Kinktober prompts: Lactation Kink/Drinking breast milk
Summary: You have a clogged milk duct and your husband Joel Miller is more than happy to help you.
Content/Warnings: SMUT (MDNI), Lactation kink, non-apocalypse AU, Joel drinks breast milk to unclog readers breast and it turns into sex teehee, a little bit of self-consciousness from the reader, lots of praise, some dirty talk, Joel makes an old joke during sex, fingering, PiV, unprotected sex, Joel is a tits guy.
A/N: two fics in one day, writers block overcome. I was originally going to do another set of kinks for this fic but then had the sudden inspiration for this. Hope yall enjoy.
It was date night for you both thanks to Tommy and Maria offering to watch your little worm, your son Oliver. A wriggly little thing at 6th months old, your son was a wanted surprise. After he raised Sarah and Ellie with your help in their later teen years, you were sure Joel was done with kids. But when you took that pregnancy test all those months ago after realizing your period was late, he was ecstatic.
It was a fun and much needed night for you both after taking care of little Oliver for so long. The date was nothing fancy, just a simple dinner and then a trip to the cat cafe, but it was much needed for you both.
As Joel drove you both home you can’t help but wince when his truck’s tires hit a small pot hole. Your left breast is extra tender and sore thanks to a clogged duct that developed over night. Your son recently got a little picky with which breast he prefers, leaving your left breast to swell and with the lack of feedings and proper drainage despite your pumping, a clog has developed. It wasn’t too bad at first but now after the day has gone by, the pain is getting uncomfortable. As long as you didn’t develop a fever, you should be fine to try and pump away the clog.
“Still bothering you?” Joel asks softly, loud enough to be heard over the hum of his truck’s engine and the radio. You remember the brief panic on his face when you told him about the clog until you reassured him it wasn’t life threatening.
“Yeah, it’s starting to really hurt.” You murmur as he places one of his hands on your thigh.
“I can help when we get home.”
“You can?” You turn to look at him and he glances back to you for a split moment before focusing on the road again.
“Yeah, did some googling before we went out.” His hand squeezes your thigh. “Sometimes a pump or the baby isn’t enough so husbands can get it out.”
“You sure you want to? I heard it can be a little gross.”
“Worm has thrown up on me and pissed on me several times.” He shakes his head with a slight laugh. “I can handle sucking on my wife’s boob if it helps her.”
The crassness of his words make you laugh. You take his hand from your thigh and hold it gently in your own hands. You love fiddling with his hands when you can, running your thumbs over his knuckles before kissing one of his fingers.
Joel parks his truck with ease in the driveway and is quick to get out and to your side to help you out. Keeping his hand on your lower back, he walks up to the front door and unlocks it easily with one hand. You both take off your shoes and he slips off his coat before Joel guides you to the living room.
He moves to the couch and pushes away any blankets and pillows as he sits down. Joel pulls you into his lap, your legs straddling his thighs as he stares up at you like you hung the stars in the night sky. His hands dip under the knitted sweatshirt and caress your hips, feeling how soft they are.
“You look beautiful.” He whispers to you softly as his fingers trail up and down your sides. His soft compliments and reassurances deeply helped your self-image after having Oliver. You loved your little worm, but the postpartum really hindered your view of yourself. “M’beautiful, stunning wife.”
You smile down at him and frame his face with your hands, brushing over his cheekbones. “My handsome husband… Are you sure you want to do this? I can get the pump-”
“Sweetheart.” His rough voice is full of faux sternness as he gently squeezes your hips. “I want to help you. I don’t care if it’s gross, I want you feelin’ comfortable.”
“Okay.” You nod, pressing your lips together to conceal your smile.
Joel shifts a little as his hands grip the hem of your sweater before he carefully pulls it off your body. He makes sure you're sitting up enough so he can access your breasts while still comfortable in his lap. He is always so careful with you. His dark eyes trail up your torso before his fingers deftly unclasp your bra. You let out a soft hum to have the constraining item off you. You look down at yourself and you can see your left breast is slightly more engorged from the milk Oliver refuses to drink while your right still looks the same. It makes you frown a little, both from self-consciousness and worry that you aren’t properly caring for your son.
“Stunning as always.” Joel comments as if he can read your thoughts. “Don’t worry about nothin’. Dr. Bradley said he was at a healthy weight the last visit. Just focus on us right now.”
“You’re the best, Joel Miller.”
“Nah, I’m just lucky to have you, sweetheart.” His calloused hands move up from your waist to gently cup your fuller breasts, feeling the weight of each in his hand. With the utmost care for your comfort, he swipes his thumbs over both nipples, making you suck in a deep breath. “Just let me know if it hurts too much, okay?”
You nod, unable to speak.
Joel steadily leans in and captures your left nipple between his lips. He applies enough suction to start working the clog free. He can’t help the groan that leaves him as your milk dribbles into his waiting mouth, his length twitching and hardening in his jeans. He shuts his eyes and focuses purely on helping you and not getting off.
“Joel, it’s fine.” You chuckle through your whisper as you comb your fingers through his salt and pepper hair as you feel his bulge growing. He opens his eyes, stopping his suckling, as he looks up at you through his lashes. The sight of him with his face pressed against your breast and the feeling of his beard against your soft skin makes heat pool in your lower belly. “You can be into this, I am too.”
“You taste good.” He mumbles and returns to the task. He’ll get the clog out first, then the pleasure can come in next.
It takes Joel a few minutes of gently massaging the small lump and sucking at your nipple before the clog is in his mouth. Joel is quick to unlatch from your breast and grabs a tissue from the side table, spitting into the tissue. He licks his lips as he sets aside the damp tissue before he looks up at your face, smiling at the relieved look you have.
“Can I…?” He asks quietly, his eyes darting down to your left breast. You can feel milk leaking from your nipple and you can’t help but nod.
“Please? It feels too heavy…” Your voice trails off as Joel quickly latches back on. You feel the heaviness slowly leave as he drinks from you and you can’t help the moan of pleasure that leaves your lips. This feels different when it’s Joel and his wandering hands are making it more intimate. One massages your left breast as he drinks, while the other wanders down to your pants. With practiced ease, he unbuttons and zips your jeans before slipping his large hand in, cupping your pussy through your panties.
“My wife’s tits…heaven.” He manages to murmur out against your skin before he continues to suckle. You can’t help but grind slowly against his palm, moaning out at the friction against your clit. You can feel the cotton material dampening with your growing arousal. Joel’s tongue swipes deliciously over your nipple making you shudder against him. Your sweetness floods his mouth and makes him groan unabashedly.
“Feels good.”
“Good. I love helpin’ m’wife.” He mumbles and nuzzles against your breast as he takes his fill. His fingers push your panties to the side so he can glide through your slick folds. You whimper softly as you grip his soft curls, trying to angle your hips just right. You feel him probe at your entrance without fully entering you. You whine softly and he chuckles.
Joel suckles until your breast is tapped. He gives your nipple the softest of kisses before looking up at you. You can’t help but laugh at the sight of your milk just barely clinging to his facial hair.
“Want me to help with the right one?” He asks, his voice husky.
“Yes, please.”
Joel doesn’t need to be told twice as he captures your right nipple and drinks from it equally. Two of his thick fingers finally slip inside you, thrusting languidly as he takes more of you. You whimper when he brushes against that spongy spot inside you, your hips jerking to grind your clit against his palm.
“M’sweet wife is so needy.” Joel all but moans as he drains your right tit empty. He licks your nipple and kisses it all the same before nuzzling between your breasts. He nips and bites your skin as his fingers work you to your release. His free hand leaves your tender chest to cup your neck, pulling you down to kiss him deeply. You can taste the sweetness of your milk on his lips and tongue, and it makes you feel desperate for more.
“Joel, honey, I need you inside me.”
“Already in you.” He teases, making you whine.
“I want your cock in me.”
That gets his movements to stop. He is quick to pull his fingers from your cunt, sucking them clean before he helps you out of your jeans. He doesn’t bother pulling your panties off.
You reach down between you both and fumble with his belt, getting it to unlatch as quickly as you can. Joel’s calloused hands grip your ass, squeezing and kneading your flesh as you get his jeans unbuttoned and unzipped. He lifts his hips enough to where you can pull down his pants and boxers, freeing his rock hard cock.
Joel wastes no time pulling your panties to the side as you line him up to your weeping entrance. Slowly, you sink down his length in one go, making you both moan. You hold still for a few moments to feel him inside you. You press your forehead against his as you start to slowly ride him.
His eyes stay focused on yours. Joel looks at you reverently, his hands roaming your body as you take him slowly. He starts to grind upwards against your movements making you whimper out loud. He cups your face with one hand while the other moves to grip your waist and his eyes never leave yours.
“Use me, baby.” He whispers to you. “Use me to come. I know you can.”
“Joel…” You moan as you grind against him, your clit rubbing against his pubic hair. You gasp at the friction and how he moves his hips, his thick head rubbing that special spot inside you. You cradle his head with one arm while the other hand holds his wrist by your waist as you take what you need.
“That's it. Good girl.” He praises you, making your core throb and tighten around his cock. “My beautiful wife usin’ her husband to get off. Keep going, just like that.”
“Fuck…” You groan at his dirty talk as you move your hips faster, signaling Joel to match your pace. You gasp and tremble in his lap as you take what you desperately need from him. You feel the coil inside you tighten and you're hunching over to nuzzle against his neck.
“Don't hide your face from me.” Joel commands softly as he grabs the back of your neck. He pulls you back enough to look at your face as you get closer and closer to relief. Keeping his eyes trained on yours, he leans down and takes your right nipple back into your mouth, suckling what little milk is left while gently biting and licking at the sensitive, pebbled skin. He makes sure to tilt your head forward so he can watch you unraveling on top of him.
“Joel-!” You feel your orgasm ripple through you, the coil in your lower belly springing free as you come on his lap. Your walls rhythmically clench around his cock and your hips jerk.
“Such a pretty sight.” Joel groans as he pulls away from your chest. You pant and lean back, raising your hips just enough so he can move.
“Use me too, baby.” You whimper and his eyes darken. His hands firmly grip your hips as he starts to thrust up into you, moving your body as he chases his own release. His eyes, once fixated on your face, stare at your tits as they bounce. Your walls still milk his cock and your all but squirming and moaning his lap as he prolongs your orgasm.
“Look at you, sweetheart.” He grunts his gaze snapping between your face and chest. “My stunning wife riding her ol’ husband's cock.”
You snort between your noises of pleasure. You can barely manage to stutter, “Not that old, Joel.”
“Sure feels it sometimes.” He grunts softly as he leans back into the couch more, ensuring his dick hits all the right spots inside you. You've barely recovered from your first orgasm and he is already pulling you through your second.
“Come inside me, baby.” You whisper, giving him that pleading look he loves. You whisper naughty words, beckoning him to the edge of release. “Fill this pussy up.”
Joel is moaning your name as he brings you completely down his lap, his cock twitching as his hot seed floods your cunt. You're both panting, bodies slowly untensing as the orgasm high slowly ebbs away. You slump forward against Joel and he immediately wraps his arms around you.
“Shh, I gotcha.” He whispers as he holds you close. You can’t help but laugh at how good sex is with him, no matter how much time has passed. “What’s funny, sweetheart?”
“Just thinkin’ how good you are at making me come and how much I love you.” You pull back to smile at him, cupping his cheek. He smiles and turns his head to kiss your palm. You can feel Joel’s cock twitching back to life inside you. “For someone who calls himself old, you sure can get it back up quickly.”
