Love Words
Member: Kim Jongdae / Chen (김종대)
Genre: Just pure angst idk
Word Count: 1,136
Summary: Leaving is never easy, but it’s for the best, for me, for you and for us.
Notes: This idea is from months ago but uni being uni :/ Anyway, this is my favorite song from his album. ehe sorry if there is any mistake
Please don’t say things like that
“I think we should take a break” her voice was filling the room that once filled with her and his screaming at the top of their lungs. Jongdae didn’t even move an inch, trying to process everything. She zipped up her luggage which brought Jongdae into the realization that she really is leaving. “Please don’t go” he gripped her wrist as she walked pass by him. “I- I love you so much” tears were already falling down from his face and how she wished to wipe tears away from his beautiful face, the source of her happiness until days like these came. “I love you too but-“ she paused for a little bit, examining his tired and saddened eyes “This isn’t working well for us, for now. I don’t see the point why we should stay together” she couldn’t even reassure him that everything’s going to be ok when she knew that nothing’s ok within their relationship.
My eyes sting from staying up all night long
He sat facing the window in the bedroom they used to share together, darkness and light come and go and yet he didn’t move at all. He cried at night where his loneliness becomes so real almost to the point crying became a habit for him as the tears would go dry the next morning, he took a long break from his job, somehow the reason he got up in the morning suddenly gone, his will to live even gone too. He couldn’t sleep even if he tried too, he tried once only to find her face again but always repeating the same sentence over and over again. Staying up was better than sleeping, he should treat her better and there laid his regret, mistakes, and words.
I’ll throw away my immature, petty pride
Another dinner wasted she thought to herself after he promised to have dinner with her that night, after so many lonely nights and silent cries. It has been more than an hour and he didn’t even bother to text “I’m going to be late” or “You can eat first” none of that. “I’m home,” Jongdae said as he entered the kitchen only to find (Y/N) was throwing all of the 2 hours cooking meals into the trash. “What is that?” Jongdae walked to grabbed a glass of water and saw foods were being thrown away. It rang a bell from him, shit we supposed to eat dinner today he mentally punched himself. “I’m sorry I-“ she cut him off with a bitter laugh “It’s okay just another night of you forgetting stuff that you promised to do with me” she moved to clean up the empty plates. “Work has been stressful, I can’t leave it just like that, you know that it’s a very big pro-“ she immediately stops washing the dishes. “Yes, because you can leave me just like that” anger was already boiling inside of her, her bottled up feelings might burst out soon. “You know that’s not what I mean, baby” he frowned at her. “Oh yes I do, trust me, I fucking do, tell me once where we had a conversation that you didn’t talk about your work or maybe, just maybe ask about my day?” she turned to face him, her eyes were heavily moistured and that’s the breaking point of everything “It’s not that I don’t care about you” he paused “And why are you drifting away from our relationship like this? Why are you being so sensitive?” he continued. “I don’t know, never once I think of that” she tried to hold her tears from flowing like a waterfall “That, I feel like I’m the one who tries to piece our relationship together” the room was filled with her sobs “You don’t even remember that yesterday was supposed to be our anniversary right?” surely she added a fake smile. Guilt rushed over his body “I don’t know why am I still in this relationship after all” she leaned into the kitchen counter, scared that she might pass out. Jongdae wasn’t able to reply anything at her, he was too overwhelmed by everything. That’s when she let out the words he never wants to be spoken between them “I think we should take a break”
How should I comfort you? I still very lacking
Never once a day went by without him texting her, anything just anything. From asking her how is your day or even I’m ready whenever you are ready to talk and never once too she answered him, for her too his name displayed on the screen was already bringing out the pain she carried on those lonely nights. The last text he sends was around 2 am ‘I couldn’t bear losing you even when I know that I’m lacking so many things that you wish me to be. Please, just please guide me and stay by my side’
Just looking at you brings tears to my eyes
A photo where she was sitting on the beach, looking happy and beautiful made him cry again that night, he felt so stupid for every shitty thing that he has done to her where she deserved so much better treatment from him. There was also a picture of them within the bookshelf where they visited his parents and how he missed those warm feelings that radiated from the picture. He couldn’t forget how genuinely happy she was eating his mother’s foods, how the stars brightly shine as much as her eyes, the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and yet there he was creating the destruction into their relationship.
And fill the space with words of love I was too awkward to say
The long night melts away any hatred we have
And isn’t that enough? Let me stay by your side
One phone call got him running into the station, he couldn’t let her go just like that.
“I know that I shouldn’t tell you this” Minhee said through the phone, she couldn’t stand the condition that her friend has been in “She wants to move out of the city, she’s probably already in the station now” his heart was beating fast and without any second thought there he was trying to find her train.
He found her from outside the train’s window, looking sad just like him. He got into the train and sat in front of her which made surprise her as Jongdae was still trying to catch his breath. He felt suffocated yet he didn’t know whether it’s because of the running or seeing her face again. Her hand was held by him tightly, they didn’t even bother to say anything to each other, only him stroking her hand softly.
Always, I love you