@jilytoberfest so the plan is to write microfics every day for Jilytober- all a part of a single story… this one got way way too long 😬😬😂😂… (and I may mix up these and @magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world’s prompts, depending on what fits!)
“For the last time, Sirius, I’m not going to the fucking Hallowe’en Ball with Alphonsus St.John Diggory!” Lily repeated.
Her cheeks had gone blotchy from the suppressed irritation, and she was practically whisper-shouting, which was potentially a total disaster. Seeing as this entire… situation depended on nobody finding out he was the brains behind Operation Smitten Idiots.
“Shush!” Sirius muttered tetchily, scanning the horizon for the twin dangers of James Potter or (potentially worse still) Remus Lupin.
Lily’s eyes widened and she opened her mouth indignantly to protest.
“Don’t embarrass the poor chap! Not his fault that he’s been turned down by thirteen girls in a row!”
Sirius nodded, adding in a sad huff at the end.
“Well, you’d think- “ she began.
“He failed his DADA exam. And his Charms test.”
“And… his cat died. So did his owl. And his rabbit.”
Sirius grimaced. Okay, so that might be pushing it.
“No way?” Lily looked at him with horror. “The poor fella!”
“Yes, yes, dreadful stuff… caught him shedding bitter tears in the boys’ loos beside Minnie’s office. Bawling.”
He was, in fact, pretty sure that Alphonsus St.John Diggory had never shed a single tear in his entire, boring, perfect life. He was, however, an excellent Quidditch player, and good-looking to boot. Sirius Black might have been forced to call in a few favours for him in order to set this all up…
He could practically see her relenting.
“Don’t say a word though, he’d be mortified. Asked me not to breathe a word to anyone.”
“And he knows I’m only agreeing to go as a friend?” Lily bit her lower lip.
“Of course, I expressly warned him that I’d murder him if he so much as looked at you funny and- “
“Oh shut up, poor guy, imagine having to listen to your drivel when three of his pets died,” she said, her face taking on a determined expression.
Just then, James Fleamont “I could have asked Evans to the ball and we all know she’d have said yes immediately but I’m either an idiot or a spineless coward so I didn’t bother” Potter walked into the great hall. Wearing his dress robes which Sirius had secretly charmed to cling to his shoulders and back and chest like a certain quidditch uniform which Lily Evans was want to stare at. Lily’s mouth - as if on cue - hung open.
“Six. Six pets. I forgot to mention his pet lambs,” he said, taking her arm and walking in the direction of Himbo Diggory.
“Six?” Her eyebrows shot up and she tore herself away from staring at his useless best friend. “Lambs?”
Only Prongs was now rooted to the spot like a pillar of salt, or a giant stunned Pygmy Puff.
“Seven, if you count his pet rat, which I wasn’t.”
“You… what? How very DARE you!” Peter Pettigrew yelped in alarm.
“They’re highly intelligent animals!” Lily and Peter shouted in unison.
“Well, whatever,” he sniffed, smoothing out his dress robes. “I suppose it’s a loss.. used sleep next to his bed, near the rabbit… and the cat.”
“OMG!” Lily elbowed him rudely. “The poor guy!”
She straightened her shoulders, took one last forlorn glance at the useless article with the messy hair, took a deep breath, and tapped the himbo on the shoulder. Got to hand it to Evans, she has guts, he thought.
“Hi Alphonsus,” she said, trying to stretch her lips upwards.
“Hello, Miss Evans,” the guy said, looking over her shoulder at Sirius and winking far too dramatically.
He mimed zipping up his mouth and cutting his throat for good measure. Alphonsus frowned but nodded, looking slightly more subdued.
“A dance?” Alphonsus said, giving Lily a pitying look.
“Smile!” Cressida Creevy waved her arm wildly before taking the shot.
“What the absolute fuck?” James Potter finally asked, gulping down an entire glass of fire whisky in one go and grabbing a second one.
“No idea, old chap,” he said, elegantly sipping some wine and raising the glass at the couple. “I think he fancies her, and nobody asked her, so she said yes. Has a thing for Quidditch players, apparently.”
His friend said nothing, tugged at his bird’s nest hair, and muttering distraught expletives under his breath.
“Why, you weren’t planning on asking Evans, were you? I thought you were, and I quote, just good friends?”
The reply was in gibberish, although in fairness Prongs was choking on his fire whisky at the time.
“All good, so?” he said, whacking Prongs twice on the back for good measure. “Splendid. Well, enjoy the night, they certainly seem to be.”
Alphonsus patted Lily on the shoulder in a comforting fashion as they glided by. She smiled back fondly.
“Probably discussing some personal problems, a problem shared is a problem halved, and all that,” he supplied helpfully.
“Fuckfuckfuck,” Prongs hacked up a lung.
Sirius wandered off. Prongs picked up an entire bottle of fire whisky.
“Parfaitement joué,” Sirius smiled to himself. “And onto plan number two…”