“That’s because my wife is insanely beautiful and it takes a lot of self-control not to get hard around you all the time.” He growls, kissing your lips as he maneuvers you onto your back on the plush couch. “We got the night for ourselves.”
“Remind me to thank Tommy and Maria tomorrow.” You grin and pull Joel in for another kiss.
series rating: E (minors DNI, 18+ only, single dad!joel, smut to come)
summary: You’re Sarah’s fifth grade teacher, and after meeting her father at a parent/teacher conference, you find yourself developing a strong interest and affection for the two struggling Millers.
chapters marked with * indicate explicit content. minors DNI.
Look For The Light | (Joel x Reader) - Coming Soon!
Synopsis: When Joel and Ellie are on their way to find the Fireflies, they stumble across something else in an abandoned farmhouse. Something unexpected and life changing - you. ….and the three year old toddler you rescued three days ago that happens to harbor something familiar Joel has a hard time reconciling with.
(Sneak peek below the cut!)
Suddenly the handle on the door to your room jiggled, making the breath stutter in your chest.
The low voice on the other side of the wooden barrier made you jump. “I’ll give you to the count of three, otherwise I’m breakin’ this thing down.”
You gulped.
“One.”
Silence.
“Two.”
A beat more.
“Three.”
Suddenly the door swung open, the latch busting into pieces and skittering across the floor as the hulking frame of a man barreled through shoulder first. Just behind him you saw a teenaged girl peeking in curiously from the top of the steps.
“Sorry,” you mumbled, offering a timid smile. “I’d have met you at the door, but,” you looked down toward the bundle in your arms, the smile turning more genuine. “My hands are full.”
“Holy fucking shit,” the teenager mumbled, before trying to make her way around the grumpy looking man. He caught her by her backpack, not allowing her any closer, to which she turned a skeptical look his way. “Really, Joel? It’s a baby. What’s it gonna do, drool me to death?”
You snorted a laugh, arching an eyebrow at the man- Joel’s unimpressed look your way.
“It’s a toddler. They’d scream your ear off b’fore they’d drool-” He stopped when he glanced from the tiny human in your arms who looked up at him with wide, curious eyes, and focused back on the teen, finding her already looking at him with raised brows.
After a moment he released her with a sigh, and she took a few tentative steps your way, wide grin climbing up her face.
“How would you know, anyway?” She teased the man without sparing him a glance.
The look he shot at the back of the girl's head made you want to grin, but you successfully tucked it into the top of the little human’s head in your lap.
“I’m older ‘an you. Been ‘round the block a few times, is all. Know a thing or two.” His voice was a rumbling grouse, the dry tone exasperated and saying he’d been here a time or two before, this argument worn and thin.
“Yeah, because you’re ancient,” she mocked.
“Ain’t that old,” he grumbled.
“Dirt is younger, Joel.”
“Not worried I’m infected?” You kept your voice calm, not wanting to poke the angry bear known as Joel.
The girl smiled in a way that said she had more to say than what she was telling as she knelt next to you. “No. Not really.”
“Ellie,” Joel groaned, taking a step closer as the teen sat next to you, her shoulder lightly bumping against your own as her back pressed against the wall.
“I’m not, by the way,” you looked between them both. “Infected.” Looking down to the toddler in your arms, snorting as she tried to hide further into your threadbare shirt, you couldn’t help but smile softly. “Neither is she.”
“What’s her name?” Ellie reached out a finger for the little one to hold. It was taken tentatively, and given a firm shake like she had seen countless adults do around her in the QZ you’d been in before.
It made Joel snort out a laugh through his nose.
“Sarah.”
The laugh turned into a choking sound, quickly melting into a coughing fit as Joel bent over at his waist, bracing his hands on his knees as he fought for air.
“You okay, old man?”
You tried to stifle the smile Ellie’s comment brought to your face before you turned your gaze back up to Joel once again.
After a long moment, he stood up straight with a huff. “Fine.” Another long pause. “Just swallowed wrong.”
Wanna be tagged if/when I write any future Joel stuff? Here’s how to sign up!
can I request joel taking care of reader who is seriously injured? I’m thinking maybe something gets infected and she gets really sick, so he is catering to her every need? I love the hurt/comfort dynamic because I feel like his love language is acts of service!!
hiii it’s a teeny bit different but i hope u still like it!!! | 0.7k angst to fluff, tw for an injury and blood!
“You’re gonna be fine.”
The voice is so clearly Joel’s, that you could never miss, but you can’t tell if it’s real. Your vision is hazy, ears ringing, you’re not sure where you are anymore.
It all happened so fast. Your shift with Joel, the raiders coming out from nowhere, fighting them off, the searing pain of a knife in your side. Everything after that is blank, slipping in and out of consciousness.
“You hear me? You’re gonna be okay,” it’s him again, and you can feel his arms around you, carrying you back to Jackson, probably.
“Joel,” you muster out his name before closing your eyes again.
“‘M right here.”
He’s trying his best to be composed, to be strong for you, but the blood soaking your shirt has his hands shaking and his mind reeling with a memory that never seems to stop haunting him. But he won’t lose you, he can’t.
By the time Jackson comes into view, you’ve been quiet, but Joel’s hand that holds your head up can feel the pulse in your neck. You’re gonna live because you have to, because he can’t lose you, especially not like this. Not when he hasn’t said the things he wants to tell you.
Tommy’s the one who sees Joel carrying you first, and then there’s yelling and people clearing a path, and then Joel’s laying you down on a bed at the doctor’s.
It feels like hours in the waiting room before someone steps out and Joel stands right away.
“It’s gonna be alright,” the doctor says, nodding to the hall behind him, “go ahead.”
Joel doesn’t waste a second, nodding and rushing back into the room. He finds you, laying down, breathing, alive. He pulls up the guest chair and sits down next to your bed, reaching out and grabbing your hand.
When you wake up, you feel something cool being pressed to your forehead. Your senses come back slowly, hearing Joel’s voice mumbling something you can’t make out, then feeling his hand clasped around yours. To make sure you aren’t dreaming it up, you squeeze his hand.
“Come on, wake up,” you hear him say, his thumb running back and forth over your skin. Joel’s never been a man of many words, but he tells you enough with the few he uses.
You blink your eyes open slowly, fluttering and wincing at the brightness until you can see the ceiling of the doctor’s place. You lull your head to the side and see him, hair a mess, eyebrows furrowed (like usual), a frown on his face.
“Joel?” You croak out.
His eyes flick over to yours, and he lifts a damp washcloth from your forehead with the hand that isn’t holding onto yours.
“You’re awake.”
“Everything hurts,” you say, trying to sit up.
“Stop. Let me help you, okay?” He doesn’t let you answer, lifting you gently with an arm around your shoulders to put an extra pillow behind your back. His hand is still in yours. “Can I do something?”
“Water would be nice.”
Joel doesn’t waste a second, twisting around to grab a glass of water on the table next to your bed and then lifting it to your mouth. He tilts it for you, too.
“I could’ve done that,” you say as he puts the glass back down.
“I don’t want you hurting yourself. You lost a lot of blood, and you’ve got stitches.”
It’s then you remember what really happened to you. The raiders, the pain, the flashes of Joel helping you home.
“You saved my life.”
“Did you really think I’d leave you, sweetheart?”
Joel calls you ‘sweetheart’ on rare occasions, when he can’t seem to stop it from slipping, and every time, it makes your heart do a stupid jump.
“No, Joel. I didn’t.”
As quiet as he is, as closed-off and often grumpy, you know that he cares about people, about you.
“I was really fuckin’ scared,” he says, pushing damp baby hairs from your forehead, “I thought I didn’t really get scared anymore.”
“You’re not as cold as you think, Joel.” You blink slowly, squeeze his hand again just to be sure you aren’t hallucinating, “you’re not cold at all.”
“Not with you.”
Joel wants to say so much more, and he will, someday, but he can tell you’re exhausted, your blinks growing longer, heavier. It’s like you’re fighting to stay awake, to keep talking to him.
“You can sleep, sweetheart,” he says, his hand shifting to rest on the side of your head. “You need the rest.”
what if i told you (i love you) part 1 - joel miller
pairing: joel miller x fem!reader
summary: five years ago, pregnant and alone, you left boston after a fallout with joel but when he shows up in jackson, you have to deal with the aftermath.
word count: 1.4k
warnings: angst (loads), mentions of pregnancy, non-specified age gap, (please let me know if i missed something!)
a/n: this is my first time writing joel so pls go gentle on me lol I am planning on making this a series if u guys like it! let me know :) i know joel is usually pegged as a girl dad which i love but i thought it would be fun to write a mini joel! this isn't edited so i apologize for all mistakes. also i am taking requests now so ask away!
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You hadn’t anticipated seeing him. When you left the Boston QZ five years ago after finding out you were pregnant, you never wanted to see Joel Miller’s face again. Not after you broke the news and he told you to get out - that he wanted you gone. Tess had told you to give him a few days to cool down and let the news sink in, so you did. You waited a couple days, which turned into a week and another and once a month passed, you realized you couldn’t wait around for Joel to get his head out of his ass so you packed up and left Boston. You had heard rumors of settlements out West and took the chance of going to one. It was a risky move, especially being pregnant, but raising a child in the QZ was impossible. Bringing a life into this world alone was cruel but if you could make it to one of the settlements, you thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. And you did. After months of traveling and close calls, you made it to Jackson. You couldn’t believe how close to normal it was there. It felt like before the outbreak which felt impossible but somehow they did it. You made friends and had support when you finally delivered.
Little Jack came into the world with the helping hands of Maria and your friend Avery. You named him after Jackson, the little community that welcomed you with open arms. He was absolutely perfect and as he grew, he looked more and more like Joel. It hurt you that Joel wasn’t here to see his son grow but he had made his decision the day he told you to leave.
The life you built in Jackson was good enough. You taught at the small school in the morning and spent the rest of your day with Jack and your friends. Every so often you went on patrol but with Jack, you had to find someone to watch him. Avery offered to keep him for the afternoon while you went out with Maria and some others for a quick patrol. Someone thought they heard gunshots going off and your group was sent to check it out. You thought you would come across some raiders or maybe a couple stragglers but what you weren’t expecting was to find Joel Miller and some random kid. It didn’t surprise you that he was looking for Tommy and you watched for Maria’s reaction when he told her his name.
In Jackson, Joel’s name wasn’t a popular one to those who heard it. Tommy had recounted the days that he, Joel, Tess and others had spent that still gave him nightmares and you didn’t have many good things that you shared about him. You kept the good things to yourself and only let yourself think about them on nights you were particularly lonely or sad. She hid her reaction better than you would have but you were a little surprised when she invited them back to town. As soon as you got back, you went straight to the stables to drop off your house before going to pick up Jack from Avery’s. You wanted to just go home but he fought you tooth and nail to go to the dining hall to see Hazel, an older woman in Jackson who was the first person to take you in when you first arrived. She treated you like a daughter and in turn, treated Jack as a grandson.
When you got there, Hazel was delighted to see him and you couldn’t help but smile when Jack squealed and ran straight for her. Watching them, you felt a set of eyes on you and when you looked, they met Joel’s. As usual, his expression was impossible to read. He was sitting with the girl, Ellie you’d briefly heard, along with Tommy and Maria.
“Some new folks, huh?” Hazel asked, breaking you out of your daze. She knew the story about Joel so you were hesitant to tell her who they were but she would find out eventually.
