#journal??

[im-gonna-fuck-a-ghost]

Long ramble under the cut

I grew up in a hoarder house. It's been cleaned a few times, but it always ends up back the way it was. I'm back in my childhood home for good again, and life is really hard right now, but I'm trying to make it better. For the past 6 years, there was been a path from my bedroom door to my bed, and that's it.

It's taken a lot of work to get to this point, but this is mine. I did this and I'm really proud of myself. This picture doesn't show the pile of crap pushed into the corner that I still have to deal with lol

But THIS is beautiful and cozy and everything I've wanted in a bedroom. This little corner is the one good reliable thing in my life right now and I just want to soak it in and share it with someone else.

Also I started antidepressants today and I scheduled an appointment with a therapist today! Go me!

If you read all of this, thank you c: I hope you're having a good night, and if you're struggling, it will get better again. You will be warm again.

[annori]

the thing that they don’t tell you about befriending your mutuals is that you can’t use tumblr to anonymously vent because you know people on here now

[opalescentsquare]

7 - 29 - 20

Gonna make some coffee real quick because I didn’t sleep at all last night and I have a Technological Orientation for my school at 12:00pm

Don’t know why I’m telling you guys this but whatever

Should I make myself a reminder on how to make coffee so I won’t forget

I’m probably not gonna forget plus I don’t have an sticky notes so

Yeah

[wait-still-rendering]

I guess this is like a diary entry or something? Idk.

Don't know what's up with my sleep schedule lately, but it's wonky. I tried to sleep and since I have a slight cold I even took NyQuil alongside trazodone as that's one of the meds prescribed to me. Excuse me if I make no sense.

Gave up on sleep at 5 and decided I would make a smoothie despite not knowing exactly how to make one. I got a tiny cut because of it. Thankfully my grandma came home around that time and walked me through the steps. I even wrote them down. I felt like such a little kid watching her grandma make something like I'd do as a child.

I remember helping her pick up chestnuts and then she would make pudding. And I remember how the chestnuts felt so big in my tiny hands.

One thing I have learned is I have to be assertive with my grandma in order to learn from her. I've never really pushed back when it comes to independence at home. It's to the point where when I want to learn to do something myself, I won't ask her even if she'd be super helpful.

It basically stems from her spoiling me. Honestly? I don't know what's come over me recently, but suddenly I just want to do stuff myself. I kind of always have.

I remember snuggling up to my grandma when I was 6 or so and seeing a man play piano on a Korean show and told her I wanted to learn. We got a keyboard and private piano lessons when I was eight.

I didn't practice.

The thing I never got training in until I was in my teens was singing and I would practice all the time. I'd even write songs.

I think the problem was that I wanted to learn, but I didn't want people telling me I needed to practice. It's weird. Might be the rebel in me, but I'm not entirely sure.

There are so many things I should've learned earlier in life, but i'm glad I'm learning now instead of going out into the world and being helpless.

And I need to sleep because if I go without sleep for too long, it gets bad.

See ya!

[moonlithedreamer]

4/22/17

It's storming here, and I can't seem to stay inside, I've got the sound of blues streaming out the window as it mixes in with the echoes of the rain. I haven't felt this peaceful and connected to the waters in a while.

[fruitea]

Trying to take care of yourself is hard. I have so much to do and it’s so overwhelming haha.. I think I’m just gonna take a break for a while..

[ramblesofateenagesoul]

Daniel S: When are we ever going to use logarithms? I mean, it's not like I'm going to measure a shark or anything...

Mr. S: Oh, well, you could measure sharks when you get into the marine biology department in college or something.

Daniel S: No, I mean, when am I ever going to use logs and natural bases in McDonalds?