#jm posts

[thesirensaresingingyours0ng]

We spooned and watched a scary movie last night. Neither of which has happened before. It was nice. I hate how much I care about him.

[thesirensaresingingyours0ng]

Here's the thing tho

If he's talking to other girls then he's hurting them too since we fuck every weekend

[thesirensaresingingyours0ng]

I knew this "break" wasn't going to just be a "break due to stress from work." I know he's talking to another girl even though he said he couldn't handle the stress of a relationship at the moment. I'm pretty sure I know who it is but I can't just ask her if they're together. If they come out and say they're together I'll make sure she knows that he was still accepting my nudes up until this point. And I'll make sure he knows how badly he fucked me up and that he's mentally and emotionally abusive.

[thesirensaresingingyours0ng]

"I need a break from relationship stuff. I'm too stressed from work." "Is it okay for me to send you things still?" "I like your body too much. It would cause too much stress." "I meant like can I still message you to check in on you? I care about you a lot and will be concerned about you and how you're doing." "Yeah sure but I won't be checking snapchat or messenger religiously." *few hours later* *accidentally opens up his snap info and sees his snap count has gone up by 10 since he told me that he wasn't going on snap religiously*

[thesirensaresingingyours0ng]

I posted on my snap story about being single because we have never specified the terms of our relationship and now he's pissed at me cuz apparently he was/is my boyfriend but idk how that works since he talks to other girls and barely talks to me?? Likes other girls photos and ignores me?? Idk man idk. And I tell him I love him but he hasn't said it back since shit went bad in December. I literally just get ignored when I say it or like a "lol I know" but I'm the problem and I always will be the problem because I obviously don't know how to be in a relationship so I ruin everything.

[thesirensaresingingyours0ng]

When u tell him your self esteem is based a lot on what he thinks of you 🙃

[thesirensaresingingyours0ng]

I can't do anything without thinking about him.

I can't stop thinking about how he'd kiss my legs when I was talking too much.

I can't look at parts of my body without thinking about how he'd touch and kiss me.

I can't look at certain clothes without thinking about the memories we made while I was wearing them.

I can't stop thinking about his smile that I love so much.

I can't stop thinking about the first time we made out.

The first time we did anything sexual.

The first time we made love.

And all the times after.

I can't stop thinking about our Valentine's Day date.

I can't stop thinking about the shitty little scarf I made him for his birthday.

I can't stop thinking about his room.

I can't stop thinking about the stuffed animal on his bed and his pillows.

I can't stop thinking about all the things on his dresser.

I can't stop thinking about my insecurities.

I can't stop thinking about the seven years that went down the drain because I was so detached from the world that I didn't even think about trying to show him how much I really, truly love him.

I can't stop thinking about how much I hate myself for letting other girls get in.

I can't stop thinking about how I wish I could just prove that I will always love him more than I will ever love anyone else.

I love him.

I love him.

I love him.

And I've never hated myself more.

[thesirensaresingingyours0ng]

Just had my first valentine dinner with the boy I've liked for far too long but anyway I had a rly good time and I like him so much 😭😭😭