“Yeah, Tommy’s older brother and the girl is Ellie,” you told her, “apparently they traveled all the way from Boston.”
You watched as the realiztion slowly dawned on her face, hiding an amused smile when she said, “where’s my shotgun?”
“It’s fine,” you tried to reassure her, “I don’t think they’re staying.”
She huffed, “I should’ve poisened that food.”
You shook you head, taking Jack when he reached out to you. He was getting sleepy, resting his head on your shoulder and babbling nonsense. You could still feel Joel’s gaze, so you told Hazel you would see her tomorrow and started walking out when you heard your name called.
Tommy.
You weren’t sure what his plan was, he knew your past with Joel so you took your time walking over to where the four individuals were seated. Maria was giving Tommy a dark look and you knew she didn’t agree with his interfering.
“Hey,” you said lightly, trying to ignore Joel’s eyes that were now focused on Jack. Ellie was looking between you and Joel and you could almost see the wheels turning in her brain.
“I was wondering if you had time to take Ellie to the house next to yours and let her have a shower? Maybe find some new clothes?” Tommy asked and held his hand up when Joel started to argue.
“Sure,” you said, motioning for her to follow you. She gave Joel one look before following you out the door. It was cold and you hugged Jack, who was now asleep, tighter to you. She was silent until you were a couple minutes away from the house, whistling.
“So, I take it you and Joel know each other?” She questioned, walking faster to keep up with you. You wanted to drop this kid off before she accidentally got answers out of you. She continued pestering you after you just shrugged and you wondered how Joel, of all people, managed to make it from Boston with the girl. She seemed sweet enough but lord, she was chatty.
“What’s his name?” She asked, pointing to the sleeping boy in your arms as if there was another child around.
“Jack,” you told her and she smiled.
“Like, Jackson?”
“Nice catch,” you praised and she grinned.
You showed her to the shower, before searching for some clean clothes. It took a few trades but you managed to get her some fresh clothes and a new jacket. When you returned to the house, you ran into the one person you were hoping to avoid. He froze when you walked in the front door, clothing in hand and Jack still on your hip. Your back was aching from carrying him but he was unusually clingy. His eyes locked on Joel, head tilting slightly before reaching out for the older man, surprising the two of you. Joel stood frozen even as Jack reached for him, whining slightly.
It was Ellie who broke the awkward silence, walking down the stairs in the fluffy robe you left for her. “You gonna take the kid, or what? He’s not contagious.”
You were hesitant to let Jack go but after he let out an angry wail, you put him down and watched as he walked over to Joel and reached for him, making a grabby motion with his tiny fists, the universal pick me up signal from a child. The man awkwardly picked him up and you immediately saw the similarities between the two. You always thought he looked like Joel but looking at the two of them together, a paternity test wouldn’t be needed.
“Woah,” Ellie said, taking Jack’s hand when he reached towards her, “he looks just like you.”
You ignored the insinuating tone in her words, opting to watch the interaction between the two boys. Joel’s sole attention was now on the toddler in his arms. His whole body softened when Jack rested his head on his chest and you suddenly felt a rush of emotions. Shoving the clothes in Ellie’s arms, you took Jack from Joel and fled out the door, ignoing both voices calling out to you. You didn’t stop running until you were in your own house and rushed to put Jack to bed before going to your own room. Not bothering to change, you crawled under the covers and tried to hold back the sobs threatening to escape you.
You had spent the last five years trying to get over the heartbreak Joel Miller caused you and suddenly the man himself showed up and brought back evey single feeling you had for him.
Joel x Female!Amputee!Reader: (Don't) Hold Your Breath [Ch. 12]
Summary: You’ve made a lot of monumental mistakes in your life. Cutting your arm off isn’t even at the top of the list. Now you’re about to learn a lot of life lessons at the hands of your savior and her brute of a guardian–and they’re not about to let you learn them the easy way either.
Challenge: "#32 in His Rulebook" by Edible Heart Monster on Lunaescence Archives
Rating/Warnings/Tags: M (post-The Last of Us; excessive swearing; sexual references; violence against children; infected children; references to abortion; references to cannibalism; references to starvation; references to riots; implied domestic abuse; implied grooming; implied sexual relationship between an adult and a minor; death of a parent; violence; gore; blood; gun use; ableism; amputee!Reader; enemies to lovers; not canon compliant)
Pairings/Relationships: Joel/Female!Reader; Tommy/Maria; Reader/Male!OC; Ellie & Reader; Ellie & Joel; Ellie & Maria & Tommy
Tag List: @imaginesfire
Master List (with important note!)
Rule #12: If you can't swim, tell me beforehand. Otherwise I won't notice if you start drowning.
Tommy took the scanners, but he didn’t do anything with them. He just thanked you for the box before he shoved it somewhere out of sight. Ellie didn’t care; Joel must not have either. Neither so much as tired to ask where he was going to leave them. But you hadn’t trekked around for an entire month with an aching arm nearly getting yourself killed—or worse—for nothing. You asked.
He didn’t answer, not really. All he said was, “I just need to figure out how to introduce them to people without having a riot on my hands. Don’t want ‘em thinking their vote didn’t matter.”
Needless to say, this did not reassure you. So what if they thought their vote didn’t matter? It hadn’t, had it? Did Tommy want his people to be safe or dead? You followed him around asking questions for days after your return. It was not as though you had anything else to do with your time. But somehow you must have managed to push even easygoing Tommy too far. He rewarded by letting you accompany Maria around Jackson.
She appreciated your company even less. You couldn’t aim a gun; you couldn’t use a knife; you could barely open a door. In a word, you were useless, and Maria didn’t have the time or inclination to baby you. The gesture might have been refreshing and appreciated, if not for what you ended up doing instead: spending a lot of time with Ellie. Whenever she wasn’t in school, she was with Maria, and Maria took every opportunity to ditch the two of you and let Ellie babysit.
One such afternoon, most of Jackson was empty. Winter would soon be drawing to an end, but the nights weren’t getting any warmer, and much of the firewood stock had been depleted. Every able-bodied villager not on guard duty left the walls to help gather more. Inside remained only adults ready to shoot at the first sign of danger, the children deemed too small to fell a tree, and you. No one would trust you with an ax.
Since the day was nice despite the chilly air blowing in from the north, Ellie insisted on staying outside. She didn’t have school—both of her teachers were out with the rest—so you got the “honor” of hanging out with her all morning, listening to her constant chatter about some friend of hers that got bit and where she’d first learned to ride a horse.
“Uh-huh…Uh-huh…Uhhhh-huh,” you found yourself muttering on repeat as the sun dipped in the sky. Where the fuck was everyone? Sitting in huffy silence in the woods would have been preferable to this torture.
“Are you even listening?”
“Uh…huh.”
Something popped loudly against the wall you leaned against. You sat up with a high-pitched “shit” to see Ellie sitting in front of you, her brow furrowed. “You know, losing an arm doesn’t make you deaf, bitch.”
“I told you not to call me that,” you said with a scowl.
Her eyebrows lifted. “If it’s the only way to get your attention, I’m gonna call you bitch.”
Clearly, Ellie was not in the mood to bicker. Or maybe she as and you weren’t. The cold seemed to aggravate your ghost limb. You sighed and tugged your legs closer to your chest. As you did, you took another look at your hand. If there was one positive thing you could say about just about anything, it was that the scarring from your burns could have been worse. At least it hadn’t ruined that hand, too.
“What the fuck did you just throw at me anyway?” you asked.
Ellie answered by throwing another. A tiny spark shot up from where whatever it was hit the wall. “It’s a snapper,” she explained. “Some kind of old-timey firework. Doesn’t do jack shit, though. I’m seeing if they’d make a good distraction.”
“Why do you need a fucking distraction? Can’t you just shoot whoever’s attacking you in the head?”
“If you’d been listening to me earlier, you’d know I’m looking into methods that don’t involve shooting things for, you know, when people can’t shoot.”
“I didn’t ask for your help, you little shit.”
Ellie blinked at you, then threw a second snapper at your face. It sailed by so close to your cheek that you felt the paper brush your chin there.
“Fuck!”
“Don’t be such a baby,” she said, rolling her eyes and tossing four more of the tiny white things at the wall behind your head. “Besides, I wasn’t talking about you specifically. Don’t take everything so fucking personally. God.”
“Who else needs shitty fireworks to take out infected, jackass?” you demanded. That only earned you another roll of the eyes. If you hadn’t been so exhausted from the morning’s chores, you might have attempted to backhand her. But Ellie, as always, knew she was safe.
“As I was saying,” she said as she lifted her eyebrows, practically begging you to interrupt, “we’re not gonna have bullets forever. It’s not like there are people making them anymore. The military’s practically gone, after all. Eventually, we’re all gonna be stuck without firearms. I figure, why sit around on our asses ‘till we’re forced to adapt?”
She had a point not that you were in any mood to admit it. “So I guess I’m just lucky enough to be your guinea pig?”
A grin flashed across her face. “And lucky enough that you’ll have an edge on everyone else when guns become useless.”
“Lucky me,” you muttered. Then you gestured at her small pile of snappers with your chin. “Where’d you pick those up, anyway? Tommy got those in storage too?”
“I dunno,” she said. “Maybe. But I snagged these on the way back here. They were in a garage. Joel says fireworks came in bigger varieties though. Maybe I can find some of those, or I can make them or—”
Ellie broke off, suddenly alert and looking at something to your left. Heavy footsteps echoed from the nearby doorway. You tensed, though you didn’t bother to look at who was making their way toward you. If it was anyone other than a member of Ellie’s family unit, you’d need to take off without warning. You wouldn’t put it past one of the other Jackson citizens to try offing you while your shepherds were away. A moment later, Ellie’s genuine smile answered your question.
“Done with the lumberjack business already?” she asked.
“I got some time off,” Joel answered. When you finally deigned to look up at him, you saw that he was carrying his heavy pack normally reserved for scavenging trips.
Ellie must have noticed that, too, because she perked up considerably. “Is Tommy sending us out?”
He shook his head as he adjusted the well-worn straps. “Nah. I just got a few hours off to do something I’ve been meanin’ to do for a bit. Might need some supplies if we run into anything, but I don’t think we will.”
“We? I get to come?”
“You’re the whole point, baby girl.”
Joel waved his arm in the direction of the closest exit. Ellie hastily crammed her remaining snappers into her pack, shoved one arm into a strip, and jumped to her feet. When Joel started to walk away, she followed.
“Field trip,” she said. “Cool.”
You watched them leave, relieved. With Ellie gone, you might be able to sneak in a nap before dinner. Or even sleep through dinner, depending on how late the two of them stayed out. That was one day where your desire for sleep was definitely greater than your desire for watery, bland meat and whatever canned vegetables Jackson still had left. Maria was busy on patrol and likely wouldn’t care to find you and ask you to better yourself.
These pleasant plans were rudely interrupted by Joel coming to a stop so suddenly that Ellie nearly walked straight into him. She took a wide step backward. Then he turned and stomped back toward you.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Sitting,” you answered.
“Wrong answer. Get off your ass and come along.”
“Why do I have to go on your fucking errands?”
“You think anyone is keen on leaving you here alone?”
“What, because I’ll run off?” you demanded. “I came back with you two, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, maybe that’s the problem.”
Joel watched you for a long moment before thrusting his hand out in your direction. All you did in return was scowl. You were sore enough that the help was tempting, but not quite tempting enough. He didn’t really need to know how drained you felt after a morning spent following Ellie around and scrapping the decades-old graffiti off the inner walls. You shoved his hand away and got to your feet yourself. After another thirty seconds of staring, Joel rolled his eyes and marched off again.
