April 24, 2021 Day 2
It’s currently 1pm, I meant to start journaling earlier but I really didn't have much to talk about. I still really don't have much to talk about. I have been really interested in spirituality lately. I haven't really made steps towards a spiritual awakening because of the fear that I’ll lose anyone and everyone who isn't on the same path as me, but if they aren’t on the same path as me shouldn't I not even want them in my life? eh. Anyways I got crystals about 3 weeks ago, but I have yet to meditate with them. Because of procrastination also because I don't know what exactly it is that I am doing. I guess thats something that you just figure out as you go. Self healing is something that I want to get out of it, I want to be able to heal all the trauma and unhealthy habits in my life and I think spirituality is the root I am willing to go with.
I really want to start a manifestation journal and a gratitude journal. Those I think I would keep personal on pen and paper instead of online like I am doing with this journaling page. The only reason I started this journaling page was because I had started writing in a regular journal but my hand started cramping after just writing 1 page, embarrassing I know haha. But this is better, typing is faster it keeps up with what my brain is thinking. Did you know that you aren't your thoughts or emotions? you are actually awareness. Awareness because you are aware of your thoughts and aware of your emotions but once they go away you don't die. Get it? weird right? sometimes I think this world isn't really real. Just a place where our spirit was sent to experience what it is to be human. Humanity sucks so the fact that my spirit choose this life and choose to be here is pretty disappointing but I guess I have lessons to learn along the way that is key to unlocking my higher self? I don't know how any of it works I just agree with it because its the only thing that logically makes sense to me.
I can't bring myself to believe a hell exists. Like you mean to tell me there is a hell that makes “bad people” pay for what they did as humans? and how is being a gay the same sin as someone who kills another being? I don't know its all flawed to be honest. Also I do believe there is higher power like a God but based on some religions its questionable. Like God was the one who created this earth so did he create the universe as well? and if he did, did he also create aliens? hm.
See these are just some of the things I question every day at least once but if I were to really pay attention to anything I'm saying I would go insane trying to figure out this life and its purpose for all of it. Like capitalism.
Life is weird and pointless so why are we here? why are we doing this?
Have you ever thought about it while driving that you are on the road with thousands of strangers who have their own lives, own problems and we know nothing about them at all. We don't know anything about what they are going through only that they are driving said car in the same direction you are, that it.
Life.weird.
signing off, Claudia.