despite the noise polluting the air around them, all jeonghan could do is stare at her. he would do it all day if he could. he was always mesmerized by the way the sun shone down on her at any given moment, highlighting the hidden colors in her hair and her deep eyes. glints of that made his heart flutter, and sometimes he was worried someone else would be able to hear the loud puttering in his chest; it was loud and clear to him. she turned and glanced back at him for a moment, and he immediately adverted his gaze like a child trying to cover up something they had broken. he didn't want her to see his eyes when he was staring at her. he knew she would be able to see how enamored he really is, and that would make everything come crashing down. even if she does reciprocate what he feels, the timing wasn't right for them; it hadn't been right for them for the past two years. but this worse; they were both moving forward in their lives, but those paths weren't intertwined like they had been before. she wasn't coming with him and he wasn't staying with her; the ending was so close he could almost reach out and touch it. that's why he can't risk it, even if it only lasts a month. he couldn't break her heart, and if this is as close as he could get to that life with her, intentional lingering touches and kisses they never spoke about, then he would take it.
jeonghan knew that even if he could go back in time and change his every decision, it was inevitable that they would fall in love. it had to be, and he hopes that the red string of fate keeps them intertwined even when they are miles apart. it's an old myth, but he carries it in his heart and hopes that the other end of his string is tethered to hers so that one day he gets another chance. he wants it to bring them back together so that he can say every loving thought he's ever had for her when the timing is right. but for now he gives her all the love that he can in their limited time. for now, jeonghan swallows his heart until it drops in the pit of his stomach and bites his tongue when he looks at her as he is right now in this moment. he takes this time to memorize every detail of her face. especially the way that she looks at him.
she doesn't have the same tactic as jeonghan, or at least hers isn't as good as his. she always was so bad at games that involved lying and deceit. every emotion and thought she had would flash in hey eyes, even though she always claimed to have a better poker face than him. maybe he was just that good at reading her. he detested the way she looked at him. he could see every fleck of love and adoration in her eyes. he could see the way her eyes only ever saw him, it was almost identical to watching people fall in love in a romcom. it made it that much harder for him to keep his mouth shut and not let all his declarations of love bust out of his lungs. he knows that the right day will come.
he looked back at her as soon as she turned away, but she took him surprise and looked back him one more time for that night. his eyes met hers, and he felt that invisible red string tug on his heart just the tiniest bit.
