s still there, but I wouldn’t—”

She waves to Russell as she passes his office, and further waves off any attempts to stop her as she marches out of the lab and drives to the scene of the crime; an unfortunate soul who died, got buried, still alive, dug his way out and died again. 

She finds him watching over the disturbed patch of earth, resting on his knees, head bowed down. As she makes her way down the hill, her sight hitches though she can tell it’s his body that’s heaving, and she calls out to him before he falls in, himself. 

“What’re you doing here?” a thick, nasally voice asks, hiding his face as he wipes away whatever he doesn’t want her to see.

“I could ask you the same thing,” she reaches out a hand to his shoulder, and he rolls it off.

“You first,” Nick insists as Finn crosses her arms, a stubborn anger rising within her. 

“I was getting a little worried, you hadn’t texted back about our plans tonight and I know you’re not on the clock.”

“Yeah. Anniversary dinner. I haven’t forgotten, I promise.”

“So what are you doing here in the middle of the desert instead of getting dressed? I even picked out your suit this morning, with my favorite tie to go with your favorite dress.”

“It’s nothing. I’m just being thorough, making sure we didn’t miss anythin’.”

“Where’s your back up? Not supposed to be at a scene without a uniform.”

“I’m not a child, Julie.” 

“Well, Nick,” Finn matches the condescending tone in his voice. “Then I guess I’ll be your back up. Walk me through the scene.”

“Doesn’t matter.” 

“What do you mean? If it doesn’t matter, then what are you doing here?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Did something happen? Are you hurt?” 

Finn unfolds her arms, running a lap around Nick and keeping him rooted in place with a grip on each shoulder. Not a scratch on him, just some dried tears on his face and dirt under his fingernails.

“N-no,” Nick shakes his head. He bites down on a quivering lower lip, shrugging his way out of her grasp again. “This is just...a bit personal, alright? I need to be alone to sort myself out. I’m sorry. Go get ready, I’ll meet you in a bit.”

Finn doesn’t buy it.

“You don’t have to be strong all the time, Nicky,” Finn once again steps in front of him, in front of the hole, and wipes his cheeks with her thumbs. She presses a soft kiss on his forehead. “But if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay. I’m here for you, no matter what.”

“Thanks, hun,” Nick returns a gentle kiss, cradling her head in his hands, embracing her as he watches the hole become deeper, and deeper, infested—an army of red ants pouring out of the depths, threatening to overtake both of them—but as their weight fills out of the hole, he hears beeping, a long tone that hasn’t faded from erupted ears, he holds her even closer, fearing that as he explodes out of this green-lit flashback, she’ll walk away from him, too. Just as everyone else did that night, leaving him to be buried twice.

To die twice.

He lets go of her, backing away with a loud gasp, rasping out for air that he suddenly feels robbed of. 

“Nick? Nick, what’s wrong?” 

He grips his chest, hand over a heart pulsing faster than an intensely beating drum. 

“Nothing! Fine. Fuh—!” he screams, pushing Finn out of the way, he falls to his knees, his hands fall into the pit, his hands sink into the loosened dirt. 

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...” he cries, unable to hide it anymore. “Please. Pl-please...”

Finn crouches down, lifts his hands out of the dirt, and wraps herself around him, squeezing him as tightly as she can to contain his trembling body.

“It’s okay, I got you. I got you...” Finn whispers, her own eyes shining with tears, and her heart is melting into the tear-splattered dirt beneath them, piecing together what may have happened, and yet she’s somehow still certain that the reality is far worse than anything she could come up with. 

“Okay...okay...okay...” Nick hyperventilates, tilting his head to the side where a gentle breeze is wafting against his cheek. 

“Tell me...what...what triggered you just now?” Finn tentatively asks once his heartbeat returns to normal under the palm of her hand.

“I’ll tell ya about it someday, but...just not today, alright?” Nick once again buries his face in his hands, wiping away any semblance of weakness.

“Only when you’re ready to,” Finn affirms. 

He nods, hands on his hips as he takes a few steps away from the grave.

His grave? Finn wonders. She vaguely remembers him referencing an abduction once...

He turns around to face her again, a tight frown but a certain kind of sadness in his eyes, he has to control his breathing before he speaks again, and his voice sounds so...decimated, yet his words are so down to the earth that he seems to be so afraid of that she truly believes him when he says:

“I promise.” 

