i think it honestly comes down to shipping.
i can't wrap my head around any other reason for the way i feel about johndave? i try to tell myself i just hate bad characterization, but i'm always irked whenever they're doing anything quote unquote "romantic", regardless of if it's in character or not. and sometimes it is—i think you could swap dave with rose or john with jade and it'd strike me as entirely plausible, characterization-wise.
i've also told myself i just have a horrible judgment problem (inherited from my mother, though quelled as much as a simple personality flaw can be—which is never entirely if you ask me) where every time i see johndave, my brain immediately assumes the people that ship it only ship it because hehehe boys making out.
which is horrible and i kind of hate that aspect of myself because to be honest with you i DO have that problem sometimes.
but i think if that were really the core problem, then i'd have that problem with all m/m ships. which i don't. it's just one pairing (per fandom, oddly enough). it's just john/dave. or it's just nick/ellis, or it's just sasuke/naruto.
which leads me to believe that it must come down to shipping.
prior to homestuck, i didn't really ship. after i started reading homestuck, i shipped, and i shipped hard. i won't try to pretend i'm not too intense about my pairings, especially my favorites. i won't try to pretend i don't get a little too riled up when stuff goes on in canon that doesn't appease to my whims. i recognize that this is entirely idiotic and try my best to keep my trap shut about it, but behind my lips, there is verbal warfare at play.
homestuck also remains the only thing i'm so intense in shipping so oops???
and i think i've come to the conclusion that shipping is why i have such negative spasms about johndave.
not even because i feel threatened by it—to be totally honest with you, i see no chance of it ever happening. not because i don't think they work—aside from the fact that i think they're too insolent to each other to be in that kind of relationship (what kind of person actually wants their partner to put them down more than half the time, even jokingly?), they would be fucking harmonious—i just don't think they'd ever like each other like that.
of course, this is coming from someone who has a whole cabinet of issues with the pairing so there's a strong possibility i am just completely blinded by bias—although i like to think i'm at least level-headed enough that my point about how much of dicks they are to each other—teasingly, but still—is a pretty solid one.
i think i just ship them like i ship davejade and solara and karezi and equifef.
i ship them too hard—only as best friends.
so to see them portrayed any other way is to see them not being the way i like them as and so i get mad.
and don't worry, i already realize this is disgustingly stupid. :(
at this point, i think i'm just glad that i finally feel like i have an actual reason. even if it's a terrible one like this one kind of is, it's just nice to know that i don't just dislike them because i dislike them.
especially when i can see exactly why so many people think they would be good for each other—for the most part, i think they would be!
but they are my pale OTP, i think. so i get all huffy thinking about them as anything besides that.
sort of like how i get kind of huffy when i think of dirk and roxy as strictly a pale ship.
long story short: i ship too hard and it's dumb and i'm sorry.
on a semi-related note—i think writing a johndave fic would be incredibly theraputic for me, but... well, have you ever wanted to make a post but you're afraid it's going to turn into one of those posts that gets more attention than you wanted it to? yeah, that's the vibe i'm feeling rn. i think i would go insane if i ended up getting a little too much praise on a johndave fic. i think it would turn into the same feeling i get when i get too much attention for something i've drawn. it's like, i don't actually want to be known by someone as a person who drew this picture or wrote a johndave fic.
i feel like that entire paragraph sounds really ugly and arrogant—all like "ohhh if i write this johndave fic im going to be swamped in notes boo"—but really it wouldn't take more than a few notes before i started regretting the shit out of posting it, haha.
i guess realistically i could write it and then never post it, but that's sort of intentionally breaking my rule about "always posting what i write". which is something i feel i need to do as an aspiring writer. because—psh—i don't know how i expect to get anywhere if i'm hiding shit from readers? plus it's good for me, since i'm so dang scared of people not liking what i've written and posting anything is kind of a big deal to me.
i don't know what note to end this on, so i guess this completely irrelevant sentence will suffice.