You followed, but you didn’t have to be happy or quick about it. Both Joel and Ellie made it to the gates before you caught up. Once you did, one of the guards on the wall nodded. If you expected an explanation once your little group got outside, you were sorely disappointed. Joel led the way through the naked trees in silence, and for once Ellie didn’t seem to feel the need to fill that silence with chatter. At first, her uncharacteristic lack of yammering made you nervous, but then you remembered that she hadn’t got to leave the settlement since getting back three and a half weeks ago either. Stir-crazy was an emotion you could sympathize with.
Whatever was up with Joel, though, you couldn’t say. After he’d finished icing your hand, he’d gone back and reheated your coffee. As much as you’d wanted to throw it back in his face, it was coffee and you’d had to accept it and offer him a cup for “being nice.” Since returning to Jackson, you hadn’t seen him much outside of when he came to relieve Ellie from guard duty, but when you did see him, things were different. He wasn’t as much of an asshole, and somehow you didn’t like it. Worse was Ellie, who had taken up smirking on the occasions she found you and Joel together. You didn’t understand the smirk, but you did understand that it made you want to hit her even more than you usually did.
It was late afternoon by the time he stopped in a wide clearing. No movement. No sound. Not a one of the firewood-seekers were around.
“Uh…is this it?” Ellie asked.
“Yep,” said Joel. He watched her expectantly. What he was expecting, you had no idea. There was literally nothing there except a mostly-thawed pond. Ellie let out a gasp when she noticed this feature herself.
“Wait a minute,” she said, quickly backing away. “You’re not—You wouldn’t—”
“It’s time, baby girl.”
“Fuck no.”
“You’ve got to learn some time.”
“Not today.”
She was nearly to the trees; Joel started to go after her, slowly, with one hand outstretched. “It’s not that deep.”
“I don’t care. I’m not getting in that. I’m not going to—” While Ellie was busy protesting, Joel got close enough to snatch her. Ellie shrieked as he walked back toward the pond. “Joel! No! I said fucking no, Joel!”
“Sorry, kid,” Joel said in a tone that indicated he was really more amused than repentant. Though she continued to scream obscenities, he let her go. She hit the shallows with an impressive splash.
“Joel!” Ellie howled.
“What, you the Wicked Witch of the West now?” he asked as she glared up at him from the water. “You melt in water? You’ve never acted this way before.”
“Because getting in the water always had a point! And I had a raft! You want me to fucking…to fucking learn how to swim!”
He spread his arms out in front of him. “Ya caught me. Anyway, now that you’re all wet, you might as well get started.”
You’d never seen Ellie look quite as pissed off at someone other than you before. To his credit, Joel didn’t seem the slightest bit intimidated, or so you thought until you remembered that Ellie was a teenager and shouldn’t have been intimidating to anyone. Fuck, you were getting soft. Probably because the people that kept insisting on keeping an eye on you also insisted on constant displays of familial bonding while you were present.
Scowling, Ellie stood, peeled off her pack, and dumped it on the shore. A ghost of a smile tugged at Joel’s lips as he set his own pack next to it. She looked somewhat surprised when he waded past her into a deeper section of pond.
“I’m not gonna let you drown, baby girl,” he said. “We’re just going to do a few strokes.”
Suddenly her anger turned to nervousness so palpable even you could see it. “I, uh…”
“Come on. What’s going to happen if something happens to me? You want to get stuck out in the middle of a lake? Or fall off a building and drown? There’s not always going to be someone around to carry you.”
“I don’t want carried,” she muttered.
“Then do you want to die?”
“No. I…” She trailed away and shot an embarrassed look at you. Joel noticed this. He laughed.
“Oh, don’t worry. [Name] has to learn, too.”
“What?” you barked. Joel chuckled harder. “Oh, I don’t fucking think so. I took swim lessons decades ago.”
Joel nodded as though he agreed with your logic—then: “You tried swimming now that you only have one arm?”
You and Ellie froze at the exact same time for entirely different reasons: You because fuck you hadn’t thought of that; Ellie because now she had a rival she had a pretty good chance of winning against.
“You brought me here to make fun of me,” you said.
He shrugged. “I brought you here to make Ellie feel more comfortable.”
“Same thing.”
“If you want to look at it that way. ” He shrugged again before pointing toward where Ellie stood. “Now get going.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? That water will be freezing. I’m not getting in in my clothes.”
“You want to go back and get your swimsuit?” Joel asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “You fall in the water during a fight—or, I don’t know, just walking, you’re so graceful—you don’t get to pick what temperature it is or what you’re wearing.”
He had a point. Why did everyone keep having those today? You were losing ground every which way, and your hope for a nap was fading quickly into the distance. Joel rolled his eyes and ran a hand down his face before he looked for a moment at both you and Ellie in turn.
“You need to learn this. If you start drowning in the middle of things, no one is going to notice.” Joel kept his eyes on you the longest. Anger broiled just underneath your skin. It would take you the longest to learn, you knew. Ellie didn’t have to retrain herself to swim a different way.
“We do this here,” Joel continued, “I’m not going to let either of you drown. And we’ll go slow. Real slow.”
Ellie watched carefully for your reaction. It was thus: You rolled your eyes massively and dumped your coat onto the dry ground. Without saying a word, you tramped over to where she stood, took a massive, shuddering breath, and stepped into the water. It soaked you up to your hips. You’d been absolutely right before, too. The pond was freezing. As you shivered beside her, Ellie smirked and pushed deeper in.
“I’ll go first,” she said. “So you can acclimate.”
To get a head start, more like. Your teeth were chattering too hard to retort. But, hey. Things would warm up eventually, wouldn’t they? And participating beat the shit out of sitting around all day watching Joel and Ellie have fun.
"there isn't anything that i wouldn't do for you." with joel miller please 😩😩
this is my first time ever writing for joel so pre-warning this could be total shit
Joel Miller was a hard man to ignore.
He had a heavy presence; it filled every corner of the room with his various huffs and sighs, meaning that he was on your mind even when you were in a bad mood with him. You didn't want to be. Not when you were living - hell, surviving - in a time where everyday was too fucking precious. It was just...a miscommunication, maybe. Joel had changed the plan of attack at the last minute, you'd been shot at, yada, yada, yada. Now, quite justifiably, you were sat with your back facing him, staring blankly at the wall and waiting for him to apologise.
"Are you gonna stop giving me the silent treatment now?"
You glanced over your shoulder at him, shooting him a dirty look. "Are you going to apologise for?"
"What the damn hell am I meant to be saying sorry for?!"
"You went the wrong way!" you exclaimed. "You said we'd come in from the left, and you went right, and those fucking mercenaries almost got me-"
"- but they didn't! I saved you in time, didn't I?"
"It doesn't count as saving me when you're the one who put me in danger in the first place, Miller."
Joel sighed to himself, trying to refrain an eye-roll. Sometimes his inability to hide discontent was a curse, and that was something he realised when your glare widened. You were impossible at the best of times. In this climate, there weren't many of those.
Hands on his hips, he finally cracked and crossed the creaky floorboards of your hotel room. You were lucky to have found it in a motel half way between your last city and the next. It had no running water - or anything, really - but there was a mattress and a roof with minimal damage. That was the best you could find these days.
"Look...can you look at me? Just for a sec?" Joel began. He leant down in front of you, placing his hands on your knees as he balanced himself opposite where you were sat on the end of the bed. "I'm sorry, okay? I really am."
You glanced down at him.
"There are usually two things on my mind during a shootout like that: keeping you safe and then knowing the safest route out," he continued. "Running from every all the fuckin' time is tiring. My head gets loud and...I'm prone to slipping up. I don't like to and I hate even more that it happens but it does. And I'm sorry."
"Joel," you murmured. "No, I'm sorry. Shit. I shouldn't have made you feel bad-"
"- I want you have to faith in me all the time," he cut you off. "I want you to have confidence that I'm gonna look after you and keep your ass safe because there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you."
"I do," you murmured. "I promise."
"I love you," he replied. Joel softly placed a hand on your cheek, guiding your face down to meet his in a tender kiss. "I've got you. Always."
Warnings: Spoilers for episode 3 😭 angry revenge, blood/violence with raiders, protective ‘who did this to you?’ Joel 🥰 18+ themes, smut, overstimulated, super sensitive, touch starved, unprotected pinv, and aftercare
I’m a massive fan of the video game and PEDRO has been on my mind for WEEKS {thanks TikTok edits} I’m obsessed with this man
Request: This just came from my own head 😊
A/N: Over the years of making trades, there’s only been one girl that Joel can’t seem to get out of his head
{2007 – four years into the infection}
Just outside of Lincoln was a reservoir, brimmed with reflective water. It was surrounded by oak and hardwood, a line of color differing in shades of green, orange, and red. Joel looked at the leaves rippling against the stagnant water, thinking to himself that’s quite the view.
Tess, as per usual, was able to say those things out loud, “It’s beautiful.”
He didn’t need to reply.
“The neighborhood is just over there,” she continued, hands wound about her backpack straps, “Third house on the left, near the book café.”
Coffee – thought Joel – what he’d give for a black coffee right then.
“I bet she has coffee,” Tess said, speaking for him again. “She probably has that café up and running.”
It was too casual, too normal, to have a life outside of a QZ. The idea someone was living off the land after four years of a fungal apocalypse didn’t sound right. Something would have happened by now – raiders, a hoard of infected, accident with a gun.
“I still don’t like it,” Joel grumbled, following the colorful leaf strewn trail. People just didn’t survive out there on their own. It was unheard of. They always met a tragic end sooner or later.
“You don’t have to like it,” Tess bit back, “But we have a potential customer and I’m not going to pass up on that just because of a feeling you have.”
Joel gave a gruff sound in reply.
“If Frank says she’s okay then I trust her.”
If Frank said the sky was green and the grass was blue she would’ve believed him. They were thick as thieves.
“Maybe we’ll make a friend.”
“Maybe we should stop answering radio calls from Lincoln,” Joel said.
Tess scoffed, “But then we wouldn’t see Bill and Frank again.”
Joel didn’t say anything, holding back the words that he knew Tess could already guess. She spun around, pausing their walk with a stern look on her face.
“If you need to see this as a business meeting, fine – we’re out here trying to get the best trade. But I am going to meet a friend of a friend. And you will act cordial because as much as you can’t stand the thought of getting to know people past the stage of ‘get out of my fucking way,’ I want to.” She gave him a hard stare, “There’s nothing wrong with attempting something normal.”
Like inviting friends out to coffee.
Joel refrained a sigh, staring Tess down with a look of understanding. He only gave a curt nod in return.
When she was satisfied he wasn’t going to object further, she continued on the path. They passed the reservoir and were met with a crossroads, one direction leading towards a historic looking town.
It was small and safeguarded by mighty oak trees keeping watch. It looked like a quaint place people moved to in search of a quiet retirement. There were only a couple shops, a little food market, and half a dozen houses.
“There are more neighborhoods towards the west,” Tess remarked, “Bill and Frank live that way.”
Joel surveyed the area, used to the routine of searching for potential threats. Nearing the fence line, he put his palm against the heel of a gun.
In similar fashion to Bill and Frank’s, an electric fence encompassed the first three houses, the café, and an electronics store. He knew this girl accepted a lot of help from her neighbors, at least after Frank moved in. No doubt there were a number of complicated traps rigged everywhere outside the fence line.