[demberly]

THIS IS THE POLICE. YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR BEING THE ABSOLUTE CUTEST 💙👮🏻‍♀️ FORWARD THIS TO PEOPLE WHO YOU THINK SHOULD BELONG IN JAIL FOR BEING SO CUTE.

[ilkkawhat]

Favorite fics of yours that I adore- Last Breath, Agony, First Flight, anything with Parker and Madison, and all of the Finn and Nick prompts you’ve written for me over the years 🥰

always love to see agony, one of my favorite fic-children included a;sldjkfas;ldkj I really hope you enjoy what I’ll be doing with Nick and Finn in First Flight :) (might take a while to get there and will be angsty AF but it’ll hopefully hurt good lmao)

[csinickstokes]

💌send this to the twelve nicest people you know or seem to have a good heart and if you get five back you must be pretty awesome💌

Thank you so much!! 💜💙💜💙💜💙💖💖💖💖💖🤗🤗🤗🤗

[csinickstokes]

For the ask thing - 50. Talk about something you’re passionate about.

Thanks for the question! 🤗💜💜💜💜

I don't know of anything I'm particularly passionate about really, except George if that counts 😅💜💙 I try to be passionately nice!

[csinickstokes]

for being so nice and cute, copy this to ten other bloggers that you think are wonderful. keep the game going and make others feel beautiful 💕

Thank you @jencsi!! 🥰💜💜💜💜

[ilkkawhat]

12- “i want to know you” and/or “why won’t you let me know you?” - Finn and Nick because I love how you write them. 💜

[that’s a big compliment from the master of Nick/Finn, I’m not worthy!! 💜]

“What made you become a CSI?”

It’s only the seventeenth question he’s asked since they started their long trek through the neon graveyard in a search for a literal needle in the haystack of decaying equipment.

“What’s with the sudden interrogation, Tex?”

“I want to know you,” Nick shrugs. “And figured since we ain’t getting out of here anytime soon for me to take you on a proper date--”

“Excuse me?” she squeaks out.

“--I figured now’s a good as time as any to just...get to know you a bit better.”

“Hmm. That’s interesting, coming from you of all people,” Finn nudges him with a playful tease of her lips, a flick of her tongue that mirrors Nick’s nervous tick as they come to a halt.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Nick gapes in a tight scoff. He crosses his arms, puffs his chest out. 

“I mean, c’mon, Nick, it’s pretty obvious,” Finn laughs off, stunned at Nick’s sudden seriousness.

“What is?” 

“Why won’t you let me know you?” Finn doesn’t back down, steps up to her full height though her head doesn’t even pass his shoulders, she jabs a finger in his chest, into his beating heart and he allows his body to rock back before turning to stone.

“Y’ain’t givin’ me a chance...” Nick mutters, turning his head away.

“I’ve given you plenty of chances! We’ve known each other for almost a year and you never told me what happened between you and McKeen!” 

“That’s what this is about? That...scumbag who killed my best friend? What else is there to know?”

“I’ve stared into the eyes of vengeful criminals before, and yours were somehow even darker--”

“Oh, honey, you don’t want to go there, trust me.” 

Nick continues walking, away from his companion with hunched shoulders and a quickened pace--damn near a jog as he tries to collect his breath. Minutes later, he finds an object of interest underneath a battered, faded green light sign for a discontinued casino, and crouches down to further investigate. 

Finn joins him and this time, he doesn’t bite, just allows her company to hover over his shoulder.

Even when she ruins the moment by talking.

“A graveyard like this is as good a place as any to talk about the things you’ve tried to lay to rest. Seems to me like you tried to bury something that was still alive, and it’s not gonna stop haunting you until you talk about it. If not to me, then, just...somebody, Nick. All right?”

She presses a hand onto his shoulder, tracing the curvature of his shivering spine as she stands up, giving him the privacy he so longs for in moments like this, to settle the fight between his heart and his brain to move past this crying nonsense, to focus on the task ahead--

He reaches behind him, latches onto her wrist. 

“I think I found something,” he uses as an excuse, before pulling her back down to examine the gravesite.

He didn’t really find anything, but she’s right. It’s a good as any to talk about the ghosts of the past.

“Just like they found me.”