I never thought I had the capacity to love. To be loved... I tortured myself for years. Believed I was nothing but a beast. A weapon. I retreated into myself. Hid where no one could have found me. No one except Jill. When we were young, we used to play a game. We would hide around the castle, and then try to find one another. Sometimes other children would join in the fun, and on occasion, it became dangerously competitive. I had to be the best. And I was. No one could ever sniff out my secret hiding places. No one except Jill. When I asked her how she always knew where I was hiding, she said without hesitation "Because it's you, Clive. I'll always find you." As time has passed, those words have taken on a new and more profound meaning. Jill always finds me. Of course she does. I was hiding from the world, and yet she helped me find myself. She knows where I am even when I don't. She loves me. And I love her. I still find it hard to believe. But there's no point in hiding my true self. Because she would find me anyway. —Logos, excerpt from the journal of Clive Rosfield (Year of the Realm 878)
the way both of them believed they were monsters because of what they had to do to survive... the way they still recognized and found each other through all the scars and the trauma... jill saying this to him years ago and then clive being the one to find her again later on... the way they love each other so much I'M GOING TO BE ILL