“She knows we’re coming?”
Tess neared the fence gate, “Yeah, she said she’ll be on the lookout and… oh, there she is.”
Coming out of the first house was a woman, younger than him by some years but that wasn’t the first thing Joel noticed about her. He noticed the bright beaming smile on her face – open and welcoming.
“Hi there!” she called out, walking with quick steps, “Tess?”
“(Y/N)?” Tess asked in return.
“In the flesh,” the woman said, still smiling that wide smile, “It’s nice to put a face to the radio voice.”
Tess started smiling too, “I agree. Frank speaks very highly of you.”
“Oh he’s just a chatterbox,” (Y/N) laughed, pressing a few numbers into a keypad and unlocking the gate. “But I love him for it.” She opened the gate with a squeaky clang of the chain link fence.
“Thank you,” Tess said, gesturing behind her as she walked through, “This is my partner Joel.”
“Partner,” (Y/N) beamed, “Nice to meet you.”
Joel had to tear his eyes away from the grinning lower half of her face to meet her gaze. He could only nod.
“That’s how he says hi,” Tess sighed, “Not much of a people person.”
“I don’t blame him,” (Y/N) continued, “Not with how things are these days.”
Unfocused on her smile, Joel now scanned the rest of her. Her hair was clean, her clothes untorn, there was even a smell of flowers about her. She didn’t look like someone surviving an apocalypse. She looked like how the world used to be.
And it put a strange feeling in Joel’s gut.
“I’ll give you the tour,” (Y/N) said, “And then we can talk over dinner.”
“We’re not staying,” Joel said immediately.
Tess gave him a glare that said: don’t be rude. “We shouldn’t stay when it’ll be dark soon.”
“You’re welcome to spend the night,” (Y/N) said, eyes fixed on Joel’s hard gaze, more apprehensive than hurt at his unwillingness to spend any more time there than he had to. “I have a guest house prepared.”
“A guest house?” Tess couldn’t hold in her laugh, “How much do you rent for?”
(Y/N) was smiling again, “We can discuss the details over roast and potatoes.”
Joel’s stomach made the infuriating decision to growl just then.
“I’ll make the tour quick,” (Y/N) flickered amused eyes towards him.
He set his jaw, choosing to look anywhere but the two girls trying to contain their laughs.
“This is my lookout base,” (Y/N) gestured to the first house she just came out of. “It has a nice view of the surrounding area from each window. I’ll spend time up there looking for any incoming infected. It’s how I get my target practice.”
Joel peered into the open windows of the house and found a rifle fitted with a scope leaning against the sill.
They walked down the center street, (Y/N) talking along the way, “The second house is for guests and has a lot of my food storage and extra supplies hidden beneath the floors. This third house is my own.”
She gestured to the one with a large front porch and a flourishing front garden. Snug between the two houses was a roaming chicken coop and another pen right behind it.
“What’s behind the chickens?” Tess asked.
“Rabbits,” (Y/N) said, “I trade them for supplies at Bill’s.”
“Have they ever stayed at your guest house?”
“A few times,” (Y/N) smiled proudly, “Five star reviews.”
They continued towards the center of her little town. The ground was dug up all around the cobblestone street, housing planter boxes and freshly tilled earth.
“Here’s my garden,” she said, “Mostly root vegetables but I’ve been searching for some summer berries or vine plants. Tomatoes and peppers maybe.”
“We could help with that,” Tess mused, “We know where to find seeds.”
(Y/N) beamed again, “Right ahead is the café. I’ve got coffee beans coming out of my ears in that place. And I’ve been using it as my library too – the perfect place to take a load off.”
That feeling in Joel’s gut was persistent and it was making him uncomfortable now.
“And that is an electronics store,” (Y/N) pointed to the last building within her fenced in town. “It’s where I use my radio and keep stock of my power and water.”
Tess turned full circle, nodding her head like she was impressed, “And that over there?” She gestured towards the fence line where large heavy bricks were piled.
“Oh that’s my ongoing project to keep this place more secure,” (Y/N) sighed, “Along with the electric fence I figured I could add another layer of defense. A brick wall would keep people from being able to peer in.”
“That’s going to take a lot of supplies.”
She nodded, hands in her pockets, “I’ve been disassembling a brick house down the road – it got hit with a car. But I’m running low on cement mix.”
Tess chewed her lip in thought, “I think we could manage that.”
Joel kept his eyes on (Y/N), anywhere but her face. She talked like she hadn’t seen real shit yet. She smiled like life wasn’t hard. She looked clean and unnaturally content for the world they lived in.
The nagging, uncomfortable feeling was urgent. It pushed him to ask, “Are you here alone?”
She looked to him with that sudden air of apprehension, “Yes.”
He shook his head towards the ground, “That’s not smart.”
“I have Bill and Frank,” she said, that smile gone with the first word out of his mouth. “And I’m well prepared.”
“You’re one person sitting on a pot of gold,” Joel said lowly.
“I’ve lasted this long,” she said just as quietly.
It was making him mad, “Don’t be stupid.”
“Joel,” Tess said warningly, “We are guests here.”
“I’m just being honest,” he said, “I’ve seen too many good people get killed because of their good intentions. Pretty soon there will only be assholes and killers left.”
There was a pause where (Y/N) stared him down with an edge of fear. It made her look like a rabbit about to dart away and hide.
“And which are you,” she asked quietly, “An asshole or a killer?”
Joel met her gaze with a sizzle of electricity. He thought she was good – it put a fire in her chest, a want to prove herself capable of being good and a survivor. The defiant look on her face only made his uneasy feeling flare tenfold.
She wasn’t safe. She needed someone to protect her.
“We’re both assholes,” Tess stepped in, “That’s what makes us so great at negotiating trades.”
(Y/N) turned her body towards Tess, burned by Joel’s words, “I could use more assholes on my side.” She refused to look at Joel, “Maybe one will end up staying.”
Tess laughed, brushing over the tension that had settled between them, “Sounds like you’ve heard Frank tell their love story one too many times.”
“He says I just need to find my Bill,” she laughed along, walking them back towards her house, “I guess I just need to find an asshole.” She peered over her shoulder to give Joel a raised eyebrow.
He couldn’t stop the sigh that escaped him, still upset and burning with the desire to argue his point further. Maybe he was more upset with the fact that he’d fixated on her need for a protector.
He didn’t need another person to worry about, not when he already had Tess and Tommy. Adding to that list meant adding to the grief he’d endure if he failed to save them.
It was good she was apprehensive of him. It was good there was an edge of fear when she looked at him. He couldn’t get attached.
“That smells amazing,” Tess breathed, entering the house, “Where did you get a roast?”
“Bill,” (Y/N) said, going to the kitchen to check on the slow cooker, “He carved up a cow near a cattle range a few miles away. I traded some sheets, vegetables, and coffee beans for it.”
Joel leaned against the entryway. Better be worth it – he thought – trading supplies for one measly roast.
“I understand if you have to leave,” (Y/N) continued, “But my home is open to you. You’re welcome to stay for some food and rest.”
“You’ll accept us into your trades, then?” Tess asked. “I thought we made a pretty lousy first impression.”
(Y/N) smiled, “Better than you think.” She didn’t look towards Joel. “I know we just met…”
Joel made a gruff sound that seemed close to a laugh.
Still (Y/N) didn’t acknowledge him, “But I trust Bill’s judge of character. If he’s willing to work with you then I don’t see why I shouldn’t.”
“We’ll work up a supply list,” Tess nodded, “And in the meantime I say we set the table.”
“Tess…” Joel said warningly, “We should…”
“Get the plates,” Tess cut in, “I’m starving.”
~~~
{2007 – 3 months later}
The leaves were still crisp and golden along the road to (Y/N)’s town. It was later in the day, much later than Joel would’ve liked, but Tess knew there’d be an invitation to stay the night.
And as much as Joel hated to admit it, a hot shower and a clean bed sounded like heaven. His back was aching with the weight of their trade. Sweat dotted his temples and the falling light made him squint his eyes.
“Fuck, I hope she cooked,” Tess groaned, “That hike felt way longer with full packs.”
Joel wiped his brow, “I told you we should’ve started with seeds.”
“She needs the cement more,” Tess said, “And we’ll get more in return for the mix.”
The town was coming into their sights and Joel was surprised to see the progress made on the perimeter.
The brick wall was finished along one side and barbed wire extended between the electric fence and the wall. Bill had to have shared his high tinsel wire because the fence was reinforced and surrounded by new traps.
They could hear the electric hum of the fence as they neared the front gate. The keypad housed a buzzer to signal (Y/N) of incoming guests, which Tess pressed.
She gave Joel a look and suppressed a smile.
“What?” he asked.
She shrugged, “Still don’t like it?”
He squinted through the fence at the town within, “Don’t be surprised if she’s gone.”
“We talked to her two days ago,” Tess said, “And I think we would’ve seen evidence of raiders if they came through here.”
Joel still sighed his inner turmoil as (Y/N) came out from where the chicken coop was hidden. She smiled that beaming smile and waved at them with garden gloves in hand.
“Long time no see,” she said, “How was the trip?”
Both Tess and Joel hesitated at seeing her limp towards them, a bandage clearly wrapped around her lower leg.
“Long,” Tess finally replied, waiting for the gate to open, “What happened there?” She gestured towards (Y/N)’s leg, unwinding her hands from her backpack to have easy access to grabbing a weapon.
Joel was stiff, a few fingers grazing the gun secured in his pocket.
(Y/N) seemed unphased, waving them off, “I fell while collecting more bricks from the broken house. I got a bad scrape but nothing terrible.” She opened the gate and finally sensed the tension, “Why?”
Tess eyed Joel before muttering, “Show us.”
“Excuse me?” (Y/N) asked.
“We just want to be sure,” Tess said, “We don’t want to be locked in with a biter tonight.”
(Y/N) scoffed, raising her eyebrows, “Um… yeah, sure.” She knelt to one knee with a wince and rolled her pant leg. Blood had seeped through the bandage and made a terrible sound as she peeled it away from her wound.
It was still fresh and speckled with new blood from being torn open again, but it was obviously a scrape and not a bite.
“Satisfied?” she asked, grimacing at the wound, “I’m in need of a clean bandage.”
“Can you blame us?” Tess said, relaxing her shoulders, “We had to be sure.”
“I would think one infected was nothing for you two,” she jested, stumbling to her feet and meeting Joel’s eyes, “I promise it’s nothing.”
Joel didn’t apologize, still touching the handle of his gun.
“You must be tired,” she continued, “I can show you your rooms.” She limped towards the guest house, balling the used bandage in her hands.
Tess followed, Joel left to secure the gate. He grinded his teeth as he fought the sudden urge to lecture (Y/N) about being safe. He had hoped the strange protective feeling of months before would’ve faded. But seeing her again ignited that furious part of him.
“I’ve cleaned your sheets,” (Y/N) said, entering the house and turning for the kitchen, “And there’s extra clothes in the closets.”
“That’s generous of you,” Tess said, “You mind if I shower first?”
Joel shook his head and (Y/N) called out, “No, there should be plenty of hot water for you.”
Tess nodded to her partner and climbed the stairs. Joel listened to her steps, debating on what to do next. He slung the backpack off his shoulders and felt instant relief. A shiver went down his spine as the sweat of his back cooled against the air.
A thud sounded in the kitchen and (Y/N) muttered, “Shit.”
Instinct told Joel to run towards her voice, but he held himself back as he walked into the kitchen.
