"Would you still love me if I was a worm?" - La Squadra x Reader SMAU
A/N - Fuck this text app I swear, we ignore the times on pro cos WHY CAN'T I JUST CHANGE THE TIME FOR EACH MESSAGE?? Most of the times are right but Pros's fucked up and I can't be bothered to fix itt.. I hope y'all enjoy this silly little thing! Let me know if you guys want more <3
Authors Note(s): Self-indulgent ngl, I've been wanting to see more father hcs for La Squadra. You can probably tell at some parts where I lost some motivation however 💔 sorry abt that.
. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ 𝜗𝜚 ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.
Warning(s): None, just some fluffy headcanons that I've been craving. Possible spelling or grammer errors, apologies in advance. Gender neutral reader, more AFAB leaning reader (suggested that reader was pregnant and gave birth), BUT WE DO LOVE MPREG SO THAT'S REALLY UP FOR YOU TO DECIDE! Flourish, gay omega boys./silly/lh
Word Count: 1,924
Minor and ageless blogs dni, my content outside of this is not sfw. Please and thank you.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ Risotto Nero
𖹭 Fatherhood wasn't something Risotto initially planned–Although, he never expected to end up in a loving relationship either. But as he did with his blooming relationship, he accepted the pregnancy wholly.
𖹭 Holding his newborn daughter for the first time did something to Risotto, he never felt his chest tighten up so much at seeing how small she was in his arms. He's never been an emotional man, but you swore you almost saw a tear roll down his cheek when her tiny little hand gripped his thumb.
𖹭 He's very attentive to his daughter as well and immediately claims night duty, (insomniac and workaholic alert!). In his office, he has a spare crib right by his desk so he can be right there when she starts crying. Actually enjoys the nightly company of having her with him, and he'll occasionally talk to her about what he has planned.
𖹭 Funnily enough, probably has some of the best naps when she's sleeping on his chest. The small warmth and her soft snores put him at ease and he's actually sleeping.
𖹭 INSANELY overprotective, but it's in a very quiet, subtle way. The house is full-on baby-proofed, nothing will hurt his kid, absolutely nothing.
𖹭 I imagine that he's probably scared her before in the middle of the night because he has his nights where he overthinks and watches her while she sleeps. He does not realize how terrifying it is for a child to wake up to a pair of red eyes boring into them in the middle of the night.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ Prosciutto
𖹭 Definitely a girl dad, a proud one at that. Now don't get me wrong, he'd be a boy dad too, but I'm just saying, he treats his daughter with a lot more softness, while he'd be a little stricter with a son.
𖹭 Spoils his little girl too, but prides himself on raising her to be an elegant but dangerous woman. He knows how boys are, she has to have standards after all, and how to defend herself!
𖹭 Speaking of which, he is quick to instill confidence in her, there will be no room for doubt or insecurity. She's interested in something simple as drawing? Getting her a notebook, coloring book, high quality crayons–The whole deal. He's an extremely supportive father.
𖹭 Another insanely protective father, he will even scold YOU if miss out on something. Outlets are covered, corners are cushioned, any type of shelf is screwed to the floor. Absolutely nothing in that house will hurt his kid.
𖹭 Because of this… Your daughter's first word would probably be “Papa”. It would happen on a random Sunday morning where Prosciutto is making breakfast, and his daughter is trying to get his attention. As soon as “Papa” is uttered, he nearly snaps his neck to look at her in complete shock. He quietly gets her out of her high chair and holds her close, and he is silently emotional, and he's quiet for the rest of the day because he's repeating that memory in his head.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ Formaggio
𖹭 “Nine months in my womb, making ME suffer… And you come out looking like your stupid dad?!” — You probably after having your newborn son with Formaggio.
𖹭 Christ, and this fucker is SO smug about it too. Your son is basically a mini-me of Formaggio (only difference is that he doesn't have his dad's fuckass haircut). Definitely teases you about how your genes didn't even try, which earns him a smack on the arm, but you did at least get something. Your son has your eyes, and honestly, thats probably one of the features that Formaggio admires most about his son.
𖹭 Formaggio is actually quite a chill dad honestly. He has no problem watching over his kid, but… Crying and diaper duty he is still working on. His first instinct is to have you do it, but he's not that much of a bastard. So, he learns.
𖹭 Actually comes really easily after learning and now he has an ego that he's better than other dads now.
𖹭 He's a fun, chill dad for the most part. When he has the baby, he's usually sitting on the couch with a beer, watching a game, while your son is fast asleep drooling on his chest. It's actually a really cute scene. You snuck a picture, and he has a copy of the picture in his wallet along with your guy's wedding photo.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ Illuso
𖹭 Yet another girl dad, (sue me), but he would be absolutely THRILLED to have a daughter. Makes sure she gets the cutest and prettiest clothes, he wants to make sure EVERYONE knows she's the prettiest baby in the room.
𖹭 Even if she doesn't have a lot of hair, it is stylized, and yes. He is one of those dads who puts those extremely large bows on his kid's head, it's a little ridiculous and comical. You'll walk into the nursery and see your daughter dressed to the T with this damn bow that's bigger than her head.
𖹭 He will fight ANYONE, and I mean ANYONE who messes with his baby. Somebody will fuck around and find out and end up in the mirror world getting their shit rocked.
