You’re Not Real...
Pairing: Jin x Reader
Genre: Angst, Ghost!AU
word count: 1,402
(A/N TRIGGER WARNING: mention of suicide and violence )
wake up.
school.
go home.
sleep.
if you think of it like that, the day seems a lot easier. but that's not exactly how it goes is it. Smaller events happen between; these smaller events eventually make up the days of your life. sometimes they're good...sometimes they're not.
because of those small events, you stood at the edge of a cliff, letting the wind blow your tears towards the side of your face and your hair flow into an uncontrollable mess.
every day was almost like a dream for you, correction, nightmare.
you just felt numb. the insults, the pushing, the laughing. but most of all, the bystanders. it wasn't as if everyone in your school was a bitch, the nice ones were just too scared to do anything about it. you weren't mad at them, you would probably act the exact same way if you were them.
everyone says they would help, that bullying is wrong and they wouldn't just stand and watch.
but when it actually happens, shit goes down differently.
you took in a sharp breath before remembering the words from your mother before you got here.
“Are you going to do it? that's alright, I have other kids, ill make Raina do your chores”
you scoffed before clenching your fists. what a great mum. your home life was fine before your dad died in a car crash. your mum turned to alcohol and abuse, you being the oldest got the brunt of it all, but again you weren't angry. better you than your siblings.
for a brief moment, hesitation found its way into your mind.
...your siblings...
their smiles and laughter flashed into your mind, flashbacks of the games you’d play with them or when you’d tuck them into bed.
now you were crying harder, not for yourself but for your siblings...what would happen to them if you weren't there to protect them.
one was 12 and one was 10, that's too young to deal with the shit they would if you were gone.
no...
for once you just want to think about yourself... no one was there for you, so why would you be there in the first place.
“I was there wasn't I?”
you spun around quickly; only to be met with the same brown eyes you knew so well.
the first time he appeared you were about to intake a whole packet of sleeping pills. he cried with you and reached for you to drop the pills; he didn't want you to die, and that thought alone stopped you.
it wasn't just that, but the look in his eyes, his eyes in general. you felt as if you had seen in somewhere before.
you thought he was just a figment of your imagination, only appearing when a slither of you wanted to live. but that was debunked when he showed up the second time.
it was in the spare of the moment, you truly wanted to die.
when you tied your legs to the weights and dropped them into the pool you didn't expect to meet him at the bottom.
his blonde locks floated around his face but you could still see the saddened expression on his face.
with one shake of his head, you had untied the rope attaching you to weights and sprung up to supply your lungs with oxygen. when you had surfaced you weren't relieved or happy, you weren't disappointed or angry though... you didn't know what you were feeling.
you had named him Jin. he never spoke and only appeared when it seemed necessary so assured yourself Jin only existed because your brain was split between surviving and dying.
but again that was dismissed
one day as you watched your sisters run around the park; you noticed how happy they were, how free they were even if it was just for a second before you all had to go back home.
a smile actually graced your face, you hadn't smiled in what seemed like years.
it was a genuine smile. so when you saw him leaning against the swing seat smiling along with you, you were definitely confused.
and now here he was again, the same blonde haired pale boy.
“you speak” you whispered to yourself as you stared at the boy with wide eyes.
but this time as you stared into his eyes, there was something different...you couldn't quite pin what it was.
he sighed before looking around the cliff you both stood on.
“Now it makes sense” he said with almost a chuckle as his hands slipped into his pockets.
“What makes sense?” you asked as you wiped youe tears that seemed to keep rolling down your face no matter what you were thinking of.
“i always wondered why here, why you? why i’m still roaming around these streets when it was so long ago” he sighed deeply.
confusion quickly covered your face; before you even asked Jin already knew your question.
“i killed myself” he said as his eyes bored into yours.
you stood with your mouth hung open in shock. so he wasnt just your imagination. he was a ghost.
it hit you like a ton of bricks. the look in his eyes were so fimilar, because it was look of your own.
you both weren't angry at the world, you weren't disappointed in society, you didnt pity your situation or yourselves and it wasn't particularly that you were in pain or hurting...
you were just sad..
when those kids did nothing, you were sad
when you came home and got nothing but a smack, you were sad
and now, as you stand here awaiting death, your just...sad.
“right here on this spot actually” he said as he took in a deep breath.
“then why are you still here?” you asked quietly. he laughed as a tear rolled down his face.
“who knows, maybe im here to stop you..maybe a higher power knew that someone would need me” he answered with a shrug.
his last sentence struck a chord in your heart. ‘someone would need me’
“i guess i didnt really help you did i? what am i supposed to say? dont do it? like thats going to do anything...” he said as he stared at his feet.
you let out a loud sob before clutching your head.
“there's no way” you breathed out as you clenched your eyes closed.
jin isnt a real person, ghosts don't exist, he's just your imagination trying to talk you out of dying.
but do you want to die, are you really sure?
sure life sucks but there are good things too...
“would you be happy?” he asked slowly as he approached you.
“happy?” you asked with a scoff as you wiped your tears yet again. “what even is happiness anymore? Jin i don't know! this isnt living! im breathing, but im not living! i don't have ambitions anymore, i dont have intrests anymore! i dont know what fun is or the love of a parent...i just dont want to feel like this anymore” you cried as the cold air hit your back.
“im sorry” you said shaking your head before turning back around to the cliff.
the water below hit harshly against the rocks and the wind was loud and in a frenzy.
“you don't think i know! But trust me death isn't any better, you're still alone!” he cried out behind you, your eyes were focused on the water in front of you but you could still hear him crying.
“You’ll have me! i promise ill show up a lot more and i-i-i can be there for you, and you can be there for me!...Y/N, please! You're the only one who can see me! i don't want to be alone again! please don't!” he begged desperately.
he probably didn't think you would do it, like the other times he stopped you; he probably thought he had more time.
but you were done. you were over it. and now you wanted to end it.
“I'm sorry, but you're not real” you cried as you shook your head.
as you took your last step off the cliff, you saw the same look in his eyes that were probably in your own. but as you fell towards the racing waters and the ragged rocks, you closed your eyes and breathed in your last breath.
for once, you didn't feel sad...
instead..you felt nothing.