(Y/N) was leaning against the counter, a stepstool overturned next to her feet. The cabinet above her was open and full of what appeared to be first aid.
Joel put two and two together, choosing not to say anything as he walked all the way over to her. He reached out easily and searched for a bandage and maybe an antibiotic.
(Y/N) inched away, suddenly overwhelmed by his body nearly pressing into hers. “I slipped,” she said quietly.
He didn’t respond, rummaging the top shelf and finding a roll of cloth.
“There’s some medicine up there too,” she muttered, “Next to the hydrogen peroxide bottle.”
Joel found it, placing the supplies on the counter and closing the cabinet.
“Thank you,” she said, waiting for him to move before claiming the first aid. She limped to the dining table, bending over to examine her leg, “I’m making chicken for dinner,” she said, wondering why he was still there, “It should be done soon.”
He leaned against the wall and folded his arms, watching her rub ointment onto the scrape.
“Did you run into anything on your way here?”
He was quiet, standing there with a hard look on his face. His lips were pursed as he contemplated her words.
“You know,” she said, unraveling the roll of cloth, “I’m pretty sure a conversation involves two people talking.”
Joel refrained a sigh, only tilting his head slightly down in her direction. Why he didn’t just go to his room, he didn’t know. The frustration building inside of him was undeniable as he watched her attempt to use the bandage.
“You’re putting it on crooked.”
She lifted her head, “What?”
He grumbled and pushed himself off the wall. He went to kneel in front of her, taking the bandage from her hands and beginning to wrap it around her leg.
She stared at him wide eyed, her mind going blank as he handled her leg. He was surprisingly soft with her, holding her with gentle hands that she didn’t expect. His hair was a soft brown, curled at the edges with the last remnants of sweat. With him bowed before her, she could spy from above easily.
He was warm and toasted from the setting sun, hands still rough and dirty with his travels. He seemed to realize it too as he held her soap scrubbed skin. The flowery smell he found on her months before was overwhelming now. He identified the sweet smell on her skin.
“Thank you,” she said quietly.
The frustration licked his ribs. “Don’t thank me,” he said, “What you’re doing here is going to get you killed.”
She stiffened under his touch, that edge of fear creeping into her vision. “Joel…”
“No,” he said lowly, “What would’ve happened if you got hurt worse than this? There’s no one here to help you.”
“I have…”
“If you say Bill and Frank I swear to god I’ll break this chair.”
(Y/N) clamped her mouth shut, terrified of the sudden anger laced between his words.
“It’s a miracle you’ve lasted this long,” he muttered, “That luck is going to run out eventually.” He tied off the bandage, “And when it does, who will be here to bury you?”
She gulped, voice shaky when she asked, “Why are you so upset? Me being dead just means one less client on your list.”
Joel stood sharply, “It means one less decent person in this fucked up world.” His eyes bored into hers, “Don’t be an idiot.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” she challenged, but her voice was still so small.
“Don’t you understand what’s out there?” Joel said, that anger fueling his tongue. “There are people that thrive in this end of the world shit. They won’t hesitate to burn this place down and skin you alive for all its worth.”
“So I’ll build up my defenses,” (Y/N) said louder than before, “I’ll set a wider perimeter.”
“They’ll work around it,” Joel ground out, “They’ll find a way when you least expect it.”
She stood from her chair, supported by her good leg, “Don’t underestimate what I can do. I’m not helpless out here.”
“But you are alone,” Joel growled, “Alone and cushioned with your electric fences and hot water and three meals a day. There are people that would kill for that!”
“Are you offering a solution?” she said with more vigor, “Or are you just going to keep telling me what a naïve imbecile I am?”
He fisted his hands, “I’m telling you to get out of here before you get seriously hurt.”
“Why do you care so much?” She breathed heavy, her fear ebbing into apprehension again.
Joel set his jaw, staring at her for a tense few seconds before storming out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room, the sound of Tess still in the shower above.
He had to physically stop himself from slamming the door as he went for the bathroom. He turned the sink on roughly and splashed himself with cool water.
He was doing it again. He was already getting attached.
She wasn’t his problem – wasn’t his responsibility – she was just another trade route outside Boston. It was the mantra he said to himself throughout the rest of the night.
But not before taking a lukewarm shower to calm down.
In the morning he sat on the edge of the bed with a dull ache in his head. He had a strange dream about (Y/N). It was short lived but left him with a race in his chest. He prayed that it didn’t happen again.
Tess was trading the cement mix with a number of (Y/N)’s storage items downstairs, so Joel figured he’d sneak into the café to get some coffee.
He could smell the bitter roasted beans from outside the shop door and his nerves gave a leap of joy at the thought of straight hot caffeine. He entered the café with his nose in the air and his throat thirsting for a drink.
It was a terrible surprise to see that the fresh pot of coffee came along with (Y/N) behind the counter.
Her eyes met his for a fraction of a second, turning away quickly to put away a sack of beans. Joel stood awkwardly at the door, already preparing to extinguish whatever frustrating protective feelings developed.
“Good morning,” she whispered, pouring a cup of coffee.
Joel eyed the steam curling lazily into the air and he convinced himself it was the coffee that made him stay – not because he wanted to see her beaming smile again.
He gave a gruff reply as he walked over to the counter.
She gave him the cup, “Coffee, black.”
It was too good to resist. He sat down and slid the cup towards himself, “Thank you,” he muttered.
The first sip was the richest, god he hadn’t had coffee in so long. It warmed his stomach, easing the knots in his hunched shoulders.
It’s satisfying taste provoked him to add, “How’s your leg?”
She froze against the counter, trailing her fingers along the edge, “It’s fine.”
He nodded to himself, “Good.”
She laughed under her breath, “Good,” she repeated, walking towards the other side of the shop. There she eased herself into an armchair, propping her leg on an ottoman.
Joel peered over his shoulder and saw with a raised brow, half a dozen bookshelves, each laden with more books than he cared to see in a lifetime.
He sipped his coffee again, eyeing her as she selected a book from a pile beside her. Of course she had a book collection.
“We’ll be heading out in about an hour.”
She nodded, now absorbed in her book, “See you later, asshole.”
He jerked his head around to catch her in the insult, but she was smiling softly behind her pages.
~~~
{2009 – 18 months later}
“You’re such a hypocrite!”
(Y/N) threw a coffee mug at him, successfully smashing it against the wall beside his head. He dodged the flying shards of ceramic, fuming at her accusation.
“Are you insane?”
“You have no right to lecture me about my safety when you came here alone. Isn’t that the one thing you can’t stand about me living here?”
“Tess is staying with Bill and Frank an extra day!” Joel explained, “She’ll be here tomorrow.”
(Y/N) scoffed, shoving against the café door and stomping down the center street. “Why can’t you just leave it be?”
Joel was hot on her heels, “Because I know what’s out there.”
“I’m sick of that excuse, Joel.” She rounded on him, standing in the middle of the garden, “It can’t be the only reason you’re stuck on this argument.” Her hands on her hips, she squared up to him, “I’ve proven myself for nearly two years.”
He clenched his jaw, a twitch in his cheek, “Don’t…”
She grimaced, so frustrated she was nearly disgusted by his retorts. “You make me so angry sometimes.”
In a rush of aggression, Joel grabbed her by the arms, on the verge of shaking some sense into her, “(Y/N),” he ground out. And it struck him then.
Close and hot and breathing each other’s heavy breaths. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to claim her mouth with his own. The want seized him with such urgency he was temporarily struck dumb.
His hands clamped down on her arms, keeping her close to his mouth.
“Joel,” she said full of heat, “What are you doing?”
But she was eyeing his lips now, so near her own. All she had to do was lean in.
Joel was so conflicted he was fighting every instinct in his body. His lip was starting to curl because of it, turning into a snarl as he gripped (Y/N) close to him. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
He wasn’t supposed to get attached, wasn’t supposed to want her.
But god she was so infuriating, so tempting.
His snarl neared her mouth, on the verge of devouring her. But in a sheer act of will he managed to push away – stumble back – and take a deep breath that wasn’t full of her clean, flowery scent.
He was running hot now, growing stiff as he stood there. He couldn’t steady his breaths, hands on his hips as he stared her down.
She was flushed and breathless in a way that spoke of innocent confusion. Her eyes were wide, and a delicate hand was resting on her chest, as if she had to hold back the pounding of her heart.
Oh God.
Joel bit back a growl, “I saw raiders… (Y/N). On my way over here. They were a few miles back but it’s the closest we’ve seen them in years. They’re scouting.” He knew better than to take a step closer to her. “And they will find you here.”
“I’ll be fine.”
He ran a hand over his beard, cursing to himself, “Fucking… this isn’t a joke, (Y/N). You could be in some serious danger.”
“I’ll figure it out,” she said, full of emotion, “I always do.”
That flush was settling in her cheeks and her eyes became glassy with it.
“Don’t be stupid.”
She clenched her jaw, screwing her lips up in a scowl. “I think you should leave.”
“(Y/N)…”
“Go away, Joel!” she fumed, standing her ground, “We made our trade – you have no business staying here any longer.”
He cursed her, making for the exit like he didn’t know what else to do. Hot blood was beating in his ears and as much as he hated her choice to stay, he still wanted her. He still wanted to be near her regardless of how angry she made him.
She knew he could reach Bill and Franks before nightfall or else she never would have sent him away. And at their little compound he pushed past Tess and found refuge in his own room for the remainder of the night.
Frank was curious as ever. “What’s gotten into him?” he asked Tess, “Ran into some trouble?”
Tess sighed, holding her glass of wine, “I told him to go on ahead to (Y/N)’s.” She took a sip, “Maybe I thought they could use some alone time together.”
Frank raised his eyebrows, suppressing a smile, “Little miss matchmaker you are.”
“Obviously it didn’t work,” she said, “But I know there’s something there.”
“I believe it,” he laughed, “Every asshole needs their sunshine person.”
Tess shared the laugh, “And a sunshine person (Y/N) is.” She raised her glass, “Let’s hope she manages to put him in his place.”
Frank eyed where Joel had just stormed off to, “If she hasn’t already.”
They shared a drink and wished each other a good night, oblivious to the fact that Joel was tossing and turning in his sheets, livid with the idea that (Y/N) could control him even when she wasn’t there.
He was angry and restless and resented how his cock twitched with dreams of her – how he very nearly kissed her just hours before.
It haunted him until dawn when he awoke with the distinct wish for a coffee from the café. He rubbed hard at his face, groaning with the lack of control on his own thoughts. (Y/N) was there smiling at him in his minds eye. Her clean flowery scent filling his nose.
He willed the blood to keep from rushing downward.
Tess and Frank were at the kitchen table, enjoying some eggs and toast. There was a black coffee waiting for him, steaming with the heat. His eyes flickered to the counter to see a bag of coffee beans clearly from (Y/N)’s town.
Tess followed his eyes and smirked, “You slept in.”
“Or he’s just been staring at the ceiling all night,” Frank smiled, “Figured you needed a coffee either way.”
Joel glared at them, sitting down and eagerly drinking the bitter coffee. He licked his lips, “I want to get back to the QZ before dark. We should leave soon.”
Frank groaned, “I always miss you guys when you’re gone.”
“Why do you think I stayed so long this time,” Tess said, “But we’ve got other trades to make. And there’s always the chance the QZ finds us missing. I don’t think I want to head back knowing there’s a noose waiting for me.”
There was a thud as heavy footfalls came from outside. Frank was to his feet immediately, knowing who was making the sound.