𖹭 Honestly really hates being stern with his daughter, but he knows it's for the best. He honestly looks so hurt when she gets upset with him or cries because of him, but he's trying not to cave or show it.
𖹭 Your daughter ends up a lot like him with the arrogance and smugness, like father like daughter, and it entertains him so much. Especially finds entertainment in it because she'll act a certain way with one of the La Squadra members and he'll be egging it on. You usually have to step in for this.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ Ghiaccio
𖹭 Fatherhood is definitely a bit of a struggle for Ghiaccio at first, and he needs to adjust a lot for this. The first fit your son has had Ghiaccio overstimulated as hell and stormed out of the room so he didn't do anything he shouldn't.
𖹭 After Ghiaccio adjusts, it's like night and day. Funnily enough, coming to hold his son has become his way to melt off the stress, he gets antsy if he hasn't held his boy in a long while. First time he properly held his son, you offered to take him back, making Ghiaccio mutter out a half-hearted, “Fuck off.” as he continued to hold him.
𖹭 Does a LOT of research, (Melone helps), and follows all parenting advice to a T. He does NOT want to mess this up. He refuses to fail his kid like that. He teaches you everything too if you aren't aware, however, if you are, you two are the ultimate parent duo. Somehow you both master being parents in a short amount of time… Sort of, you're both still learning and there's always room for trial and error.
𖹭 Having a kid actually really helped Ghiaccio with his anger issues, it even encouraged him to seek anger management, which he started when you first announced your pregnancy.
𖹭 Both Ghiaccio and the baby are cold (the genes got passed down), so cuddling is really nice during the warm months, but god is it hell when its cold out. You need like two heaters in the room to fend off the cold.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ Melone
𖹭 This man, oh this crazy scientist of a man had a blast studying your body throughout your pregnancy, although it was quite annoying at times, he ensured you were treated like absolutely royalty.
𖹭 “Di molto!” That damn phrase was the first thing he uttered as he held his son. God he was so excited. Out of everyone, I think he was the most excited about having a kid, to be honest.
𖹭 Probably was the man that everyone went too for baby advice since he's extremely knowledgeable with these things. I mean, 100% sure only he and Ghiaccio went to college and he HEAVILY studied the human body, so he knows what he's talking about.
𖹭 Follows some parent groups on social media to learn every tip and trick he can to use on his baby. He's very pleased whenever these tricks do work.
𖹭 His son developed his father's curiosity, and Melone spends a lot of time trying to teach his son just about everything that catches his eye, but keeping it compressed so it would be a little understandable for a little one. He's a great dad, a solid dad, he enjoys fatherhood to its fullest and lowkey asks for more kids.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ Pesci
𖹭 Really nervous when approaching the topic of fatherhood and his insecurities really cloud his thoughts, so he doubts his capabilities as a father really, but he's happy when you're here to help guide him through this new territory.
𖹭 When his daughter is born, he's all emotional, she has his crazy green hair and his eyes. He's an emotional crybaby and whispering promises that he'll be the absolute best for her.
𖹭 After the birth, he takes care of taking care of the baby stuff so you can rest. He does pretty well too! He went to some parenting classes, so he has a grasp on what to do. He also definitely distances himself from any assassin work, but he keeps in contact with La Squadra, especially Prosciutto who was helping Pesci when it came to the baby.
𖹭 A big fan of these baby carriers too, where he can have the little one strapped to his chest while he does stuff. It also brings some comfort to him to have her so close.
𖹭 End up having the chunkiest baby out the rest of La Squadra, and he can't help but adore her chunkyness. Another father to spoil his baby so much, anything she wants, she gets. Unfortunately, he's really horrible with discipline and saying no, so good luck with that. He'll learn, but it hurts him so much doing it.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ Sorbert & Gelato
𖹭 TWINS. It's actually kinda funny that you ended up with twins, both ended up being boys, and they are HELL. They inherited Gelato's chaos, which makes it worse. They're inseparable and cause a lot of mischief… Their duo name is “Double Trouble”.
𖹭 Thank god Sorbert is there because man, that glare that he has? Makes those boys behave almost immediately.
𖹭 Sorbert and Gelato make a good duo in taking care of the boys while you're resting. I mean they already did everything together before you came into their lives, nothing's changed at all, however they bicker a lot more since Gelato tends to let the littles to get away with more.
𖹭 Usually the twins go to Gelato when it comes to roughhousing, but one will usually tend to wander to find Sorbert for some quiet time. Despite what you might think, Sorbert is the one making the dad jokes.
𖹭 Sorbert and Gelato make for good balance, both being on two different spectrum of being fathers. They're both good parents! They're both pretty good influences for the boys and the boys learn a lot from them.
𖹭 Bonus: The twins are complete baba boys, (baba is a gender neutral term for mama/papa btw!). They usually go to you for any sort of softness, because even when Sorbert and Gelato are both different spectrums of being fathers, neither of them are really considered “soft” if you ask me.
Please do not feed my writing to AI or repost it anywhere else, please and thank you. <3
Thinking about Araki changing Pesci’s iconic Weird Neck Thing to a double chin in his later art… like, is that what Araki was going for with him since the beginning and he just botched it? Did he think that Pesci’s design didn’t fit into his newer artstyle and wanted to “fix” it? Either way chubby Pesci real and canon.