Bill came through the door, his breath a little labored, “Joel…”
“What is it?” Frank questioned, meeting him at the door, “What happened?”
Joel rose to his feet, a spark of fear igniting in his chest. If Bill wanted to speak with him, it could only mean grave news.
“Outside,” Bill said, “There’s smoke coming in from the east. A lot of it. I tried to radio (Y/N), and I can’t get a signal. Her channel has never been turned off before.”
Tess moved her head from one man to the other, “Joel…” she began as if she was trying to soothe him before something reckless happened. “It doesn’t mean…”
But Joel was shoving his way outside to look towards the east, the sun still rising as the day began. In the distance was a large billowing cloud of smoke. It was wide and black, meaning something big was burning hot and still raging.
East meant (Y/N)’s town. It meant something terrible had happened. And his blood ran cold.
“Joel,” Tess said behind his back, her mouth falling open, “What could’ve…”
Joel ran back inside for his pack, Bill waiting for him with a polished handgun and a box of ammo. A silent wish of luck that only Bill could express. They shared a look of understanding – that this was a moment of dread that people prayed would never happen to someone they cared about.
Joel gave him a nod of thanks and set out with Tess only five minutes later. He was keeping a runners pace until Tess asked him to slow down.
“Let’s not exhaust ourselves before we know what the threat is.”
“It was those raiders,” Joel bit back, “I told you they were heading this way.”
Tess was thinking it too, “She has a fighting chance,” she said. “She’s well prepared.”
Joel fought against the fear planted in his chest, “I shouldn’t have left.”
Tess wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “We’ll deal with it when we get there.”
It was the quickest they had ever made the trip, using the black billowing smoke as their guide. It never wavered and it never died down, meaning the fire wasn’t done burning everything in its path.
It would attract people for miles around.
Reaching a clearing, the pair of them paused to survey the area. Tess, as ever, was saying what Joel thought.
“Oh my god.”
The lookout house was in flames. The open windows were licked with fire, sending plumes of smoke into the open air. It crackled with heat and broke through part of the roof, sending ash and smoldering wood to the ground.
Bodies were littered outside the fence line – raiders that were caught in traps, shot by a rifle, or electrocuted by the fence. Some were tangled with the barbed wire lining the walls, others were smoking from once being engulfed in flames.
And how many managed to get inside, Joel thought.
They ran for the gate, Tess putting in the code that (Y/N) gave them months before.
Joel held up his new handgun, aiming for anything that moved. His breath was steady against the erratic beating of his heart. That fear in his chest controlled only by the instinct of hunting down whoever remained of the raiding party.
They kept their heads down, guns out, and feet moving in quiet steps. They scouted the guest house, checking the storage beneath the floorboards – it was untouched. They moved on to the main house and though it was ransacked, there wasn’t anyone there.
They went towards the shops, slowing down when they spotted two more bodies outside the electronics store.
Tess gave Joel a nod, and he went to check the faces – both raiders – before spying inside the open doors of the store. He could hear the crackle of electricity, could see the vibrant sparks of an open wire. The white smoke told him the radio was probably destroyed.
The sudden swing of the café door had them spinning around with scary precision.
“Oh, fuck!” said the raider, fumbling for a gun strapped to his belt.
Joel made quick work of shooting the guy in the leg. The raider cried out, falling to his side and yelling for any other help.
Tess kept her gun out as Joel ran for the injured thief.
“Help! Help me!” the man cried, grabbing onto his thigh, blood leaking out and beginning to pool beneath him. He tried to scoot away, “No, no, man stop!”
Joel landed a punch to the raiders face. He ignored the shots fired by Tess as she took down another exiting the café.
“Where is she?” Joel muttered. He dropped his gun, using his free hands to grab the raider by the jacket, “Where is she?”
The man jerked, a trickle of blood falling from his mouth, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, man.”
Joel hit him again, “Don’t fuck with me, kid. I’m not in the mood.”
The raider looked terrified, “The girl… that lives here…”
Joel was holding him up in a sitting position, hands itching for his throat, “Where?”
“Couple of my buddies took her in the back.” He nodded towards the electronics store.
With a hard thrust of his hands, Joel slammed the man into the cobblestones of the street. Whether the impact knocked the man out or killed him, Joel didn’t care. He stood to enter the store, gun left forgotten on the ground.
“Joel!” Tess yelled, running after him.
He ignored her, barging into the store and tensing at the sound of whimpering coming from the back room.
He ran towards the sound, tearing open the door to see a sight that had the air knocked out of him.
(Y/N) sat curled in the corner of the room, hands outstretched towards the men above her, pleading them to stop. She was bruised and bloody – no longer smiling like life wasn’t hard, no longer clean with fresh flower soap.
She was terrified and hurt. A combination of things that had white noise filling Joel’s ears. He saw red as the remaining raiders turned towards him. The disgusting sound of their laughter ceased with the fire in Joel’s eyes.
Tess realized then that Joel didn’t need his gun. He didn’t need her for backup. He just went wild.
Raw instinct launched him towards the men, clobbering one and manhandling the other. He slammed one against the wall, hitting him until pain finally registered in his hand. The bloodied raider slumped to the ground, signaling to his partner to get the hell out of there.
But Joel had already turned and found the last assailant stumbling to his feet after being hit. He threw the man into the back room shelves, kicking him into the ground. He knelt over the raider and punished him with the fury that fueled Joel.
By the end Tess had a grimace on her face, a twist in her stomach that knew it would take Joel a while to come back from what he just did. She stood by (Y/N), shielding her until Joel was finished.
“(Y/N),” he rasped, ragged from the fight, “(Y/N)…” He met her on the floor, not daring to touch her yet.
Tess backed up, going outside to ensure they weren’t interrupted by any surprise raiders.
(Y/N) couldn’t control her breathing, silent tears running tracks through the ash and blood of her face. She kept her hands up, as if it were a measly last defense in saving her life.
Joel felt the fire extinguish in his head, pain blossoming across his knuckles as his hands began to shake. “(Y/N),” he tried again, “Hey, it’s going to be okay.”
She finally peeked above her hands at him, “Joel…” she said breathless.
A stab of pain went through his chest, “Yeah, baby,” he said. “I’m here.”
She was hesitant but as a fresh wave of tears came over her in gratitude, she started to lean into him. And Joel grabbed onto her instantly.
He wrapped her up with his arms and drew her close, “I’ve got you. You’re okay.”
“I thought…” she tried to say, “I thought I was dead.”
“No,” Joel cut her off, “I won’t let that happen.” He squeezed her tight to his chest, saying the things he needed to hear just as much as her. “You’re okay. You’re safe.” Because with him there beside her, she was safe. He could keep her that way.
“They used one of the oak trees,” she muttered, “They climbed and secured a rope across the fence and into the house. They waited until I was alone.”
Joel swallowed hard, putting a hand to the back of her head. “It’s over – they’re all gone.” He shielded her from the bloody mess behind them, “Let’s get you clean up. Tess and I… we’ll take care of everything.”
They managed to get (Y/N) into her house and while Tess volunteered to help with a shower and taking care of her injuries, Joel set out to correct his mistakes.
He gathered the raider bodies and burned them outside the fence line, the acrid smoke masked by the house fire. He found the stolen supplies and placed them back where they belonged. He reset the traps and reloaded the weapons. He even managed to dampen the spread of the house fire so it wouldn’t jump to the other buildings.
Late into the night, restless with the events of the day, (Y/N) asked Tess why Joel hadn’t visited her yet. He had been out all day and into the night.
Tess stayed by her side, resting in an armchair. “He’s trying to make things right,” she said, “He’s working out his frustration.”
“At me?”
“No,” Tess said warmly, “With himself. With those raiders. And… I’m not sure he can stand the sight of you hurt.”
(Y/N) laid in bed, contemplating her words. “He’s going to have to come in eventually.”
“He will,” Tess continued, “After he’s figured out how to apologize to you.”
“He doesn’t have…”
“Oh, yes he does,” Tess smiled, “He won’t rest until he feels like he deserves your forgiveness. And even then…” she shrugged her shoulders. “He’ll blame himself for you getting hurt.”
By morning (Y/N) was able to shuffle towards the window, curious at a thudding sound outside. She pulled blankets closer to her bruised body and peered apprehensively towards the still smoldering lookout house.
It was emitting nothing more than ashy white smoke, meaning the fire could no longer find anything more to burn. And behind the house, beyond the fence, was Joel.
With an axe in hand, he was chopping down the oak tree that helped the raiders get in.
~~~
{2012 – three years after the raid}
After many heated arguments and prolonged visits, the old routine came back.
Joel and Tess returned to their usual trade routes, checking on (Y/N) whenever possible. (Y/N) rebuilt her radio and kept more frequent contact with her friends. She managed to rebuild her defenses and even had Bill attempt to break in a couple times to ensure maximum security.
Her wounds healed but left scars.
She no longer beamed, but simply smiled. She no longer welcomed with open arms, but with a small wave.
Joel struggled to look at her during visits. He tried to distance himself from conversation but couldn’t deny how badly he wished her safety. He’d stand on pins and needles waiting for her to pick up the radio. He’d frantically search the town before finding her reading in the café.
He was head over heels now. Dependent on her being alive and well. And that terrified him.
He had a taste of the panic that consumed him when she was in danger. When he saw her hurt. When he thought of her dead. It made him weak in the knees.
Joel knew that if he let himself he would love her until their dying day. He’d deal with their bickering and name calling and teasing because at the end of the day, he’d kiss her and hold her close, and remember a time when it wasn’t so scary to love.
But that panic ate at him. Reminded him of a grief he couldn’t go through again.
It led him to distance himself during visits. At least he tried to. It didn’t stop him from thinking of her when he touched himself at night.
If he let himself… he could love her like she deserved.
He maneuvered around the trip wires guarding the paths to her town. He ducked under explosives and jumped over potholes.
It had been nearly seven months since he last saw her. They briefly spoke each week on the radio just to check in, but it wasn’t the same as seeing her in person.
He knew he shouldn’t be as excited as he was – knew he shouldn’t have gotten her an extra gift with his trade – knew he shouldn’t have gone out by himself while Tess handled other trades.
But he couldn’t help himself.
She was sitting on her front porch when he reached the gate.
Maybe it was the fact she never interacted with other men, but the sight of him put butterflies in her stomach. She hadn’t felt a man touch her in years and the back and forth between her and Joel was putting her frustratingly close to the edge.
“Hey, there,” she called, watching him saunter over. He had one of his blue button downs on, a worn jacket on top. The corners of his lips barely upturned at her voice.
“How have you been?” he asked gruffly, taking a seat beside her.
She shrugged, “Did you find what I need?”
Joel noted her vague change of subject, “Yeah, here.” He opened his pack to retrieve a few packets of seeds and medicine.
(Y/N) became transfixed with how his hands moved, large and strong, her eyes moving along the veins and tendons working on the back of his palm.
She was just following the line of muscle along his arm when he waved the goods in front of her face.
“You okay?” he asked, holding out the medicine bottles, “You don’t need these because you’re sick, right?”
She felt warmth bloom across her cheeks, “I’m fine.” She cleared her throat, “I haven’t seen you in a while is all.”
Joel’s deep look of concern remained, “What’s the matter?”
She turned her gaze to her town, swallowing hard, “Nothing really.”
“(Y/N),” he said quietly. The baritone of his voice reverberated through her spine. His breath near her ear made her shiver. It was making him suddenly afraid. “What’s going on?”
Feeling him so close was sending goosebumps across her skin. God was she really that touch starved? He was overwhelming her without even touching her.
She stood up jerkily, “Nothing’s going on, as per usual.” She walked into her house, throwing the seed packets on the kitchen table and making for the stairs.
Joel got frantically to his feet, bewildered by her behavior. This wasn’t one of their usual arguments – something was wrong and if she kept evading his questions then he was going to get frustrated.
“Then why are you upset?” he followed her up the stairs and into her bedroom.
She went for the en suite bathroom, placing her new pills in the medicine cabinet. “I’m not.”
Joel felt that annoyance build in his gut, “You are.” He stood in the doorway, cornering her in the bathroom. “Why won’t you give me a reason?”
When she turned to see the way blocked by his broad frame, she gulped. He was bracing himself by putting both hands on the doorway and (Y/N) couldn’t help trailing her eyes along his build.
He was looking at her with a face full of concern, lined and rough with just a hint of frustration at her lack of answers.
It was hot. And (Y/N) hadn’t realized how low that heat had traveled since first seeing him walk through the gate. God she really was that touch starved. She was feeling breathless just looking at him.
Joel looked even more worried, “You sure you’re feeling alright?”
“Could you back up please?” her voice was small and nearly desperate, “Please?”
His eyebrows rose, lifting his hands in surrender and retreating for the bed, “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to corner you.”
She shook her head, heat putting a flush across her chest, “You know I’ve never had a problem being alone.”
Joel looked at her, silent as he sensed a confession coming.
“I’ve always enjoyed the peace and the freedom,” she said quietly, “But there was something I didn’t expect after all these years.”
She took a step forward and Joel had the sudden urge to grab her and hold her.
“I didn’t expect to feel lonely,” she said, “But I am. I’m so lonely here by myself. And it’s driving me insane.” She took another step towards Joel.
He reacted instantly, reaching out to offer his hand. When he found hers, he pulled her closer to him, “I can help with that.”
If he let himself… he could love her fiercely. And with her looking at him with such wide, desperate eyes, he felt ready to snap his resolve in two.
He pulled her closer, having her stand between his legs, “Would you let me help you?” With his free hand he ran a few fingers up her arm and she gasped. A high breathy sound as a shiver ran through her body.
“Fuck,” Joel said, “How long has it been for you?”
She shook her head, already feeling dizzy, “Help me.”
His cock began to ache as blood flew to it. “Tell me,” he said, “Tell me what you want me to do.”
“Help me feel,” she whimpered, “Not feel so alone.”
He groaned deep in his chest, pulling her closer to him, “If I do, a lot of things are going to change.”
She was lightheaded with his hands pulling on her wrists, placing them on his cheeks, “God I hope so.” She held onto his face, tilting it up to where she could plant her lips against his.
He responded immediately, reaching for her waist, groaning against her lips.
It was overstimulating having him touch her, even the barest of touches on her waist had her trembling. His hand wandered up her back, exploring her body with slow, steady hands. It was making her gasp against his mouth, eyes screwed shut and lips wet with his.
“You’re so sensitive,” Joel murmured, “Don’t worry – I’ll go slow.”
He retook her lips, swallowing her unsteady breaths. He started to stand from the bed, keeping his mouth on hers. His hands went from her sides to her jaw, holding her face up to him.
As he stood, her neck began to crane to keep her lips to his, sucking in breaths whenever she could. With him at his full height, she was flush against his chest. It was evident he was beginning to strain against his pants as she felt the bulge press into her midsection.
It sent fast trickles of warmth down between her legs. “Joel,” she said breathlessly, “God, Joel… it’s so much.”
“It feels good?” he muttered, pulling away to kiss her cheek, “Too much for you?”
She shook her head, easily turning her head to give him access to her neck.
“Needy,” he grinned, kissing the soft skin of her neck, “So needy for me.”
She moaned, planting her hands on his shoulders to steady herself. His lips were hot and wet as he nipped and sucked the column of her throat. He teased a sensitive part above her collarbone, relishing in the gasp it produced.
He sucked until he knew she was branded with his lips. He ran his tongue across the new hurt, already planning for the next spot to bruise with his teeth.
But her legs were slowly becoming water, unable to support her as she gave way to the feeling of Joel taking care of her.
“I’ve got you,” he said into her neck, arms wrapped around her waist, “Let go, baby.”
She fell into him, and he easily laid her on the bed, eyeing her against the sheets as he wondered where to go next. He was drawn instantly to the wet patch growing on the fabric between her legs.
“Fuck, baby,” he growled deep in his throat. “You’re that wet for me, and we haven’t taken off a single piece of clothing yet.”
She responded with trying to take her shirt off, making Joel laugh.
“Don’t,” she said, “Please.”
The desperation in her voice was driving him mad. Joel took her fumbling hands and pinned them above her head with one of his own. “Let me do it.”
He bowed his head and started kissing a trail down her chest and across her shirt. She started to squirm as he kept pressing his lips down her clothed stomach and finally her clothed heat. His free hand crept up her shivering leg and began to tug at her pants.
Her wriggling made it easier as he pulled at one hip and then the other, dragging the pants away. His lips went to kiss each inch of newly exposed skin as her clothes were tugged down. He finally released his hold on her hands, eager to remove her shirt as well.
They made quick work of leaving her in nothing but her panties. Her breasts full and perked with arousal. Joel eyed her with a mouthwatering gaze. She was so desperate for his touch her back was arching off the bed in search of his hands.
“If I had known sooner,” he said, laying on her until his face was level with her chest, “I would’ve done this years ago.”
Needing something – anything – to grab onto, (Y/N) wove her fingers into his hair. He smelt of wood oil and coffee and leather, sending her into another spiral as his lips found purchase between her breasts.
He laid claim to the valley there with new bruises, trailing his tongue after his handywork. With his body pinning her down, he could feel every shiver as he kissed and nipped around her nipple. She pulled at his hair and drew a moan out of him.
“You’ve waited this long, baby,” he teased, “Just be patient.”
She cried out when his took her in his mouth, running his tongue around her nipple. His hand found her other breast, giving it the equal attention it deserved.
The sound of her sensitive cries had him rutting his clothed cock into her. He was starting to lose control of himself, years of pent up frustrated feelings getting the better of him.
“Hang on,” he said, pulling away to remove his shirt, “Nearly there. I want to help you feel good.”
“It’s so good,” she whimpered, “You’re so good to me, Joel.”
He grinned, claiming her mouth once more, “You’re trembling, sweetheart. You’ve been on the edge this whole time.”
She nodded frantically, a look of pain between her brows. She was pushing him by the shoulders – pushing him down to between her legs.
“Is it too much?” he questioned her pained expression.
“Please…” she cried to him, “I need you, Joel. I want you now.”
He knew she was already overstimulated, had been from the start. He would need to be careful about how far he pushed her before it wasn’t enjoyable anymore.
He conceded, “Okay, baby.” He ran a finger along the elastic of her underwear, “You ready for me?”
“Yes,” she pleaded, “Yes, please, god.”
Joel was painfully aware of how aching his cock was now, already spurting with precum. It was an effort not to jerk into his hand as he freed himself from his pants.
She could barely concentrate on the length of him, just inching her hips forward until he grabbed her hips in warning.
“I’ve got you,” he said, “Let me help.” He planted a kiss over her clothed heat before dragging her underwear down and off her ankles.
He groaned, pumping his cock a few times, “You’re so goddamn beautiful.” He ran his tip through her folds, covering himself in her slick, “And so wet.”
He lined up at her entrance before bracing himself above her, chest to chest and lips nearly touching. When he sunk into her an inch, they both moaned at the pressure. He wanted to see the look on her face as he pushed in another inch.
Her hands flew for his face, holding him as she adjusted to his size. Her mouth fell open in a silent gasp, looking at him with pinched brows. He growled at the expression, urging himself to keep going slow. She was already wriggling with how sensitive she was.
If he dared brush her clit, she might have just screamed.
“Tell me if it’s too much,” he watched the slight pain in her pinched brow. He wanted to know the instant it was from actual pain and not pleasure, “I’ll stop – just tell me.”
“No,” she pleaded, “Give it to me, please. God, Joel – fuck me.”
He rutted his hips by accident, bewitched by her words. It was going to be quick, he already knew. The pair of them desperate for love.
He started slow, rolling his hips into hers, keeping himself chest to chest with her. He wanted to be touching as much of her as he could. He wanted to hold her as she came. His lips found hers as his pace started to grow.
She was already tensing around him, every sensitive nerve in her body reaching a breaking point as her orgasm grew. She kissed him back, whimpering with every thrust of his hips.
“I’m…” she said breathlessly, “I’m so close, Joel.”
“I know, baby,” he said, rocking into her with more force, “I want you to. Give it to me.”
She ran her hands down his back, digging her nails in as her body began to seize. Joel wrapped his arms around her, holding her against the bed as she gripped the hair on the back of his head. She cried out from the overstimulation the orgasm was giving her, combined with Joel’s constant motion inside of her.
“I’ve got you,” he breathed against her neck, “You’re doing so good, baby.”
And as she trembled, still clenched tight around him, Joel felt himself start to tip over the edge.
“Fuck,” he ground out, “Fuck…” as he pulled himself out of her to spill between their bodies, hot and thick across their stomachs. They were breathing each other’s air again, pressed into each other in an embrace.
And when Joel realized she was still trembling after he calmed down, he pulled away. “Shit, baby – I’m sorry.”
She was weak with the pleasure, pained with the sensitivity, and dizzy from his body on hers. He pressed a lingering kiss to her hair and went for the bathroom, wiping his stomach clean of his cum before running a washcloth under the tap for (Y/N).
He returned quickly, sitting on the bed and carefully cleaning her skin. She squirmed when he reached between her legs and as an apology he kissed her thigh, “I’m sorry.”
She put a hand to his cheek, drawing his gaze, “I’m okay.” She smiled, “I’m better than okay.”
He looked relieved, dark brown eyes beaming with her smile. He quietly got up and retrieved some clean clothes, dressing himself and then taking his time in redressing her. Much more gentle then how he was taking them off.
It was cautious and intimate, Joel unsure of himself when it came to such acts of love. He didn’t want to overwhelm her any more than she already was.
“I knew if I let myself do this… I wouldn’t be able to turn back.” He crawled up the bed, refraining from touching her sensitive skin too much, “I’m in love with you, (Y/N). And that scares the hell out of me.”
“I know,” she said quietly, completely spent and exhausted from her shot nerves. “I love you too.”
You’d never know Joel was a hardened survivor by the way he smiled at her words. “What took us so long?”
“You’re always getting on my nerves,” she said sarcastically.
“And you’re always driving me insane,” he said in return, settling against the pillows. He looked at her now with a more innocent, inquisitive expression. “How do you feel?”
She turned her head to him, “Like I want to stay in this bed with you all day.”
He continued to smile, but his eyes were still warm, lovestruck. “I can help with that.” He got closer to her, slowly wrapping her up close to his chest. He pulled the blankets over them, asking softly, “Is this okay? You can tell me if it’s too much.”
“It’s just right,” she said, melting into his chest. “All I need is you.”
Joel kissed her hair, remembering how safe she felt in his arms. His own fears drowned out by the contented sigh escaping her.
And suddenly the world was quiet. And they were just two people that fell in love.
~~~
Masterlist
It’s written in my rules, but I’m going to write it here too. I don’t accept requested smut. I’m new to the writing and will only write it when I feel like it. Thank you.
